The last few weeks of my life have been incredibly difficult, to say the least.
Let’s recap.
Shall, we?
First, I almost died. Like for real.
Then, after seeing my allergist – per ‘Medical Instructions’ I survived on a steady diet of cheese, and chicken broth, for thirteen days, in a row.
My doctor, determined to find the cause of anaphylaxis shock, reviewed my medical history and decided he needed sennd me for some rather extensive blood work.
Now, anyone who knows me can tell you that I will absolutely faint at the mere sight of a needle. It’s a legitimate fear that I simply cannot control. Thankfully, the fine people over at Lab-Corp are quite accommodating. And they brought me to the children’s ward, again.
I am proud to announce that I did not cry and I did not faint. And, according to my friends on Facebook, I’m officially a ‘big girl’ now.
But then I paced around, anxiously waiting for the test results, for the next three days.
I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat. My stomach practiced jumping jacks and cartwheels.
And then I finally got the phone call.
My results are in.
Food Allergies, By Class Category:
Here are the foods I am NOT allowed to eat, because they will actually KILL me.
[* Insert Drum Roll *]
And then I fainted.
And then I cried.
A lot.
And then I slept for two days.
I should probably either be suicidal or homicidal by now. But, luckily, thanks to all of YOU, I’m not.
My “New Diet” basically consists of the following:
Cheese, Beef, Chicken, Pork, Bacon, Turkey, Anchovy, Basil, Clams, Halibut, Lobster, Oyster, Tuna, Shrimp, Salmon, Scallops, Swordfish, Crab, Cantaloupe, Banana, Cranberry, Black & Green Olives, Black Pepper, Mushroom, Sugar, Salt, Milk, Eggs, Tea, and Coffee.
Thank god I don’t have to give up coffee. Seriously.
Now, before ya’ll go and start to feel sorry for me, rest assured, I have already scheduled an appointment with a Professional Nutritionist. And hopefully, she will be able to help me construct an appropriate ‘Menu’ to fit my allergic / dietary restrictions.
Because let’s face it…
I could write about how I wished I knew that was the last slice of pizza I was ever going to eat, or the last beer I was ever going to drink. Because if I had, I would have eaten a whole pie to myself and washed it down with a case of Corona.
And…
I could…complain for weeks on end, because I’m an Italian that can’t have any pasta or any sauce. I could cry from the rooftops about why it’s not fair and how hard it is going to be over the holidays when I will have to sit and watch everyone else eating all of the things I love.
But, I wont.
Instead…I will delve head first into three pounds of Lobster drizzled in obscene amounts of melted buttery goodness. Delighted, in knowing I never have to ‘share’ any of my food. I will consume extravagant and expensive fish products, until I get Mercury Poisoning. (Ah yes! ‘Gluttony Is Good’.)
I could…write about how I feel ‘Completely Insecure’ and utterly humiliated when dining out in a restaurant. I could describe ‘Totally Self-Conscious’ moments when faced with ordering a meal with such specific restrictions.
And…
I could…go into graphic detail about how unnerving, stressful, and upsetting it is to be a lady and have a ‘leaky ass’ in public. Or, I could post funny pictures of what it is like for me to be trapped in the bathroom during an attack. Because ‘Ya’ll Will Never Know How Much Time I Spend In The Bathroom.’
But, I already did that.
So, I won’t.
Instead…I will find out just how much cheese and bacon one person can eat before succumbing to congestive heart failure.
I could…write about how I am ‘Depressed’ because ‘These Annoying Medical Conditions’ have hijacked the ‘Quality Of My Life’ on so many levels. I could justify why I am so ‘Angry’ over how my body has betrayed me. Or allow myself to become so ‘Anxious’ over things I cannot control, that I have panic attacks just thinking about them. I could ‘Circle The Emotional Drain’ from the crushing and debilitating guilt I feel for being such a burden to those around me.
But I won’t.
Instead…I will do my best live my life the best way I can.
And there you have it.
In closing, I truly appreciate all of the love and support I’ve received from all of my wonderfully amazing friends. Honestly, I would not have been able to get through any of this without you.
Ya’ll “Rock The Casbah.”
Thank you, Internet. From the bottom of my heart.
I am one lucky lady.
* PS: Next week, I’d really like to change the subject!
Can you eat rutabaga, cause I can tell you how to make it even BETTER than mashed potatoes! And if you can eat squash, spaghetti squash CAN substitute for pasta spaghetti. I can tell you are looking at this as an adventure–see, I’m sending you positive vibes. 😀 You WILL learn how to deal with this and, eventually, you will feel SO GOOD that you will forget everything you CAN’T eat and be oh so happy with what you CAN eat. (I will keep reinforcing the ‘positive vibe’ thing until you are convinced this is a very, very good thing. :D)
Love you, sweetie–try and stay positive! xoxoxoxoxo
Thank God you can drink coffee. That really would be the final nail in the coffin for me if I had to give that up on top of everything else. I am glad you are seeing a nutrionist. I think you have a good selection of foods there that you can play around with. And bacon, lots of bacon. I’ve just realised though – are you able to eat any carbs at all? That would be so hard. I know this is going to be tough but if anyone can do it, you can. And you’ll probably be so much healthier than the rest of us once you get your diet organised. You can do it, Meleah. Don’t give up. Love you XXX
Oh boy, I am now jealous ! You can chow down a whole turkey dinner and end with cranberry juice… and declare unashamedly that you had to because you have a “medical-condition” !
I am happy that you are taking it all very optimistically.
It’s Ramadan, and the days are long – 16 hours of no food or drink !
So today, I’ll think of ya 🙂
{Hugs}
You can have milk? Then you can eat ice cream? So from that whole list of foods you can eat, simply add “and ice cream”. And make sure you always have an EpiPen near you.
Here’s a simple, delicious recipe that’s super simple, and you can eat all the stuff on it:
Boneless, skinless chicken breast, pounded slightly flat-ish. Not like a pancake, but just so that it’s not completely thick. Put it on a cookie sheet. Salt and pepper the top, and then grate parmesan cheese over it, so that the entire top of the breast is covered in grated parmesan (don’t use the pre-grated kraft stuff…use the real deal).
Then, basically, you just put it under the broiler on high for about six minutes or so. (until it’s cooked through). You don’t have to flip it or anything. The parmesan makes a crust, and because the breast cooks quickly,and you’re not disturbing it, it stays juicy.
How’s that?
I’m glad that you’re going to see a nutritionist. I’ve known a few people who have gone to see them before for various reasons. He or she should be able to come up with a ton of good stuff for you to eat. Maybe something you’ve never even tried before and will love!
Wow. That’s a lot of food allergies! How did you not have such a strong reaction before now? Did you know about some of these? I’m glad coffee is not on your list, too! I’m glad they figured it out and you just mentioned eating my most favorite thing ever that I never eat because it’s too expensive when one is not allergic to anything else- lobster in tons of butter. YUM!
Ok, I’m not going to dwell on it either, I will just say that I’m sending lots of positive thoughts out into this universe for you.
I think you need another Disco night! That will help put everything into perspective 🙂
You don’t have to change the subject until you are ready we are here to listen and help you get through it. You have been dealt a bad hand right now and you need to vent and get it out of your system. It is hard to deal with a body that is less than cooperative and yet a mind and heart that wants to be out there experiencing the world. It takes time to come to terms with your limitations so cry and pout and veg in front of the television and then slowly but surely your mind and your physical body will make a deal with each other. In the meantime, you turn to your buddies for their ‘listening’ ears that is what we are here for!! Now, hang in there and watch some trashy television, you know me watch some Real Housewives with your lobster!!!
OMG!
Okay, well… that is a GINORMOUS list of foods you can’t eat. BUT… let’s look at the bright side. I’d be willing to bet that your professional nutritionist is going to find a GINORMOUS list of foods you CAN eat (and that you probably never knew existed). So it seems to me that this is the start of a new adventure in foods for you. And you’re going to have SO much to tell us about your new food adventures that you’ll have to start a new food blog, at the very least, or more likely, you’ll have to start a new book on your battle with foods and how you overcame them! It will be full of that crazy Meleah humor and all those great photos with captions that you do. And recipes. There will be recipes to share! I can just see it now. It will be a comedy/drama/photo/cookbook!
You’ll be a famous author and we’ll all be able to say that we knew you before you were famous. Just give me a little shout out in the prologue or epilogue, will ya? Thanks! 🙂
Love ya, Mel. I know this is hard for you. Just don’t let it get you down. And remember, we’re always here for you.
I can have squash! YAY!!!
And, seriously, YOU ARE THE BEST for sending me recipes and ideas!
I’m just too hungry & tired to figure this all out on my own.
I LOVE YOU!
Selma,
No I can’t have carbs.
But I CAN have bacon. And LOTS OF IT!
xoxoxox
Well, I cannot have Cranbury Juice, because it has corn syrup in it. And I am allergic to corn.
But I can and WILL eat a whole turkey!!
Enjoy, Ramadan!
xoxoxo
I’ve eaten a crapton of coffee ice cream.
Häagen-Dazs is the ONLY brand that I am NOT allergic too!
Hell. Yes.
That sounds delicious!
Thank you, Thomas!
Here’s hoping, Mike!
Lobster rules.
And, since I cant eat much else?
I should be able to afford it!
I do need another night of dancing, that’s for sure!
Ah yes. Thank goodness for trashy TV!
And, thank you for offering to listen to me bitch about this.
I REALLY am trying to stay positive, but this still kinda sucks!
That is an extensive “Do Not Eat” list. In spite of your culinary limitations and all you “could” say/do, you are handling this remarkably well. Probably better than many would, including me. I would cry for the potatoes and bread I couldn’t eat, but I would rejoice that I could still eat bacon & cheese. Life is full of twists and turns, ups and downs, and the good and the bad. You have a loving family and lots of friends, in person and online, who are here to listen when you need a virtual ear. I’m sure your nutritionist will come up with some good recipes for you. Take it easy on yourself, OK?
Is olive oil in the ok list since olives are? Because I see olives and basil and we are most of the way to pesto…..I don’t see semolina on there…heck, if you can have that I’m buying that pasta machine I’ve always wanted and I’ll MAKE you pasta!
I, too, am hopeful that the nutritionist has some creative ideas for making a appealing menu out of what is left that you can eat. I do feel badly that you are having to deal with any of this.
One of the positives about this diet though, if we are looking for something to cheer about. This Adkins-ish diet that you are left with, (lots of protein and no carbs) allows you pretty much to eat every protein until it is coming out of your ears and you will get an AWESOME body. (I know that you already have a great body but that diet is going to make it great, great)
Really, you might have to start a new blog where you take pictures of yourself in bikinis and such and taunt us with you singing “I’m too sexy for my shirt”.
OMG, Terri!
You just MADE MY DAY!
Seriously.
I love it!
And I love you!
xoxoxooxoxoxo
Thank you so much, Linda.
I am lucky to have all of you to help me get through this!
And, I did cry. A lot.
But, I’m done wallowing.
It’s time to move forward and figure things out.
🙂
I paid $22.85 for an iPhone 4-32GB and my girlfriend loves her Panasonic Lumix GF 1 Camera that we got for $38.76 there arriving tomorrow by UPS. I will never pay such expensive retail prices in stores again. Especially when I also sold a 40 inch LED TV to my boss for $674 which only cost me $62.81 to buy. Here is the website we use to get it all from, CentHub.com
Yes please!! I would love if you made me some pasta!
Olive oil is OKAY! And I do love me some pesto.
Ahahahahahhahahahaha!!
Yeah well, I am going to get super skinny. That’s for sure.
I just hope I don’t go back down to 95 pounds.
That’s NOT a good look for me!
🙂
I bet you anything that your nutritionist will be able to steer you towards a whole lot of yumminess that you can create out of the foods that you are still allowed to eat and that with time, your new diet will feel natural.
Not to make you feel any worse, iDaughter, but with that list of stood allergies, I wouldn’t eat shellfish without an epi-pen lying beside the plate. Shellfish allergies san come out off nowhere.
All I can say is….thank god you can still have coffee because I would freak if I couldn’t. Not that drink coffee all day long, but I seriously need it in the morning.
And honestly, you’re list of things on your new diet are not bad at all. You can create a lot of yummy things with those items. And I am sooooo glad to hear you’re going to a nutritionist – brava!
So glad to hear you’re alright, dear friend. And like Jaffer shared….glad to hear you’re taking this optimistically. 🙂
((((( Meleah )))))
You GO, girl!
X
Oh, goody! You can eat mushrooms! I have a variation on Thomas C.’s recipe (which sounds yummy and will definitely try it). I’ve been making this for years – there is a little more work involved, but it’s worth it. We call it “Squishy Chicken”:
Evenly pound/flatten a boneless, skinless chicken breast to about 1/4 inch thick. In butter, saute enough sliced mushrooms that, when cooked, will cover the chicken. Set aside. Season the chicken with salt and pepper (and whatever else floats your boat and not sink it) and lightly dredge in rice flour (hopefully you can eat rice flour as a substitute for regular flour?). Sear the chicken over medium high heat for about two to three minutes per side, depending on the thickness of the chicken – you want a nice browning on both sides (yes, you can use butter but you don’t want to burn it. Olive oil is just as good). Remove from heat, cover with sauteed mushrooms and thin slices of Swiss/Emmenthal (or other gooey cheese of choice). Melt cheese under a broiler. Loosely cover with foil and rest for about 5 minutes. Eat. This also works well with centre cut boneless pork chops.
Regardless of your restrictions, the fact that you can eat lobster (YUM!) makes it not so intolerable. Just be glad your not Jewish (or Kosher Jewish).
😉
I know it’s a pain, Honey, but we’ve got to do what we’ve got to do. I think we make adjustments as we have to, and this is going to be a lifestyle change and it won’t be easy but you can do it. You mention beer, but not wine. Is alcohol off the table too? I think I could deal with that easier than the lack of carbs. If you have a cheese shop, go get yourself a little wedge of Petit Agour. After slicing that very thin and tasting it, you’ll realize life is still good. It’s a sheep milk cheese from France and probably the best thing in the whole world. I’m glad you are one strong chick. You can do this!
You still have your coffee, and Grey Goose, and I imagine you can live with lobster. Keep in mind the Marine Corps mantra, “Improvise, Adapt and Overcome.”
??
Let’s hope so!
I know.
And my doctor told me that I can eat eggs for 29 days in a row, but on that 30th day I can all of a sudden become allergic.
So NOTHING is 100% safe.
I have my EpiPen with me 24/7.
Thanks, Ron.
I am so glad I can STILL have coffee, too!
I’m trying to be as optimistic as possible!
Sadly, I am allergic to rice. Can’t do it.
No wine. Allergic to grapes!
But I am TOTALLY running out to buy Petit Agour!!
Thank you for your support, Linda. You’re an awesome big sister! xoxoxoxooxoxoxox
TOTALLY!!!!!!!!!!
Oops – I missed rice on your list. Well, it’s only to give a bit of a crunchy outside. If you can’t find a substitute, I’m sure it will be just as good without it.
😉
I’m going to try it! And, I will even blog about it!
This all sounds so very confusing, but I know (with your OCD) you will have it all organised very soon 🙂 It’s surprising what we can get used to when we have to. I do understand that it is probably very frightening for you, but things will settle down for you soon and you will be able to put this whole ordeal behind you. Sadly that includes a lot of food stuffs too. Think of it this way. I bet you won’t ever have to diet. You will be so fit with your diet 🙂
Uh, I’m not going to lie and be all positive, even if you are able to feel that way. This sucks. I could not deal with that many dietary restrictions. And I don’t understand WHY you’re allergic to this many, and WHY they only now showed up. Something had to have triggered your near-death experience, Meleah. I’m going to do a little research on this and see if I can’t bore you with what I find out. In the meantime, I’ll keep my eyes peeled for recipes that you can eat. Good recipes, not crappy substitutes that make you long for what you’re missing.
all right, no feeling sorry for you, but it does scare me that you almost died. we can’t lose you and you are needed on this earth. be careful with everything you eat please. and yes, you are one lucky lady.
Hugs, Meleah. At least you can have bacon and cheese, the best things in the world.
No Beer or Pizza!!! o_0 WTF kinda shit luck do you have child?!?! All kidding aside, I’m glad its been figured out.
Sooner or (probably) later you’ll be so used to eating the things you can eat that you’ll prolly barely miss the stuff you can’t eat. No really, it will happen, you just won’t realize it while its happening.
And if changing your diet will keep you from having a leaky ass in public, well, I’m all for it.
I’m glad you didnt die from anaphalaxis. I’m glad you get a second chance to keep making me smile. (I’m totally selfish arent I??)
Lurves you lots chickadee!!
muahs!
Thank god cheese is still allowed. Also: cheese omelets 😀
That’s a helluva list to have to go by. I’m certain you’ll overcome this; you’ve had to deal with quite a bit over the years, and I know this will only be a temporary setback for you. We have faith in you, lady, so hang in there. And we’re always here if you need some moral support.
That’s a helluva list to have to go by. I’m certain you’ll overcome this; you’ve had to deal with quite a bit over the years, and I know this will only be a temporary setback for you. We have faith in you, lady, so hang in there. And we’re always here if you need some moral support.