Jackson Cooper

THIS is the CUTEST video of the cutest boy….ever.

Posted in Family, Humor, Life, Links | 4 Comments

Another Most Excellent Weekend

Friday night, I went with my girlfriend Patty to her friends ‘Annual Prostate Cancer Fund Raising Benefit’. Well, that sounds a little more formal then the event actually was. But nonetheless, it was money being raised to donate for Prostate Cancer Research in the name of the host’s father.

For Patty, it would be the second time wherein she would be in the same room with so many people from her not-so-pretty past. She was beyond nervous with the looming possibility of her former husband making an appearance. Thankfully? As expected, he did not show up. Whew.

For me, the evening was the opportunity to be there for such a good friend who has always been there for me. And I knew how much fun I would have after last year’s event. It’s always so nice to witness Patty, see herself, and just how far she has come over the last five years.

Once again, my Patty was the ‘Jackie O’ of the evening.

I could go into graphic detail, about The Game Patty and I like to play called: ‘Who Will Be The One To Make The Biggest Fool Of Themselves After Drinking And Pill Popping Too Much.’ But, out of respect for other people’s boundaries, I cannot disclose this year’s winner.

Instead I will direct your attention to (23) 41 out of the 400 photos taken that night.

Anyway, in the same fashion of last year’s fundraiser, I sidled right up to the professional photographer (Jeremy) of the party. Thus ensuring any of the photos taken of me will be flattering. I kid. I kid. He’s actually a very nice guy, who is smart, creative, and has free passes to the MOMA in NYC. And unlike last year, now that he is single, I just might have to take him up on that invitation?

Oh Yeah. Um…Apparently, there is a new ‘tradition’ in effect. (Which I inadvertently initiated last year.) What is this tradition I speak of? Oh just me, making an ass of myself while dancing with the host of the event, Eddie. But, when I say ‘dancing’, I really just mean WE act out the lyrics of the song ‘Paradise by the Dashboard Light’ by Meatloaf as if it were a high school play.

Patty was NOT in charge of videotaping that moment this year. Considering she has limited camera experience. So there is no video footage or evidence that occurred. YET. However the real ‘Fo-Tog’ (Jeremy) who I am still anxiously awaiting to hear from, was able to capture most of the dace/play scenes as still shots.

(Ya’ll will not be completely spared from seeing me make an ass out of myself. Just as soon as I get those photos I promise to add them to the existing set in Flickr.)

So yes. I had a wonderful time with Patty. As always.

Saturday? I went to the movies with ‘The Parents’ and my son. I found it quite comical that even after the theatre filled up, my father and my son, were two out of only nine men in the joint. My son kept asking me, “Um. Mom. Why am I the only boy in here? Is this going to be one of those chick-flicks?” To which, I had no reply. Also, during the trivia-session (pre-movie) segment of the evening, my father continued to joke rather convincingly that the theme song ‘All That Jazz’ really belongs to the movie ‘Raiders Of The Lost Ark’.

As Promised…

My through long ass movie review of Baby Mama can be found HERE.

Sunday? Sunday was the prefect day. I spent the cloudy, windy, overcast day in my favorite place in the world, with my favorite scented candles lit and worked on THE BOOK. My son delighted in joining his friends Dominick & Marco to Marco’s second soccer game, giving me the much needed alone time to write my book and that movie review.

Sunday evening ended on a high note. Since I have not been able to participate in my own ‘Wednesday Night Kids Eat Free At The Country Club’ weekly tradition with my girlfriend Tiffany (and her kids mentioned above) we made up for lost time.

Great Company. Lots Of Laughter. Good Times.

I have so say it was excellent to Do Things Again. After being so sick and bed ridden for weeks, I didn’t realize how depressed I had become by the total lack of interaction with tangible people.

That was refreshing.

Posted in Family, Friends, Humor, Life, MeleVision, TV and Movies, Writing | 30 Comments

Off The Cuff

This is an unedited-off-the-top-of-my-head posting because I can’t come up with anything to write about. However, I feel the urge to post something because I have been neglecting my blog and the Internet.

Since I went back to The Office, I really couldn’t do much of anything else. I went to work, ate dinner, and went straight to bed. I tried my best to get out onto the internet, but considering I couldn’t remember what I wanted to say in the comments, nor could I remember what I had just read, I decided it was best to sleep, rather than embarrass myself. (I do enough of that already.)

I don’t have anything exciting to write about. Or anything funny to write about. I haven’t had any grand epiphanies, and I am currently drama free. (That makes for very little blog material). I have also discovered ‘brain-deadness’ makes it rather difficult to think clearly, or to come up with anything witty.

But, rather than disappoint ya’ll, I have dug up a classic archived post. This is one of my favorite stories involving my father, a gas station, 75 cents, and how he sought revenge. Click Here. Its Pretty Damn Funny.

—– —– —– —– —– —– —– —–

Anyway. I am looking forward to a fun filled weekend.

Tonight, I will be accompanying my girlfriend Patty to a cancer fund raising benefit. I had so much fun with her last year; I can only imagine what’s in store for us tonight.

Saturday, The Parents and I will be going to see THIS MOVIE. Wheeeeeee! Now that is going to be hysterical.

Sunday, I plan on sleeping in and reading the book ‘Oh The Glory Of It All’ (The book was written by a fellow ‘Cascadian’ although its not a book about Cascade.)

Hopefully, over the course of this weekend, my head will clear and I will be able to resume writing ‘Things That Make Sense’.

In the meantime, I hope ya’ll have a wonderful weekend.

Posted in Uncategorized | 30 Comments

Brain Dead

It’s perfectly normal to forget what you are saying mid-sentence.

Right?

I really hope so. Because that’s what keeps happening to me for the last few days.

It’s also perfectly normal to forget where you are going while you are driving.

Right?

Because I drove right past where I was supposed to turn, not once, not twice, but 5 times this week.

And it’s only Wednesday?

I may have grossly underestimated how difficult it would be to make the transition from working at home to working back in the office again.

I am in for one hell of a long week.

On a lighter note…

I received this fabulous Award from The World’s First And Most Original Traveling Garment:

And THIS is why she gave it to me.

THANK YOU DAAAALING.

xxoo xxoo

Posted in Friends, Life, Other Bloggers, Work | 37 Comments

American Idol – Season Seven – Top Six

Feel like some ‘Idol Chatter’? Please join me over HERE

Posted in MeleVision, TV and Movies | 4 Comments

Just Another Manic Monday

I was awoken on Monday morning by the most obnoxious racket On The Planet. The dreaded ringing of my alarm clock. That is a sound I have not heard in four weeks.

And to just for the record, ‘F*ck That Noise’.

I bumped into my father mid-hallway on the way to grab some much needed coffee. Jokingly, he said, “Hey! Morning Mel!” (All sorts of chipper like.) “Going back to work today? Do you remember how to get there?” (With a plastered grin on his face.)

“Yes.” I said. (With a permanent scowl on my face.) “I most certainly remember how to get there.”

While I was sulking in the shower I remember just how much I hated that drive. I remembered just how much I hated my desk, the emails, the phone calls, the PC computer, the fax machine, the bad lighting and even the scanner. I remembered the incessant requests and unbelievable demands. By the time I got out of the shower I had worked myself up into such a state that it took three whole cigarettes to calm me down.

Alas, I forged ahead and faced The Return To The Office.

Fortunately, my first drive back on the NJTPK wasn’t that bad.

(Miracle?)

When I arrived in the office (experiencing culture shock) I was greeted with kind words, “Welcome Backs” and “How Are You Feeling” from everyone around me. The only answer I could muster up was, “I am starving, angry and tired, but thank you for asking”.

The day moved pretty quickly. It was almost nice. Until I hit that brick wall of exhaustion at 2pm. I went from productive working individual to a glazed-eyed semi-catatonic state. And I was completely useless by 3pm.

I just kept making mistake after mistake after mistake. I am going to make a handy suggestion here. I propose that for the duration of the week, when I begin to hit the crash stage, I probably shouldn’t rate any more accounts since half of the information was input incorrectly. (The ‘hot mess’ I made yesterday, should be a ‘real treat’ to try and fix today.)

Even though my doctor suggested that I only work three days this week, I feel that it is more important to get my body back on a regular schedule and routine. (Not to worry people. I wont push things too hard.) Therefore, I have derived a solution. I would prefer to work all 5 days this week, and leave early at 3pm each day. This way I can get used to functioning at full capacity. I will reassess how I am feeling One Day At A Time. I know my body pretty well. If I feel like I am getting my ass kicked too much I will slow things down and stay home.

Anyway, for the most part, my first day ‘Back To Work’ was semi-decent. Even the ride home from the office was (dare I say) pleasant. There are No People on the NJTPK at 3pm compared to the masses at rush hour.

But, I literally collapsed the minuet I walked through the door of my house. I felt as if I had been run over by a Mac Dump Truck. Every fiber of my being was screaming to get back into bed. And that’s just what I did.

I may be light on posting and commenting this week. Depending on how I feel. Right now, I need to get re-acclimated simply to working and commuting again, which may leave me with little to no energy leftover to construct a sentence, or hold a thought in my head. We’ll see.

Posted in Life, Strong Medicine, Work | 22 Comments

Question Meme Fives

Because I have nothing else to write about today without sounding all crabby about having to go ‘back to work’ as in go to ‘The Office’ for eight hours today, I am bringing you a meme that I hijacked from Hammer, who hijacked it from this blogger.

Question Meme (FIVES)

Five things you were doing 10 years ago?
Tending Bar & Swinging On Poles
Drinking Heavily & Abusing Drugs
Abandoning All Of My Personal Morals
Getting Sucked In And Sucked Under The Fantasy
Drowning In The Abyss

Five things on my to-do list today?

Re-Entering Society As A Full Fledged Member
Check Emails
Rating Insurance Accounts
Posting This Blog
Going To Bed Early

Five Places I have traveled?
California
North Carolina
Iowa
Aruba
Bahamas

Five snacks or treats I enjoy?
Rice Crackers
Cheese (mainly white cheddar from VT)
Coffee Ice Cream
(and that’s about it…I don’t have too many snack ‘options’)

Five things I would do if I were a billionaire?
Secure My Son’s Future
Quit My Job & Write All Day
Buy My Home
Pay Off All Of My Parents Debt So They Can Retire And Live Stress Free & Comfortably Forever
Buy A Decent Car – And Maybe Even A Fun Weekend Car

Five of my bad habits?
Talking Too Loud & Putting My Foot In My Mouth
Being Lazy
Obsessive Hair Twirling
Obsessively Watching TV
Obsessively Blogging & Commenting

Five places I have lived?
New Jersey
California
North Carolina
Iowa
Florida

Five jobs I’ve had?
Mc Donald’s
Bartender
Stripper
Macy’s Domestic Department
Bath & Body Works

Okay people.

So?

“What’s in Your FIVE???”

Tell me in the comments!!

Posted in Links, Memes, Other Bloggers, Work | 32 Comments

Passover 2008

The Complete Photo Gallery Is Located ** HERE **

*Revised Post To Include: Some ‘Quick Highlights’ Of The Day*

Highlight Number One

and

Highlight Number Two

Man I Love My Family.

Posted in Family, Holidays, Links, TV and Movies | 18 Comments

Happy Passover

* Thanks To David Letterman *

Jewish people are celebrating Passover this weekend. For those of you who do not know a lot about the holiday, here is some valuable information….

During the seven-day holiday known as Passover, Jews refrain from eating bread to commemorate Moses triumphantly losing 19 pounds on a low-carb diet.

This concludes our ‘Let’s Learn About Passover’ segment.

Posted in Holidays, Humor | 25 Comments

Who Am I?

Lately, I have been asking myself that infinite question.

“Who Am I?”

Maybe its because I am getting older?

Or…

Maybe it is because I think? I may have figured it out. (At least a little bit.)

I have spent the last 30 years of my life discovering who I am NOT.

And since we live in society where so much of what we do defines who we are…I am going to start with a small piece of my employment history and some of my personal background. I have learned that I am not simply an incest survivor. I have learned that I am not a crack head, or a drunk. (Yes, that was a full time job in my past.) I have learned that I am not stripper or a bartender. I have learned that I was not built for the world of retail, or sales. I am definitely not cut out for the confines of an office. Nor am I willing to blend into the landscape of corporate America, filled with monotonous boredom. To me, that is exactly like being trapped inside of a cage. The only way I can manage to perpetuate that lifestyle is by ingesting large quantities of pharmaceutical drugs, all of which have been manufactured for the sole purpose to keep “us” producing.

And I am done with it.

All Of It.

The one constant in my life (since I was 9 years old) has been writing.

I write because I want to write. And I write because I have to write.

I have written some pretty damn good things (pats self on back) along with writing mountains of crap. I guess I am still finding my voice as a writer and as a blogger. I have never really tried to tap so deeply into this part of my being until recently. I mean, yes, I have always always always written…but, I have never written for an ‘audience’. This blog has been more of a learning experience in that department than I can ever begin to express.

I have learned that I may never be a true story-teller like her (Selma) or a genuine poet like her (paisley) and her (Jodi). I may never be able to maintain the perfect balance of wit and humor like her (KellyPea) or him (Michael C). And I will certainly never reach the level of snarkiness as her (Bossy) or her (Momo Fali’s) or her (Jillian). I know I will never be able to write as professionally as her (Leslie). I will never be able to dominate the world like this guy (Greg). And I really MISS the hell out of reading brilliant posts one after the other and sharing the gift for writing from this vanished blogger (Claire). Just To Name A Few.

I may not have an extensive vocabulary, and I may not have the slightest clue when it comes to the ever-so-changing rules grammar. I will also admit to being the world’s worst speller that ever walked the face of the planet.

But, since we live in society where so much of what we do defines who we are.

I know who I am today. Because that is what I do.

I am a writer.

I write because I want to write. And I write because I have to write.

Since I was Nine Years Old.

But in order for me to become the writer I want/long/need/have to be, I am boldly going to “Ask The Universe” (something I have never done before) to present me with a series of miracles and to please open up some huge bay sized windows of opportunities.

I want/need/long to have the chance and the time and even the financial means required to develop my skills as a writer.

I want/need/long to have the chance and the time and even the financial means to gain a firmer grasp of English language.

I want/need/long to have the chance and the time and even the financial means to expand my command of the written word.

I am “Asking The Universe” for the remote possibility, the chance, the time and even the financial means to follow the path I know I belong to.

So Universe.

If you are listening?

I know who I am. I know what I want to be.

Any assistance would be greatly appreciated.

Posted in Friends, Life, Links, Other Bloggers, Work, Writing | 61 Comments