Something awful happened the other day. And I’m not very proud of myself. I am hoping that confessing my terrible sins to you, my dear readers, will help to absolve me. And if that doesn’t work, I guess, I’m just going to have to download this particular application to my iPhone.
Do you know what drives me completely insane? Do you know what pushes every single one of my buttons – at the same time? Do you know what makes me so angry; I’m willing to set myself on fire, just to make it stop?
Unsolicited. Advice.
Delivered daily, by the truckload.
Before I go any further I need to preface this blog post.
Let me start by saying that I absolutely LOVE my grandfather, Poppa Sye. He is the sweetest, nicest, kindest man. He’s the first one to help a stranger in need. He is a true sport with a great sense of humor. He’s always willing to lend a helping hand. He is a gentleman in every essence of the word. And, he spends 99% of his day consumed with reading articles from outdated Medical Journals, in search of obscure cures, for various aliments.
That being said, some of you already know about my ‘Annoying Medical Conditions’. And not too long ago, my grandfather took it upon himself to: read, print, photocopy, and share every piece of information he’s ever discovered regarding my Annoying Medical Conditions.
And I used to think it was very sweet.
And, I used to find some of his methods of delivering such information very entertaining.
And it was.
Like for instance:
Once, he went to our local pharmacy and discovered a Benefits Program that helps people save money on prescriptions. However, that program is specifically designed for people over the age of 55. Nevertheless he proceeded to give me 15 different forms to fill out, because even though I’m clearly NOT eligible, I should try to apply anyway.
Another time he suggested I call the AARP 800 hotline, via the sticky note he left on my bedroom door. Yet another program, only eligible for people over the age of 60.
My loving grandfather also launches what I like to call ‘Blitz Attacks’. That’s where I’ll find a barrage of pamphlets, packets, magazines, photocopied paperwork, shoved underneath my bedroom door, or put on my dinner plate. He’s like a walking spammer, pumping out notices, and erroneous information.
Usually, I have to sneak those stacks of paper and thousands of sticky notes, outside of my house. I try to bring them to a safer location for disposal. Because, if I attempt to throw away this useless information – Poppa Sye inevitably finds it in the garbage, feels offended, hits me with the stink eye, and then he scowls at me for weeks.
Now, please don’t get me wrong. I know that my grandfather means well. I know that he’s only looking out for my best interests. And, I know that he’s just trying to help. I am positive with ever fiber of my soul that he is only trying to find ways to ‘Cure Me’ even when he suggests all things ‘Holistic’ and ‘Herbal’ – most of which I am highly allergic to.
I am well aware of the fact that I should just be grateful I even have a grandfather, let alone such a caring and concerned grandfather. I also know that he likes to feel important, and needed, or at best, useful – in some way shape or form.
Which is precisely WHY I feel like the biggest SHITHEAD, ungrateful, spoiled, little, bitch. EVER.
I was already at the end of my rope over here. Because, let’s face it. There’s only so much one person can do to placate another.
I’ve tried nodding my head complete with a fake smile simply to appease my grandfather.
I’ve tried telling him, “No, thank you”, in the politest ways possible.
And, I have graciously accepted a minimum of 16,978,532,569,787,413,356,498,752.9 articles, just last week.
I feel absolutely terrible for thinking (and feeling) that my grandfather’s steadfast efforts are nothing but a waste of my time. I feel even worse for being pissed off about the whole scenario. I feel incredibly guilty for being ‘mad at him’ when I know – I KNOW – he is only trying to look out for me.
But seriously people.
I couldn’t take it anymore.
So…..
I snapped.
I hauled off and I knocked him out!
KIDDING!
KIDDING!
I AM KIDDING PEOPLE!
Of course, I did NOT punch my grandfather in the face.
Unfortunately, he fell.
Again.
Luckily, it wasn’t as bad as this time.
But now, I get to be the one to find, photocopy, and deliver mountains of information on balance, slip and falls, and how to treat subsequent injuries.
And this is going to be fun!
* So tell me people. How do YOU handle receiving ‘Unsolicited Advice’? Because I am fresh out of ideas!
Normally mine are not done in person, but online. Where I can “virtually” smile, nod and never read any of it. In person, I’d be tempted to take the latest bundle and say, “Thank you, I appreciate you thinking of me…” And then take it and put in in the 500th librarian-organized catalogue file drawer.
I can so relate to this post and if someone has an idea of how to make it all stop I would love to hear it.
Back in the day I was this skinny mini, starving child who thought anorexia was cool and awesome and hey, it got no better than being a size 0! When I was finally snapped into reality I took the polar opposite approach and moved away from family and friends and gained 100 pounds in less than a year. Panic set in and I freaked out and stopped eating – again.
Fast forward a bazillion years and now I am fat and everyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy doctor, nutritionist, specialist, wannabeknowitall has told me that I have pretty much broken myself and the only way to lose the weight is to now EAT. I must, without a shadow of a doubt, spend my days eating. On a schedule. Minimum of 5-6 times a day. It sounds simple but, its not because as much as I like food, I dislike eating (I know I am crazy).
It seems though that all 4 trillion of my family members think I am fat because I sit around and eat stacks of pancakes and plates of bacon. They send me emails with recipes for low calorie meals, clippings in the mail about syrup diets, and cabbage diets, and cleansing diets and taco diets, and vinegar diets and meat only diets and so on and so on. If it isn’t info about dieting it’s something about supplements, and meals in can, and pills I can take to lose weight. And one genius close to me loves to send me articles on how to eat LESS! I attempt to explain to them all that the diet is not the problem, I actually need to INCREASE my food intake but they insist on still trying to show me how to lose weight – against the advice of every specialist I see. HOW DO I MAKE IT STOP?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Oh girl, I just wrote me a blog post right here in your comment section. rofl
Back on topic, your poor Papa Sye’s eye! It looks quite painful! I am a clumsy person (not by nature but by brain disorder) and I fall down a lot. I imagine having a black eye one day soon. O.o
OK I have rambled on enough, back to work I go!
HA! Yeah, it’s easy to delete & ignore online!
Not so easy, in real life!
Monique!
Thank goodness you left this comment.
I was worried people would get the wrong idea.
But you TOTALLY know EXACTLY what I am going through.
I know your frustration.
Why do people think THEY know BETTER than the PROFESSIONAL
doctors/specialists?
*baffling*
It wasn’t so bad before I lived here. It was much easier to dodge him.
But, since he LIVES ACROSS THE HALL FROM ME –
Sometimes I won’t come out of my room until I know the coast is clear.
And even then, he STILL finds ways to slip me paperwork.
I really HOPE someone out here can tell us HOW TO MAKE IT STOP
And without having to injure the other party!
I hope your grandfather feels better after that nasty spill. I feel guilty for laughing at the picture, but it was a good set up! your phrase “walking spammer” cracked me up!
I think it sounds like a great hobby for your grandfather. He obviously cares about you very much and shows it through a constant barrage of information. My mother-in-law is the same way. You can’t really stop it. Just smile gratefully and shove it into a garbage bag when no one is looking :).
Someone used to mail to me anonymous letters full of articles on how to lose weight. I’m pretty sure I know who it was but I just threw them away. I’ve started to get a bit belligerent about unsolicited advice. I need to find better ways of dealing with “well-meaning idiots”.
Marty,
Well he IS a walking spammer!
But thankfully, he’s already healing.
wow, it must drive you crazy what was in the other .1 of that last article that he didnt think was noteworthy enough to give to you!
I know he’s a love, but I’m sure he can also get on your last nerve. Smile, nod, and take his suggestions “under advisement”. That’s the best you can do, Sis!
Oh no!! Poor Poppa Sye! I hope he feels better soon!
I do know how you feel. I have multiple allergies too, and people are ALWAYS trying to get me to try this or that new ‘cure’ for fibromyalgia or pain relief or sleep or whatever. Most of them have ingredients that are either unknown (and therefore unsafe for me) or that I can’t take. They’ll suggest things I should or could do, most of which are not possible. They’ll suggest .. oh, you know the drill!
Irritating, isn’t it?
*Sigh*
And no, you’re not going to burn in hell. 😉
I don’t have any advice how to help you with your problem because you have already done everthing I would do. However the apps for 50+ sounds like something Henry would do, he’ll ask me if I know someone, probably in their 70’s when I say yes, he’ll say, oh well did you know them from school? Um, my parents weren’t even born when they were in school, how could I know them from school.
PS I’ve been getting AARP crap in the mail for about 15 years, I think they figure with a name like Madge I must be old.
Oh I was expecting that you’d punch him before I saw the picture ! And I was shocked when I scrolled to the picture …
… and then relieved to find that you actually didn’t sock him.
—
How do I handle unsolicited advice ? I have way too much patience to just ignore it. I have the ability to block certain sounds that are unsolicited advices.
I am also shameless … that I’ll make sure I’d throw unsolicited advices into the garbage while they are looking.
It hurts them… I know it does…
—
Good god, Mel! Family is the worst for giving unsolicited advice and the WORST for trying to kindly, gently, but firmly let them know, “shut the fuck up! if I want your stupid goddamn advice I will ask for it!” So we go on smiling and nodding…unless you’re me, then you just disappear for weeks at a time and don’t answer their calls. 😀
The latest? “Are you okay? Just takin’ off like that (meaning Key West on a whim)…you should really find something (meaning some stupid job they think I should be doing) here (meaning where ever they live) and focus on something (meaning some trivial, boring task) for your future.”
Really! Thanks, but I am happy with my new life, now shut the fuck up and leave me alone…(ending with not answering the phone again or cutting conversations short).
Seriously, I DO answer the phone calls, but I really don’t want to sometimes!
Good luck, keep smiling and nodding, and I am glad you didn’t have to resort to punching Poppa Sye…
Good god, Mel! Family is the worst for giving unsolicited advice and the WORST for trying to kindly, gently, but firmly let them know, “shut the fuck up! if I want your stupid goddamn advice I will ask for it!” So we go on smiling and nodding…unless you’re me, then you just disappear for weeks at a time and don’t answer their calls. 😀
The latest? “Are you okay? Just takin’ off like that (meaning Key West on a whim)…you should really find something (meaning some stupid job they think I should be doing) here (meaning where ever they live) and focus on something (meaning some trivial, boring task) for your future.”
Really! Thanks, but I am happy with my new life, now shut the fuck up and leave me alone…(ending with not answering the phone again or cutting conversations short).
Seriously, I DO answer the phone calls, but I really don’t want to sometimes!
Good luck, keep smiling and nodding, and I am glad you didn’t have to resort to punching Poppa Sye…
I know it’ll be little help to you, but I just nod and smile. If it’s someone I like, or tollerate, I’ll say “thanks”. Or, you can be like our kids, and get that glazed look in your eyes, and to that “far away” place…
About the only advice I can give is to just get a blank look on your face, smile, nod, and in your head scream “cancel, cancel” as loud as possible.
I don’t know which is worse, someone giving advice or someone finding solutions for their own ‘problems.’ (Thank goodness there was no interwebs when this took place. AND The Mother refuses to have a computer, so this should not be repeated any time soon.) Anyway, The Mother got an old, outdated medical book after an aunt passed on. When I say old, I mean old–the thing had to have been published AT LEAST 40 years earlier. So, we’re talking medical information from the 20s or 30s–real up to date stuff. The Mother decided to study this thing and found out she was about to die because of the symptoms she found in this book. (And she had some ridiculous disease like dengue fever or African sleeping sickness.) Of course, everyone else was about to die, too, as we all suffered from obscure symptoms. We put up with this for about a year and FINALLY decided she was doing so much harm to herself that we had to throw the book away. Honestly, the woman about worried herself to death–all over an outdated medical book. She didn’t take it all that well, but eventually got over it. Unfortunately Poppa Sye is much older and probably wouldn’t ‘get over it’ as quickly or as well if you got in his face about this.
Family members ARE the hardest to tell to back off and I don’t envy you trying to find a solution. Love you, sweetie! oxoxoxox
LMFAO wow, my goodness. Great post.
It’s hard to do this with family. Especially with grandparents. My grandma back home always asks my mom when she’s going back to stay for good. My mom has told her THOUSANDS of times she WON’T ever go back to stay. But she keeps asking, regardless. So i guess you just have to with the flow and nod. With your head only, not your fists.
For the rest of the people, including parents, i tell them. Knock it off please, and thank you. (You always should say please and thank you to your parents). If it ever sounds like i’m responding back to her in not so polite manner, I get a well deserved slap from her, but the chic just won’t listen. OK she does but she tries to convince me a second and tenth time. My dad? I simply say yes, thank you and walk out.
Pulling shit on grandparents, I feel they’d take my life on my sleep, so I stay put and listen. Then drive home and visit 3 months later.
Looks like your going to get your sweet revenge:)
Meleah, I thought you were 56 yrs old…. Anyway, tell him you’re waiting until you join AARP, …. then you’re gonna take full advantage of all these benefits. See ya later oldster… bdawg
I ignore those people, lol. My step mom is awful with giving advice about shit she knows nothing about. When it gets to be too much I don’t answer a couple calls and she backs off… until the next issue.
Most awesome line (aside from the one where you say that you punched the daylights out of him): “He’s like a walking spammer, pumping out notices, and erroneous information.”
Also? It’s a good thing you ASKED us what to do after complaining abou tyour grandfather because we would have told you anyway and then it would have been unsolicited and you would punched OUR lights out, but anyway…
How about this? Treat his advice as something completely different. Don’t think of it as advice and papers that he’s constantly barraging you with. Think of it as hugs and kisses. Or a cute little fluffy kitten. I mean, really change the physical perspective of this thing in your head. Think of it as him saying “I love you”. That way, you can smile and say thank you, because he’s giving you a soft fluffy little kitten. Awwwww, how cute is that?
Delusion is the answer to all happiness questions.
Also? Can I have the password to the post you linked to up there about your “Annoying medical conditions”? I didn’t even know you could password protect a post. Boy, you learn something new everyday.
I love this post, and you must have one incredible, loving family. It sounds like you all have lots of fun. I don’t have anyone giving me unsolicited advice, but sometimes people will analyze and try to fix something that’s bugging me, when all I want is to be heard. Sometimes we just need to vent, not have something solved for us. I felt your frustration, but at the same time, I’m really glad you didn’t sock your Grandfather. He looks like a real sweetie.
bwhahahhaha. a walking spammer. man you punched him good. awh, i hope he’s okay, well he is smiling in the photo.
Unsolicited advice is ever so freely bestowed upon us and sometimes which we so freely gave to others. Yet we do not realize ourselves how unwelcoming it could be. This is a pretty good reminder to ourselves to not over do it sometimes.
I’m trying my best to be understanding!
But, sometimes, it’s just REALLY annoying!
Yeah, I need some solid advice too.
I’m having a hard time faking my politeness these days!
Glad I’m not alone!
HA!
Thanks, Linda.
And just because it’s well-intentioned doesn’t make it less irritating!
SOFA KING, annoying, JAY!
Ahahahahhahaha. Gotta LOVE Henry & Poppa Sye!
I’m fresh OUT of patience.
And, I don’t have the heart to throw out his ppwk in front of him!
Any other ideas for me?
I need to learn how to say, “Shut the fuck up” – nicely!
Hmmm… I like the glazed over idea.
It’s almost like playing possum!
OMFG! That is EXACTLY what Poppa Sye gives me!
Stuff from Medical Journals from the 1920’s!!
I can’t stand it! I can’t stand it!
Hmm…. Maybe, I can steal his book and toss it too.
*begins plotting*
I love you too!
xoxoxo
I don’t have a problem telling my parents to back off!
I’m lucky in that respect.
But Poppa Sye is making me CRAZY!
And I live WITH him. Which makes it impossible!
PS: My mom called me HYSTERICAL laughing after she read this at work.
HELL YES.
I will be shoving endless papers under HIS door!
Ahahahahahahhahah.
OMG. I love you.
And miss you.
And hope to see you VERY soon!
xoxooxox
I wish I could ignore Poppa Sye like that.
*sigh*
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
Margaret!
That might be the best advice EVER.
I’m going to try THAT this evening. At dinner. When he hands me MORE stuff.
Yes.
Check your real email addy!
Thank you, Linda.
We do have a lot of fun here.
And Poppa Sye is awesome.
When he’s NOT being annoying!
🙂
AHAHAHHAHA!
He got KNOCKED OUT! By the bathroom sink!
Love you, Valerie!
xoxoox
Fo’ real!
Oh I am sorry. I was being selfish by only answering your question.
Well, he is your Sye … and he loves you and cares about you infinitely.
I love what Nanny Goats said – humour him and make him feel that he is being cared about. At his time of life… seeing his Mel happy & grateful is all he looks forward to.
Oh I am sorry. I was being selfish by only answering your question.
Well, he is your Sye … and he loves you and cares about you infinitely.
I love what Nanny Goats said – humour him and make him feel that he is being cared about. At his time of life… seeing his Mel happy & grateful is all he looks forward to.
Oh boy! That eye looks bad! You wicked woman! 😉
Bless him. He does look like such a lovely man. I think Margaret’s advice is about right. See it differently, and it won’t bother you. Take it, file it and then every so often clear out the older stuff telling him it’s the old stuff, and I’m sure he won’t mind 🙂
Meleah, the best way to handle it is in kind. Give your granddad every possible pamphlet you can find on anything even remotely related to his age, condition, or interests. He will likely eventually ask you why. Play dumb. Tell him, you thought this is what he wanted since he gave you so much info all the time.
Sarcasm is my best defense!!! I speak it fluently and do so when on the receiving end of UA!!
By the way, for a minute, i really thought you hit your gramps!!! LOL