Lately, I have been asking myself that infinite question.
“Who Am I?”
Maybe its because I am getting older?
Or…
Maybe it is because I think? I may have figured it out. (At least a little bit.)
I have spent the last 30 years of my life discovering who I am NOT.
And since we live in society where so much of what we do defines who we are…I am going to start with a small piece of my employment history and some of my personal background. I have learned that I am not simply an incest survivor. I have learned that I am not a crack head, or a drunk. (Yes, that was a full time job in my past.) I have learned that I am not stripper or a bartender. I have learned that I was not built for the world of retail, or sales. I am definitely not cut out for the confines of an office. Nor am I willing to blend into the landscape of corporate America, filled with monotonous boredom. To me, that is exactly like being trapped inside of a cage. The only way I can manage to perpetuate that lifestyle is by ingesting large quantities of pharmaceutical drugs, all of which have been manufactured for the sole purpose to keep “us” producing.
And I am done with it.
All Of It.
The one constant in my life (since I was 9 years old) has been writing.
I write because I want to write. And I write because I have to write.
I have written some pretty damn good things (pats self on back) along with writing mountains of crap. I guess I am still finding my voice as a writer and as a blogger. I have never really tried to tap so deeply into this part of my being until recently. I mean, yes, I have always always always written…but, I have never written for an ‘audience’. This blog has been more of a learning experience in that department than I can ever begin to express.
I have learned that I may never be a true story-teller like her (Selma) or a genuine poet like her (paisley) and her (Jodi). I may never be able to maintain the perfect balance of wit and humor like her (KellyPea) or him (Michael C). And I will certainly never reach the level of snarkiness as her (Bossy) or her (Momo Fali’s) or her (Jillian). I know I will never be able to write as professionally as her (Leslie). I will never be able to dominate the world like this guy (Greg). And I really MISS the hell out of reading brilliant posts one after the other and sharing the gift for writing from this vanished blogger (Claire). Just To Name A Few.
I may not have an extensive vocabulary, and I may not have the slightest clue when it comes to the ever-so-changing rules grammar. I will also admit to being the world’s worst speller that ever walked the face of the planet.
But, since we live in society where so much of what we do defines who we are.
I know who I am today. Because that is what I do.
I am a writer.
I write because I want to write. And I write because I have to write.
Since I was Nine Years Old.
But in order for me to become the writer I want/long/need/have to be, I am boldly going to “Ask The Universe” (something I have never done before) to present me with a series of miracles and to please open up some huge bay sized windows of opportunities.
I want/need/long to have the chance and the time and even the financial means required to develop my skills as a writer.
I want/need/long to have the chance and the time and even the financial means to gain a firmer grasp of English language.
I want/need/long to have the chance and the time and even the financial means to expand my command of the written word.
I am “Asking The Universe” for the remote possibility, the chance, the time and even the financial means to follow the path I know I belong to.
So Universe.
If you are listening?
I know who I am. I know what I want to be.
Any assistance would be greatly appreciated.
The Universe is always listening… even when we send out negative thoughts… it returns in kind. Stay focused. Stay positive and you will get that which you desire 😉
You are very brave. It takes guts to admit what you’ve discovered about yourself and to admit who and what it is you want to be. It’s a risk to put that statement out there and say, “THIS is what I want to make happen.” And I’m willing to bet it’s the first step towards getting to where you want to be. I have no doubt whatsoever that this will happen for you.
Always listen to your doubts. Not just because they might teach you of your fears, but because, sometimes, they might teach you of your wisdom.
I received this in email the other day…now I understand why I received it. It was meant to be passed along.
Your Humble Guide,
Dazd
Don’t be afraid. You needn’t slay the beast nor scale the entire mountain. That’s not how it’s done. You only need to move through today. Think of the distance you’ve already covered. Focus on your strengths. Let each new step remind you of your freedom. Let every breath you take remind you of your power. Seek out friends and guides; they’re anxious to help. You’re not alone. You’re understood. This road has been walked before. Dance life’s dance, just a few steps at a time, and in the wink of an eye you will wonder to yourself, “What beast, what mountain? Was I having a dream?”
How kind you are to mention me like that. How I would LOVE if the Universe would provide you with a way to earn a living as a writer. I know how hard it is, believe me, but I feel confident you can do it because you have one skill, the most important of all, you actually CAN write, and you do so with warmth, wit, intelligence and humour. You can also cover a variety of subjects and are an excellent photographer. I don’t see why you wouldn’t be suitable for magazine work, online writing or even television writing. You already have several successful blogs to use as part of your CV, and you are personable and articulate. Go for it – open yourself up to the Universe and don’t be afraid. I am behind you 100%.
You are an inspiration so early in the morning.
You putting that energy out there and opening up yourself is a clear sign that you are on the path to getting everything you ask for.
Most of it will take time, like all good things.
I I I I… I’m just overwhelmed by this post. You are such an amazing woman. You are an amazing, engaging, thoughtful writer. I wish you all the growth and command that can be obtained.
I hear your voice. But I think what you may be looking for is something in another direction. I like the voice I read each day. Looking forward to what’s to come.
Dawn:
I dont really know anything about Asking The Universe, or how the Universe is listening. My mother and my BFF are always telling me whatever I put out there I will get back …so, I put it out there.
And I will continue to think these thoughts and Ask The Universe, while I continue to write. And bust my ass to get get closer to where and who I want to be.
Terri:
Let’s hope so.
Dazd:
Listen to my doubts? I’d never leave my house, or pick up a pen to paper, or press publish on a blog post….I am filled with doubts. I spend most of my day IGNORING and Drowning out my ‘doubts.’ Maybe I am not getting the message?
Selma:
My pleasure to mention you. You are sooo freeaking talented. I dont know how you aren’t a famous millionaire with thousands of publications. You my dear are fabulous. *fingers crossed* I will move in the direction I want/need/long/have to walk.
Urban:
I just really want/need/long to have the chance, the time, and freedom to really learn and develop all what I want to do and be. I wish I had the time in the day to study, or take classes, and really get a handle on what I want to achieve. Oh well. Lets see what happens now that I am CLEAR about what I want to do and who I want to be for the First Time In My Life.
your book. finish that and the universe will be thrilled to rise to your wishes. keep on truckin’ honey!
you can YEBEN!® DO IT!!!
Yes Mommy! I am redirecting my efforts. It is much easier knowing that I have the support and encouragement of you and daddy behind me all the way. xxoo
You not only have the support of the Universe, but of us, your bloggers as well. To me, your posts are so well written. They cause me to feel what you’re feelling, just through reading it. And it is SO TRUE that we spend half our lives finding out who we’re NOT. We learn the hard way sometimes, yet I’ve always felt it makes us stronger. I’m behind you all the way!!! Just don’t forget us little people when, you’re famous and on the bestseller list!!
We learn somethingnew every day. Today I have learned that I DO and always WILL hate Barney, with a passion. That is one purple Dinosaur that makes me want to go take an extra xanax….
Chef Mom:
Im cracking up over here….
“Today I have learned that I DO and always WILL hate Barney, with a passion. That is one purple Dinosaur that makes me want to go take an extra xanax”
ha ha ha ha ha
I am soooooooooooooo glad my days of kiddie television watching with my son are OVER.
“You not only have the support of the Universe, but of us, your bloggers as well.”
Aww… Thanks sweety. You are the best.
the more i delve into this question,, the more i become convinced,, if we ever do happen to find out the truth,, they have to kill us….
LY!!!!!
XXOO
You can do it Melz. You’re already on your way with your blogs and I told you to WRITE your book and we can sell it online – that offer hasn’t changed. 🙂 I do ebooks all the time, and then publishers pick them up later.
Ahhh….meleah. Big hugs to you, girl. I totally hear you. And I’m right with yah as I sit here in my tiny space on my almost last day of my part time busy season gig. Right now, nearly everything except cooking and being with my hunkster and son feels as if it interferes with my wanting to and being able to write. At least you’ve got a longer work in progress. My “longer work” is lost somewhere in an old computer or in a dusty box in our garage. I’ve thought about starting again to look for opportunities to publish….now is the time to get it done. YOU CAN DO IT, TOO.
Paisley:
Love you back grrl.
Leslie:
I know that I can count on you when the book is done. I am lucky as hell you have been my friend for these last 20 + years.
KellyPea:
Yes….That is exactly it…all that interference…..GAH. I think we need to make a pact and BOTH get our asses in gear!
Does it make me even more snarky that I consider being called snarky a total compliment?
I am so proud of you for posting this. I have never been brave enough to say, “I am a writer”. My friends and family say it, and I certainly wish I could. You’ve inspired me today!! Maybe I SHOULD say it. I can’t imagine how empowering that would be. Here’s wishing the universe gives you everything you desire! You are an amazing writer and a wonderful human being.
There it is then. That’s the hard part that people always get in their own way with. Now is the easy and really scary part. What the fuck are you going to do now?
Misery is caused by people denying themselves. It’s better to live a day as who you are than a lifetime pretending to be someone else.
Momo Fali:
Yes!!! It does make you even Snarkier. And I digg THAT about you.
This post was quite empowering. Now that I have written it, I have to keep saying it Out Loud.
(You need to say it too.)
xxoo xxoo
Greg:
“Now is the easy and really scary part. What the fuck are you going to do now?”
I am going to run with it.
Like you have said to me (a bajillion times) I am going to stop bitching and Just Do It already. I think I am finally THERE. At THAT place. And its kind of a cool feeling. But its definitely scary.
James Taylor says it best: “The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time.”
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL INSIDE/OUTSIDE SO STOP WORRYING!!!!
I think I am about 20 years (!?!?!?) older than you & I STILL haven’t figured out WHO I am! It’s a process…a journey…and as long as we are asking questions/learning, I don’t think we truely ever stop growing, morphing, evolving. I hope not anyway!
xoxoxoxoxoxo
Olga:
(I am still dying laughing over your ‘new name’ )
Yes. I agree that “we” never stop ‘evolving’ into who we are and who we are supposed to be.
But …
For the first time in my life, I feel like I finally KNOW…where I am going, where I belong, and what I want out of this life.
This is an amazing feeling to me.
xxxxxxxxx oooooooooo
🙂
By the way, I finally wrote something about my son today.
Oh, and I’m not stalking! I accidentally stayed logged on here when I went to pick up my daughter at school!
Wow.
Who are you? I think you just told us. And it appears you are finding your writing voice too.
Finish your book. Miracles are just around the corner. You GO, girl!!!
I’m so gald you find my dinosaur hatred humurous! I can’t wait to be past these days!! I do every in my power to avoid him. It, Whatever you want to call that beast. And I love Momo’s Snarkiness…Can I claim that I made that word up?!
“I know who I am. I know what I want to be.
Any assistance would be greatly appreciated.”
Sounds like you’ve got a handle on it already. And your writing is doing just fine, lady. Otherwise all of us intelligent, discerning people wouldn’t be here. 😉
this is huge, i think you are further than you know yourself… don’t give up on your dream, if you want it bad enough, it’ll happen 😉
Momo:
yeay!
(to the new post about your awesome son)
yeay!
(to YOU being my newest stalker)
*wink *wink*
Random Chick:
I am dedicated to finishing my book. xxoo
Chef Mom:
I think some other ‘famous’ and ‘long time’ blogger made up the word “snarky”, but I am willing to pretend that you made it up!
xxxxxxxxoooooo
BTW:
The days of ‘Kiddie TV’ are here and gone really fast.
Hang on to them as long as you can…
even if it is painful.
hehehehhehe
Bob G:
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. THANK YOU!!!!! 🙂
Stef:
Not to sound all sorts of “Titanic”….but….”Ill never let go”. “Ill never give up”. Not Now.
And yes, this was a HUGE moment in my life.
Thanks for being a witness to it.
🙂
Well shucks you got 1 up on me. I know who I am, but I hate to define it or see it on paper. I could change. I feel you on the writing though, other times, I read other people’s work and I’m like dang, I’m on a 3rd grade level…other times, I pat myself on the back.
Nice to meet you.
Aw, Meleah. I want to hug you!!!
You already know how I feel about this post, so all I will add today is:
GO GET ‘EM MEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
😉
Meleah, you’re such a fantastic writer! I hope the universe sends you all you could wish for to make your writing dreams come true. You deserve to follow your dreams!
I am a great believer in too many cliches–but they are so true. I truly believe everything happens for a reason AND that everything happens when it is supposed to. So you, my dear, will find yourself where you are supposed to be, doing what you are supposed to do, at the time it is supposed to happen. Too open-ended? I know, but it is the best I have to offer. Sorry! 🙂 You’ll be fine, this I know. Have faith. We are here for you at all times.
Valerie:
Nice to *meet* you too. xxoo
Mimzie:
Hugging you back.
Michael C:
I saved the emails you sent to me last night. Your words of encouragement mean a lot to me. xxoo
Avery:
THANK YOU!! I hope so too. xxoo
CMK:
No. That was not too open ended. That was wonderful. Thank you. Your never ending support is one of the highlights in my world.
I had a friend who had developed oral arguments as to why Barney was the Anti-Christ. It was frightening.
You have a marvelous ability, once you catch fire, to paint master pieces with your words. I don’t think you could lose that or give it up if you tried your hardest. I’m much the richer having met you and become a friend. 😀
Lee:
I am sooooooo touched by what you just said.
(and I am laughing my ass off at the Barney comments)
xxoo
xxoo
Well, I commend you for taking a stand and calling yourself a writer . As long as you are doing it, you are. You’ve been through a lot Meleah. You have the experiences to bring so much to the table with your writing. There are tons of people who need your voice out there so keep at it.
Glad you got that figured out … hehehe … cos I’m still wondering just who I really am and what for what purpose I was put in this world. I always thought it was to be supreme ruler of all nations but so far it sure isn’t looking good! LOL!
Happy weekend, meleah!
What you are is a brilliant, beautiful and DRIVEN woman. As I’ve told you in the past, you’re not a casual writer; you write because you need to. You have an amazing story to tell and a compelling way of telling it. ‘Assistance’ is all around you: just ask for it. It’s very hard to ignore talent.
Al
Meleah, your thoughts resonate so closely with mine. I also found the things that I am not … and unfortunately spent a good deal of my time as a young adult lost … which drops me here – today.
Switch writing with golf, and my story is very similar.
Lets get these goals accomplished! There is nothing like “knowing” what you want, and not being there. I really love this post … it has me thinking as well.
“When we are motivated by goals that have deep meaning, by dreams that need completion, by pure love that needs expressing, then we truly live life.” -Greg Anderson
I will look forward to your post about becoming a writer 🙂
Eric
Ricardo:
Thank you for such wonderful words of encouragement!
AL!!:
You have believed in me since DAY ONE. Thank you for that comment. I am a little misty eyed! xxoo xxoo
Speedy:
I will be posting my path every step of the way. Knowing that my words move people in this fashion has only enforced my descion to RUN WITH THIS. Thank you.
The Universe lies within. You have asked, you got the answer… keep-on-writing.
Is it too late to chime in?? That was a great post.
I’m still trying to figure out who the hell I am. Sometimes it feels like I’m 19 different people at the same time.
But anyways, I hope you get those miracles! You are awesome and how nice to finally know the answer to a question a lot of us are still trying to figure out for ourselves. That is something to envy.
Rog:
🙂 I will!
Jillian:
Its never too late to ‘chime in’ over here!
Thank you for the compliment and yes, ts very hard to figure out who you are.
I hope I get those miracles REALLY SOON!! xxoo
First, I’d like to say you have a wonderful way with words (well written blog). I always enjoy reading your posts.
Second, I wish you every luck in pursuing your wish, need, want to be a writer. I have every belief that you will be a great success!
You’ll get everything YOU deserve Monkey. Write on Writer!!
sometimes it’s hard to stay positive..but life is much better when you are..it gets you through the tough times..
Diva:
Awww…Thank you! 🙂
BFF:
Lets Hope That Happens SOON
Robert:
your a doll. Thanks. xxoo
That was beautiful and inspirational, please don’t stop writing.
EVER.
🙂
Chelle B:
Thank you! Rest Assured, I will not stop writing. Ever. I cant.
I am glad you are YOU! Great post as ALWAYS, Meleah!!
Thanks you so much Barbara! That was sweet of you.
You write beautifully, Meleah. I’ve even learned one or two things from you. You could make a turnip interesting.