First FULL day back to work, in the OFFICE, in two weeks.
I wrote too much insurance to write a post today.
But it felt good to work hard again.
815-515pm without even taking a lunch.
Whew! Wipe sweat off brow. Pat self on back.
Now to my sofa, and being FLAT
Ya’ll remember The FLAT tire? The one that was FLAT Three Times?
Ya’ll remember The Donut? The one I had to drive with for over a week, after the THIRD Flat Tire.
* SURPRISE *
Yes, I had another FLAT TIRE.
Fouth Time.
Same Tire.
The TIRE itself is fine. But, from having so many flats, so many times, and driving on the STEEL RIM, while there is no rubber in-between the rim and the pavement = dented rim = constant flat tires.
I do not have enough time for my morning or evening commute to stop every single day to fill the tire with air. Why cant we just FIX THE RIM? So I will stop having FLAT TIRES.
Because apparently in New Jersey it is half past near impossible to get a STEEL RIM. The rims that are available are Aluminum. You can’t get a 2002 Hyundai Elantra steel rim, unless you go to the Hyundai Dealership.
(Which we did not learn, until today.)
My 86 year old grandfather POPPA SYE who we all love, who is always wanting / needing to help everyone (even if its disruptive, annoying, gets in everyone’s way, and ends up making matters worse) took on the monumental task of being the guy – in – charge of finding us the RIM we needed. He found a junkyard that had the rim we needed for $50.00.
Great!
9am this morning, the buzzer to my door blaring loud enough to wake me up, sprung me from my sofa. It was good-old daddy. Here to take me to fix the damn car today! YEAY!
I threw on sweats, tied my hair up in a baseball hat and put on my Manga’s mink fur coat, slid into my sneakers and flew down four flights of stairs to meet daddy.
First decision to make was, should we put the donut on? Or should we take our chances and drive to get air into the tire? It didn’t really matter anymore if we were going to be further denting and destroying the steel rim, because we were getting a NEW rim today.
Rather than go through the nightmare of using a wrench, a car jack, opening the trunk, digging out what we needed, taking off the tire, putting that in the trunk, putting on the donut, and Fuck! It’s Cold! Why stand outside like that for so long either?
Screw it, let’s just drive to the gas station closest to my house to put air in the tire. Then we would go to the junkyard to pick up the rim, then go to a garage and have them replace everything.
At least that WAS the plan.
The day started off BADLY when we arrived at our “favorite” gas station:
Wouldn’t you know it! The fucking air pump was broken, AGAIN. The same attendants that were there the last time this happened too.
All I can say, is Thank GOD! It was MY 75 cents! that went into the machine this time.
Because not only did the machine not work, that meant now, my daddy would have to go through the nightmare of using a wrench, a car jack, opening the trunk, digging out what we needed, taking off the tire, putting that in the trunk, putting on the donut, and Fuck! It’s Cold!
But wait…all the tools to put the donut on my car, were back at my fathers house. Nothing we needed to put the donut on was in the trunk of my car.
“God damn it!…Motherfucker!” said my father as he got back in my car.
“What do you want me to do daddy? Drive back home? What?” I said nervously giggling in-between questions because now he had the jaw clenching action happening.
“Well, there is another gas station at the next light where we’d need to go to make a U-TURN anyway, so…let’s see if they have an air pump…preferably one that works.” He said
“M-kay.” I said.
On the drive to the next light, my father said, “Why?do bad things always have to happen in threes? First I lost that insurance account, then, I lost at cards…I had a full house!! But the other guy had all four sevens!! And now this…I’m telling you right now Mel, you are so lucky that was your 75 cents.” (veins in my fathers neck about to explode)
“Don’t I know it!” I said (inner laughing to myself that occasionally leaked out)
As I drove on the shoulder of the highway and looked over at father, all I could do was laugh. Hard.
We both knew at that moment, had it been HIS 75 cents, I’m sure this post would have included pictures of my father being arrested by the police for destruction of property and/or murder.
Yes! What is that! An air pump? One that works? Get outta here! And, its only 50 cents! Oh hell yes, things are looking up.
Now that things were going in the right direction, my father was in a slightly better mood. At least a good enough mood to go get us some coffee. On his way back to my car, he even stopped to help some lost people by giving them directions (after all he is RON-QUEST)
* notice our coffee on the roof of a strangers vehicle in the pic below *
Back in my car, we were going off to the junkyard that Poppa Sye found, for the $50.00 rim. Thankfully, my father was wise to call ahead just to make sure the rim was there, ready for us to pick up.
“Hello, do you guys have a 2002 Hyundai Electra rim.”
“pssst…daddy, it’s an Elantra.”
“I’m sorry, do you guys have a 2002 Hyundai Electra, I mean ELANTRA Steel Rim? You don’t? What do you mean you don’t? My father-in-law called you guys, you guys said you do have that. You don’t care what my father-in-law told me? You haven’t had rims in 5 years? You only have tires? Oh, this is great, okay, fine, thanks… for nothing…bye.”
“Shit. Well, at least we didn’t drive all the way there, I would have been really pissed off.” My father turned and said to me after hanging up the phone.
“Oh, I know…so…where am I going now? What do we do now?” I asked.
“I guess, we have to go to Hyundai and see if they have the rim. I just know they aren’t going to have it. You know we are going to have to order it right? You know this is going to cost like $300.00 right?”
“Um hmm. I love you daddy.”
First thing my father does is find out IF they have what we need.
YES! They did.
Then my father needed to know, “How long is the wait going to be for the dealership to fix the tire?”
“An hour and a half.” Said totally innocent employee.
“No! No, that’s no good, I have things I have to do. I’ll just buy the rim and take it somewhere else.” Said my short tempered, at times, irrational, over-reactive, yet very lovable and quite entertaining daddy.
“Let me see what I can do.” Said totally innocent employee. Five minutes later, “It should only take a half hour sir. Can you wait that long?”
“Okay,” begrudgingly father.
While in the waiting area of the service department, watching the food network and reading skiing magazines, my father and I had a nice laugh at the strange couple that was next to us, who decided to sing along, out loud, out of key, to the bad 80’s songs in the commercials on TV.
45 minutes passed when my father noticed my car was still, just sitting there. In the parking lot. NOT being worked on. Not being worked on at all.
My father paced the waiting area once, and took off. I stayed in the waiting area. I knew what was about to go down.
INSERT DRAMATIC HORROR MOVIE MUSIC HERE!
(I do wish I had followed him and taken pictures of him freaking out on the dealership people, but I didn’t want my camera to get destroyed or be the recipient of one of my fathers’ tyrannical rages and/or speeches)
Damn an angry Ron picture would look soo good [here]
All I heard, 10 minutes later, from outside the window, “C’mon Mel, lets go!”
I ran out the door to meet my dad outside, when I noticed he had a box under his arms. It was the steel rim we needed.
I didn’t say anything, I just got into the passenger seat.
“They wasted 45 minutes of my time! What the fuck is with these people, oh, sure, they were going to start to work on it now! NOW?…Now! After 45 minutes already passed, I’d be sitting here for the hour and a half I didn’t agree to. These fucking bullshitters. Fuck them. I don’t even want them to fix it. No, we are going somewhere else now! ! !”
“Okay…daddy. Sure whatever you want. What did the rim cost anyway?”
“$190.00”
Then, in the heated state he was in, he decided that traffic laws don’t apply to him.
Maybe he thought he had to somehow get back the 45 minutes of his life that were wasted, he could just ignore all signs, or rules, and make illegal turns to get to a new place, a better place to fix the tire faster. Maybe he was in such a hurry to stick it to Hyundai by getting the tire fixed as fast as he could by another place even if it meant breaking laws. Maybe he really did have other shit to do? Like hanging curtains for my mom. You know how urgent that is to get to. Right?
Next place we went to:
We flew into and out of that parking lot. Three seconds.
“This place is packed. I will be stuck here for an hour and a half. No!”
“Okay daddy. I love you daddy…”
We flew down Route 9, with the fucked up tire, still! on! the! car! mind you.
Turning down side streets and whipping through Freehold, we ended up on MECHANIC STREET. That’s right…Mechanic Street. (we were driving too fast for me to get a picture of that)
Low, and behold… what is on Mechanic Street? A Michelin garage!
WITH NO PEOPLE…and with no WAITING TIME.
My father walked right in, right up to the front desk and explained the tragedy of his day. How terrible Hyundai is, how they are a bunch of liars and scumbags. How he had so much to do, and it had been three hours since we started out this morning. He couldn’t take it anymore, help him now? Or he will come back on Monday.
Luckily, happily, the people were more than willing to solve the life-death-severity of urgent rim-changing-ness. And they would do it, for $20.00.
THIS IS A PIX OF THE BOX WITH THE NEW STEEL RIM INSIDE (FROM HYUNDAI)
THIS IS THE PIX OF MY “SERVICE CALL NUMBER” THE SIGN FROM HYUNDAI, BECAUSE WE LEFT IN SUCH A HURRY, (ITS STILL ON MY CAR)
While we waited all of 9 minutes for the tire/rim to be fixed, my father sat back, to read this magazine:
My dad considered, just for a second, it might not be a bad idea for him to change his whole life? Maybe? even become a member of the Jihadists movement? Then, he could be wielding a machine gun. Much like the child on the cover of the magazine. And NONE of this would have ever been so hard today, had he been equipped with ammunition.
After it was all said and done and paid for, on the way home, after turning down a side street, filled with mothers and tribes of children and strollers, my father looked at me and said
“GREAT! Now we are stuck in a PARADE!”
We both laughed so hard, I cried. We were so hysterical. It was the best laugh my father laughed all day!
I’m home, I have a new rim, I have a fine working vehicle, and it didn’t cost $300.00.
It cost $200.00.
My only REGRET of the day is not asking the Michelin people to please give me the old bent/dented/damaged rim. I would like to have saved that. And post a picture of it right here.
Feeling better (*yeay*) I ventured out into the world yesterday, for the first time in a week.
It was refreshing to breathe the cold New Jersey outside air into my lungs. Well it is amazing to breathe any air into my lungs with the now thankfully fading pneumonia.
(yes… even while being sick, I have smoked a few cigarettes, but I believe we have discussed this? I smoke. The end. Ringing any bells? Breathing New Jersey air is like smoking anyway.)
Man, am I glad! I decided to go shopping YESTERDAY!
Fuck! It’s cold!
This is the first time since ‘winter’ (and I use that term loosely) that it has been in the teen-degree range. And the first time I have turned on my heat. Because I am poor, I would not turn on my heat without the imminent threat of frostbite.
Being that I knew it was supposed go be this cold, I wanted to secure my fridge with all the wholesome goodness of organic yogurt, hummus, and fresh cut fruit (the Crohn’s approved foods) so I can spend the rest of the weekend indoors, under blankets, watching sappy movies, reading a book, writing this post, and relaxing, before going back to work Monday.
Of course, I didn’t drive, to the store myself because yeah, um, THAT TIRE, THIS TIRE, this damn TIRE is FLAT! YUP! FLAT! Oh yeah…AGAIN. But I’ll get back to that later. (See the ABOVE POST)
Now, here’s yet another lovely bonus to having Crohn’s, (aside from the gas, the pain, the diarrhea, the hospital, many invasive tests, not being able to absorb a single vitamin or mineral from food, the weight loss, the hundreds of embarrassing moments, and a zillion other disturbing factors.) oh and (I really really really miss burgers and a perfect porter-house steak.) …..On top of all of that! Inconvenience! in your life, you HAVE TO / are FORCED TO shop in over priced grocery stores. $ $ $ $
You can no longer just run to Shoprite, use wonderful coupons and pick up any ol’ thing you feel like eating, that is, if you plan on keeping at least some of it inside of you long enough to digest.
Only Wegmans and Wholefoods (a.k.a wholepaycheck) shelve the kind of gluten-free, organic, hippy-dippy food I used to “poo-poo†(NO PUN- I swear.) How? is someone like me on such a tight budget supposed to SHOP at Wegmans? Or Wholefoods?
Especially when they have a POWER OUTAGE while you are shopping?
Let me tell you how unpleasant it is to be inside a supermarket being led by employees with flashlights to finish filling your cart with things you cant afford.
Instead of spending 87 cents on a box of angel hair pasta, now I have to spend $65,000.00 on the same angel hair pasta that is Gluten, Wheat, Flour free. IN THE DARK
I have no idea what to do with fruit? How do you cut it? How do you know if it’s ripe? Good? Dry? Mealy? … I remember a Seinfeld episode when Jerry states, “I am not returning this cantaloupe. Fruit is a gamble. I know that going in.â€
I don’t even know what? I am gambling with. Even if the lights were working I would not have any idea how to buy fruit. So choosing it in the DARK, was a bonus. I can blame any bad fruit choices on he fact that I purchased these items IN THE DARK.
Here’s to learning how to eat healthy. And paying way too much money in order to do so!
I will say this, had it been a Shoprite, when all the lights went out, I would have walked out of the building, leaving everything in the cart, or, on the conveyer belt of the check-out. But, because it was WEGMANS, I stayed, I shopped, I over paid and came home.
Now…. For the god damned tire
(supposed to be fixed TODAY?…we will see…we will see… THIS TIRE was supposed to be “fixed†four-other-times…so I have heard, yeah, it’s “fixed†too many times to believe that statement to ever be true again…*sigh*)
Welcome to the first day of feeling LIKE ! MYSELF! again.
My house is CLEAN!
I AM CLEAN!
My sheets are laundered!
My legs, are smooooooooth!
I feel like I have been living in a foggy dream the last two weeks.
I am here to announce the fog has lifted. I’m back to the bitter, hostile, abrasive, attitude wielding, smug bee-atch we all know and love, or hate!
Man, it feels good to be ME again!
Word to the unwise, it’s not a good idea to shave your legs, after an excessive amount of time has past, with a $1.99 razor. Do yourself a favor and spend the $8.00 on a Mach Three. Otherwise you may find yourself doing a horrible Cher impersonation after each stroke…
If I could turn back, Ta-ooooooooo-uuum, if I bought a better razor.
“Ow-oooooooo-uuuuum, Ow-oooooooo-uuuuum, Ow-oooooooo-uuuuumâ€
Yeah, I made that noise in my shower.
Also, do not apply scented lotion to $1.99 freshly shaved legs unless you are a sadomasochist and enjoy sending a dazzling spray of pain through out your body.
I need the geek squad. (and because I have to write about something with a point. and try my hand at something with mild humor again?)
I want the geek squad. (and because I can’t operate, nor should I, all the wires and connections underneath my desk)
I must have the geek squad. Now!! (as long as they know what they are doing?)
HONESTLY… because I have NO! FUCKING! CLUE!
To save money, visit this site: http://frugaldad.com/newegg-coupons/
(Leslie a.k.a my personal wizard of OZ! don’t freak out. I got YOUR message and I will FOLLOW YOUR directions because I am NOT ALLOWED to make computer decisions or choices or changes without your direction and approval. lesson learned)
I am willing to admit, I know SHIT about SHIT when it comes to computers; THIS IS ME:
I don’t know what configure means, I couldn’t tell the difference between an Ethernet and USB port (one is square? and one is flat?) You can? You cannot? Run both? Ethernet / USB from the same modem? Router? What? Huh? I don’t know what my IP address is. I don’t know shit about shit when it comes to computers. Not. Even. A. Little.
All I do know is, I want my shit to work, I want my shit to work right, and I want my shit to work all the time.
Is that too much to ask? (Okay…maybe all the time is too much to ask?)
Okay, once again, I am here to complain. (you lucky readers) As usual, shit just isn’t going my way.
and really I have to stop saying “SHIT” now.
Lets say THIS instead!
M’kay, here’s my latest nightmare. One that DOES NOT INCLUDE BEING SICK, FEELING SICK, OR EVEN LOOKING SICK! (Now you really ARE lucky readers)
I had a Dell PC computer (Hardwired desktop) my life was regular.
I got a MAC (Wireless laptop) and my life changed. (In oh-so-many-wonderful ways)
My PC was going to be for “work-related†things and for my son JCH to use for homework.
The MAC, well that’s just for me: (I don’t like to share, I am selfish.) MY MAC is for ME: for fun, for play, for writing, for making movies, blogging, my jillion photos, all my personal websites and emails.
At first, both computers worked.
At the same time.
AT THE SAME TIME.
Then for some reason, something happened along the way. Was it a power outage? Something… but, after whatever that “incident†was, (which for the life of me I cannot recall) But I could NOT have both the PC and the MAC working at the same time. And I couldn’t figure out how to reset or reconfigure anything.
No ‘tech person’ from either DELL, or APPLE, or CABLEVISION could help me, because I don’t know what they are saying when they give me directions.
There are alot of things THAT I am; yeah, I’ll say it, I am an attention whore, in constant need of validation. But, computer savvy, Oh hell- NO I AM NOT.
One place would tell me to call the other, or I would be directed to “Call my ISP.†HUH?
My “ISP†(after asking someone else, and it had to be explained to me that an ISP is an Internet Service Provider – I told you, I DONT KNOW SHIT ABOUT SHIT when it comes to computers. I just appear to know what I am doing)
So, I called them. As it turns out, my “ISP” people don’t know jack squat about APPLE/MAC computers. So, after running around in circles and waiting hours on hold I gave up.
In light of the fact that I have no patience (I WANT IT, and I WANT IT NOW…while your at it, perhaps a golden goose daddy! Yes I am Veruica.)
Nor do I have the time to try to learn the terminology to fix things; I played with some wires and settings, ON MY OWN, when I discovered I could have ONE computer hooked up at a time.
ONE AT A TIME.
Not both. AT THE SAME TIME, like the week before.
Nope!
ONLY ONE AT A TIME.
FINE.
I am so in love with my MAC, I really only CARED about that working. I didn’t really care if the PC was shut down.
That was until, my son JCH, needed to use a computer for homework assignments, while I was busy on my MAC. Or, if I needed to use the PC myself, for “work-realted†things.
(nothing for “work†is loaded on the MAC, all my passwords and log-ins for work stuff are stored on the PC, and that’s how its staying. Work is not coming near the MAC.)
In order for me to use the PC, that meant, I had to shut down the MAC. (*tear*) Next, unplug all the wires, cables, modems, routers, airports, ect, ect, ect, that are underneath my desk. Then, be patient and wait 10 minutes (which is a VERY VERY VERY LONG TIME in my world) before I could re-plug the wires, cables, modems, routers, (no airport) and then hook up the PC.
(honestly, I don’t know if I have one, or the other, or both: a modem and/or router)
FINE.
When JCH was done with his homework, I would shut down the PC, unplug all the wires, cables, modems and routers, underneath my desk, wait another 10 minutes, re-plug everything back in, including the airport, WAIT that long ass TEN MINUTES and be able to hook up the MAC again.
FINE.
A pain in the ass, but fine.
Then, another added annoying feature entered my life.
Whenever my cordless phone rings, all the bars (the signal from the AIRPORT to the MAC) would start going down. Four full bars, down to three bars, down to two bars, down to no bars, down to kicked off the internet all together.
What? The? Fuck? Is? Happening? NOW?
As soon as my phone rings I have to hurry the fuck up and save whatever I am working on as fast as I can. Sometimes while I am using my computer, I pray the whole time, “NO ONE CALL ME, please phone DO NOT RING.â€
I can be in the middle of uploading some odd 1,0000 photos in flickr, when I get KICKED OFF the Internet, and LOOSE !! all the uploads !! and titles!! (sometimes I don’t even re-title my pics because I’m worried that I will loose all the crafty names again)
I’ll be in the middle of writing an email, ready to send it off, when the phone rings, kicking me off. Sometimes, it saves the email as a draft in my outbox, and when I hang up the phone, all four full bars come back, and I can proceed to send emails.
Sometimes NOT.
Sometimes, I get kicked off when the phone rings, and when I hang up the phone, I am NO LONGER CONNECTED TO THE SERVER.
Where is my server? What is a server?
I DON’T KNOW SHIT ABOUT SHIT when it comes to computers!
When I am not connected to the server any longer… I have to SHUTDOWN my whole computer. AND UNPLUG all the wires, cables, power strips, airport, ect, ect ect ect ect ect… wait TEN MINUTES…Then, re-plug in all the wires, cables, power strips, airport, ect, ect ect ect ect ect… When I turn the MAC back ON, I have to perform a “Network Diagnostic” for my computer to recognize MY OWN WIRELESS NETWORK, IN MY OWN HOUSE, ON MY OWN COMPUTER(s)
I cannot deal with it anymore.
There are so very many things I cannot deal with anymore.
I just I want my shit to work, I want my shit to work right, and I want my shit to work all the time.
I want…no, I neeeeeeed…. a crew of people to come here, wire everything, for me, hook everything up, for me, MOVE furniture if they have to, I don’t care what HAS to happen for MY SHIT TO WORK!
I need to have BOTH the MAC & the PC working AT THE SAME TIME without having to switch wires, or shut down.
AT THE SAME TIME.
PLUS… I need a way, the capability, to TALK ON THE PHONE and USE MY MAC at the same time. How is it? That I can talk on the phone while I am on my PC, but I can NOT talk on the phone, OR even let the fucker RING when I am using my MAC?
It’s not like its 1992, and I have DAIL UP!! Dood, I am not going back in time, back in the day when you COULDN’T talk on the phone and use a computer.
Its 2007, I have “high speed CABLE internet†and I have a MAC, ya’d think shit would come correct… right?
I’m sure I need a different cordless phone with different mega/gigga whatever hertz or something, and I am even MORE sure it’s ALL. REALLY. VERY. SIMPLE. to fix the “not being able to have both computers working in my houseâ€â€¦â€¦ when the rest of the world can.
I just don’t know how to do it myself; I cannot follow directions I don’t understand!
Dood. I need the geek squad.
Or a LIVE person with mad crazy skillz, that can / will come here, look at the tangled wreckage, make sense of it all. Having good working KNOWLEDGE about BOTH MACS and PCS….. and FIX everything!! Oh, and be on call 24/7 to come back and fix things, when and if SHIT GETS FUCKED UP AGAIN.
Because it’s not like I need MORE STUFF TO DO. Or worry about. Or handle. FUCK!
Okay, offical complaint, whine, bitch and moan session OVER…
At least anyone crack a smile? Or am I sill too sick to be FUNNY? AT? ALL?
DONT WORRY… I DONT UNDERSTAND!
I haven’t written a single funny word, I haven’t spoken a funny word and I haven’t even had a funny, witty, snarky thought in my head for weeks. (most likely due to illness)
I almost deleted my entire blog because the last few entries have been so…. blah, dull, boring and down right depressing. (and, since I am almost always sick, who the f*ck wants to hear this depressing sh*t?)
Being a “perfectionist†with my job, my house, motherhood, and even with my writing, when I am not “hitting my mark,†I get all down on myself.
For me, parting of feeling good is doing a great job.
I have always measured “HOW WELL I AM DOINGâ€
By
1. HOW WELL I DO MY JOB
2. HOW WELL I AM RAISING MY SON
3. HOW WELL A POST IS WRITTEN ON MY BLOG
4. HOW WELL I FINISH A CHAPTER IN MY BOOK
5. AND BY HOW CLEAN I KEEP MY HOUSE
When all FIVE are running well (at least three out of five) I feel great, I look great. I am happy, content and pleasant. I sleep well. I eat well. I even believe all the money stress will work itself out, because hey, good things are coming, I am doing a good job, I deserve it.
When I can’t do a good job at work, home, or with my son, or when I can’t even post a decent sentence, and I have been STUCK on chapter 10 since October (NO MATTER WHAT THE REASON) I feel like a failure. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I feel like shit. I write like shit.
When I don’t do a good job, at anything, I don’t feel good about anything.
I feel undeserving. I start to worry. I act like a bitch taking my stress and fear out on the people closest to me. I even start to think that even more bad things are on their way, because I am doing a bad job, so, bad things will happen.
Then, I get upset. That leads to paranoia and low self worth. The desire to give up completely creeps in and the “I don’t care, I can’t do this anymore†tapes play in my head.
Since, being SICK AGAIN, I haven’t been ABLE to work, let alone DO A GOOD JOB, add in the house being a mess, sucking at a writing a decent post, and lacking in anything with humor, has left this blog, and my life slightly askew.
Not happy + being sick + all the parts in my life that give my life a sense of accomplishment and purpose = are missing = bad employee, bad mother, and very bad blogger.
It’s NOT self pity…it’s part of being a perfectionist.
Yes, I did force myself to go back to work, when clearly, I was not ready.
Yes, I tried to take on too much too fast.
I tried to acclimate myself to all these new diseases / problems that came out from left field all at once and I never saw coming. I have no clear way, or direction on how to handle half of these issues.
My tiny 30 year old body has been hijacked by an 80 year old man’s body.
Not cool.
HOWEVER.
I did sleep for another 19 hours IN. A. ROW.
I was able to WORK (from home- thank you: office manager and the best boss ever) for a SOLID 5 hours. IN. A. ROW. (and clear headed) !!
I ate chicken and mashed potatoes and! didn’t! get sick! to my stomach!
This post doesn’t suck so bad
I was able to pay attention to what my son had to say about his day in school.
I feel almost OKAY.
The key is, sleep for 19 hours, be awake for 6. Sleep for 19 hours, be awake for 6.
I was forcing my body to do things it wasn’t ready to do. I can’t fight my body anymore.
I am not 19.
I need to accept I have these new shortcomings and learn how to deal with them.
The only way I can stay healthy is to find a way to change some things in my life.
I have to cut down on the things that cause the stress, that lead to a crohns attack, that lowers my immune system, that leads to in bed for 10 days.
Maybe? This working from home can become a more permanent thing? Two days out of the week? So I can get enough rest. So I can take care of myself. So I can stay healthy. So I can deal with these new diseases. So I can make and keep all my necessary doctor appointments, including finding and seeing a nutritionist.
Yeah…right?
I can’t believe how much I was able to accomplish today without all the distractions in the office.
I could really focus on the task at hand. When I needed to, I rested, and guess what? As a result, I was able to be productive; I was able to do a GOOD JOB and now I FEEL GOOD about doing a good job.
I am working from home again tomorrow. As I have just learned; just because I feel better for two seconds, does not!! mean I can throw myself back into the grind full time.
Done with work today. Off to bed again. Another 19 hours of sleep ahead of me.
Looking forward to feeling even better – SOON !!!
Went to work
(school bus was 90 minutes delayed, therefore I was f*ckin’ LATE)
Went thru 400+ emails
Handed out old files
Took some new files
Called back 25 voice mails
Fell asleep ON MY DESK for lunch
I was asked to leave “go home, until you get better, you need to take care of yourself, or, your never going to get well, you will stay sick all the time, or wind up in the hospital again†said the office manager due to my obvious sick condition…
Wanted to! Really, wanted to! But, I couldn’t!! because I was held hostage by my father who drove me to and from the office.
Left at 3pm
Came home
Going to bed NOW
Oh…and THIS TIRE , THE SAME TIRE AS THIS ONE is flat AGAIN. Not.even.kidding. HOW? IS THAT SAME TIRE? FLAT? AGAIN? I HAVENT EVEN DRIVEN IN DAYS??
Going to be a “fun start†to my day tomorrow… what the fuck?
I feel a “Daddy, can you pleaseâ€â€¦phone call already in the making.
Worst heartburn EVER.
I think I will work from HOME tomorrow.
Leaving my house has become way too difficult
OH, before I forget another PROMISE: This is FOR MICHAEL… CONSIDERING THE UPGRADE ON BLOGGER Then, read THIS… IT WASN’T AS PAINFUL BECAUSE I HAVE A REAL LIVE WIZARD OF OZ FOR EMERGENCY HELP
and
Ps… Did anyone watch the Apprentice? Who was fired? Shoot me an email…I fell asleep, right after Huge Laurie WON a must deserved -best male actor- at the SAG awards.
UM … okay, I went to bed last night at 930pm. I slept until 4pm today. That’s 19 hours of sleep in one clip. (and I am still tired.) I’ve slept like that all week. 19 hours, 12 hours, 17 hours. (in.a.row.) I’m just so weak, sick and tired.
I’M SO! SICK!! OF BEING SO!! SICK!!!
Since today is my last day of rest (before I go back to the office and try working again) I will not clean, I will not do laundry, I will not feel bad for accomplishing NOT.A.SINGLE.FUCKING.THING. in 10 days.
(yeah right! I am currently plauged with guilt, for being incapable of doing anything, and pissed off for feeling like I have “wasted time” in bed. because g-d forbid, I lay still and get well. I am fucked up like that.)
I will drink tea, I will stay in bed and I will watch the SAG awards until I go back to sleep tonight (hopefully by 9-10pm).
How am I ever going to go back to the office? Handle the amount of work that awaits me? Although I am looking forward to showering, and dressing like a REAL human again. ( I am nervous that I won’t be able to do a GOOD JOB…when I return, because I still cant manage to be awake longer than two-three hours without needing a 17 hour “nap”.) I HAVE OVER 700 EMAILS TO ANSWER, and at least 7 accounts to bind. DON’T I NEED ONE FULL 24 HOUR SPAN (in.a.row) OF FEEILING HEALTHY BEFORE GOING BACK TO WORK AGAIN?
Nah. I’ll just rest tonight. Maybe going back into the office will make me feel better? At least I wont be depressed anymore, because I will be forced to be a productive person again.
By some miracle / or the grace of g-d, I have to feel better by 6am tomorrow morning.
REVISED:
(8pm) I thought I was feeling better, UNTIL I GOT OUT OF MY BED.
I didn’t write anything other than this (before getting out of bed and trying to be productive.) I didn’t work beacuse I COULDN’T WORK. It hurt my body to be sitting upright at a desk. My shoulders, my back, my neck, my head, my chest all still hurt. (that kind of full body ache and every single muscle is on fire with soreness after an intense hardcore workout, not that I have done that in over a year either) And after Leslie suggested waxing while sick may not be a “good idea” I didn’t do that either. I’d probaly end up in some emergency room with third degree burns, or something stuck where it shouldn’t have been. Thought it best to wait until my equalibrium is at an even keel again.
I guess my mom is right yet again. (damn it, that woman is always right.) I have no idea how sick I really am.
It’s just incredibly close to impossible to just SIT HERE. LAYING HERE in my bed. Without the need / urge to DO SOMETHING. When I am healthy, I am constantly working, cleaning, on the move, shopping, buzzing around. But, now, and for the last week, as soon as I try to do ANYTHING I am exhausted- weak- faint and I have to stop. I made one phone call to have food delivered so my son could eat and I watched a movie on the sofa with him. and I am DONE! I’m now BACK IN BED.
*Starting to get depressed* I keep TRYING to do things, and when I can’t do them, I start to get upset.
I haven’t ben able to spend time or play with my son. My house is a mess and I can’t clean it up. My work is in stacks behind me, taunting me. I can’t imagine being redy to go back to work on Monday if I can’t even do a simple thing in my house in my pajamas.
How long is this going to last? I had hope this afternoon when I woke up having some energy, for all of 45 minutes, that I was getting better. This sucks!
——-
It’s Saturday 2pm. I just woke up….and I feel sort-of better having slept for the past two days. My sleep patterns are all screwed up having been sick. There is something in that cough syrup that messed me up. It would either knock me out, or, cause excitability at times.
For some reason (I think it was that cough syrup) I did manage to wake up Thursday night / Friday morning at 4am and worked on a few accounts until 8am. But that was about all I could accomplish because I climbed right back into bed Friday morning at 8am.
Going from my bed to my sofa was a chore unto itself. So I haven’t written or done much of anything other than be flat.
Thank you for all your emails of concern. Yes, I am alive, yes I am on the road to feeling better.
Today I will write, (new post to be up later, or by tomorrow) wax, (don’t ask) and get to work on a few more accounts for the office.
Tomorrow I will clean my house and do laundry.
Monday back to work.
Or at least that’s what I am PLANNING on doing.
PS… NO ONE HAS REALLY COMMENTED ON THE “JCH PRODUCTIONS” MOVIE BELOW….IS IT TERRIBLE? and no one has the heart to tell me?
