*People, this is the best I can do for a post. I wasn’t going to post this. Ever. But, someone said it was a good idea. And I will totally blame him if this was a bad idea. Anyway. These were my exact thoughts the first time I came out of my ‘’coma’’ for a few hours. Warning: this post makes No. Sense. At. All. In fact, after reading this, I think I am out of my mind entirely. But, I have to admit, this kinda made me laugh and I therefore I will take That Guy’s advice, and post it. Besides, this way I can laugh at myself for years to come. Oh, and just to be forewarned apparently I suffer from turrets syndrome when I first wake up.*
Am I Awake?
Its 3:35 am and this is the first time I have been ‘awake’ in 12 days? Um, fuck. Is that even right? 12 days? I don’t know how many days it has been. This whole having MONO thing has really thrown me way the fuck off.
The first thing I did when I made it out of bed and remained standing for a solid 10 minuets without tipping over….was smoked a cigarette. Ah yes. Bliss. The second thing I did was brush my teeth. Oh man. Now that felt good. All I could think about while scrubbing the plaque off my teeth and washing the crust out from my sleepy eyes was writing. Something. Writing Anything.
Oh words. I have really missed you.
But, since I have been basically unconscious for days? or weeks? Shit…I don’t even know what day it is.
Hmm….
Whatever will I write about?
Um.
?
Let’s go with a stream of consciousness sorta thingy. Yeah. Yanno like an unedited whatever the hell I am thinking kinda job. Its not like I have to post this. I just have to write.
I have to write Something. I have to write Anything.
I feel like writing like I used to. I used to write just to fucking write. No matter what. About everything and about nothing at all. Like no one was watching and like no one cared.
Hmm…but what kind of topics should I choose from? That whole being asleep forever had left me with nothing to fucking work with.
Lets try writing about:
The dreams I cant remember?
(Um.No.)
Maybe I could possibly deliver a slice of sweet poetry pose?
(Yeah. Right. Not. Even. If. I. Tried.)
What about, how I might need to hand out a few hundred apologies to a few hundred bloggers if I left any crazy nonsensical driveling comment on their blogs while I was in the height of my delirious stages?
(Nah. I think they will all understand that I was just trying to be supportive even if I was totally out of it. Right?)
Um.
How about writing about….What a miracle it is to be AWAK E at all?
(Yes! That’s about all I have at this hour.)
I feel like freaking Robert De Niro in the movie Awakenings with co-star Robin Williams. I feel like I am De Niro in the scene when his character ‘Leonard’ first awakes.
*holy-mother-fucker-of-a-tear-jerking-scene *
That’s exactly how I feel.
Right Now.
I feel like that….
And hungry.
Wow.
I am really hungry.
I wonder what goodies are stored in the fridge? I am positive there is something phenom left over from my father’s cooking that I can dig up.
But wait?
Maybe that’s not such a good idea. He always uses some sort of spice or seed that I am allergic too. Unless he is cooking specifically for me, there’s a pretty good chance I might be taking too much of a gamble if I don’t know what’s in the food.
Wouldn’t that be my fucking luck too? I finally get up. Out. Of. Bed. I finally try to eat, and end up having to be rushed to the hospital at 5am just for having some dressing that had mustard or potato, or broccoli, or any of the other 9oo things that could possibly kill me.
Maybe I should just play it safe and eat some coffee ice cream.
mmm….
Coffee.
Ice Cream.
Wow.
I think really. stupid. shit. when I have no purpose, or point, or event, or drama, or story to write / think /talk about.
Maybe my mother is right?
Maybe I am wasting / spending too much time and energy on ‘shit like this’. I should be more concerned with my book then blog posts.
But no.
She’s not right.
Not this time.
(even if all of the other times in my life she IS right.)
She just doesn’t understand yet.
Now that will be one long ass post that I have to write. For real. Write it like for an audience. With complete sentences, and structure, and a thesaurus.
Man. I stink.
I need to take a shower.
When is the last time I took a shower anyway? I have no idea. Cus I have no idea what day it is!
But will all that noise wake the rest of my sleeping family?
Seriously. You know you smell bad when you can smell your own stink and it grosses you out. Some people like their own stink.
Ew.
Not me.
How much noise would it be if I did take a shower?
I guess that can wait one more day.
Ill just slather on some baby powder, deodorant, and body lotion and then saturate my bed with fabrezze until I can wash those germy sheets tomorrow.
Wonder what time I will wake up tomorrow?
Wonder what day it will be when I wake up?
Wonder how much longer I have right now before I have to go zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz all over again?
I can’t spell to save my life right now.
Ooooohhhh…..
What’s on The E Channel? What’s the latest celeb gossip? Who’s in jail? Who’s gotten a DUI over the last however long it’s been since I even watched TV.
I LOVE TV.
Damn. It.
It’s infomercial hour.
Maybe I can check online.
I don’t feel like going online right now.
I feel like writing.
Too bad I can’t write anything real right now.
Oh.
Duh.
Maybe I will try to finish chapt three?
Nah. I think in this state of mind I will just fuck it all up.
Lets just leave that alone until I can make some sense. That’s a better idea.
What am I going to do with this burst of momentary energy…At this crazy hour?
I love the dark.
I love the middle of the night.
I am lighting my candles.
Now that smells goooooooooooooood.
Hmm…
Okay well, I got nothin, nadda, niyet to write about.
I guess I will just go and order a movie On Demand.
No. wait… I know!
I wonder what the hell is happening in blogville? Where are my peeps? What have they been doing? Lets go find out.
(But maybe I should not comment. Just so I don’t have to worry about all of those apologies.)
* This concludes ‘The Very First Thoughts’ I had when I woke up in the middle of the night. I know. I am an idiot. And, I have to admit I ran spell check before posing this. Trust me. That was necessary. *
And you did this when you first woke up? My mind runs like that in the middle of the day, after being up forever! No, I could never be that coherent when first waking up. 😀
:))..she is back..whooho..I know the feeling the need to write..It’s the first thng I do in the morning..after coffee..I must have coffee
CMK:
Really? I feel like I sound like a lunatic! I guess since I had been asleep for seventeen years I had a lot running in my head I needed to get on paper? 🙂 xxoo
Robert:
Well, I dont know if I am “BACK”. I am far from 100% . But this is the best I have felt in 2 weeks. I still have to take it easy and rest as much as possible. …. It sure felt good to write all that drivel. I just dont know if I should have posted that!
Meleah, what you have written is so profound. I read your words and read them again, and again. I agee that writing what is in one’s mind can be very theraputic at times, allowing one to ‘offload’ or at least ‘pidgeon-hole’ one’s thoughts. You certainly do not sound like a lunatic, my friend. You have gone through an enormous ordeal… and are still on the road to recovery. I am glad you are keeping with your blog posting. I’d miss you far too much if you didn’t.
Wishing you all the very best in getting back to full health soon.
Big hugs and take care hun,
Graham xxoo
ps. And as you are such an amazingly talented photographer…. I hope to see your interpretation of “The Seven Deadly Sins” 😉
xoxox
Oh, honey…. you are most definitely NOT crazy! Quite a few of those thoughts sounded very familiar to my own! Glad you’re feeling better.
well i am glad you did post this… i may not have had to post my ramblings yet… but i know my day will come!!!!!
Glad to see you on the road to recovery 🙂
Graham:
Oh I might participate in the ‘Seven Deadly Sins’ photo challenge. But I’d just need One Photo of MYSELF and I would have all of them covered! hehehe 🙂 I don’t know if I would use the word ” profound” to describe what I have written here, but it certainly is HONEST and off the cuff tip top of my brain at 3am!
Terri:
That makes me feel soooo much better and normal. Im getting stronger and stronger each day. Thankfully.
Paisley:
I love you grrl. But I don’t know why this took so much ‘guts’ to post?
Dawn:
Thanks woman!
See!! See!! People like it!! I hate those people who say ‘I told you so,’ so I’ll just say ‘see, see, people like it!!’
😉
Michael C:
You have every right to give me the “I Told You So”….you can even do the ‘I Told You So’ Dance!
xxoo
🙂
It’s good to see you back with the written word on line, that’s a show of a lot of spirit – no small feat considering the toll Mono imposes on a person. Thanks for the effort on leaving a comment on my little corner of the blogging world too. Feel better Meleah 🙂
Good to see you back, Meleah!
Now go back to sleep! (Or maybe a shower…) That musta worn you out! Really, take it easy, don’t rush it & recover!
xoxoxoxo
Rog:
Well I did my best ! Mono is still kicking my ass, but at least now I have ‘moments’ where I can keep my eyes open! 🙂
Ingrid:
you too my dear. xxoo
Olga:
I took my shower today and I have to say that was the single most satisfying shower Of My Life. I even shaved my legs! (and then I passed out)
*I promise I am not rushing into pushing myself, I know Ill just get sick AGAIN if I try to over do it! 🙂
I think this sound about right. You are not crazy!
This gave me a chuckle….all of these thoughts at 3 in the morning..that’s pretty darn good. I LOVE coffee ice cream, my favorite!
Do the ‘I told you so’ dance, Michael. Great post. I know what it’s like when you’ve been so ill you just want to do something to make you feel alive again. The fact that you wanted to write so badly says to me – real writer right here. Hope you continue to feel better.
Jillian:
Whew. I feel better!
Natural Woman:
Coffee Ice Cream RULES. Yes, my head spins in a million directions every day all day. But that was the first day I could sit up and write anything At All.
Selma:
Michael SOOOO gets to do the I Told You So Dance, On My Head. And thanks for the ‘Real Writer’ comment. Coming from you thats an enormous compliment. xxoo
I’m dancing…
😉
You’re much better at half-conscious writing than I would ever be. Part of my problem is that the tremor in my hands is much worse when I’m not fully awake. So, I would probably end up with something that looks like:
l;akdjl fidjalki oiadsoijuenl djnklaln dkjaklk dljl;aj aeoij ‘aoiiojd 9039jkl laijij dijoijqw oijuiljw jua s s’dlkiji dijglkjlkjkldkj lakjlk.
Hope you’re well on your way to full recovery. Mono is not much fun, but full recovery is possible.
Glad you are feeling a bit better, mija.
isn’t the middle of the night great? i just wish i could get up in the middle of the night, enjoy it, then not feel like i got the crap kicked out of me in the morning. wait. i feel like that usually in the morning. i gotta start getting more sleep.
Michael C:
As well you should be. 🙂
Lee:
Aw. Thanks. I am getting better. Little by little. I didn’t know you had a tremor in your hands!! How do you take such beautiful photos with the shakes?
Leslie:
Me too. But. um. I don’t know what I am going to do about going back to work Monday. I. Am. So. Not. Ready.
Holly:
Nothing is better than the middle of the night. Its my favorite time in the world. I get my best writing done at that hour. Always.
haha this is so funny 🙂
We all LOVE you Meleah 🙂
I hope u recover soon. But your posts are still funny as hell.
RMH
Aww…..xxoo xxoo I love You Too. and Thanks 🙂
Roshan:
I am thrilled you got a chuckle out of this. Thank you!!!!
THAT WAS FAN-FREAKEN-TASTIC!
And you wanna know why?? Because you did it out of sheer desire NOT obligation…that’s the key right there. Feel better sweetie.
All of this made perfect sense to me. I am so glad you were able to write just for the sake of writing. Hopefully you have turned the corner with that damn Mono and are your way back to health!
SomeGirl:
Get outta here. But thanks! Sometimes I just HAVE to write. Something. Anything.
Barbara:
Im getting back to my old self little by little. At least I can THINK again.
Good GOd woman!! Can you imagine waing up like that everyday? It would be awesome! And productive. I loved this post..it was like having a conversation with you!
So what is my excuse for all the crazy nonsensical driveling comments that I leave?
Momo:
You leave some of the all time BEST comments. Thats the whole way I found your blog. I laughed so hard at a comment you left on Bossy’s page….I followed over to your blog. (Glad I did!)
Chef Mom:
I think my brain was working overtime, since it hadn’t been used AT ALL in so long. But I really do have constant racing thoughts like that. All day. Everyday. When I am healthy. I am glad you feel like it was a conversation. xxoo
isnt this natural??? LOL… you are quite alright mate…
Arv:
Thanks. 🙂
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