Thursdays Trivia-M*A*S*H

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When I was all of 8 and 9 years old, my family used to have a Friday night tradition. We ordered in Chinese food, gathered in the livingroom with paper plates and watched M*A*SH* (re-runs) together. That TV show holds some of my favorite childhood memories.

(I mean c’mon, how can you resist a TV show that used the name “HOT LIPS” for a main character?)

And now for my own OTHER BLOG “PIMPAGE”

The MeleVision weekly Trivia Game is back on! Come and play! Have fun testing your M*A*S*H knowledge over HERE.

(A big THANK YOU goes out to my blogging buddy, Steve C, for his dedication, commitment and all of his hard work!)

Posted in MeleVision, Other Bloggers, TV and Movies | 15 Comments

Working Too Hard Or Hardly Working?

I am still pretty groggy after yesterday’s events. Being in the office today was quite the struggle. But, I had to maintain the appearance of being busy and effective.

Fortunately, one of my favorite bloggers, Greg, has provided some essential tips. Let’s just say THIS LIST came in rather handy today.

Posted in Friends, Humor, Links, Other Bloggers, Work | 12 Comments

Secret Secret. I’ve Got A Secret.

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se·cret (skrt)
adj.
1. Kept hidden from knowledge or view; concealed.
2. Dependably discreet.
3. Operating in a hidden or confidential manner: a secret agent.
4. Not expressed; inward: their secret thoughts.
5. Not frequented; secluded: wandered about the secret byways of Paris.
6. Known or shared only by the initiated: secret rites.
7. Beyond ordinary understanding; mysterious.
8. Containing information, the unauthorized disclosure of which poses a grave threat to national security.

N.
1. Something kept hidden from others or known only to oneself or to a few.
2. Something that remains beyond understanding or explanation; a mystery.
3. A method or formula on which success is based: The secret of this dish is in the sauce.

Shhh….Secret! Secret! I’ve Got A Secret.

And I am betting you do too. We all have them. Some are deep hidden secrets that slowly eat away at our very core. Others are secrets we are dying to tell, but can’t for fear of repercussions. Secrets can be fun, having a little something to hide that no one else can know or see. Secrets can also be dangerous. Some of the secrets I have been carrying around are beginning to affect my emotional balance. But, I don’t want to reveal them to anyone. I just need to get them off my chest. Where do I go when I have to confess?

RIGHT HERE.

One of my blogging ‘sisters’ ….why paisley has opened up a new blog. You can read all about how it works right here. Or you can just go right to the site HERE.

It’s new, it’s fun, all the cool kids are doing it, and so am I! Come check it out!

Posted in Friends, Links, Other Bloggers | 14 Comments

Food Is My Enemy

Along with Crohn’s and Celiac’s (like that’s not bad enough to deal with) I have another issue with food. Food Allergies. I am allergic to various foods / spices. According to the allergy specialist scratch tests I took back in 2003, I am NOT allergic to shellfish, or any of the ‘normal’ things that most people are allergic to. I am allergic to peculiar things like: mustard, strawberries, things with seeds, and certain nuts.

Sometimes the reactions are slight, easily treatable with a few antihistamines. Other times, not so much. I break out into hives all over my stomach and back, my eyes swell shut, my lips blow like a bad collagen job, my nasal passages close, I can only breathe through my mouth which becomes extremely itchy, I turn a bright shade red, my ears catch on fire, my tongue fills up my entire mouth, my hands inflate to the point where it looks like I am wearing baseball gloves. It feels like a million hot itchy needles stabbing every inch of my flesh. I want to rip off my skin. Scratching, while temporarily feels great, only makes matters worse. When a reaction like that occurs, not only is it incredibly uncomfortable, it is beyond scary. Words like anaphylactic shock, or death, run through my head as I check repeatedly to make sure my throat does not suddenly close.

And that’s just what happened at 6pm last night. Severe. Allergic. Reaction.

When that sort of reaction occurs I am supposed to use an Epi-Pen to counteract the symptoms and go to the hospital. But, did I have an Epi-Pen? No. Did I go to the hospital? No. Why? Because I am an asshole that never fills her prescriptions. And I am afraid of hospitals.

Instead, I called my daddy to bring me a slew of over the counter medications that have been known to work in the past. I took 3 Clariton, drank half a bottle of liquid Bennadryl, covered my eyes and ears in packets of ice and passed out. Bennadryl works on me much like Chloroform works for serial killers while trying to abduct their prey. It leaves me totally incapacitated and unconscious.

When I woke up this morning, all of my allergic reaction symptoms returned. Mid-shower my eyes felt itchy again. At first, I thought maybe it was the shampoo I had dripped into my eyes considering I was still so woozie from a medicated hangover. But as I proceeded to ‘get ready to go to work’ I became increasingly uncomfortable. By the time I was in my car, attempting to make my way into the office, it became obvious that was not gunna happen. I had to turn around to come home to ingest another round of Clariton and Bennadryl.

I have never had an allergic reaction come on so fast or last for so long. That scared the shit out of me. I have never had an allergic reaction that I couldn’t treat in one day. Nor one that seemingly went away only to return several hours later.

I broke down, smartened the fuck up and called the DOCTOR / ALLERGY SPECAILIST. The same one I haven’t seen in….Oh…4 years! I am heading out to the doctor / specialist right now. Driving in a Bennadryl haze and hopped up on coffee, in the pouring rain, should make for an interesting ride…

I will UPDATE when I return.

{REVISED}

I am back. Apparently, because I have Cronh’s disease, which creates autoimmune deficiencies, my allergic reactions, will now and forever be more severe.

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Great.

Then, they threw a bunch of MORE PILLS my way. Seriously, I could play poker with a hand like this: (5 more prescriptions. 5 more. 5)

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At least I finally have the most important one:

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And now I know that I am allergic to broccoli and corn:

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When the rest of the scratch tests came back inconclusive, they sent me for blood work. (See all those check marks? Thats all the different foods that I may be allergic too).

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I am running out of things to eat.

PS: *Does anyone have a cool Pez Dispenser I can ‘borrow’ to distribute the number of pills I have to take in a single day? Because right now, I look like a member of some pill pushing underground drug cartel with all of the viles that are currently in my purse.*

Posted in Life, Strong Medicine | 48 Comments

After Much Needed Time Away From The Computer

I’m Back. I will be posting and commenting and annoying each and every one of you! Wheee!

On my fake vacation last week, I forced myself to say, “Fuck. It.” to every single damn responsibility or obligation in my life. I didn’t go food shopping, stand in any lines or carry heavy bags up my four flights of stairs. I didn’t pay any bills or even think about the bills. I didn’t cook. The laundry took over my house. I never once made my bed. I didn’t even clean!! (I know! Very hard to imagine – the OCD was really hard to fight off- my closet has never been so messy). I didn’t do anything I am ‘supposed’ to do. I only did what I ‘wanted’ to do.

And I loved it.

Of course I still had to show up for that full-time job thing and face the NJTPK but whatever. I wasn’t letting that stop me from having fun this week and man did I have fun!

Here is where I might loose most of you. I could write the LONGEST POST EVER and torture you with the mundane details of my every move this week. Or, I could be smart and just highlight the fun parts giving you the quick run down of my super awesome week with photo links. I think I will spare you and just give you the abbreviated version.

08/12 Sunday Night: Marco’s Birthday Party

JCH and I went to a birthday party for our friends: Tiffany (my girlfriend- AND the prettiest girl to walk the face of the earth), Dominick (Tiffany’s son who is the same age as my son) and Marco (her other son; the adorable now 7 year old birthday boy).

Going to Tiffany’s for an evening is like a vacation unto itself. First of all, her house is AMAZING. The horse shoe driveway which holds the house back far enough from the road engages tranquility. The separate wings of the house keep the family far enough apart to not get on each others nerves, but close enough when they all meet in the heart of the home. The kitchen. From marble and granite, to silver and china, if I ever own a house, I want my kitchen to be exactly like hers. (Not that I would ever use it or anything).

Then you have her backyard. The backyard is nothing short of like spending time at a resort. As soon as you walk through the black wrought iron gates, you feel like you landed on an island. Crystal blue waters run clean through the underground pool. The sun sparkles off the water making the air look like it is filled with glitter. The temperature is always the perfect degree. It is just warm enough but not too hot. The sky remains an impeccable shade of blue. There is something so inviting about her backyard.

On top of the wonderful surroundings, my girl Tiffany can cook with the best of them. Fuck Rachel Ray. Let’s see if Chef Ramsey could take on Tiffany’s ability to set it off in the kitchen. Tiffany makes homemade lasagna to die for. (Yes I know I am not supposed to eat that, and yes I did pay for it later, but it was so totally worth it).

Tiffany and I sat on the deck like those mothers I remember seeing when I was little. You know that kind? The mom’s that sit poolside, not daring enough to get wet because they don’t want to mess up their hair or make up, but all the while laughing, drinking some sort of coconut mixture with fresh mint leaves, while the kids swam and played water sports.

Even after all the birthday candles were blown out, and all of the presents were open, the kids kept running back and forth, shooting water guns, jumping in and out of the Jacuzzi until it was dark.

08/13 Monday Night: Camp Ridiculous

We went to JCH’s camp for the annual family-visiting day BBQ. (Which, by the way, is the best camp IN. THE. WORLD.) I have never seen such beautifully kept campus grounds with the most amazing activities.

At first, we weren’t really sure if Tiffany, Marco, Dominick were going to be allowed to come to the ‘family’ BBQ day. The invitation did say ‘family members only’. But, since I think the rules of the world simply don’t apply to me, what would make this event any different? Nothing. I made Tiffany, Marco, Dominick ‘family members’ for the day. Yup. They were our long–lost–live-far-away-only-here-for-a-week-visiting- family members. We told the camp that Tiffany was my sister. (Which was so NOT believable considering we look NOTHING alike). Nevertheless, they let us through the gates, into the camp for a night of incredible festivities.

The entire visit as JCH proudly introduced us to his friends and counselors, he said, “This is my mom, and this is my Aunt Fanny.” A name that sounds more like a ‘Little House On The Prairie’ character. The best part of my night was watching my sons face light up when he took charge of us as a group and he led us through: The Tour Of Camp Ridiculous.

Yes people. Welcome to Campus Ridiculous. 86 Acres, of Ridiculous.

There are go-carts, and bumper boats, kayaking and archery. There are snow cones and curly fries. There is an arcade room set up like an old fashioned diner, complete with soft serve Ice Cream. There are horses to ride, rock climbing and zip lines. They have camp fires and a private beach. There are lakes with water fountains. They get to eat in a dinning room with real linens. They even have their own airplane that drops confetti overhead at the beginning of color war.

(I can’t post too many pictures from the camp grounds without giving away the name and or location of the camp. Because that would be just about as smart as drawing a map, listing my child’s daily itinerary and hanging a sign from his neck that says “Kidnap Me.” But you can get the general idea of the awesomeness that is Camp Ridiculous from these.)

I was thrilled knowing my son WANTED me to be there with him. I was overjoyed having been able share this part of his childhood with him.

(Yeah um, when I went to camp there was nothing more than a mosquito infested lake with one single rope to swing from).

A Big! Thank! You! To My Mom! For sending my son (these past 3 summers) to THE BEST CAMP IN THE WORLD. I am so sad the summer and camp are O-V-E-R.

08/14 Tuesday Night: Home Sweet Home

JCH and I decided to make it a night ‘In’ having been out gallivanting two nights in a row. (And during a work week. That was already a real stretch for me). We made a light salad and took a leisurely stroll though our own golf course. There is a short cut across the course that leads directly to my parents’ house. That’s when I discovered it is actually faster to WALK to my mom and dad’s than DRIVE.

We stopped in for hugs and hello’s, kisses and goodbye’s. But, we never leave their house empty handed. I managed to wrangle up a fresh pack of AA batteries for my camera and JCH scored some new sunglasses.

On our walk home we stopped, literally, to smell the flowers. Then we made our way over to one of the sand traps to squish our feet in the sand and feel the grains in-between our toes. Finally we walked over to the pond to sit and listen to the frogs sing.

When we got home we ignored the pile of clothes lying in the middle of the living room floor and settled on the sofa with chips and salsa. The evening ended in laughter, watching the HBO special featuring Dane Cook.

*There was nothing “eventful” about this night, it was just so nice to spend alone, uninterrupted, time with my son
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08/15 Wednesday Night: Dinner At The Shanty

It would not be a week of family and friends without these two. Jen has been my best friend (going on 12 years now?) and JCH and Chloe have been in each others lives since the day she was born. We (all 7 of us) met for dinner at our local Seafood restaurant. It’s no Joe’s Crab Shack, but it is within close proximity to all of our respective houses. Neither Jen, Tiffany, or I enjoy the food served in this place, but the kids absolutely love it.

Seafood Dinner Mania – Photos are here.

* See now this is where I could have gone off on a really long winded story about a rather scary man that made us all wonder what he does at night while everyone else is sleeping but that’s an inside joke and most of you would have bailed by now. You are still here … right? *

08/16 Thursday Night: Home Sweet Home (Part Two):

Thursday nights have always been BIG TV night up in here. NBC delivers. Even if 30Rock and Scrubs are repeats. Because Alec Baldwin anytime is a good time, and because Tina Fey is my HERO.

While watching TV, I decided to start uploading some of the new pictures onto Flickr. Holy hell Flickr went all upgrade on me. Thank you! What used to take 45 minutes to upload 5 billion pictures, now only takes 5 seconds. Seriously, if you don’t have a Flickr account, get one. It’s the easiest way to store pictures without hogging up space on your hard drive.

I was also reintroduced to an old friend. The Phone. Yeah, a real phone, with a cord connected to the wall. Remember using a land line? My girlfriend Patty has retuned from her week away to visit her niece. I spent 2 hours talking ON THE PHONE. Its weird, I never realized how much time I spend communicating via email or instant message. I haven’t had a real live PHONE CALL in a very LONG time.

*Another “un-eventful” night, but the FIRST and ONLY night I stayed HOME and sat still, RELAXING all week.

08/17 Friday Night: Dinner With The Parents:

I managed to convince my father that it was a good idea for him to cook Chilean Sea Bass, rice, steamed broccoli, with a tomato, mozzarella and basil salad on the side, for me to eat. My mother even pitched in to cook. Wow. She must’ve really missed me coming over for dinner! We ate, we laughed, we talked. It was so nice to spend one on one time with my parents. I haven’t been over there like that for months.

After dinner, and back at home, I spent the rest of the night getting my Ass Kicked while playing video games with my son. I still have no idea how he manages to move his thumb so fast on that damned x-box trigger. He has like magical super bendy rubber flexible crazy thumbs.

*Ya’ll still here? Bored yet? It’s almost over I promise.

08/18 Saturday Day / Night Family Function:

I know that I am seriously disturbed because while most people loath going to family functions, I live for them. I was banned on Father’s Day when I had the German Measles, for various other reasons and illnesses I have missed out on 3 family events. But Not! This! One!

Every year, my Italian side of the family has a “cousins pick nick.” But its never just the “cousins.” It’s the whole Desordi side of my family. And it is AWESOME. I get to see all the people I haven’t seen in years. When you attend a family function of this magnitude, you get caught up on all the latest gossip: Who’s having babies, who’s getting divorced, who’s on the wagon, or off the wagon, ect ect ect.

The food is beyond words. All homemade Italian foods. Every single kind imaginable. We could not have asked for better weather either. After Friday’s hail storm, we were pleasantly surprised with the picture perfect Saturday.

This day, was best described by my Uncle Victor as he passed by me and said,

“There’s nothin’ better than this baby…”

Agreed!

“My Fucking Family Reunion and all of the fucking photos” are HERE

Nothing beats the picture of GANSTA POPPA SYE 

The Movie is still A WORK IN PROCESS (C’mon its been less than 24 hours! I had to write this and upload / edit / crop 350 + some odd photos! Cut me some slack!)

*(The Movie will be available shortly. The Movie is for my family. But you are all more than welcome to watch a picture slide show, set to music, with kick ass effects, full of people you don’t know… just to see my mad movie making skillz hard at work. For the movie you will need a Quick Time Player installed on your computer. If you don’t have one, download / install one. If you don’t know how too, then you are probably also still using Internet Explorer, when you should be using Firefox, and that means, I can’t help you.) *

08/19 Sunday: Back To Work:

Well, the party is over. And so is this post. (A collective sigh and cheering heard round the blogosphere) As soon as I finish up here, I have to do all of the things I have avoided all week. This house is a wreck, there is no food in the fridge, we have no clean clothes and the mail is busting out of the sides of the box. I am off to CLEAN, SHOP and DO ALL THE LAUNDRY. But I might not get the mail until tomorrow!

Nah…screw that. I’m sleeping all day today!

It sure feels good to be back.

Posted in Family, Friends, Life | 40 Comments

Taking A Blog Vacation

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[REVISED: because that last entry was way too depressing! And I am SO OVER feeling sorry for myself.]

I know everyone was “looking” for me because I haven’t written a post, or as much as left a single comment, nor have I answered a single email (or phone call). I am fine. I just need a Blog Vacation. I need a break from all of my responsibilities and obligations. I am spending every night this week with my son, my family and friends before this summer is over.

I want to thank everyone for their support, love and concern. I will be back to blogging and commenting very soon.

 

Posted in Family, Life | 36 Comments

Why I Love TMZ

and why I have to learn how to use Photoshop

Posted in Celebitchy | 12 Comments

Titles WithOut Posts

* Ya’ll Will Never Know How Much Time I Spend In The Bathroom

Or

* Why Being Totally Self-Conscious, Self Absorbed, Completely Insecure, Which Makes Me Look Like I am Really Superficial, Plus Being Over Worked, Under Paid, Painfully Single, Stressed, Sick And Tired, Is NEVER Super Awesome. Oh, And That Annoying Medical Condition.

Have been the two titles of the SAME damn post that I cannot write because its just all too depressing. And it’s REALLY whiney, REALLY miserable, REALLY boring, and REALLY long.

While writing about all of that for myself (6 drafts and 14 pages) did make me feel better, I don’t know if I can air all of that publicly without spewing my emotions in every direction making this post sound more like

* Blog Vomit

(Yes. Another title.)

I can’t seem to find the words to make the fact that I have a leaky ass amusing. (At least the words “leaky ass” are funny?) I also can’t figure out how to sell “Being Totally Self-Conscious, Self Absorbed, Completely Insecure, Which Makes Me Look Like I am Really Superficial, Plus Being Over Worked, Under Paid, Painfully Single, Stressed, Sick And Tired, And That Annoying Medical Condition” AS Super Awesome.

Anyway.

I could post about how I was already “Totally Self-Conscious, Self Absorbed, Completely Insecure, Which Makes Me Look Like I am Really Superficial” way before I was diagnosed with Crohns disease. And that luckily, I was acclimated with spending a large portion of my time in the bathroom dealing with the unruly state that is my wiry hair. It takes me at least and hour and a half to fight with my own follicles, only to eventually give up and throw it into a ponytail. But I wont get into that.

I could post about how now that I have to take so many medications (18 pills a day) all of which have absurd side effects, from freezing, to depression, to anxiety, to insomnia, to hyperactivity, to exhaustion and the most glorious side effect of all [drum roll] the obscene acne which causes my face to break out into welts. (no matter how “hot” people think my “body” is, when some one is sporting a bad helmet and / or a banged up mug, that pretty much crushes any resemblance to what was once possibly attractiveness.) So now I have to hide behind wearing a mask of spackle that was once my silky pressed powder, and cake on excessive amounts of blistex (due to the dehydration which causes skin cracking) instead of wearing my favorite lip gloss. But I don’t want to get into that either.

I could write about how scary it was taking all those tests, in order to determine weather or not it was Crohns disease. I could tell you about that delicious, thick, white, chalky- glue, beverage they made me drink, that I almost threw up, to make my intestines glow for the xrays. But that’s not funny. At.All.

I could post about how “Being Over Worked, Under Paid, Stressed, Sick And Tired” direct from my job plus the constant worrying so much about the bills only aggravates “That Annoying Medical Condition”. I could tell you the number of times I have been late to work or the number of days I’ve missed due to “That Annoying Medical Condition”, thus sucking up any ‘vacation’ time off from work. Or I could tell you about how upsetting it is to be in the office bathroom and have co-worker walk in on you during an attack. But I am too terrified to do anything about my employment situation [another post entirely] and I will never make enough money. So I wont get in to that.

I could post about how much my disease has affected my family. Like how worried my mother was when my weight plummeted to 103 lbs. How my son would refuse to go to school if I was sick, so that he could stay home and take care of his mommy. Or about all of the days of work my father had to miss driving me around to a million doctors. Or about all of the guilt I feel for being such a burden. But I don’t want to go there.

I could complain for weeks on end, because I can’t eat a hamburger at a barbeque, or a hotdog at a ball game, or ever have beer and pizza on a Friday night. I could cry about having to watch everyone else eat, when my plate usually just looks like this. But, I don’t feel like I have the right to bitch. I mean, jeez, so what if I can’t eat a bunch of food that is probably bad for me anyway. Right? I know that there are people out here with Cancer and AIDS or a slew of other medical conditions that are far worse than Crohns disease will ever be. Who am I to grumble about stomachaches?

I could bring up all of the embarrassing moments this illness causes me on a daily basis, and wonder why “Pocket Fabreeze For Crohns Disease” hasn’t been invented yet.

I could inform my readers (and anyone else out here that is ever in dire need of a rest room facility) That HESS gas stations deserve the highest compliment on the immaculate conditions they maintain for public use. On the other hand I don’t know who this Joyce Kilmer person is, or why there are so many streets and rest stops named after her/him, but that bitch needs to clean up the NJTPK location at exit 8A and right quick.

I could post funny pictures of what it is like when I do work from home during an attack. Because “Ya’ll Will Never Know How Much Time I Spend In The Bathroom”, But I already did that.

So, I will post the back story that prompted the two titles and unpublished posts that are now sitting in my word documents:

Last week, I didn’t even know how much all these issues: Being Totally Self-Conscious, Self Absorbed, Completely Insecure, Which Makes Me Look Like I am Really Superficial, Plus Being Over Worked, Under Paid, Painfully Single, Stressed, Sick And Tired, Is NEVER Super Awesome. Oh, And That Annoying Medical Condition, were bothering me until after I posted this. I was simply making light of the fact I have a medical condition that makes me feel extra icky at times. Making jokes about my health is the way I deal with this particular subject.

After reading my post, Dawn over on Twisted Sister wrote this.

I saw some of it, but after only reading the part about me, I went off half cocked and published my ‘feel sorry for myself’ comment. I immediately wanted to delete it. The Totally Self-Conscious, Self Absorbed, Completely Insecure, Which Makes Me Look Like I am Really Superficial, Painfully Single Meleah came out in full force. I had typed and published my comment without thinking about anything or anyone else at that moment. I didn’t even recognize how beautiful Dawn’s post was about her niece Tanya. I didn’t even realize she was making the point that there are men in this world that will truly love a woman no matter what the circumstances surrounding the woman may be. That post (after reading its entirety) should have lifted my spirits, or given hope to the “Painfully Single” that I too may someday find that guy my own personal ‘Chad’ while on my quest to re-enter the ever-so dreaded dating land. But instead of being inspired, I fell into some funky downward spiral that moved with a speed I didn’t know how to stop.

I did learn a valuable lesson.

[Note to self, don’t leave comments on other people’s blogs: A) when you have PMS. B) when you have baggage that you don’t even know about.]

But instead of writing about all of that, I will leave you with a VIDEO. However MY Gastrointestinal doctors office is not quite like this.

Posted in Family, Other Bloggers, Strong Medicine | 32 Comments

Kiss My Narcissistic Ass

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Thanks to KellyPea @ Kellementology for writing:

Shamless Swaggering And Narcissistic Swashbuckling…arg.

The DEFINITIVE post on blogging and all of the various blogs and blogging communities as a whole. Simply Brilliant.

Posted in Humor, Links, Other Bloggers | 3 Comments

Why Wednesday Sucked

It’s like Deja Vu.

On my way to work yesterday,

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What The FUCK?

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Is there an accident?

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C’mon…. MOVE….. Pleeeeeeeeease?

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F*CKING MOVE! NOW!

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Okay, Okay….ALMOST

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[45 minuets just from exit 9 to exit 10]

(total travel time 90 minuets)

Finally the OFF ramp

Best TOLL guy EVER (I see him everyday)

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Whew! I am finally off that damned highway!

Just a few more minuets until I get to the office.

Wait?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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*Yep. Great Fucking Start.

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…and when I finally GET to work…

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RIGHT.

I can’t wait to do that drive AGAIN, on the way HOME.

I think I will be spending some time over HERE.


Posted in Drama Drama, Life, Work | 20 Comments