Okay, so maybe my symptoms aren’t quite as bad as that graphic…but that last sentence is most certainly true. I knew had I to start doing something when my own mother told me I look like I am gaining too much weight.
And she’s right.
Here are my real reasons for going on a diet.
10. My family and my friends have been calling me a ‘Chunky Monkey’.
9. I have gigantic cheeks on my face, and, on my ass. And, I can’t exactly pull off the ‘Pumpkin Head’ look very well.
8. When I am walking, I can feel my arm fat, and, my neck fat jiggling. WTF.
7. I can’t wear my rings anymore, because they cut off the circulation to my sausage link fingers.
6. I do not particularly enjoy having to wrestle and shimmy myself into my favorite pair of jeans. And after I finally mange to stuff my flabbiness into my pants, I still need to use a pair of pliers to zip them up. Uncool.
5. I am definitely in the beginning stages of growing a ‘Muffin Top’. And I don’t want to end up looking like one of those ‘People From Wal-Mart’.
4. My inner thighs have been rubbing together, causing such friction, that I could start a fire in my pants. The very pants it took 30 minutes to get on my body.
3. Even my shoes are beginning to feel a little tight. And that really can’t be good.
2. I seriously can’t use the excuse, “I’m bloated from PMS,” anymore.
1. I bent over inside the store, to pick up something I dropped. And I split my shorts, in half, AGAIN.
And there you have it people.
So, I started my diet, yesterday.
And I need your support.
All kidding aside, in the past six months I have gone up from 118 pounds to nearly 140 pounds. And I’m only 5’4. I don’t know what’s going on with my body, or how my metabolism has seemingly changed overnight. And I am REALLY unhappy/uncomfortable in my own skin.
Oh, just one last thing.
Please consider this fair warning: I am going to be moody, cranky, irritable, and miserable for the next 30 days. Many apologies, if you hear me having a nervous break-down on Facebook.
Thanks In Advance!
PS: Does anyone have any good dieting suggestions for me?
Good idea. I’m sure my family will really LOVE that!
Oh Roshan, you’re so good to me.
But seriously, I am exploding out of my pants.
And, my NECK FAT jiggles when I walk.
For. Real.
I lost 9 pounds in just over 2 weeks on “The 17 Day Diet” http://www.the17daydiet.com/ – it’s really easy to follow & you actually get to EAT a lot of GOOD FOOD! – the diet has 4 “cycles” each consisting of 17 days – the foods you eat change every 17 days – but I lost all I wanted on the 1st cycle, so now I’m just eating “sensibly” – but if I start to gain, I’ll just do another 17 day cycle.
On the 1st cycle I ate fruit, yogurt, eggs, & unlimited veggies, fish, turkey/chicken 🙂 Oh and I’m doing yoga 4 to 5 days a weeks & LOVING the results both in my body and my mind…great stress reliever. ~xoxo
I’m going to be moody, cranky, and irritable for the next three months. Between the two of us, the blogging world is going to be ducking at our arrivals! Well, good luck! You can do it! Wanna meet me at the gym tomorrow for my back workout. I can never get motivated by myself, I need a partner in my misery.
You split your shorts? Hahahahaha! Pictures? 😉
Sorry. I know that must have been embarrassing, at the time. But it did provide you with blog fodder, so it can’t be ALL bad!
“And I don’t want to end up looking like one of those ‘People From Wal-Mart’.”
Meleah, I think I AM one of those people from Walmart .. not that we have Walmart here, but we do have Asda, and Asda is owned by Walmart. Does that count? 😀
FUCK YES!!! Thank you soooooo much Shawn!
That’s JUST what I need to give me a good jump start!
SWEEEEEEEEEEEEET!
Girl, if we lived closer I would exercise with you in a second.
Of course, I could NEVER keep up with you.
And I’d probably need a defibrillator half way through the work-out!
Ahahahahah! Oh, Jay!
You are NOT one of THOSE people!
I wish I was only 140 lbs!
Geez, Mel. I feel you. I ought to go on a diet, too – like 6 months ago. I’m going to read this again and try to motivate myself.
I was at a party last weekend and one of the women there (we’d all had a few glasses of wine) asked me if “they were real.” I knew her well enough to laugh at the question. Yes, they are real, I said. Well, they are the nicest ones I’ve seen yet on a woman your age. She is near my age. I told her when she turns 40 she can get a pair of her own. It comes complimentary with added weight gain. This is my anecdotal way of telling you that you are not alone, sister! Hang in there.
“Gone up from 118 pounds to nearly 140 pounds”… Well, that just means there is more of you to love. Anyway, atleast you’re not “weighing in at” anywhere near the Govenor of new Jersey. BDawg
Having sex could burn up to more than 500 calories. BDawg
🙂 ??? go for it!
Too bad we can’t trade bodies.
You’re welcome to suffer along WITH me!
Thanks, MomZombie.
I think I was very taken aback when own MY MOM asked me,
“Why is your face so fat?”
Yeah…um….
Hello, therapist?
I miss being a buck-twenty-five! That’s my most ?comfortable’ weight.
Not too thin, not too chubby.
Hmmm….
Too bad I’m STILL single!
xoxoxoxooxxo
Oh no! You wouldn’t want mine. I’m heavier and I’m even shorter than you!
Try the HumorSmith® Diet: Eat anything you want, just don’t swallow.
Considering your history of health problems…maybe the weight gain is caused by something medical? Thyroid perhaps? Of course I’m not a doctor but it may be something you want to mention to your doctor next visit.
But if it’s not, I’ll be your diet buddy. I definitely need to lose at least a couple of pounds.
I need to lose some weight too. I’ve put on a bit as a result of medication I’m on. The problem is I also like cake – A LOT. I can’t resist it. I need to cut down my carbs and do more exercise. It’s the only way I lose weight. But it’s so boring and depressing, isn’t it? Hasn’t someone invented a drug yet that makes you lose 20 pounds in a week? Oh, wait, they have – speed. Hahaha. Don’t think I’ll go down that route yet, though. I will join you in the weight losing quest. Carrot stick, anyone?
I have a feeling you are ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE.
HA!
Yay, Nik!! Let’s do this together.
And, I do have a doctors appointment to discuss what’s going on here.
It’s very odd to have packed on so many pounds, so quickly.
Mmm…. Cake!
I think my weight gain may be a side-effect too!
I am seeing my doctor next week to discuss.
And, no I do NOT want a carrot stick!
But, I suppose I should eat that – instead of a huge bowl of ice cream!
Love you, Selma!
xoxo
You keep saying that and it just might seem true 😉
I told Sandy, I’ll tell you.. get the “body for life” cookbook, and modify it to meet your special food needs, the recipes are way easy and good, and if you follow the meal plan, and maybe exercise a little instead of riding a scooter you’ll probably loose a couple pounds, Also get your meds checked, that’s too much weigh in a short amount of time.
Good luck with the diet, Meleah, I need to start one myself. One thing has always helped me lose weight, water and lots of it. And less beer…sob!
Oh Meleah, I think that you look great in all of your photos! Definitely check with your doctor before starting any crazy diet – but go right ahead and start eating healthier anyway! I’m not much to talk about dieting – my last weight loss was totally from the “stress diet” and I don’t recommend that to anyone – everyone I know kept telling me how awful I looked and my pants kept falling down. I’ve gained it all back due to a healthy diet of chocolate and ice cream. Good Luck to you!
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Thanks, Madge! Those are all doable/realistic things that I can handle right
away!
Yeah, I’m drinking a lot more water!
Mmmmm. Chocolate. And mmmmmmmm. Ice Cream!
Well, I’ll join you (dammit). Made it home from Maui without gaining a pound back but let that go to my head and gained five pounds in half a week. So, it’s weightwatchers for me again. By the way, your list is much funnier than the first one. Yeah, Mom’s can be brutally honest … as can grandkids. Savannah: “Papa, you have a fat tummy.”
Aw honey you can’t be THAT bad. Just lighten up a bit. 🙂 See you soon!
Awwwww! And yay. I’m glad your doing this WITH me, Bud!
Awwwww! And yay. I’m glad your doing this WITH me, Bud!
Thanks, Oscar!
Thanks, Oscar!
Mel? Cranky? I just can’t picture it. You’re always a sweatheart with a smile.
And no matter how they package or sell it, diets suck. Bland, tasteless, uninspiring food. Here’s a tip: use lots of whipped cream on those chips & carrots.
I’d recommend my beer & scotch diet, but it doesn’t seem to be helping right now.
Good. You can be my “diet buddy.” I’m not really fat, but my life spent in front of a computer, along with my love of food, has caused me to gain some flab I never used to have. I’m trying to work out more and eat better. I’m going to try to stick to it. In fact, I already went for a run this morning.
You need to stick with it too, so I don’t have an excuse to give it up. 🙂
A few years ago when I was in a very similar situation, I started walking. I walked every day, 3 miles a day, at as brisk a pace as I could manage. I stopped drinking 6 Pepsis a day and switched to Diet Coke. I started thinking about what I was eating and forced myself to choose healthier options instead of eating impulsively. And it worked. But a few years later, I know something as simple as age can make a big difference and sometimes no matter what you do, the results don’t change as quickly as you’d like.
Anyway, I know it’s hard to be happy when you don’t like what you see in the mirror, so even though my first thought to this post was, “She’s totally exaggerating. I see the pictures she posts of herself and she’s always beautiful!” … I know that if you’re feeling uncomfortable with your looks, it’s time to do something about it. Good luck with whatever you decide to do. Remember that weight loss rarely happens quickly, so don’t give up!
Okay! Deal
* shakes hands *
Okay. Thank you, Terri.
I know that I have to be patient. And, I’ve been exercising more, which is definitely helping.