Happy 70th Birthday, To My Daddy!!

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Protected: My Week In Review – OMG I HAVE SO MUCH TO TELL YOU – Edition

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Justin Cassidy Hawthorne

Ok …

Soooooooooo…

After all of your requests for “footage” of Justin, we’ve  come up with a solution.

Since I’m not “allowed” to post his videos … y’all can follow my son – the rising standup comic – on his social media accounts & his blog & his podcasts!

  • And if you’re lucky, you’ll get to see clips/previews of some of his material!

Here are the links:

Instagram

FaceBook

Twitter

BLOG

Podcasts

SnapChat

 

Thanks In Advance!

Love, M

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My Week In Review – THINGS ARE BETTER THAN AWESOME – Edition

So, um…

For those who’ve been asking, yes I am dating a nice new man. And he is fantastic. But this post isn’t about THAT. And for those who’ve been asking I have started a new venture designing and delivering social media packages and websites for business. But this post isn’t about THAT either!

This post is about my TOTALLY SUPER AWESOME COMPLETELY AMAZING son, Justin Cassidy Hawthorne! Saturday night he was in a comedy competition at the Broadway Comedy Club in NYC. Here is his poster:

 

After I rallied the troops “The Guest List” for Justin consisted of: THIRTY THREE PEOPLE! Me & Stan, Pam & Ron, Adam & Leah, Suzie & Wade, Tom & Sandy, Claudia & Steve, Elena & Al, Kurtis & Michelle, Pete & Heather, Omar, Brandon, Ethan, Emily, Belle, Denise & James, Katt & Ashley, Chris & Heidi, Michael & Jenn, Emely & Jeff.

I truly believe my son was born to do stand up. I mean just look at these old pictures!

 

 

 

Now, I’m not one to brag. Really, I’m not. And I’ve always wondered if I am just ‘biased’ because I am his MOM … but my son KILLED IT on stage.

FUCKING. KILLED. IT.

Murdered. Slayed. Destroyed.

He crushed every other comic of the night.

And I know I am not “just biased” because all THRITY THREE people on the Guest List freaked-the-fuck-out over HOW GOOD Justin’s set was. Even my parents friends who are SEVENTY YEARS OLD laughed so hard they had tears streaming down their faces!

The ENTIRE CLUB – filled with over 150 people – kept saying “That comic in the suit was THE BEST ONE tonight!” And yes, my son was the only comic wearing a suit!

 

 

Sadly, Justin doesn’t like when I post his routine anywhere online. He doesn’t want his material to get stolen. Which, I completely understand. He writes all of his own bits and he works really hard on his sets. And, because the video is over 5 minutes long, it’s too big to text, or email it to anyone.

So if anyone wants to see his routine that wasn’t at the club … you’re beat.

You’re just going to have to attend the next event!!

Anyway.

It was one of the greatest nights of my entire life!

 

****** IMPORTANT UPDATE!!!!!!******

It is with GREAT PRIDE to announce that my son WON the development slot at The Broadway Comedy Club in NYC!!!!!!! After 30 days in the “development slot” he will graduate to a FULL RESIDENT COMIC!!

MY HEART IS EXPLODING WITH SHEER JOY AND OVERWHELMING HAPPINESS!!!

 

Here are some photos from that evening…

 

 

PS: To follow my son on all of his social media sites and to get comedy club updates, please click HERE!

 

And that’s a wrap!
See you next week, folks!

Love,
M

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My Week In Review – The Plague, My Birthday, Dating, Social Media, And Whosteen – Edition

I have no idea where I left off but I have so much to tell y’all!

First, I got sick.
Then I got sicker.
Like holy mother of GOD sickness.
And that shit would NOT go away.

Sadly, I spent my 44th birthday – alone, miserable, crying, and sick AF. In fact, I was so sick for two whole weeks, I was convinced I had ‘The Plague’ and I was actually going to die. Even my teeth, mouth, and hair hurt! I have not been THAT sick since the 90’s. Seriously.

After I finally recovered from the worst sickness ever – my parents treated me to a fabulous dinner at Peaking Pavilion where I stuffed my face until I almost exploded. And then they showered me with gifts like new pajamas and cozy sweats, which we all know are my favorite things in the world!

 

The following day I met up with one of my besticals, Claudia, and her daughter Jackie, at my local country club. We had one too many drinks and lots of laughs and then they surprised me with the best presents ever.

 

The day after that, I met up with my other bestical, Tiffany, to celebrate my birthday as well. After building HER website, and after running her professional Instagram & Facebook pages, she’s referring me to another friend and I have a meeting with them this Friday. Wish me luck! Oh and also, I met a wonderful man that evening. And then two days later I went on a great date with said wonderful man. But that’s all I am going to say about that, because I do NOT want to JINKS this!

And lastly, I’m not sure if it’s because I called in the reservation for TWENTY SEVEN PEOPLE, but the Broadway Comedy Club in NYC decided to use MY SON’S FACE on their official poster!!! AND I CANNOT FREAKING WAIT!!

 

And, I think that’s a wrap!
See you next week, folks.

Love,
M

 

 

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My Week In Review – Things Are Great And An Announcement – Edition

Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday: I did all Internet things and all Retail Shop things. And it was wonderful. Then, I received a text message from my son, Justin, informing me that he landed a spot in a ‘Standup Comedy Competition’ at The Broadway Club in NYC! Winning would mean he gets a permanent slot at The Broadway Club for SIX MONTHS. And just in case you’re not familiar with The Broadway Club – it’s where 90% of the SNL cast members got their start! This could be YUUUUUGE for him! So naturally, I immediately created an event on Facebook and invited over 60 people to come cheer him on! If you would like to join me please feel free to inbox me on FB and I’ll send you the details!

 

 

Thursday: I wasn’t feeling that great and I just needed a day to rest and clean out my DVR. I love this time of year, not only because the weather is bearable, but also because there is sooooo much good television! I caught up with: The Voice (totally loving Jennifer & Kelly). This Is Us (the season three premiere made my cry my face off, per usual). Manifest (which is a new show and I haven’t decided if I like it or not, I feel like they’re trying too hard). New Amsterdam (another new show, and I’m already obsessed). The Good Doctor (the season two premiere made me cry even HARDER than This Is Us and the actor Freddie Highmore deserves an Emmy Award for his role as Shaun). Chicago Med (Oliver Platt is everything, and that’s all I have to say about that). And How To Get Away With Murder (is already proving to be one of the craziest seasons ever.)

 

 

Friday & Saturday: I was on the phone with WordPress and Bluehost trying to figure out how to make a website look as good on mobile devices as it does on the computer. I changed a million themes and learned all about plugins and widgets, and I almost ripped out all of my hair. But, I think? I think it’s finally coming along nicely.

Sunday: I slept in. And then I wrote this blog post! Now if you’ll excuse me I’m off to clean the house and do the laundry and take out the trash and all that jazz.

And that’s a wrap.
See you next week, folks.

Love,
M

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My Week In Review – Rosh Hashanah, Family Fun, Business & A Surprise Special Guest Appearance – Edition

Monday: my family celebrated the Jewish New Year. And I have to say it was the strangest holiday we’ve ever hosted. So many people were ‘missing’ from the table – having passed away, or simply not being able to attend. It was also the first time we only cooked one six-pound brisket instead of two. Nevertheless, we had a wonderful time. In fact, my family got a little crazy and spontaneously decided to have a dance-off!

May I present “Rosh Hashanah ‘Family Floss Off’ 2018!

PS: We decided that Jeff, my Uncle Rick’s finance (the one on the far right) won the competition, simply because of his hilarious-ever-so-serious-game-face!

 

Tuesday & Wednesday: I worked on social media things and I did retail shop things for my friends new store. And it was awesome.

Thursday: I got my haircut & colored by the one and only totally-super-talented Tiffany. And then I had to run a bunch of errands and take care of some personal matters.

Friday: I spent the entire day from 9am-10pm working on website things for my friends new business. And even though I kind of like how it looks on a computer – I HATE how it looks on mobile devices. So, I am probably going to have to change the theme – and lose all of my work – unless Bluehost can reformat/import my work. Grrrrr!

Also? That evening, I received a special guest appearance! My son, Justin, showed up! Of course he came with a big bag of laundry and I just had to make him tacos & guacamole! And then we watched the movie ‘A Quiet Place.’ in  complete silence, freaking out!

Saturday: The reason my son came home is because the restaurant where he bartended all summer was throwing a ‘Seafood Festival’ and they begged him to come back to work it. And of course, I had to take advantage of seeing him again! Once my friends Claudia & Steve found out, they couldn’t resist joining me. And we had SUCH A BLAST!

 

Sunday: I slept in. And then I wrote this blog post. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go work on that website because it’s driving me crazy!

 

And that’s a wrap.
See you next week, folks.

Love,
M

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He’s Leaving Home … Bye, Bye. (Sung in my very best Beatles voice)

My son officially left the nest. He moved to Brooklyn, specifically Crown Heights, with three of his best friends – to tend bar while following his dreams of becoming a stand-up comedian. AND I CAN’T HANDLE ALL OF THE FEELS.

So I wrote him this letter, instead.

*you can click on anything in purple or blue font and it will take you to that story, post, photo, or video.*

——————————————————————-

Dear Justin,

I could write a, “I can’t believe you’re so grown” post, but I’ve already done that.

I could make a movie montage filled with embarrassing photos, celebrating milestones, but I’ve already done that too. TWICE.

I could write a million stories from your childhood like the time you wrote a report on King Arthur, or that time you almost died in the quicksand. But I’ve already done that too.

I could tell you how I will NEVER forget:

Being pregnant with you.
Holding you in my arms for the very first time.
Bringing you home from the hospital on my 1st Mother’s Day.
Your 1st birthday.
Dark Time-Out.
Blues Clues, Bionicals, and “Double-abba-terris”
Your terrible fears of alligators and elevators.
Climbing into my bed, scared in the middle of the night, and stealing all of the covers.
The look on your face on your 5th birthday.
When you fell in love with all things Star Wars.
Your penchant for Chilean sea bass.
And your crazy obsession with swords.
Killing off your imaginary nemesis Jackrafire.
Bringing you to work with me.
And always making me laugh at myself.
When you turned 13 years old and I made this video montage.
The sound of your laughter.
When you learned to shovel snow.
When we watched the no garbage neighbor leave in the middle of the night.
The never-ending power-outage that inspired you and Uncle Adam to write this song.
And how you danced with Poppa-Uh on Hanukkah.
From Jerry on Seinfeld, to Chris Farley on SNL, to Bill Burr – and all of our favorite comics inbetween.
When you dressed up as Elton John for Halloween. And George Bush. And a Real Housewife. And Jesus. And that drunk teacher. And McGreggor.
Our horrible vacations in The Dominican Republic. And Mexico.
That time you carved SWAG into your haircut. And that time you dyed your hair platinum.
How much you changed and grew in 2011.
When you starred in your high school plays: Leader Of The Pack and Alice In Wonderland.
How you went to BOTH: the Manalapan Junior Prom AND the Freehold Junior Prom.
When you turned 16 years old and I made this movie montage.
And when you became a Hipster.
The first time you drank a 300.00 bottle of wine.
Watching the movies Forest Gump & Almost Famous together – A MILLION TIMES – and quoting every line, annoying everyone around us.
How thrilled I was when I surprised you with your very FIRST NEW CAR.
And when you got your very first first tattoo.
When you turned 18 years old and I gave you 100 singles to go to the strip club.
That gut-wrenching feeling I endured watching your MMA FIGHT.
When you turned 21 years old.
Or how you cried when The Eagles won the Super-Bowl.

I could tell how incredibly proud I am of you, and how truly happy I am for you, and I’m really excited to see what the future hold for you. But, you already KNOW THAT.

I could tell you how I thought leaving you at daycare for the very first time was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Until I watched you get on the bus for the very first day of school. Until I watched you graduate middle school. Until I watched you drive away for the first time. Until I watched you graduate high school. Until I watched you move into the college dorm. Until I watched you graduate from Rutgers University, and then, we partied our faces off!  Until, today.

Every one of those moments filled me with such pride and yet such a sadness I truly cannot describe. Luckily, I found another mother/author who managed to find the PERFECT words …

1. My heart is so full of love for you that it aches like a physical pain and it’s that almost unbearable fullness that brings tears to my eyes.

2. I will miss the way we were. Things will change between us now. We will always be mother and son but I have become an increasingly less important person to you, as it should be.

3. I will miss you and almost everything about you, your sense of humor, the way you mess up the kitchen, even your closed bedroom door. But it’s not just you I’ll miss, it’s the light and life you brought into this home and your friends who also became dear to me over the years.

4. I will worry about you because I desperately don’t want you to ever feel lost or alone but I am certain that you will experience those “lost and alone” days. Everyone has them. Thinking about the times that you will not be okay and the fact that I can’t make you okay makes me terribly sad.

5. I am not worried that you will not succeed. In fact, it’s just the opposite. I have no doubt that you will succeed and that success will lead you further from me. Again, it is as it should be, but sad, nonetheless.

6. That moment when you walked away, I went one way and you went the other. You’re walking into a bright new chapter of your life where the possibilities are almost endless. I am walking away from a piece of my heart and the poignancy of that moment is not lost on me.

I know that we will soon adjust and I will be able to see this more clearly as a beginning for both of us and not as an end and. As you drive away, I will look back and hope that I’ve done most things right, or right enough, that you make wise choices and that good fortune comes your way.

* Written by: Helene Wingens

 

***For 3,000+ more photos that I WAS going to use in this post just click HERE for pictures under the name JCH, or click HERE for pictures under the name Whosteen, instead!***

I will miss you, TERRIBLY.
I will miss the way you smell.
Even your stinky feet.
I will miss listening to you talk to yourself.
Or recording your podcasts.
I will miss hearing you playing the guitar and video games.
I will miss cooking for you.
I will miss cleaning up after you.
And I will miss doing your laundry.
I will miss your handsome face.
I will miss your sense of humor.
I will miss watching TV and movies with you.
Or just lounging around together.
I will miss the sound of your footsteps.
Or knowing your “home” safe.
I will miss your stories.
I will miss your Cool Banana coffee mug.
I will miss watching you grow and change.
And I will miss the way you brighten up my world.

I love you, my son.
My only child.
You are the light of my life!
You are my favorite person in the whole universe!
And I promise I will ALWAYS have Lima Beans when you come home to visit.

Go fly, my little birdie …

I believe YOU are destined for greatness, and I believe this is why you’ve been inspired to follow your dream, even if you’re an atheist!

 

Love,
Mommy

 

PS: TURK AND JD FOREVER!
DON’T TAKE DRUGS!
And KILL PACO!

 

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My Week In Review – EVERYTHING IS EVEN MORE AWESOME – Edition

Monday: I spent the day engulfed with ‘Social Media’ projects for my friends new retail business. Which, apparently, is my new normal. And it was awesome!

Later that evening, I decided to say, “goodbye,” to the totally super hot guy who may or may not be thirty years old. Mostly because, he really IS only thirty-years-old and we literally had nothing to talk about. Like, dude – you don’t know the movies Forrest Gump or Almost Famous? Have you heard of the bands The Rolling Stones or Led Zeppelin? Forget about President Ronald Reagan, do you at least know George H.W. Bush Senior? How about Bill Clinton? Have you ever had a flip-phone or ANY non-touch-screen device? HOW ABOUT A LANDLINE? Is the word, “beeper” remotely familiar to you? Can you at least tell time on an analog clock? And lastly, have you ever watched the television shows Breaking Bad or Shameless? NO?  While the attention and the affection, from said thirty-year-old, was an AMAZING ego-boost; he’s closer to my son’s age than my age. And that just felt creepy! But thanks, totally-super-hot-thirty-year-old-guy, for the massive boost in self-confidence! #MeleahGotHerGrooveBack #PeaceOut

Tuesday: I spent yet another day engulfed with ‘Social Media’ projects for my friends new retail business. And somehow, I managed to get more “likes” on Facebook, and more “followers” on Instagram – than I ever did for my own blog, which I’ve had for THIRTEEN years – in only TWO WEEKS!

Wednesday: Once again, I assaulted ‘Social Media’ for my friends new store. This is like THE BEST “job” I’ve ever had! And I’m loving every second of it.

 Thursday: I took the day off from all things Social Media. I enjoyed the beautiful weather, sipping coffee outside, with my computer, and writing. My son borrowed my truck to start moving his stuff to his new apartment in Brooklyn and I CAN’T EVEN TALK ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW. #allthefeels

Friday: I unloaded my peapod home delivered groceries and spent the rest of the day/night on the phone with BlueHost and WordPress trying to learn/figure-out the best design/layout for my friends new retail business store. And since I have NO IDEA what the f*ck I’m doing – if anyone reading this blog with web-design skills and wants to help a sista out please email or facebook message me! Thanks in advance!

 

Saturday: BEST! DAY/NIGHT! THAT WILL LIVE IN MY HEART FOREVER!!

Y’all have come to know Amy The Bartender, commonly referred to as ATB, over the past TEN YEARS on this very blog! But just in case you need a refresher course, click HERE to read a few of the many funny stories I’ve written about her!

Anywho … Amy invited me to her annual summer BBQ, which would have been awesome enough. However, since most of her closest friends and family were already there?

 AMY GOT MARRIED!
MARRIED!
Like, officially, MARRIED!!

And I have NEVER BEEN HAPPIER for two people in my WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE!!!!

 

Sunday: I slept in! And then I wrote this blog post.

And that’s a wrap.
See you next week, folks!

Love,
M

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My Week In Review – Things Are Still Awesome – Edition

Monday: I didn’t clean. I didn’t launder. And I didn’t take out the trash. NOPE! Instead, I spent the day engulfed with ‘Social Media’ projects for my friends new retail business. And it was awesome! And then I spent that evening arguing with long-time-friends about how & why I won’t/can’t quit smoking.

Tuesday: I still didn’t clean. I still didn’t launder. And I still didn’t take out the trash. NOPE! Instead, I spent the day engulfed with ‘Social Media’ projects for my friends new retail business. And it was even more awesome!

 

 

Wednesday: I woke up early, got dressed, and went to the retail store to take some more photos for: Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, and the future business website. While I was there, I helped create some Excel Spread Sheets for Inventory Management purposes, because I’m nice like that.

Oh, and my son, Justin, had some new head-shots taken. Y’ALL!! CAN YOU BELIEVE I CREATED THIS INCREDIBLY HANDSOME 22 YEAR OLD MAN!! #ThanksKurtis

 

 

Thursday: I finally cleaned, and laundered, and took out the trash, because it was actually necessary. And then I spent the rest of the day playing with website layouts, and coming up with ideas, and researching the products sold in my friends new retail shop. And then I went to bed early AF because I knew Friday was going to kick my ass!!

Friday: BEST! DAY/NIGHT! EVER!!   Y’all have come to know one of my best friends, Claudia. Well, her beautiful daughter, Jackie, has become my ‘adopted’ daughter and I love her MORE THAN THE WHOLE SKY! And it was her Sweet 16th Birthday Party. And it was AMAZEBALLZ!!!

Over the past year, I’ve become incredibly close to the whole Russo/Attardi family – sharing many birthdays, family functions, and holidays together – which only made this celebration even more special! In fact, we had SO MUCH FUN, NO ONE WAS ON THEIR PHONES! These are the only photos I have until Claudia gets the real/actual pictures from the photographer!

 

 Saturday: I was HUNG THE FUCK OVER.
Hung. The. Fuck. Over.
AND IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT ELENA!!!
That is all. Carry on.

Sunday: I was/am/still a little #hung.the.fuck.over. because I am WAY too OLD to party THAT hard! But at least I managed to get out of bed, if only to write this blog post! Now if you’ll excuse me, I am going catch up on all of the television shows I missed this week while drinking excessive amounts of water. #stilldehydrated

 

 

And that’s a wrap.
See you next week, folks!

Love,
M

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