Post Breakup – Part Two

51 days ago life as I knew it ended. And it ended very sadly from an extremely painful breakup. I’m still experiencing severe emotional highs and lows. I’m still vacillating – like a pendulum – from crippling sadness to intense anger. I’m still heartbroken, devastated, lost, and confused. And I suspect I am going to feel this way for quite some time. It’s not like I can simply get over the past four years with the blink of an eye. And I certainly can’t erase our thirty-year history.

Adjusting to the solitude and loneliness hasn’t been as tough as I thought it would be. I know how to ‘be alone’ because I’ve done it for YEARS. I’m actually quite good at being ‘single.’ I know how to entertain myself, I know how to stay busy, and I know how to self-soothe. I have a great support system with amazing family and friends. Yet there are days when the loneliness is palpable and all I want is for someone to come over, cuddle close, and watch a movie with me.

Anyway…

Part of taking back my life and part of rediscovering who I am again, means doing the things I used to love and enjoy BEFORE I lost myself. And that includes the simple things like: taking photos, playing golf, spending time with family & friends, and especially writing. So, I decided to post weekly blog updates. This way I can keep a record of my evolution while going through this life changing transition.

Speaking of changing…

I hate change. I mean I really, really, really, REALLY, really, really, really hate change. I hate change more than I hate driving over bridges. And having to deal with SO MUCH CHANGE in such a short period of time has been a lot to absorb. I’ve been overwhelmed. I’ve been terrified. And I’ve been down right hysterical.

But I haven’t allowed those feelings to dictate or destroy my daily life. In fact, I’ve been using those feelings to push myself even harder. I’ve managed to accomplish more than I ever thought I could in such a short period of time too, 18 days to be exact, since I moved into this condo. Which makes me feel proud, happy, hopeful, and even more determined.

For example …

I completely unpacked, organized, and decorated my entire home within the first 72 hours of living here. Even the paintings have been hung on the walls. Mostly because I am totally OCD and I couldn’t stop until everything was where it belonged. And then I hosted my 1^st ‘Girls Night’ that very evening.

When my girlfriends took the ‘Tour’ of the new condo they couldn’t get over how much I had accomplished and how organized and clean everything was. And that’s when one of my girlfriends asked, “OMG, Meleah! Can I pay you / hire you to organize MY house?” And then two of my other friends wanted to hire me too. And then I had an “Ah-Ha” moment. Like a light-bulb turning on in my head. Why not put my O.C.D. to good use? Why not start my own business?

Now that my financial situation has also drastically changed, how the hell am I going to pay the bills? I have never depended on a man to support me. I have always been independent and self-sufficient, since I was 18 years old. However, after “being taken care of” for the past four years, I’ve forgotten what it’s like to stand on my own two feet. And that is VERY SCARY. Unfortunately, I am not in a position where I can afford to take the time or spend the money to go back to school. So how can I use the skills I already have to put food on the table?

In between therapy sessions, time with my family and friends, updating my resume, going over bills, looking for employment opportunities, and creating a realistic budget – I spent a few days doing serious research on how to become a ‘Professional Organizer’ and was thrilled to discover it’s a REAL THING. I immediately joined NAPO [National Association of Productivity and Organizing Professionals] and signed up for online courses.

While watching some videos I was surprised to see a lot of the information they provided were things I already knew, and things I already incorporate, when organizing. And that just validated the idea of starting my own business, even more.

Of course, if you’re going to start up a business you’re going to need a website, right? So I spent an entire day coming up with the name [of course I used the acronym for my condition as I am the poster girl for OCD] and built my business website.

* insert drum roll *

* Click here to see the actual website for: OCDWITHME *

Now obviously, it’s going to take A LOT of blood, sweat, and tears to get this off the ground. And it’s going to take A LOT of time, patience, practice, and a shit-ton of marketing/advertising before this could ever become a legitimate source of income.

But right now? I have nothing but time and energy to invest in myself and to invest in this business idea. And, I am going to see my very first ‘client’ – one of my girlfriends – to do my very first ‘job’ next weekend!

Hopefully, more of my family/friends are willing to be my “clients” until I get good and comfortable enough to go out and meet strangers for estimates!

Wish me luck, y’all.