I talk about my father a lot, mostly because he is hilarious. Seriously? He is like the ‘Blog-Fodder-Gift’ that just keeps on giving. I am more than happy to share yet another story that involves My Daddy.
Before I go any further, you need to know the events in this story are 100% true and accurate. I did not fabricate one sentence. I didn’t have to. I just wish I had captured this experience on video.
Once upon a time, my parents, and my brother, Abercrombie, were getting ready for a big ski trip when they realized they needed some new luggage. And they needed something that would be large enough to pack all of the necessary supplies. So they decided to go shopping at our local Sears. Which will now also be known as the day my family almost got thrown out by Roebuck and Co.
As they were perusing the isles my brother and my father were typically acting like fools. They were trying on hats, and clothes, mainly from the women’s department, and carrying on. My mother, not wanting to subject herself to any further humiliation, decided it would be best just to walk away from the two of them.
And she was right.
Eventually, my father and my brother grew tired of playing ‘dress-up’ and they went over to the ‘Luggage Department’. And that’s when things got interesting. They looked at this bag, and they looked at that bag. They looked at blue bags, and they looked at green bags. Suddenly, they came across a piece of luggage that was seemingly big enough to hold a person.
To test their theory, my father took the suitcase off the shelf, placed it in the middle of the floor, unzipped it, and proceeded to tell my brother to climb inside. Sure enough, weighing in at 150 pounds and at 5‘ 8“ my brother fit, just perfectly.
My father, prankster that he is, thought it would be amusing if he closed and zipped the luggage shut, with my brother still inside of it. And, yes. That was funny. In fact, my father was laughing so hard he walked away to catch his breath – leaving my brother trapped.
After my father collected himself, he spotted a young couple headed towards the ‘Luggage Department’. But, instead of releasing my brother from the suitcase? My dad just stood there, hiding. He peered out from behind another isle and waited to see what would unfold.
Meanwhile, my poor brother, still locked inside, began sweating profusely. As he struggled to find a way out of the luggage he over heard voices. And those voices belonged to Other Shoppers. And those Other Shoppers were the very same unsuspecting young couple my father had already spotted.
As every muscle in my brother’s body tensed, he clearly heard the sound of the woman’s voice getting louder and louder as she walked closer and closer towards the luggage. After all, it was an enormous suitcase, laying smack in the middle of the floor, and it was pretty difficult to miss. Now almost panic-stricken, my brother temporarily froze. When he heard the woman ooh-ing and ahh-ing over the size of the luggage, he knew things were about to take a turn for the worst. She began unzipping side pockets and feeling-up the material. She called her partner over to take a closer look. And that’s precisely when all hell broke loose.
My brother heard them opening the last zipper. The very zipper, holding him hostage. What was he supposed to do?
Well….
He did the only thing he could do.
He sprung up at lightening speed, popped out with arms opened wide, and shouted, “HELLO!”
The young couple literally jumped out of their own skin, and ten feet backwards, while screaming bloody murder on the top of their lungs, and clutching their chests. To say they were terrified would be the understatement of the year. Seriously. They were scared to death having nearly been accosted by an apparent crazy-eyed-sweaty-blond-boy.
My father, having witnessed the whole scenario, went into such a hysterical fit of high-pitched-laughter he ended up belly-down on the floor of the store. And he couldn’t stop. As for my brother? He just stood there, like a perpetrator. Horrified.
Of course, my mother heard the racket, the screaming, and my father’s laugh – from all the way across Sears. She raced over to see what all the hoopla was about. But when she arrived, after assessing what could have been a potential ‘Crime Scene’ she quickly changed her mind. She didn’t want to know, for fear of being charged as an accomplice to my fathers’ shenanigans.
Yep.
That’s my daddy.
