Let me just start by saying, I hate needles. I loathe and abhor them. I hate needles almost as much as this guy. I feel dizzy, light-headed, and downright queasy at the mere thought of a needle. I have been known to faint on occasion at the sight of a needle. And, I tend to regress to the age of six whenever I need to have blood work done.
Last week, my doctor diagnosed me with ‘Strep Throat’ and I’ve been taking antibiotics ever since. But he also wanted to find out if I have Mononucleosis. Again.
The symptoms for both aliments are similar: constant fatigue, and extreme exhaustion, fever, sore throat, loss of appetite, swollen lymph nodes, abdominal pain, sore muscles.
Sadly for me, the only way to test for ‘mono’ is by having blood work done. Although, I’m not really sure how I could have possibly contracted the ‘Kissing Disease’ especially when I haven’t kissed anyone in months. And I am fairly certain I do NOT have mono. But that’s neither here nor there. Besides, who am I to argue with a ‘Medical Professional’. Right?
My doctor also knows that I have a tendency to put off getting any kind of blood work for a long as possible. Therefore he went ahead and ceased the opportunity to add another TWELVE tests to the prescription. Lovely.
My first objective was to find someone willing drive me to and from the lab, and subsequently hold my hand. I’m not ashamed to admit that I still need someone to hold my hand whenever I am in the same vicinity as a needle. Although, I probably should be. I’m 36 years old for Christ sakes.
I asked nearly everyone I know if they would be available. Of course, they all have jobs, or children, and their own busy lives. Considering none of my friends are ‘Contractually Obligated’ by ‘Family Ties’, and since my mother is back in school, guess who was stuck holding the bag?
Yep.
That’s right.
We arrived at LabCorp around 7:30am, and I was already terrified.
[As clearly demonstrated in the photo below.]
We signed in, completed the necessary paperwork, and got called back to see the phlebotomist in record-breaking time. Which was a good thing, because I didn’t have the chance to get myself all worked up in the waiting room.
Of course, the instant I entered the room with the multi-colored viles and saw the orange ‘Bio-Hazard’ needle collectors hanging on the walls, my stomach turned. And my whole body tensed up.
* Commence: ‘Sweaty Palms’ and ‘Black Spots’ before my eyes.
The phlebotomist, Michelle, came waltzing into the room and before she could say, “Good Morning” I introduced myself by saying…
“Hi. I’m NOT good at this. In fact, I’m a fainter. I have really tiny veins and I might even throw up. I would also like to say that I am very sorry – in advance.”
Michelle smiled at me, and my father, and in the most professional calming voice she responded, “Oh. That’s okay. Since you’re a fainter we are going to go into another room. This way you can lay down while I draw your blood.”
Good, I thought. I grabbed my stuff and we followed Michelle down the hallway.
And that’s when I had a serious case of Déjà vu. I had been in this very children’s ward once before. With, my father. Who loves taking pictures of me while I’m trying not to drop dead.
This time was no different.
I took off my coat and scarf and hopped up on the table, when suddenly, a flash of light went off. I look over and there’s my dad taking this photo of me. I was not amused.
I began to mentally prepare myself, yet I was still expecting the worst. Before the technician could get any closer to me, I told her that I have what’s been referred to as ‘rolling veins’.
[That means my veins actually move as if they were trying to dodge a bullet when someone tries to stick them with needle, making it virtually impossible to draw blood.]
Michelle, who will now and forever be known as ‘The Phlebotomist Extraordinaire’ just happened to be an ‘Expert’ with respects to ‘rolling veins’, because she only had to stick me once – and I didn’t even feel it! Thank you, ‘Butterfly-Needle’.
Alas, just when things were going ever-so-smoothly, out of nowhere, my vein decided to shut down. As in ‘no more blood for you.’
Maybe it’s because I put extra cheese, bacon, and mayonnaise on everything I eat skyrocketing my cholesterol levels so high – my blood literally started coagulating. Who knows?
I do know that Michelle released the tourniquet and started pressing down very hard on my arm above and below where the needle was placed in an effort to open my vein back up. And that? Was really painful.
* Commence: ‘Crying’ and ‘The Overwhelming Need’ to ‘Black Out.’
Thankfully, I did not pass out. And, I did not faint. But, I may or may not have thrown up a little – in my mouth.
Once we were on the last vile, it became clear to Michelle that my veins were no longer willing to cooperate. No matter how hard she pressed on my arm. She did the best she could, inflicting the least amount of pain, but she was only able obtain about half of the amount of blood needed. After what felt like forever times infinity, we agreed whatever she had collected was just going to have to be ‘Good Enough’.
I thanked Michelle for being so kind, patient, and highly efficient. In all honesty, this was probably the best experience I’ve had while being forced to give blood. After a few deep breaths and a few cups of water, I was ready to get the heck out of there.
However, we couldn’t leave.
Now, it was my father’s turn to have HIS blood drawn.
And it was MY turn to hold the camera.
Certainly, my father is NOT scared of needles, or having his blood work done. So this wasn’t quite as fun or nearly as dramatic.
Now, I’m not sure if this makes my father brave, or just curious, or seriously sick, but he actually likes to watch the procedure. [Meanwhile, I was still having heart palpitations.]
And after all of FIVE SECONDS?
They were finished.
What. The. Hell. ?
When all was said and done, my father brought me back home to rest.
Now let’s just hope they took enough blood. And I wont have to do this again!
They are just awful!
I've had so many needles jabbed into me that they don't bother me that much. At least they were able to take blood out of your arm; usually when they need a sample from me they have to take it out of my wrist or the back of my hand, and it usually takes all of them, since they tend to shut down after a couple of spurts.
Since being diagnosed with diabetes a few months ago, I have to prick my fingers twice a day, and that quit being a concern some time ago.
Take care of yourself; strep is bad enough without the danger of having mono, also.
Bob G:
Yikes! I don't know HOW in the world you do THAT!
🙂
You poor soul! I know how you feel, since I have a son with severe needlephobia – in fact, he is worse than you! Your Dad is a sweetie, isn't he?
Im so very thankful for my father!
Oh my can I ever feel for you on this one. I hate needles too! I have been known to cry while anticipating even a wee pin prick on the finger for a blood test. Oh dear and when I have to do what you did I just have to have someone with me to hold my hand!!
Geez, Meleah, I haven't been keeping up but I will have to read through and find out exactly what's up with your dad!!
I am also double checking to make sure you are in my favorites so I won't miss a post. And yay, I walked right by the candy aisle today, looked down the row and just kept going!!
Rascal sends a big thank you. He is over joyed that everyone thinks him so handsome and delightful. LOL…some times he reminds me of Speedy!!
Hope you are having a good night!!
Hugs,
Jackie:-)
YAY! Thanks Jackie!
Im proud of you for NOT giving into those candy cravings!
You may hate those photos, Meleah, but they're priceless. And hilarious, if it's okay to laugh at your fear and pain, not to mention your strep throat and mono and whatever else they find wrong with you once they do all that blood work.
Your dad's a good guy, too.
Us Dads are great aren't we 🙂
YAY! You are supposed to laugh AT me!
Im happy my pathetic face makes OTHER PEOPLE happy!
Indeed!
I can empathize with you! I have tiny veins that roll and have passed out when I was younger. One time I pasted out after I got onto the elevator. Talk about delayed reactions! They took me to ER to get checked out because it was hospital policy. I've had to have my blood drawn about 6 times in the last 10 month due to medical crap. I never fainted, but it sure wasn't fun! One of the main reasons that I dropped out of nursing school is that I hate blood, needles, and open wounds. Nurses have to deal with that crap and don't get paid as much as they should. They should all get a medal and raise!
I've never been too upset by needles. I preferred not to look, so I didn't get upset, but that's it. Then I got sick three years ago. And suddenly people wanted to take my blood every two weeks. Then every month and now every three months. For the rest of my life. If I'm lucky, I might make it to six months. I'm not bothered at all now and will watch the needle go in. Practice made perfect. 🙂
So my advice? Get as many injections and blood draws as you can! Then it won't bother you any more.
OMG! AIR, I feel so bad for you!
Okay. That's truly awful.
Now, this cracked me up, I mean the blood drawing. I am so sorry you are sick again. You are having a rough patch. But, you are lucky you are not me. I must admit I am poked with needles a little too often for my liking due to my back but usually I am getting some 'happy' medicine as people call it!
I can't with needles!!
I shouldn’t laugh but that was so funny, especially that they put you in the children’s room. Your Dad is hilarious.
I love my father with all of my heart.
I would have never survived that day without him.
He’s the best.
And so are YOU, Selma.
Don’t EVER forget that.
xoxoxo
Yikes. I have had shots fairly recently but not blood drawn. My dad did just last week in the hospital and Mike was there and I found out Mike does not like needles. I think I’m okay with them but I would have to have one just stuck in me like an IV or something. Yuck.
Mike and I are on the same page! I cant even handle getting an IV! You’re a brave woman Jules!
i’m not too afraid of needles, only in my mouth. otherwise, i watch as their doing it. makes me feel like a champion. i do hate the sight of blood though, and yet, i watch.
You.Are.Crazy.
Sight of blood = meleah faints!
Haha! Your dad comes to the rescue again. I feel for you, though. I hate needles. I get the same sick feeling my stomach whenever I see the biohazard signs on the wall. Luckily, I haven’t been to the doctor since I was a child.
My dad wants to know when the hell I am going to get a husband to deal with
all of this!
Pingback: My Daddy And The Short End Of The Stick. — Momma Mia, Mea Culpa
Pingback: Opposite Girl — Momma Mia, Mea Culpa
Pingback: Happy Father’s Day – 2012 — Momma Mia, Mea Culpa