I talk about my father a lot on this blog, mostly because he is hilarious. He is pure comedy. There are moments in this house when all I have to do is look at him, and I start cracking up.
But, honestly people…
I don’t know why my dad ever comes home.
Lately, I’ve noticed he’s been getting ‘The Short End Of The Stick’.
And here’s why….
Every morning, my father diligently and dutifully gets up to face the daily grind. First, he goes to work, and deals with the nightmare that is Commercial Insurance. Then, he leaves his job only to drive to the grocery store – where he does at least 65% of the food shopping. And when that’s all said and done, he comes home to four hungry mouths and proceeds to take care of 99% of the cooking around here.
And he doesn’t just have to make ONE dinner for all five people.
He has to make TWO dinners so that a ‘certain someone’ with ‘severe food allergies’ can eat dinner too.
And no, I’m not exaggerating.
The man doesn’t stop.
If that wasn’t enough, let’s take a closer look at the ‘Cast of Characters’ and/or ‘Family Members’ my father is currently living with.
First up, he’s living with an unhealthy, disabled, girl, who may, or may not spend most of her day on Facebook. And that very same girl sure seems to get sick. A lot. And sadly for him, he’s usually the one that ends up driving her to and from doctor’s appointments all the time, even though he’s a total germaphobe. This girl is otherwise known as his daughter, Meleah.
He’s also living with a 14-year-old-teenage-boy who may or may not, incessantly play the guitar, very loudly. And, probably eats close to $300.00 worth of groceries per week. Not to mention the very same teenager always uses the very last ‘K-Cup’ without replacing the stock, which forces my father to go all the way out to the garage and refill the Keurig machine, simply to get a cup of coffee in the morning. This boy is otherwise known as his grandson, JCH, Whosteen, or, Justin.
Then we have a 90-year-old man that’s completely blind in one eye, and half blind in the other eye, and who’s nearly deaf, but refuses to wear a hearing aid. And that very same, 90-year-old man tends to fall down a lot, but thankfully, my father finds ways to make that amusing. This old man is otherwise known as his father-in-law, Poppa Sye.
Lastly, there’s a woman that leaves different pairs of shoes all over the house. A woman who is famous for losing her things, especially her keys, and she has been known to lock herself out of her own car, on more than one occasion, who may or may not overreact when such events occur. This woman is otherwise known as his wife, Pam.
Needless to say, my father deserves a break, every now and again. One of his favorite activities, aside from playing tennis – is to go skiing. As luck would have it, the opportunity arose for my parents to take a long weekend away in Vermont.
When they returned, I asked how their trip was. As it turns out, my mother wasn’t feeling very well on their mini-vacation, therefore she did NOT ski at all. In fact, there have been plenty of times she’s gone to Vermont without ever setting foot on a ski slope. And yet SOMEHOW, she’s the one who ended up with BRAND NEW SKI’S.
Meanwhile, my father, who’s an AVID skier, that lives for all things skiing, was busy hurling himself down the mountainside with nothing more than packing bubble wrap inside of his helmet, after the lining came out.
Oh, I almost for got to mention that my father doesn’t even have a SINGLE DRAWER in his OWN bedroom for his clothing.
What does he have? Well, he has two gym bags underneath the bed, along with some plastic containers for his socks and what-nots.
And, don’t even ask about closet space.
My father keeps his suits in the same closet as the 14-year-old-teenager which drinks all of my father’s coffee in the morning.
To top things off…I feel the need to say one last thing.
My mother is also the one driving a BRAND NEW SHINY CAR.
Meanwhile my father, bless his heart, is stuck driving Poppa Sye’s 1912 Buick, with the paint chipping off the hood. The car is so disgusting, and so embarrassing when my father goes out of the office to visit his clients, he has to park three blocks away and WALK to his appointments so no one will see the abomination he’s driving.
He’s been ripped off at gas stations, he’s been confused as Tony Bennett, he’s been woken up in the middle of the night to kill a “spider”, he’s had to repair a broken garbage disposal, and a desk drawer, he’s had to move an enormous amount of property, he’s installed a chandelier, and a waterfall, he’s put out fires, and nearly bled to death, and yet – he’s managed to maintain his sense of humor throughout all of this.
That’s My Daddy.
* So tell me boys and girls, who get ‘The Short End Of The Stick’ in YOUR house?
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