Let’s face it. We all have fears. Some are justifiable fears. And others? Not so much.
As most of you know, I am absolutely terrified of Spiders, because I’ve already told you that story. And, as most of you know, I am petrified of Bridges, because I’ve already told you that story too. But, I am not sure if I have ever shared my crippling fears with respects to: Fire, and, Public Speaking, and, Heights, and, Flying?
Let’s start with Flying. Shall we? Seriously people, I need to take a Xanax just thinking about boarding an airplane. Don’t even get me started on the story that involved: extreme and violent turbulence, causing the oxygen masks to drop from the ceiling, and the luggage to fall out of the overhead compartments, which led me to think WE’RE ALL GUNNA DIE, because I believed at that very moment gravity could reach right up, grab a hold of my plane, and rip me from the skies. And how one man’s chronic halitosis inevitably sent me into uncontrollable heaving and hurling for a seven-hour flight. Let’s just say it wasn’t pretty. And I kissed the tarmac when we finally landed safely.
When it comes to Heights? I suspect this particular fear has something to do with the day my younger brother Adam convinced me to get on a roller coaster, and one that had no floors, and proceeded to spin me upside-down, until I threw up. Which was really unfortunate for the man sitting directly behind me. Because my vomit? Landed all over him. To this day, I practically suffer from a case of vertigo if I am higher than three feet off the ground.
Now, I can’t really explain where this next fear comes from, but I can assure all of you, if I ever had to Speak In Public? I would faint and collapse. And, there wouldn’t be enough voltage in this world to electroshock me back into coherency.
Which brings us to my last fear.
My fear of Fire stems way back to my childhood when I was about five or six years old. Now, I have never been in a fire. [Thank God.] Nor have I even been close to a fire [outside of a controlled environment]. But for some reason, I have spent my life overly concerned with the threat of a fire. And I have no idea why.
When I was a little girl, before I could go to bed, I packed up all of my favorite things and placed them neatly inside of a milk crate. And, I am not even joking when I tell you that I slept holding onto that milk crate full of my beloved items. I performed this ritual every single night – just in case – there was ever a fire and I was forced to run out of the house. I had to be fully prepared to save my most cherished belongings.
Maybe my fear of impending fire comes from all of those ‘Smokey The Bear’ commercials that used to be on television? Or maybe it’s because of all the ‘Fire Drills’ we used to have in school? Or maybe, I am just weird?
But whatever the reasons may be, I am STILL extremely cautious when it comes to an open flame or anything remotely fire-related. And it’s kind of becoming problematic.
I don’t like to leave my bedroom when my candles are lit, because I automatically imagine a huge gust of wind will magically blast through my room and somehow tip over the candles, and ignite everything. Of course, this has a very little chance of ever happening. But that doesn’t stop me from blowing out all of my candles every time I leave my room, only to re-light them upon entry. And I do this, even if I am just going to the bathroom. [Did I happen to mention my bathroom is conveniently located all of three steps away?]
As a smoker [and as someone who is afraid of fire] I am perpetually compelled to make sure my cigarettes are completely extinguished. I do not smoke inside my house, but I do smoke in the garage. Because yanno, it’s a whole lot ‘safer’ to smoke cigarettes while sitting next to paint cans, and chemicals, and All Things FLAMMABLE. And of course that makes me extremely nervous. As such, I don’t trust leaving any cigarettes in the ashtray. Instead, after I smoke, I carefully wrap each cigarette butt up in aluminum foil. Because that is the only way I feel comfortable leaving the garage after having smoked.
The other day, after smoking a cigarette, I couldn’t find any tinfoil. I searched high and low on a mission to locate even the smallest scrap of aluminum. I rummaged through every single cabinet and kitchen shelf. Sadly, we were totally out of tinfoil, and it was far too late for me to take a trip to the store to purchase new. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find any other trust-worthy product to wrap-up my cigarette butts. I simply had to leave my cigarette in the ashtray.
And even though I knew with utmost certainty my cigarette was thoroughly extinguished? That didn’t stop me from running back to the garage every fifteen minutes to make sure my cigarette didn’t spontaneously start to smolder. And, that my garage was not ‘Engulfed in Flames’. I could not stop my wild imagination from conjuring up worst-case-scenarios. After incessantly ‘checking’ for two hours in a row, I finally realized that if I just flushed my cigarette butt down the toilet bowl, there was no possible way my house would set on fire. At least not from my cigarette.
So now that ya’ll think I am totally out of my mind, before I start feeling like I am the ONLY crazy person on the face of the earth, please tell me…
“What are some of YOUR fears?”
I would MOVE!
Having children DOES put things into perspective. [My son is 13]
We used to live in horrible neighborhoods. My fear was that someone would break in, not that we had much but there were lot gangs and drug addicts that didn't care how much they stole as long as they stole something. I would stay up all night until I heard my dad's alarm clock in the morning then I'd sleep. Nowadays, I just walk around the house and set booby traps for potential burglars. ;o)
Damn Girl! Id be scared too! Setting 'Booby Traps' can be fun!
First of all, I felt there is a need to let you know, “You are not the only crazy person in the world!” 🙂
Most people, if not all, have fears. I have some friends who are afraid of height too. But for me I am quite neutral to height; not to mention I had done my bungee jumping and I am thinking of going skydiving next. Somehow I love the feeling of 'falling,' control falling that is. So you see, maybe I'm crazy too.
Speaking in public … used to. There was a time I was terrified of public speaking too until I was forced to do public speaking in my work. I sort of grew to love the feeling of entertaining people and making them laugh. Second possible reason I am crazy.
As for spiders, the cute ones are still alright I guess. What I am afraid of are those big ones with hairy legs. As for the little ones in the house, as long as they keep a distance away from me, they are free to roam in the house. See? I told you I am crazy too.
My fear is of drowning. I almost have a panic attack just imagining the feeling of not being able to breathe. Of course, I have tons of other fears as well but I'd need to write a whole post, LOL. This is the one that I think of first when someone asks though so it must be more intense. And I don't think you are a weirdo – it makes sense to want to be sure a cigarette stub is complete “out” before walking away. Lots of fires we hear about arise from a hot ember lying around so better safe than sorry. 😉
BK:
You've gone bungee jumping? You're my hero! And, you are one brave person to even consider sky diving! Which I might consider slightly crazy!
🙂
Tenni:
You SHOULD totally write a whole post about your fears!
And, even the thought of drowning is horrible!
I am afraid of Llamas, lightning, and golf clubs made by Nike. Put all three together, (like in 1984) and I will blackout! 🙂
I also am weary of heights. A deck above the 15th floor is really hard for me to be on without the “stomach butterfly thing” going on.
How about Jamba Juice? Will that work??
Hard to say. Over my short life span, I have been afraid/wary/uncomfortable of a lot of crap. But life has a way of balancing things out. I used to be nervous about flying, but after the army taught me to jump out of a perfectly good airplane, sitting in coach with angry mom and screaming kid doesn't seem as daunting. I dispise spiders. I don't think I am the run from the room screaming type, but if I walk through a web outside of my door, I can do a mean break dance routine. Snakes I am ok with but some other critters I will give a wide berth. I'm a old boy scout, so that means I love fire, sharp pointy things and stuff that goes boom. I do seem to have a strange perception/fear of local height. I love to go up in a plane or stand on a mountain top, but climb up 2-3 stories on a narrow ladder to trim a tree and I've got the shakes.
As I said at the outset, life has a way of changing your perspective. Years ago, when my son was born, a lot of my personal fears seemed minor in comparison. Now, I have a gnawing fear regarding my son's welfare. Oh, sure he is doing great and living it up in college, but, deep down in the dim recesses of my mind, I worry that he is ok/safe.
Oh, and squids.
Most people laugh at this or think I'm full of it, but I am afraid of clowns, not live clowns, but clown pictures of clown statues – they freak me out!
Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to comment.
Good post! I love your honestly. I have a list too. For one thing I was afraid to see a theripist, but I saw one today. He seemed nice. I hope the guy can help me. Well that's one less fear, but I won't talk about a certain topic with him. lol
PS- Im at the library computer. I can't comment on my cell. Your not the only one I cant reply to. Thanks for hanging in there with me. 😉
all my fears revolve around people and how they may treat me…including strangers. 🙁 I don't like to think about it too much! Spiders freak me out, but not to the point of calling it a “fear”.
Llamas? Really? That's an ODD one! It's not too often I think I would ever see a Llama walking around!
Clowns and all things clown related ARE scary!
You know I will ALWAYS stick by your side! And, Im sooo proud of you for going to a therapist. Just know that it's going to take TIME before you will feel comfortable enough to talk about that one subject! xoxoxo
I used to be afraid of what people thought of me. I am slowly learning how to get OVER that.
I would LOVE to see your Break-Dance routine after walking through spider web. THAT must be HILARIOUS!
“Years ago, when my son was born, a lot of my personal fears seemed minor in comparison. Now, I have a gnawing fear regarding my son's welfare”
Wow. I can TOTALLY relate to that!
Squids? Really?
The flying also has to do with not being able to leave. You feel trapped which exacerbates the worry already you had from the past trauma with the turbulence. This is also why you likely feel safer driving even though flying is actually safer. The law of averages don't matter when it comes to phobias however. Keep in mind that some phobias like flying can be overcome with exposure therapy. Spiders and stuff also can be beat but flying is more important if you ask me. I had a panic attack on a plane (not bad but enough that I had to walk around) and while I didn't fear the plane would crash, I did worry about having a really bad attack on a plane so flying or thinking about it, for awhile got me uncomfortable. But I'm over it.
Public speaking is harder than acting. at least while acting I feel like I'm protected by the script, the character and the editing. But the fear can be beat.
I've heard driving is more dangerous than flying. I agree with you my lack of being in control while flying exacerbates my fear. As does feeling claustrophobic!
Hey work on your book! It has been interesting to read your posts; always flowing nicely. I am not sure what kind of book you are planning to write but I believe it'll be interesting to read too. 🙂
Aw. You're so kind. I plan on resuming working on my book in February! Thanks for the moral support! 🙂
Did you know that the tobacco companies have fiddled around with the tobacco so that if you are not constantly puffing, your cigarette goes out? So… just a thought to put our minds at ease a bit more. I've noticed that right around the middle of the cig, if I don't puff on it for a few seconds, it starts to go out. Very irritating, but kind of eases my mind on me and my kid and my kitties perishing in a horrible fire.
I used to, but no longer. Which is why I admire your prolific-ness ;>)
I worry that if I leave the dryer running when I leave the house, it will suffer some kind of electrical failure and start the house on fire.
Terri: I've wondered and worried about that very same thing!
I have a terrible fear of elevators. I have been known to walk up 20 flights of stairs to avoid them. I also hate, absolutely HATE ventriloquist dummies. They give me nightmares. I am embarrassed to admit that, but there it is 😀
OMG. My SON is terrified of elevators too! He will NOT get on one.
I didn't even think about how creepy those kind of dummies are! Yikes!
xoxoxo
I have a terrible fear of elevators. I have been known to walk up 20 flights of stairs to avoid them. I also hate, absolutely HATE ventriloquist dummies. They give me nightmares. I am embarrassed to admit that, but there it is 😀
OMG. My SON is terrified of elevators too! He will NOT get on one.
I didn't even think about how creepy those kind of dummies are! Yikes!
xoxoxo