Okay… Its a new day… Let’s try this again.

Posted on March 20, 2007 by Meleah

Please disregard the previous post.  I, for some odd reason, can’t delete my own words, but you should just ignore that pitiful display.

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Funky-co-ma-de-pressed

Posted on March 19, 2007 by meleah rebeccah

I am so funky. Depressed funky. I don’t even know WHY?

Is it the constantly changing weather?

Maybe? I am funky because I am still worried about what is going on with my son. (There is a really long depressing story and the back story of the JCH situation in the comments of this post Although, suddenly, there seems to be a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel on that issue)

Maybe? I am so blah because I am sick and tired of feeling sick and being sick.

Maybe? it is because Michael said I AM THE WORST PERSON EVER! (See yesterdays comment. Yes, I know you were kidding? At least I hope so?)

Maybe? it is just the lingering side effects from the 85 pills a day.

Maybe? it is simply because I am beaten down all together.

BUT I AM FUNKY. OR AM I DEPRESSED? I AM MOST CERTAINLY LAZY.

By the by, this post is all over the place. I do not stay on one topic; it spins out of control, much like my head right now. I barley make sense, and it’s LONG AS HELL.

There, you have been warned! If you have ADD this will be an easy read. If you have linear thoughts may g-d be with you through this babbling drivel.

This past weekend, I informed ya’ll that I didn’t even want to get out of bed. So, I didn’t get out of bed. I didn’t set up my “store” for the EV and MELZ merchandise. I didn’t write, or read, or draw. I didn’t read the articles I have been so graciously given by my Cascadian sister as to how to achieve the sought after bedioun life style. I didn’t even clean, or food shop. I didn’t go out on the date I had planned for Saturday night with a total cutie I met through work. (Sorry Jamie)

I didn’t do anything, other than publicly humiliate myself at a WAWA on Sunday morning, which was only because I was out of cigarettes. (note to self, look into the home delivery of smokes)

I didn’t get out of bed all weekend and I damn sure didn’t want to get out of bed today. If I didn’t have a job to go to I would have stayed in bed all day today. I have so much to do and I do not want to do any of it. I don’t want to do anything. This morning, I didn’t even make my bed. Me, with an unmade bed and unfolded laundry to boot. I know if I just got my ass in gear, I probably would feel better. I know if I forced myself to silkwood scrubbed my house, fold perfect creases in my clothes, unload the dishwasher, fill my refrigerator with food, finish all my chores, maybe? I would feel better.

But I don’t want to do Jack Schitt.

I just want to be flat. Revel in my great malaise.

I think I am officially burned out.

I’m feeling the typical misery that comes with having a job that is unrewarding; with a paycheck that is a joke. And NO! I am not looking for another job. (do not leave me any comments about looking for another job, I will delete and ban you forever. I am working with Leslie on other ideas for me.) I will never understand why my boss just won’t pay me what I am worth. But that is yet another long co-dependant nightmare, which I will spare you from, here and now.

My financial situation, like many of you, is so delicate, that just one small thing upsets the entire structure. Which brings me to this asshat. Someone quit his job again and hasn’t paid child support again in over 10 weeks. (surprise surprise, now I have to play the role of bitch and file another court enforcement hearing again) I’m so tired of living like this. Every day, the struggle, the battle, the constant worry…Mommy and Daddy help me again….blah! It is so unnecessary. If asshat paid his child support, and if I made my bonus every month, (two things I cannot count on) I would be fine. PERFECTLY FINE. I would be happy at work, I would be at ease with the never ending stack of bills, I wouldn’t have to run to mom and dad anymore. Which makes me feel guilty, which makes me feel like shit, which makes me depressed. Round and round we go.

On a completely UN-related topic, not that any of the topics above were ever linked together, I don’t know if any of you noticed, other than my sister-in-law MAYA, but I have taken down the DATING BLOG. (Don’t worry Leslie, I saved the template.) I took it down for a few reasons. Mostly, because I am not dating. I haven’t been on a date since….hmmm…..JULY 2006. How many entries can you write that say, “still not dating….just wait longer…” I kept the blog up, in case I ever decided to date again. However, after what my girlfriend Patty just went through, it only confirms my decision DO NOT GO BACK OUT THERE. It’s not my place to tell ya’ll her business, so I will just say that the “New Fantastic Man” turned out to be just another run of the mill scum bag. He will now and forever be known as LARRY the LYING SACK-O-SHIT. Any female that happens to be dating online, watch out for that shifty mother fucker!

I know exactly what she is going through. Only I did it at least 20 times. I have been through at least 20 really bad dating experiences. Compared to her one! Patty is already tapping out of the game. I can’t blame her. What she just went through reminds me WHY I am NOT out there.

So here I am, funky and alone and I don’t know what to do to make myself feel better.

Being at work was just another series of tedious battles. I was hoping that forcing myself to go to work would make me feel better. I was hoping the office would make me feel like a productive member of society again. But the never ending stacks of paperwork, for close to no pay what so ever, for accounts that I don’t give a shit about anymore, only made me feel more defeated.

I’m done with dating, I’m done with my job, I am done with working so hard and getting NO WHERE. I am just done.

Most people call this the blues. Simply having the blues. I’m sure that’s all these feelings of melancholy blah-ness really are. THE BLUES. Or, I am burnt the fuck out and I give up completely. I give up!

Maybe you, the internet, have some tricks or cures for the blues, the reds, the fuck-it-all syndrome? Anyone?

Alas, there is a bright side to this miserable blog today. JCH had the best day in school. The best day he has had all year! So good, that I received a phone call. Actually, I received two phone calls, one from the Vice principal, and one from his teacher, praising my son’s behavior! YIPEEE!

The simplicity of the statement “Don’t be a DICK!” which I have been drilling into his skull daily, has managed to sink in!

Justin was in another conflict with the same child he has been having issues with all year. Today, Justin was 100% in the right. He had every opportunity to do the wrong thing at every turn, but, instead, he did the RIGHT thing at every turn.

Justin did not react to the little prick that kept pushing into him. Justin didn’t push the kid back. Instead, he asked the other child politely, “Excuse me, can you please stop pushing me.” The other punk ass with no manners said, “No, you retard.” Justin didn’t even call the other kid sideways names in return. Oh no! Justin executed all his anger management skillz. He walked away. He went up to his teacher and asked permission to go see Mrs. O. (the Vice Principal, whom has extended her self to the fullest to my son) When his teacher wasn’t sure if JCH would be able to see Mrs. O. at that exact moment, Justin LISTENED to his teacher! (shock heard round the world) JCH waited until he could see Mrs. O. to get his anger off of his chest. Rather than acting it out, he talked it out. He and came out acting, looking and feeling like a super-star.

Feeling so good about himself, being so proud of his accomplishment, must have given him the much needed ever-so lacking self confidence to socialize after school. Rather than staying locked indoors in his own imaginary world, protected and alone, he ventured out into the neighborhood, he met a new kid, built a snow fort, and even got his phone number!

I AM SO PROUD OF HIM. I wish I could throw him a ticker-tape parade!

There is hope that my son wont grow up to be a serial killer after all.

Then, after that uplifting news, I received this unexpected note, which managed to put me in a good mood:

The picture I drew for my Cascadian baby sister SARAH was received by her. She sent this NOTE to me:

Dear Melz: “OMG! I absolutely LOVE my drawing!! It’s ALMOST inspired me to get my 8th tattoo at the bottom of my back since it kind of matches my wings! Anyway- it WILL be on my body cause it means so much to me and it will be hung and framed in my house. I love you so much!”

Dear Sara: Hey! baby! Aww! I love you too! I am so happy you love it. I told you the internet pictures did NO justice to the colors / detail!




A picture! A picture that I drew! will be on someone’s walls, and someone’s BODY! Okay so, THAT rocks!

Now, I will force myself to unload the dishwasher, take out the trash, do a surface clean, and fold the laundry.

Maybe? I will feel better tomorrow.

Posted in Family, Life | 10 Comments

I didn’t absolutely NOTHING this weekend.

Posted on March 18, 2007 by meleah rebeccah

I didn’t absolutely NOTHING this weekend. I have absolutely NOTHING to write about. Other than the fact that I always feel guilty when I have an unproductive weekend.

My son went to his fathers. I was free to do any and everything I wanted to do. There were so many things I was going to do. I had a whole list (in my head) as to what I was going to accomplish this weekend. And I didn’t do a SINGLE THING.

Instead, I went to Jen’s house Friday night for an all girls night in. Her boyfriend was away for the weekend, leaving us to run the huge house to ourselves. I did not MOVE, shower, clean, cook, email, answer my cell phone, return calls, write, blog, or anything else for two days.

I can tell you that watching too much of the E! channel will rot your brain.

How come I always feel bad, when I do nothing? Why am I not allowed to SIT and BE? Why am I beating myself up for relaxing? Oh that’s right, because I have all these dreams and aspirations that ARE NOT going to happen unless I work for them.

Posted in Friends, Life | 10 Comments

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Posted on March 16, 2007 by meleah rebeccah

To my Cascadian Sister! LESLIE!

a.k.a: My personal Wizard of OZ!

I love you more than words will ever express. (I know you are going to puke at my post you non-mushy, non-girly woman that you are… but, here it is anyway)

We have known each other for 20 years, through all that time you have always given me just what I need. (Guidance, support, direction, a smack in the face.) You have been looking out for me since I was 13 years old. More so, even today. You have opened my eyes to so many new things. My life is better because you are in it. I wouldn’t even have this blog!, I wouldn’t even have A blog, if it wasn’t for YOU. You have given so much to me, for so long. I don’t know if I will ever be able to THANK YOU enough.

I want to tell you how much I look up to you. I have such admiration and respect for who you are and who you have become. I am amazed by your brilliance. I am in love with your talents. I am forever wondering how you do it all. You are one of the strongest women alive.

I am lucky to have you BACK in my life. May we never part ways, again.

I love you.

I miss you.

I hope you have the best day EVER… fuck that,

I HOPE YOU HAVE THE BEST WEEKEND … EVER (you deserve it)

xoxoxoxo
MELZ

Posted in Friends | 2 Comments

40 Things You Would Love To Say

Posted on March 15, 2007 by Meleah

Because I am writing other things, yet I have this sick complusion to post every single day, This list (not written by me, but nonetheless EXCELLENT) best describes my thoughts every day at work:

1. I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of shit.

2. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.

*3. How about never? Is never good for you?*

4. I see you’ve set aside this special time to publicly humiliate yourself.

*5. I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.*

6. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

7. I’m out of my mind at the moment, but feel free to leave a message.

8. I don’t work here – I’m a consultant.

*9. It sounds like English, but, I don’t understand a damn word you’re saying.*

10. Ahhh. I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.

11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

*12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.*

13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don’t give a damn.

*14. I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.*

15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

16. Thank you! We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

17. The fact that no one understands you does not mean you’re an artist.

18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?

*20. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.*

21. It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of karma to burn off.

22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

23. And your cry-baby whiny-ass opinion would be?

*24. Do I look like a people person to you?*

25. This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.

26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.

27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

*28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?*

29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

*31. Oh, I get it. Like humor – Only different.*

32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without the door.

33. Can I trade this job for what’s behind door number 1?

34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

35. Nice perfume, but must you marinate in it?

36. Chaos, panic and disorder – my work here is finally done.

37. How do I set a laser printer to STUN?

38. I thought I wanted a career! It turns out, I just wanted a salary.

*39. I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter.*

40. Wait a minute! I’m just trying to imagine you with a personality.

Posted in Humor | Leave a comment

Curtain Rods

Posted on March 15, 2007 by Meleah

THE MYSTERY OF THE CURTAIN RODS

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.

Then slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything, cleaning, mopping, and airing the place out.

Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere.

Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.

Nothing worked.

People stopped coming over to visit.

Repairmen refused to work in the house.

The maid quit.

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.

Word got out, and eventually, even the local Realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man, and asked how things were going.

He told her the saga of the rotting house.

She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on price that was about 1/10 of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.

She agreed, and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home, including the curtain rods.

I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON’T YOU

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OH! That’s right I have a son!

Posted on March 14, 2007 by meleah rebeccah

OH! That’s right I have a son! Thanks for asking Olly!

Well, let’s start on a high note.

At the end of a conversation yesterday, my son JCH said, “And by the way Mom, Poppa Sye’s car is covered in bird shit galore” (that sentence will forever make me laugh.)

Yesterday was the big parent/teacher conference. Yesterday was also the day JCH was picked up from DETENTION.

Detention?

Detention!

Not lunch detention or in-school detention either. After-School Detention! (But I will get back to that later)

I don’t care how great your kid is, parent/teacher conferences are stressful like a mother-fucker. Especially right after a detention incident. When ever I attend one, I change from a semi articulate person into a st-st-st-u-u-u-u-u-ttering buffoon.

When I arrived at the school for the parent/teacher conference, stressed and nervous as to what the outcome of these meetings were going to be, due to the lack of parking spaces, I ended up in a corner of cars with no exit. I was trapped much like Mike Myers in Austin Powers when he couldn’t turn his way out of the corner with the steamroller.

15 minuets of maneuvering, embarrassment, an abnormal amount of sweating, I managed to pull of the worlds greatest attempts in miniature K turns, finagled my way out of the boxed-in-car-trap and wiggled into an unidentified parking space outside of any painted lines. Running late (Fuck you NJTPK) I said “Oh! Well!”  left my car, and headed into the school.

Thankfully, the meeting went well.

JCH is insanely smart. Too smart. Scary smart. (her words…not mine) He has a great sense of humor that only the adults get. He has good grades, but they could be better, for how smart he is. He has a good attendance record and basically he is a good kid, but…with a BAD attitude. The TUDE! The TUDE! The TUDE! The Tude, is getting him in trouble. It’s giving him a bad reputation. He is isolating himself from the other kids when he talks above them with his snarky comments and sarcastic delivery. (where? ever? Did he get that?)

He is a 10 year old BOY, NOT INTO SPORTS WHAT-SO-EVER. He watches Curb Your Enthusiasm and The Colbert Report while listening to the Beatles. He’s a 40 year old man, in a 10 year old body. Therefore JCH finds it difficult to connect with the other kids at times. Which has us all a little concerned.

In short, and believe you me there are 15 longer, miserable drafts of this post, JCH has a few things he needs to work on.

Number one: Give his teacher a BREAK already. Stop being a DICK.

Number two: Let down his wall. No one is going to fuck him over.

Number three: If he makes Honor Roll (and every time he makes Honor Roll) there is an insane reward. Now, I am not a big “you must make honor roll” kind parent. Oh no. I know there are kids, like myself, that could bust our asses studying for hours and hours to get no where. While there are other kids, like my son, that don’t even have to TRY to do well, and get A’s. He is one of the lucky ones. Coupled with his wit and brains, he is more than capable of straight A’s. Except that Justin, is like his father. JCH is laaaaaaazy. If he applied himself, instead of rushing, if he re-checked his work, instead of hurrying up to be done, then bored, then disruptive, he wouldn’t be in trouble half the time.

Number Four: JCH will go to “stress less group” to learn how to NOT BE A DICK.

Number Five: JCH will go to friendship club to help assist connecting with kids his own age. Or at least find something in common with someone his own age. (who else has a 10 year old that watches The Colbert report? Or Mind of Mencia? And get the jokes. Anyone? I need a play date for my kid!)

Having goals and rewards works well for JCH. So fine.

But so help me g-d…. if he gives lip to his teacher one more time, I will bitch slap the knee caps off of him.

Speaking of bitch slapping, JCH was arm wrestling with another kid. The other kid lost, was hurt, and told on JCH for pushing back the other kids fingers = DETENTION. (not as exciting as you thought it would be huh?)

Boys. I thought they were supposed to be easier?

Posted in Family, JCH quotes, Life | 8 Comments

LOOK WHAT I GOT!

Posted on March 13, 2007 by meleah rebeccah

I didn’t know whether or not to jump for joy, or weep from gratitude, so for the last 20 minutes I have been pacing around my house in circles trying to contain myself. Oh! My! God!

LOOK WHAT I GOT!

(in case you cant read the best note ever… “dear meleah, this is our old one so you may need an upgrade but until those paypal funds come in maybe you can use it”)

I am flipping out! FLIPPING OUT!

I love me some new electrical equipment!

here is a preview of what I look like for the next six months in any and all photos:

THANK YOU Thank You THANK YOU Thank You THANK YOU Thank You THANK YOU Thank You Thank You THANK YOU Thank You THANK YOU Thank YouThank You THANK YOU Thank You THANK YOU Thank YouThank You THANK YOU Thank You THANK YOU Thank YouThank You THANK YOU Thank You THANK YOU Thank You

I LOVE you guys! Lee, Maya and Jackson!

I have the best family. Ever.

Now… How? do I work this thing!

Posted in Family, Technology | 8 Comments

MY BLOG

Posted on March 13, 2007 by meleah rebeccah

Ya’ll know how much I love me my blog. This is a perfect example WHY.

My mother is away this week in C.A. celebrating the life of her aunt, Helen Walter Gerson since her recent passing.

While my mother has been out there, she has been spending time with many of her fellow summer campers that also stayed at the The Calamigos Ranch.

In-between sobbing and mourning, my mother has been surrounded by many people who loved Helen (Mrs. G) which has provided my mother the much needed comfort. (need comfort? so does driving a convertible down the Pacific Coast Highway)

Some of the people she was closest to at The Calamigos Ranch have remained life long friends with my mother.

Some of these people even knew me and my brother Adam, when we were just babies. But, they haven’t seen either Adam, or myself in a good twenty some odd years…. UNTIL NOW… UNTIL MY BLOG! MOMMA MIA MEA CULPA!

I received a phone call last night, from an elated mommy. Her and her girlfriends were in a cabin on the ranch, on my website! They were spending time on MOMMA MIA! They were looking though all the pictures and watching all the movies

It was the best way for my mother to share with them, exactly what her mother-in-law acts like … for real! What her husband looks like hanging a chandelier And how her son, Adam, turned 30 She showed them the JCH productions and her “hippy grandson” video She was able to share home movies (that aren’t BORING) blogged stories about her husband, 75cents and tires, the new baby announcements, pictures of all her kids, grand-kids and a big part of her life (the people in it) because of this blog!

I am so happy that MY PICTURES and MY VIDEOS that I harass my family into, have done, just what I set out for them to do.

Once again, I love my blog! I love that I have made it possible… MAC HAS MADE IT POSSIBLE… for my family to share every important moment that happens. (yeah that’s right, hanging a chandelier is important!)

OH…and! One more thing! I received THIS comment yesterday regarding Helen Walter Gerson and The Calamigos Ranch:

sue (weinsoff) hendricks said…
I went to (and later worked at) Calamigos from 1968-1982. Mrs G (Helen) was quite a trip. A delightful breath of art and humanity in a cowboy environment. Much love and good wishes to Glen, Garner, Garrett, Grant and the entire family. Sue…

Thank you for the kind words Sue! My mother (PAM WALTER) will be happy to hear that!

Dooooooods… I love this blog

Posted in Family | 5 Comments

I’ve been really busy, WRITING.

Posted on March 12, 2007 by meleah rebeccah

But, Thanks? To Jack! Here is an article that MEN have been waiting for: Click HERE to read

Posted in Humor | 4 Comments