Thanks to all you Catholic peeps out there!

Thanks to all you Catholic peeps out there! Good Friday, yes indeed! My office is CLOSED, leaving me with a full ‘almost-guilt-free’ day off from work! Praise Jesus.

I am happy to report that after a full days rest and just two days of antibiotics, my son is back to himself. No more fever, minimal coughing, slightly stuffy but much much better. Thanks to everyone who left kind comments, thoughts and prayers for my son!

I, on the other hand, am currently freaking out. Surprise, surprise, as usual, I feel like shit when I have to miss a day of work. I feel even worse when I miss multiple days IN. A. ROW.

Tuesday I took off from work, for the preparation involved: cooking, setting, serving and cleaning for the Passover services. (Had I known what was in store for me for the following two days, I would have only taken a half-day…unfortunately hindsight doesn’t help me now.)

Wednesday I HAD TO take off from work, because it was day two of a 103 fever for my child, JCH clearly needed medical attention.

Thursday I HAD to take off from work, because JCH was still contagious, I couldn’t leave my son with my 87 year old grandfather (the only ‘babysitter’ I have available). G-d forbid my grandfather caught what JCH had, that kind of sickness holds the possibility of taking an old person right out. No thank you! Had I brought my still contagious son to the office with me on Thursday, I could have taken out the entire third floor. Don’t think my co-workers would have appreciated being sick all weekend.

And today, my office is CLOSED.

I know I did the right thing, by staying home with my sick child. I know I made all the right choices, but, I was up half the night stressing, worrying, fighting off nightmares. I always feel like I am going to get fired for taking days off. Yes, I know my son was sick, as a mother it is my number one job, above all, to attend to him. But, in my office, it’s like a big no-no, almost taboo, to take a day off. People who have worked there for years don’t even use all their vacation time. Why? I have no idea. Fucking crazy yes, but nevertheless true. Personally, I use all of my vacation time. As I should. Shit, any unused vacation / sick / personal time is not carried over to the next year and by damn I earned it! I will use every second of my “time.”

Yet, I sincerely had nightmares last night. I kept imagining Monday morning, being called into the manager’s office and getting canned. Or worse, getting the cold shoulder from other people in my office. I’m dreading the amount of emails and phone messages I will have to face on Monday. I’m dreading the total fear sick to my stomach feeling I will have on the drive into work Monday morning. And its ONLY Friday. I’m already worried about Monday. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why do I feel guilty for taking care of my own son? Why do I feel bad for using “my time” to take care of my son? I can’t explain it, because it doesn’t make any sense, at all. I know. It’s not like I took off of work to even do any of the things I would have wanted to do with a week off. I was taking temperatures, running bathtubs, filling prescriptions and administering medications for the last three days.

Being a parent never gets easier. Especially being a single mother and full time employee. If I had left JCH alone while he was sick as a dog, I would have felt guilty as sin. So now, I feel guilty for not going to work. Its like no matter what choice I could have made, either way, I am bound to feel G-U-I-L-T-Y.

I just hope I don’t let this feeling ruin my whole weekend? I will do the best I can to, stop feeling guilty. I will use the rest of this time off, today, Saturday and Sunday, to try to do some of the things I would have liked to do, like: reading a good book, writing MY BOOK, and writing / submitting a few articles to various online websites. A sense of accomplishment always makes me feel better!