Boobies!!

With constant advances in medical, and specifically surgical technology, more and more people are deciding to change their appearance as they grow older, or simply if they are not satisfied with the way they look. In fact, procedures are now so practiced and perfected that small surgeries and physical adjustments are really becoming quite common. One such procedure that is commonly considered by women is breast augmentation. Much like other forms of plastic surgery, breast augmentation has been changed and improved over the years, to the point that it is now a fairly reliable procedure. However, there are a few things to be aware of, many of which can be found on websites such as AboutPlasticSurgery.com when considering breast augmentation for yourself. Specifically, there are things to know about how to prepare for your surgery, as well as what to expect after it is completed.

First off, you obviously want to consider your health above all else. Like any other surgery, breast augmentation can, if not dealt with properly, leave you vulnerable to physical discomfort or, in some cases, infection. To prevent any of these unfortunate results, prepare in advance by consulting with your doctor and doing all that you can to ensure a clean and comfortable environment following your surgery. You will want to go over your medical history (including past procedures, allergies, etc.) with your doctor before the surgery, and, if you are prescribed any pain medication, you will want to go ahead and have it in hand on the day of your surgery, so that you can use it immediately. Additionally, and perhaps most importantly, it is recommended that if you are a smoker, you suspend your habit as far in advance of your surgery as possible. While you do not have to quit smoking completely, it is recommended to stop long before your surgery, and to allow yourself to heal completely after surgery before smoking again.

There are also a number of things to consider after your surgery to ensure the highest level of comfort and the best results. Most importantly, you do not in any circumstances want to remove the bandages covering your newly augmented breasts. Whether you want to look at them to see the changes, or simply remove bandages for bathing or comfort, it is highly recommended that you resist such temptations and allow your breasts to heal fully before exposing them. Of course, each individual recovery is unique to the patient involved, as well as the specific surgery, so you will want to double check with your doctor and surgeon that you are doing everything possible to keep yourself healthy. However, these are a few basic things to get you started when you consider the time leading up to and directly following your surgery.

So why the heck am I telling you all of this?

Well because six years ago, I had a boob job.

And a lot of people ask me a crapton of questions about it.

In fact, I even agreed to give an interview.

Welcome to my ‘AUGMENTATION NATION’ and ‘TOO MUCH INFORMATION’ Interview.

1. What made you want to get a boob job?

Well, that’s quite a bold question. I’m not sure that I WANTED to get a boob job; as much as I am sure I HAD TO get a boob job. Either way, I am happy to share The Reasons Why I decided to have cosmetic surgery with you.

Once upon a time, I had regular breast. My boobs were nothing special, but they weren’t terrible either. I was slightly self conscious because my right breast being a little larger than the left. However, that was not particularly noticeable to anyone other than me.

When I was about 18, I became increasingly aware of other women’s bodies and their physical attributes. Considering the environment I was working in at that time, it was pretty hard Not To Notice. Nevertheless, I maintained my natural physic.

It wasn’t until after I had my child, when I became profoundly depressed over the damage I caused my body. You see, I was 103 pounds, with a small B cup, and 20 years old when I became pregnant. I delivered my son at 187 pounds, with double D cups, at 21 years old. That’s a whole lot of weight gain, which inevitably resulted in massive skin stretching.

(Seriously, people. My stretch marks make me look like I am a survivor of ‘When Animals Attack’)

After 6 months, I had lost all of the ‘baby weight’. (80 pounds to be exact.) But, I was never so devastated. At 21 years old, I was left with unshapely, flat like pancakes, and sagging, hanging, lifeless breasts much like the old lady from the movie ‘There Is Something About Mary’. I joked about the state of my bosom by saying, “My boobs look like tennis balls at the bottom of a tube socks”. In all reality that is what they looked like.

As such, I became terribly self-conscious. I was riddled with shame and humiliation. I would not, and I could not, let anyone see them. Ever. I was way too embarrassed over the way my body looked. As soon as I took my top off, I went directly into covering them up with my hands as a standard position.

That made things extremely difficult romantically, because I wouldn’t let anyone see them, or touch them, or even look in the same direction as them. On the off chance I was intimate with someone; it was only under very specific conditions such as: the lights had to be off, preferably in the pitch black, no touching allowed, and my bra stayed on.

I wore a bra 24 hours a day. In fact, I wore TWO BRAS every day. I used every kind of lotion and tried every type of gimmick that is supposed to ‘naturally increase bust lines’ or remove stretch-marks, to no avail.

Eventually, I discovered that Victoria Secret carried a breast enhancement product that you could insert into your bra. They are flesh toned and look sort of like “Chicken Cutlets” and I loved them. I wore them all the time. Sometimes I even wore the Cutlets when I was romantically involved.

It wasn’t until long after I left the bar scene and entered into a different life when I was presented with the opportunity to undergo Breast Augmentation. I leapt at the chance.

After 9 years of torturing myself, feeling embarrassed, hiding my shame and the uncomfortable misery of wearing TWO BRAS every day … I would finally be free from all of that self-inflicted hatred about that part of my body. Finally I would be able to look at them, and look at myself, without feeling disgusted. It was the easiest decision I have ever made in my life.

2. Did the risks worry you at all? Or are they really just hyped up by the media to freak people out?

I was definitely concerned about the risks. You hear horror stories about bad boob jobs, because they are true.

I have first hand knowledge about tragic events such as “When Boob Jobs Go Wrong” because of where I worked. I saw some fantastic before and after boob jobs and I saw some seriously detrimental before and after boob jobs. I was terrified to end up as one of the girls from surgeries gone awry.

Side Bar: When considering breast implants, it’s really all about the doctor. It is of utmost importance to find a good doctor, the right doctor, talk with the other women who have previously been to that doctor, and ask a lot of questions. If the doctor gets annoyed by all of your questions, you are with the Wrong Doctor.

3. Were you treated differently after the boob job?

I treated myself differently afterwards.

4. Were you given grief by friends and family?

Absolutely not.

My mother completely supported my decision. She stated that if her breasts had looked like mine (pre-surgical) she would have done the same exact thing. In fact, she is the one that pointed out this was “Corrective” surgery NOT “Elective” surgery.

5. Did the operation hurt and how long before you recovered?

Well, I had TWO surgeries. (Because I am a stubborn asshole.)

The first time I went to have my procedure, the doctor suggested I go from my floppy A cup all the way to a full D cup. I told him there was no way I wanted to be a D cup. I am an insurance professional, not a porn star and I did not want to walk around my office with flotation devices attached to my chest.

He explained to me in numerous ways, that I needed to fill up the loose skin, in order to fix the horrendous sagginess that was part of my ugly boob situation. Yet, I remained firm with my decision to only go to a C cup. Begrudgingly, the doctor complied with my wishes.

The surgery went well and I went home the same day with a wonderful device attached to me. This device distributed Novocain in a steady stream via catheters to each breast 24 hours a day for 3 days. I didn’t feel an ounce of pain. Not. Even. A. Little.

One week later I went back to the doctor. The cathedra was removed and the bandages came off. Much to my surprise my breasts were even prettier than I had ever imagined possible. They were perfectly symmetrical and full. They were not too rounded, or shaped like a disks. I hate that look. You know that look. It’s like someone took a grapefruit, cut it in half and super glued them to their body. I was amazed with how ‘real’ my boobs looked. I was thrilled with the fact they moved with me, rather than sitting frozen solid or rock hard. Even with all of the swelling they were still very soft to the touch.

Alas, a few weeks post-surgery, I had a severe panic attack. I thought my boobs had ‘broken’ and/or were leaking because they seemed to be deflating. I was seriously scared. And I didn’t know what to do. I called the doctor immediately. The decrease in size was simply due to the swelling going down. That’s when I realized what the doctor had been trying to warn / tell me on all of my earlier visits.

2 or 3 months after my first surgery, just as my doctor had predicted, I had soccer balls (which beat tennis balls) at the bottom of a tube socks – for boobs. The dreaded saggy-droopy-ness was back. I had two options at that point. 1. Have a Breast Lift- a very painful surgical procedure which leaves hellashish scars on your body. (The last thing my body needs is more scarring.) 2. Go to a bigger size implant.

Teary eyed, I returned to my doctor pleading for his help to rectify my own mistake. “Okay, Okay. I see now what you have been trying to tell me. Let’s go to a Full D Cup.”

And that’s just what we did.

My second surgery went as smoothly as the first one. In fact it was even easier than the first one. The ‘pocket’ where the implant belongs was already formed, and since I was merely changing the size of the bag the 2^nd procedure took only 24 hours ‘recovery time’ before I was back at my desk.

6. Would you recommend other women to get one if they were thinking about it?

Honestly, that depends on each individual woman, and her specific circumstances. Do I think getting a ‘boob job’ strictly for vanity purposes is all together healthy? No.

It also depends on the expectations the potential candidate has about the final outcome. Most good doctors will also request a complete psychological evaluation prior to engaging plastic surgery. They need to make sure the candidate is being realistic and not going through these measures for attention seeking behavior purposes.

I will say, without any hesitation, that my choice was the right choice, for me.

$10,000.00 and six years later, I am still ‘In Love’ with the final result. I am confident and comfortable in my own skin.

And it sure is nice to fill out a dress properly.