I think I may have been a man in my former life because I truly loathe any kind of shopping. I just don’t seem to possess that gene other women I know have which makes them ‘ooh’ and ‘ahh’ over sales and shoes. And if I was a man in my former life, that also might also explain my ‘chin hair situation’. Thankfully, I’ve recently discovered my rear-view mirror has the best ‘lighting’ for plucking said chin hairs.
But I digress.
With respects to shopping, I simply cannot deal. I tend to feel overwhelmed and claustrophobic from the moment I set foot inside ‘The Mall’. Alas, Tis The Season. Therefore, I had no choice but to suck it up and go out shopping. Why do I hate Holiday Shopping? Gee, glad you asked.
First off, just looking for a place to park your car at the mall can be panic-attack-inducing. There are just too may people, and NEVER any spaces. I have been known to circle the lot for hours until I find a spot remotely close to the entrance. I am determined like that.
Secondly, when I finally do enter the building? Those annoying perfume sample people immediately assault me. I am blasted with clouds of musk rendering me temporarily incoherent. At that point, blinded and confused, I become a prime candidate for a pocket picking.
Lastly, I can’t handle standing in those never ending lines. It is nothing short of a nightmare. Aside from the fact that my legs go numb after an hour, there is the issue of ‘Good Hygiene’ especially the lack thereof.
I am not sure if I just have really bad luck, or if this has happened to anyone else. But, for some reason it seems as if no one wears deodorant this time of year. The last three times I’ve stood in line; I had to breathe into my own shirt just so I wouldn’t have to smell those around me. I have never been exposed to such horrible body odor. My gag reflexes kicked in when I was hit with the colossal stench coming from a man who literally wreaked of rotten eggs, rancid meat, and sour milk, combined.
Seriously. Where the heck are those perfume sample people when you NEED them or WANT them?
Jelous ?!
Me too !
This reminds me I still need to do my shopping, yikes! And I agree with you on the perfume people, really annoying!
Hey Bud, I wish I ran into more shoppers like YOU!
I have no idea what that means either.
But it was funny!
🙂
Get to it Marty! Ahahahaha
I’m having one of those days, I had to scroll down to see if I had commented on this story yet.
I still don’t know.
Our waiter at the Christmas party stank to high hell. But by the time all 800 people showed up, we stopped noticing.
800 people? Geez. That’s one hellova Christmas party!
yet another reason why we are destined to be together….
THis time of year, i will ONLY go to the mall about 30 minutes before closing, run in to get what i want, and run the hell out.
Ugh. I definitely can’t stand the thought of unwashed people trying on clothes that I might try on. Barf. But you are so right – the smells of overpowering perfume and body stench should not be the hallmarks of the season!!! LOL.
Good. Call.
Seriously!!!
No malls for me this year, closest experience (and fortunately BO free) was doing the “Broadway Walk” from the Columbus Circle to the Whitehall SI Ferry terminal in Manhattan last weekend, ‘window shopping’ for about 3 hours the worst was walking by some piles of NYC garbage – none of them, I’m afraid, not as rancid smelling like the one individual you experienced… eeek!
Hey Rog… WHERE IS YOUR BLOG?
How come I cant access it anymore?
anything that cost 500$ he will love, sleep with, give it a pet name and it will be his boo. hahhahaha
ps – adopt me.
Ahahahahahahaahhahahaah!!!
I love to shop. Shoes and shopping, my only girlie traits! I almost feel like I should apologize for that 🙂 Seriously though, love the crowds, the smelly people, the rude sales clerks, the line ups…ok, maybe not the smelly people! But the rest, not a problem. Maybe you should try smaller shops, rather than a large mall. Go with a friend, if possible, to help pass the time while waiting. And a couple of vodka cranberry drinks doesn’t hurt either! 🙂
Nicky!
Awww……You are so cute all girly like.
Next time I have to go shopping I am bringing a flask!
I HATE, ABHOR and LOATHE shopping. My B-day is on Christmas Eve and my mother wants me to go to the freaking mall with her to pick out my present. Not only does she want me to shop WHICH I HATE – If I wanted to wander around aimlessly looking at things I can’t afford I’d do it sitting on my ass in front of my best friend the computer. BUT – WAIT – this is not it – my mom doesn’t JUST want me to go to the mall to shop for a present she also wants me to go out to lunch (which though not completely evil, totally undermines my oatmeal mush diet). This WOMAN, who I thought I knew, wants me to go get a pedicure with her AT THE MALL. The woman has gone mad. I do all my shopping online. The only times I’ve been to the mall in the last 5 years is to go to the jewelers to get something fixed. I wonder if I can shop online with my mom? You know, a virtual shopping mall? HMMM.
I hear you. I hate shopping too. And I hate even more when men joke about how ‘you women love shopping’ and won’t believe me when I tell them I don’t.
For me, the perfume is worse than the BO, because those horribly heavy, musky ones make me cough till I wheeze. For an asthmatic they can be a public health hazard. Give me BO any day, unpleasant though it is.
Shelia,
My father’s birthday is on Christmas Eve too. Good thing HIS mother doesn’t
make HIM go to the mall, or get a pedicure that day! Although since most of
our family comes to our house that night – he is subject to a lot of
cooking.
I think you should definitely look into shopping online with your mother!
🙂
Jay:
Yeah, those perfume counters really are pretty brutal!
I think I like shopping. At least that’s what I always tell people, so I must like it, right? I mean, I’ve never really found it enjoyable, because I get too hot, or too cold, or too smelly, or too perfumed, or too broke. But in theory, I like the theoretical idea of shopping, as long as I don’t have to actually do it in real life.
Ziva!
Well, ‘Fake Shopping’ is so much better than ‘Real Shopping’.
🙂
You and I have this in common. Maybe we were dude friends in another life? I do not and have never liked shopping, going to malls, for the sake of shopping. While I haven’t noticed too many smelly people, I have the misfortune of encountering the self-centered ones who steal parking spaces I’ve patiently waited for, sprint ahead to make the line before me, and wait until the 500-item order is rung up before digging for the check book.
Oh, I think I might get into a full-blown-brawl if someone ever stole my
parking space! Honestly. I would lose my shit.
There is no way that you could have been a man in your former life….you are way too hot for that. I hate shopping for clothes myself – there are way too many people around and it’s always noisy in the shops that I go to. I can spend hours in a dvd/music store or a book shop/library but that’s about it.
Clothes shopping is by FAR the WORST kind of shopping!
You need to grab one of those perfume spraying maniacs and make them stand in line with you.
Good idea
Shopping in general? I hear you loud and clear.
But to include ‘buying shoes’ in the same post as general shopping and body odor???
*THOSE* are fightin’ words!!
~ImeldaZZ 🙂
I’m not a fan of shopping either. Not like regular women, anyway. I like to go when there aren’t a ton of people, but I don’t want to be the only one in the store either, because then the salespeople keep asking me questions. I normally don’t find stuff anyway. Every now and then I have a good shopping day and have to take advantage, otherwise it may be months before I find something!
Sorry. I hate ALL shopping!
Including shoe shopping.
I just loathe shopping in general! But especially now!
I was browsing the makeup counter recently and was horrified that the 2 pretty(ish) girls next to me STUNK BADLY! What’s the point of looking good if you stink. I was so tempted to point them to the soap and deodorant aisle!
I don’t understand that either!