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My Daddy And The Short End Of The Stick.

I talk about my father a lot on this blog, mostly because he is hilarious.  He is pure comedy. There are moments in this house when all I have to do is look at him, and I start cracking up.

But, honestly people…

Sometimes?

I don’t know why my dad ever comes home.

Lately, I’ve noticed he’s been getting ‘The Short End Of The Stick’.

And here’s why….

Every morning, my father diligently and dutifully gets up to face the daily grind. First, he goes to work, and deals with the nightmare that is Commercial Insurance. Then, he leaves his job only to drive to the grocery store – where he does at least 65% of the food shopping. And when that’s all said and done, he comes home to four hungry mouths and proceeds to take care of 99% of the cooking around here.

And he doesn’t just have to make ONE dinner for all five people.

Nope.

He has to make TWO dinners so that a ‘certain someone’ with ‘severe food allergies’ can eat dinner too.

And no, I’m not exaggerating.

The man doesn’t stop.

If that wasn’t enough, let’s take a closer look at the ‘Cast of Characters’ and/or ‘Family Members’ my father is currently living with.

Shall we?

First up, he’s living with an unhealthy, disabled, girl, who may, or may not spend most of her day on Facebook. And that very same girl sure seems to get sick. A lot. And sadly for him, he’s usually the one that ends up driving her to and from doctor’s appointments all the time, even though he’s a total germaphobe. This girl is otherwise known as his daughter, Meleah.

He’s also living with a 14-year-old-teenage-boy who may or may not, incessantly play the guitar, very loudly. And, probably eats close to $300.00 worth of groceries per week. Not to mention the very same teenager always uses the very last ‘K-Cup’ without replacing the stock, which forces my father to go all the way out to the garage and refill the Keurig machine, simply to get a cup of coffee in the morning.  This boy is otherwise known as his grandson, JCH, Whosteen, or, Justin.

Then we have a 90-year-old man that’s completely blind in one eye, and half blind in the other eye, and who’s nearly deaf, but refuses to wear a hearing aid. And that very same, 90-year-old man tends to fall down a lot, but thankfully, my father finds ways to make that amusing. This old man is otherwise known as his father-in-law, Poppa Sye.

Lastly, there’s a woman that leaves different pairs of shoes all over the house. A woman who is famous for losing her things, especially her keys, and she has been known to lock herself out of her own car, on more than one occasion, who may or may not overreact when such events occur. This woman is otherwise known as his wife, Pam.

Needless to say, my father deserves a break, every now and again. One of his favorite activities, aside from playing tennis – is to go skiing. As luck would have it, the opportunity arose for my parents to take a long weekend away in Vermont.

When they returned, I asked how their trip was. As it turns out, my mother wasn’t feeling very well on their mini-vacation, therefore she did NOT ski at all. In fact, there have been plenty of times she’s gone to Vermont without ever setting foot on a ski slope. And yet SOMEHOW, she’s the one who ended up with BRAND NEW SKI’S.

Meanwhile, my father, who’s an AVID skier, that lives for all things skiing, was busy hurling himself down the mountainside with nothing more than packing bubble wrap inside of his helmet, after the lining came out.

Seriously.

Oh, I almost for got to mention that my father doesn’t even have a SINGLE DRAWER in his OWN bedroom for his clothing.

Nope.

What does he have? Well, he has two gym bags underneath the bed, along with some plastic containers for his socks and what-nots.

And, don’t even ask about closet space.

My father keeps his suits in the same closet as the 14-year-old-teenager which drinks all of my father’s coffee in the morning.

To top things off…I feel the need to say one last thing.

My mother is also the one driving a BRAND NEW SHINY CAR.

Meanwhile my father, bless his heart, is stuck driving Poppa Sye’s 1912 Buick, with the paint chipping off the hood. The car is so disgusting, and so embarrassing when my father goes out of the office to visit his clients, he has to park three blocks away and WALK to his appointments so no one will see the abomination he’s driving.

He’s been ripped off at gas stations, he’s been confused as Tony Bennett, he’s been woken up in the middle of the night to kill a “spider”, he’s had to repair a broken garbage disposal, and a desk drawer, he’s had to move an enormous amount of property, he’s installed a chandelier, and a waterfall, he’s put out fires, and nearly bled to death,  and yet – he’s managed to maintain his sense of humor throughout all of this.

 

Yep.

That’s My Daddy.

 

* So tell me boys and girls, who get ‘The Short End Of The Stick’ in YOUR house?

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  • What a lovely tribute to your dad. I hope he reads it so he knows how much he’s loved and appreciated.

  • Thanks, Jayne. I think I’ll let him read it tonight.
    If he has the time – after cooking dinner for all of us!

  • Porkstar

    Wow damn, i’m sure there’s a halo around his head somewhere. That’s amazing!

  • Seriously, Porkstar. I just about DIED when my mother bought NEW ski’s and she didn’t even USE them, while my poor father is running around the mountain with a broken helmet, lined with plastic packing bubble wrap! It’s so NOT fair!

  • Anonymous

    I feel like it is I that gets the short stick in my house but I am sure that my husband might disagree — haha!

    Sounds like a very good man there (and eveidently handsome, if he is mistaken for Tony Bennett)!
    🙂
    Traci

  • Oh yes, there’s a whole story about him being mistaken for Tony Bennett!

    And it’s USUALLY the women who get The Short End Of The Stick.
    Just not in this house!

  • Anonymous

    I thought as much. You take so many pictures & videos of him I wasn’t sure if you should be labeled as Paparazzi or stalker.

  • Probably BOTH!

  • Mike

    Wow, your dad is one seriously generous and giving dude!

  • Okay, I have to admit I got sidetracked by the K cup (didn’t know what that was) and then spent a while discovering the whole concept of the Keurig machine. Then I was mesmerized by the fact that it makes standard hot coffee but can also make a cup of iced coffee in under one minute. All of it is fascinating but I can’t get past the fact that there’s no pot. I suppose the whole concept is that you have a fresh cup of coffee every time and that it’s made in less than a minute but I don’t know if I could get behind that.

    Oh yeah, your dad. He sounds totally awesome with a heaping side of spectacular. I just love the fact that he provides so much blog fodder and that he makes me want to be part of your family.

  • I LIKE HIM!!!
    That’s what being a man is all about! I LOVE reading examples like this! It gives us guys a bar to measure up to!
    (Sorry about all the exclamation points, but they’re for him!)

    That was a really nice tribute to your dad!

  • Indeed!

  • Indeed!

  • Cardio Girl

    We love the Keurig, and it’s all fascinating capabilities.

    HOWEVER –

    I personally use a good old fashioned coffee pot.
    I keep it in my bedroom.
    And start my day with the smell of fresh brewed caffeinated goodness.

  • Cardio Girl

    We love the Keurig, and it’s all fascinating capabilities.

    HOWEVER –

    I personally use a good old fashioned coffee pot.
    I keep it in my bedroom.
    And start my day with the smell of fresh brewed caffeinated goodness.

  • Thanks, Ferd!

    He is ONE HELL OF A MAN!
    And he deserves all of those exclamation points!

  • Thanks, Ferd!

    He is ONE HELL OF A MAN!
    And he deserves all of those exclamation points!

  • Your father is a saint :). It just demonstrates how much he loves all of you.

  • Thanks, Anne. I’d have to agree with you!

  • Lucy

    Sounds like your mom found a treasure!

  • She sure did. Maybe one day I will be so lucky.

  • Anonymous

    wow, your daddy sounds like a keeper?

    i’d like to go out with him, if he’s available……

  • Sure, Slyde! He’d probably love that!

  • Your father sounds like an indispensable member of the family.

  • Oh he is. I would be LOST without him!

  • NOTE TO SELF – * two dinners / * two plastic drawers under the bed / *no closet space.

  • Awww! Your father is a saint who looks like Tony Bennett. He is also a very good sport for putting up with your video camera in his face! It sure makes us laugh though!

    Tell him that we love him too!!!

    In our house, our cats get the short end of the stick every time I turn on the vacuum, which is like everyday because of their hair.

  • Aw! Thanks, Dana.
    I will tell him!

    He does read the comments on posts I write about him!

  • Amazing. I bet he’s gotten a lot of guy friends into trouble because their wives probably became mad at them when they got wind of any of these things you mentioned… ^_^

  • That IS so TRUE!

  • Anonymous

    Oh, that would be my wife, Muri. She gets to live with her obsessive writer retired engineer makes a mess everywhere husband, Bud, and our 35 year old disabled by anxiety son, AFR, who is not only messy but can talk the paint off the wall about subjects she could care less about. I’m a pretty good hubby but I could never be enough to make it up to her.

    Your Dad sounds like a gem. As we get older, we find that life isn’t always what we expected so we just have to accept it (and enjoy it as much as possible) as it is.

    Bud

  • Thanks Bud. My dad is amazing!

  • Pingback:   Happy Father’s Day – 2012 — Momma Mia, Mea Culpa()

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