That’s a question I’ve been asking myself for the last few days.
After much thought, and after much angst, I wholeheartedly agree with this statement:
“When two people love one another, when is enough enough?”
The answer is simple for me: “Never.”
-The Mexican (2001) starring: Brad Pitt & Julia Roberts.
I am still not completely ready, willing, or able – to stop believing – that ONE DAY Sonny and I will get back together and find the perfect resolution. And while it might be a dangerous thing for me to cling tenaciously to this kind of endless hope, I refuse to let go of the cliché’ ‘True Love Conquers All’, because believing in that, is the only thing that works for me right now. I don’t know what lies ahead in the future. So, for once in my life, I’d rather consider the best of possibilities and not imagine the worst case scenarios.
Sadly, I’ve also come to the conclusion; there will never be enough tears to heal the damage in my broken heart. I have been grieving like a devastated widow and I’m pretty sure everyone is sick of watching me mope around wearing his shirt. So, instead of spending the rest of my life in utter misery, I have to find a way to pull myself together. I have to get out of my bed. I have to take a shower. I have to get dressed in real clothes. And I have to take care of my child.
I know that I am probably going to be crying on the inside for a very long time, and I simply have to accept that only time will eventually lesson these sharp pains in my chest. [See, I listen to all of you!] And, in the meantime, I am going to take some of your advice.
It has been suggested that I attempt to ‘fake’ being happy [or some resemblance of happy] until I actually feel better again. And that’s exactly what I am going to do. In order for me to ‘Fake It – Until I Make It’, I am going to do all of the things I used to do, before Sonny entered my life. I need to start reading, writing, blogging, and commenting on a regular basis again. I need to surround myself with loved ones because there is nothing as wonderful as hanging out with my totally super amazing family and friends.
And, hopefully, I will find my way back to funny sooner than later.
I think if I start ‘Acting-As-If’ right now, I will be able to deliver an ‘Oscar-Worthy-Performance’ by the time my fathers birthday rolls around on Christmas Eve. I would sincerely hate to ruin that glorious family event for everyone. I think if I take enough xanax, dress up in my finest clothes, and snap a million photos, I’ll be just fine that day. [At least, on the outside.]
Also, after much consideration, I have resolved to stop talking about Sonny, or my feelings surrounding him – publicly on my blog. For now.
[Rest assured, this action will not preclude me from sending private emails. Because honestly, taking with all of YOU really does HELP.]
While my blog has always been an excellent place for me to vent, and never in my life have I received such an outpouring of support, this ‘Debbie Downer’ crap needs to stop.
PS:
I cannot even begin to THANK all of YOU for your words of wisdom, comments, advice, emails, text messages, Facebook messages, and continued love and support. Ya’ll will never know just how much your friendships sustained me through this whole ordeal.
Oh, wait.
Just one last thing.
I don’t know if it’s ‘That Time Of Year’, or if it’s because I am just more susceptible than usual, but, if I have to see one more commercial for engagement rings [or any form of jewelry that represents all things love] I am going to scream on the top of my lungs, and possibly shank whomever is sitting next to me. Okaythanksbye.
It takes time. Hugs & Kisses.
Very good advice about faking it…It does help. I have been wondering WTF about all those stupid engagement ring commercials too. They should be banned or at least come with a warning so you can change the challenge when needed.
Good for you, Meleah. You're taking charge of your life again and difficult as I know it is, you're forcing yourself to go on living. That's a huge step and you should be proud of yourself. I know it's not easy, but you're stronger than most people I know, and I know you can do this. Hang in there, girl. xoxo
{{ Giving Meleah a fake bear hug }}
Faker !
But she knows the feeling is real 🙂
Mel, it IS hard; and even with all the wonderful support you're getting – and will be getting – at the end of the day, you have to deal with your inner turmoil on your own. But you know what? You can get past it. It will not be easy. It might take LONG. But have hope that it will pass, and at the end of the journey, you will be a stronger person. It sounds cliche, but trust me, it is true. I don't know if you like listening to music and if it helps, but here's a song that has never failed to boost my spirits: Wasted by Carrie Underwood. Yeah, it's mainstream and all that but the words help me snap out of it when I need to. Hang in there; and surround yourself with people who love you – there are lots of us!!!
Thanks. I know this will take A LOT of time for me to adjust. I just wish there was a magical pill to cure heartbreak.
SERIOUSLY! Those commercials are driving me CRAZY. Just the other night, I was watching TV with my parents and my DAD could not have been cuter. Anytime one of those came on the TV he quickly changed the channel. And then he made a joke.
Oh Barbara, I want to tell you that YOUR emails today were SUCH a HUGE help to me. Thank you REALLY from the bottom of my heart. You really DO understand what I am going through. Thank you for listening to me, and thank you for YOUR awesome advice.
While I may be using 'Denial and Delusions' as 'tools' in convince myself things really will turn out the way I hope and imagine they will in the future, I have to force myself to face my life again. I'm going take these steps One Moment at a time. I find that it's easier for me to FAKE IT when I am out of the house, or around other people. It's when I get back into the emptiness of my bed at night that still HURTS the most.
Thanks Jaffer. I'll take a fake hug from you ANY day.
Music has always been a wondeful tool for me too. But so far, I have NOT been able to listen to ANY songs [other than angry rap music] without crying! And just like I said to Terri: “I find that it's easier for me to FAKE IT when I am out of the house, or around other people. It's when I get back into the emptiness of my bed at night – that still HURTS the most.”
Oh I know how that feels…as nights and mornings – they're the worst! Again, cliche – time heals…if only we can fast forward time, no?
I totally wish there was a time machine. Toad-ily.
Meleah just start going back and doing the things you love to do and you won't have to fake anything. You have a wonderful family that loves you and a great community of readers. you will be back and better than ever.
ps I am a totally confused by the comment system here so if this is duplicated, forgive me. I'll be fine. LOL!
I do have an amazing network of support.
And I am so very thankful for THAT.
I was confused with my new commenting format for a little while too, but it seems to be working great now!
And no, you did NOT duplicate a comment. Looks like you did it right to me!
Sounds like, though you are still heart-broken, you're finding your way through it.
Glad to hear that.
Im just faking it!
A journey of a thousand mile begins with the first step. I think it is a good start for you … we have to start somewhere to pick ourselves up. If there is just one gift I can give you for Christmas, it would be the gift of how your family and friends see you; you'll see how special you are to them. Not only must you be happy for their sakes, but you must also be happy for you. Although you are picking yourself up from this fall, you are not doing it alone; we are here with you and reaching out our hands.
I thought you women enjoyed faking it. WAIT – no..you do it to get it over with and WAIT! That's wrong, too.
Now I'm confused.
No different than usual, really.
You WILL wake up one day and realize you are not faking–I promise! Hang in there, sweetie–we're all here for you.
The other night The Husband and I were watching TV and saw one of 'those' commercials. I commented about how pretty the necklace/ring/whatever was and he asked if that was THIS YEAR'S diamond design that you HAD to buy. After the eternity ring (which I got) and the three stone diamond (which I got) I figured enough was enough–I don't ask for anymore. Only diamonds I want now are diamond stud earrings. 😀
xoxoxoxoxo
Every day past this makes you stronger. I know it still hurts like hell, but being able to get up and face the world is good therapy. It doesn't mean you stop caring or feeling or hurting, but it does help you get past this. And humor helps. If you can find something to laugh about or can tell jokes (or snark about the endless Christmas shopping deals), it may help buoy your spirts. And if you do wind up shanking somebody, remember tha addage: Friends help you move, real friends help you move bodies. Keep holding on. <hugs>
Good to see that you're starting to be able to pick up the pieces; that's the first step. As I see it, you have the most important thing in the world on your side at this time, and that is your family. Your son, your parents, all of them are there to help hold you up while you're getting your feet under you again. All of us out here in the blogosphere are happy to lend you any moral support you may need. Try to get in with the holidays, that may help a bit.
I'm sorry that things ended up this way. I'm sending good thoughts, peaceful feelings and hugs to you … in my mind.
Thank you. It feels good knowing I have so many people in my corner. 🙂 Im really glad I *met* you this year.
You.Rock.
Ah yes, I do love me some diamond stud earrings!
Well please don't shank anyone that won't help things. Hugs XoxoxoX I hope things can have a happy ending still.
Oh, I am on a mission to Find The Funny. I really am. Laughter has always been my Cure All!
*Oh and denial and delusions are also quite handy tools in times like these.
“remember the addage: Friends help you move, real friends help you move bodies”
HA! I never heard THAT one. I like it. I like it A LOT.
I dont know how I got so lucky and ended up with these kind of friends and my incredible family. But I sure am THANKFUL! Thank you for all of your support too. It REALLY means the world to me.
Thank you.
I like the “fake it until you make it” coping strategy. I just plaster a smile on my face and start huming a tune and before I know it I'm feeling better.
BTW I hate jewlery commercials as well.
I am still hoping for that Happy Ending too. xoxo 🙂
Apparently FAKING IT is essential. But I've never been good at being fake – so this is going to take some time and a lot of work to get used to! And hopefully I won't have to fake it for TOO long.
Nice to see you moving forward. I think there's a good chance you and Sonny can work things out, but from what I can surmise, the ball is in his court. So until he decides to pass it back to you, try and see the absurdity in life and have fun when you can.
Thanks Marty! Im looking for anything funny or absurd starting now.
@ Meleah, it is truly my pleasure too, to 'meet' you. 🙂
i agree, it's not easy, but get back to doing what you were doing before him. i believe true love conquers all and it never dies, it just doesn't.
YAY!
I TOTALLY BELIEVE THAT and that is precisely why I won't give up completely yet!
I hate commercials like that too. Drive me crazy.
I think you have a good strategy worked out. You can deal with this and come out the other side. I know you can. It's an absolute shame you have to deal with it in the first place, but I know you will get through it.
Thinking of you. Sending much love XXX
Thank you SO MUCH Selma.
Sometimes that is the only way to plunge ahead. I think I've heard it described this way: “Fake it until you make it.” I wish I could take the pain away but I know that pain is there for a reason and that it helps shape us as humans. And I know I don't have to tell you because you know that it will get better with time but I want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers and I'm sending you mental hugs until things get better for you. As for those annoying commercials, I couldn't agree with you more. The car commercials get to me too. Who can afford those as Christmas gifts anyways? 😉
Thank you Teeni. Thank you very much. And for real, some commercials for
crazy Christmas gifts are totally Out Of Control.
I am so sorry to hear all of this. I don’t have any wise words of wisdom that haven’t been said but I do have funny. At least I think it is a riot. If nothing else, it is a good distraction. Check it out:
http://www.myredneckworld.com/
Those pictures ARE funny. Thanks Beth
xoxoxo
Good to know you're moving forward Meleah 😀 It'll take some time but things will return to some sense of normalcy (at least I hope it will).
I feel awful for you going through this…but it is safe to say, we have all been where you are at one time or another. It will EVENTUALLY pass. Pour yourself into your little boy and some day you will wake to an easier time. I really believe so…
xoxoxoxo
I sure hope so!
Okay Heather. I am going to believe you!