Well, people. I’ve been extremely busy writing my novel. And therefore, I’m running short on time and blog material. However, I do have two ‘Facebook Status Updates’ I’d like to share with y’all – just in case you missed them.
1. On ‘Coffee’ and ‘Cleaning Ladies’.
2. MY BOX IS BROKEN!
So tell me boys and girls…
1. Can you talk to anyone before you’ve had your coffee?
2. Anyone else Sneeze & Pee, or, Laugh & Fart at the same time?
Discuss!
I can’t handle those “hit the ground running” people.
I need time to wake up. And have coffee.
I’m glad YOU are on MY team!
Does the diet soda have caffeine?
Answer to Q1 : Yes but its mostly grunting and growling
Answer to Q2 : According to the law aka George Carlin no one can sneeze and pee at the same time! Your brain won’t allow it because it knows that you could blow your asshole out!!!
As for grey pubes, no not yet but I have started greying at the sideburns. Sigh!
I’ve got grey sideburns & chin hair to match my pubes.
YAY.
And, I absolutely sneezed + peed + half my tampon slipped out.
ALL AT THE SAME TIME.
🙂
Glad my asshole didn’t fall off.
the ones for breakfast do
Okay. Then, that makes sense to me!
Dang Meleah, I have two words for you: Kegel Exercises!!!
I know. I know.
Actually, I am doing them right now.
I’m not even sure if I can handle talking to someone before my first cup of coffee because I am the early bird in this family. I’m usually up at least two and a half hours before everyone else and I’ll tell you what. Those 2.5 hours are G-O-N-E in the blink of an eye and a sip of the cup.
See!!
…
But can you imagine being assaulted with CONVERSATION and useless BANTER Hours BEFORE you’ve even gained consciousness?
Cuz, I was REALLY close to KILLING her.
on #2 there’s a dye for that. i’m reading the comments and you’re killing me. i’m just going to delete my comment because i can’t behave. have a nice day.
i love to clean and i would be the mad cleaning lady if someone spoke to ME.
them: hey can you dust over here?
me: i quit. nobody talks to me. period.
oh i’m not using any dye, what goes on down there, stays down there. it’s like vegas baby, without the lights, camera or the action. i guess.
i’m not quite sure why i left more comments. i think i left my pen around here somewhere. yeah that’s it. i’m leaving for real or until i come back to read the comments in a few hours.
Wait…
Val,
Who says you need to BEHAVE on my blog?
Cuz that’s NOT how we roll!
AHAHAHHAHAHAHah!
I love that.
I am no longer on Speaking Terms with my Bejingo.
COME BACK, VAL!!
xoxoxooxoxo
I’ve had three kids… sneeze and pee? Oh, I have better. Imagine the moment I realized I should wear a panty liner in the gym on a particularly difficult machine!
Oh hell yes, Katherine.
I fucking LOVE you for admitting that. ONLINE.
You. Rule.
I figure, if you can admit to a gray pub and to using a vapor tissue on your butt, this was the least I coud do! Lol!
Ahahahhahhaha!
Well, I love you, for not leaving me OUT HERE, all ALONE!
xoxoxoox
Oh, Mel. If you only knew.
1. Sorry, but I’m one of those “hit the ground running” a%%h*les you adore who always has a smile on their face in the morning but still need my morning fix of caffeine before I can become quasi social. Since I am usually the first one up, I will promise to fix a pot of java before engaging you in any meaningful conversation.
2. Ah, yes. It sucks with the body parts don’t age well. Remember, incontinence is not just a state of mind. Ever since my surgery 4 years back, I’ve been a wee bit more aware of liquid retention than I care to recall. I gotta admit, after surgery and a catheter, sometimes the plumbing ain’t quite as tight as it used to be, but, given the crap I’ve put up with, my level of GOS isn’t all that high anymore. The one funny/warped part of my catheter was when I had it in for a couple of weeks and I would sit there having a normal conversation with my wife and simply smile and say “I’m peeing now”. Not sure why she thinks I am one sick bastard. And, BTW, they do have kegel exercises for men…
Agg!
I still love you, even if you ARE one of those Morning People I’d like to stab!
And, thank you for joining me TMI style!
You’re awesome!
I feel your pain – getting older has some issues – but I wouldn’t want to be 20 again. My sister and I have to race for the bathroom if we have a big laugh fest – loser pees on the floor! As for coffee – I’m a complete addict.
I would NEVER want to BE 20 again, either.
But I wouldn’t mind LOOKING 20!
🙂
Hilarious. Without coffee in the morning I am like an extra from The Exorcist. It really is horrific. I also discovered a grey pube not long ago and let’s just say there’s been a lot of simultaneous laughing and farting since then. LOL.
SELMA!!!
I am so happy your FINALLY HOME and out of the hospital.
MAD LOVE to you, my friend!
xoxo
I wish I liked coffee, it might make mornings easier.. and if I had/could afford a cleaning lady I’d be sooo happy, she could talk as much as she liked! I hate cleaning so much I’d be that grateful!
HA!!