Recently, I spent time with one of my girlfriends, Jennifer. We have been friends for as long as I can remember. Some of my fondest memories come from the times we’ve shared together. There was a time in our lives when her and I were as close as sisters. In fact, we were inseparable.
Alas, as time goes on: people move, they get married, they have kids, things change, and seemingly they grow apart. Nevertheless, her and I will forever have an unbreakable bond.
Sadly, Jennifer’s mother unexpectedly passed away. And I have to admit; I really admire the way she appears to be handling the grief. I know some people use comic relief as a defense mechanism. However, I don’t think I would be able to sustain my sense of humor the way she has.
Mind you, Jennifer has always been one of the funniest people I know. That’s just one of the many reasons I enjoy hanging out with her. Most of her jokes are wildly inappropriate, which, in my opinion, makes them all the more hilarious.
Case. In. Point.
My son and I went to Jennifer’s house a few days after the funeral to check in on her. From the moment we arrived Jennifer was in pretty good spirits. After a few hours together and laughing a lot my son turned to Jennifer and said, “Wow, I really didn’t know what to expect. I thought everyone would be sad, miserable, and depressed over here. It’s nice to see you smiling.”
I turned to my son and asked, “Well, what did you think? Did you picture everyone wearing torn garments, with black cloth covering the mirrors and windows? They aren’t sitting Shiva. They’re not Jewish.”
And that’s when Jennifer replied with, “Since my mom died, I’ve been thinking about all of the things I shoulda said to her but never did. I’ve been thinking about all of the things I shoulda done for her over the years. And I’ve been thinking about all of the ways I shoulda appreciated her. So, no, I’m not sitting Shiva. But I am sitting ‘Shoulda’.
After a hardy laugh with that statement, Jennifer also got me to thinking.
The whole care ride home I thought about all of the people in my life who are the most important to me. And I wondered if I tell them how much I love them enough. And I wondered if I show them how much I appreciate them. Because as funny as ‘Sitting Shoulda’ sounds? I don’t think I would like to be filled with so much guilt and regret.
Therefore, I have decided over the next seven days [at least] I am going to go out of my way, and make it a point to spend extra time with loved ones to really let them know exactly what they mean to me. Tomorrow is promised to no one.
I love this post. 🙂 And you. xoxo
I love you more. And, hello. We REALLY need to schedule some kind of meeting to see each other ASAP. Don't make me get in my car and drive to NH alone again!
I know!! I miss you and it's my turn to come there!!
Thanx for the reminder ??? you're exactly right…xoxo
Yes please!!!!!!!!!!
You're welcome.
Lately, I've been being a REAL bitch around my house. I've been feeling resentful and subsequently I'm easily aggravated. Jennifer reminded me why I need to be grateful for all that my parents do for me. And how LUCKY I am to be surrounded by the best family and friends anyone could ever ask for.
I like Jennifer's style. Humor is sometimes the best way to handle grief.
Good idea to show/tell everyone how much they mean to you. Life's way too short and you never know how many tomorrows you have left. Besides, regret is terrible way to remember a friend/loved one.
Jennifer cracks me up. And, you're exactly right about that!
What a lovely post. Your friend sounds marvelous. Sometimes “sitting shoulda” can be a great motivator!
Indeed! It certainly motivated me!
Sometimes daily life and its numerous annoyances make you forget about the things that you should be paying more attention. Your post makes me want to call my mom right now as I was such a bitch to her a few days ago on the phone 🙁
Taking stock of my Dad's age, and health, I've started to take more time to “sit”. A great reminder for us all.
I like your friend! I try to surround myself with funny people all the time as it just makes for a better day. And laughter is supposed to make you live longer. =D
As far as appreciating people Meleah, I think you do a great job of it from what I see on here and on FB. You're always doing for others, especially your family.
You're allowed to have bad days once in awhile girl! lol
One of the reasons I'm drawn to you is your love of your family and how openly you show it. We are very similar in that aspect. 😉 xoxo
WONDERFUL post, Meleah! OMG…it really touched me.
You're so right! And it wasn't until while my father was passing away did that thought come to me also. I felt so blessed to have the time I had with him to tell him that I loved him, and that I was so proud he was my father. I had never said that to him before.
Your friend Jennifer sounds like such a wonderful person.
I love ya, my friend!
((( Meleah )))
I totally agree with this! One of my favorite songs reminds me of how precious and arbitrary life is, and the importance of letting those you love know you do. “Live like We're dying” by The Script. It's a catchy tune with spot-on lyrics: “86,400 seconds in a day to turn it all around or throw it all away, gotta tell 'em that you love 'em while you've got the chance to say.”
“Tomorrow is promised to no one”
Wise words sweet thing. *hugs*
This post really shows that putting things off can lead to regrets. So, we keep saying we should, we will, we must, meet. Tell you what, pick a weekend that's good for you. I will start my dream roadtrip, at least the first stop, as soon as you let me know.
That is a great attitude to have. When my mom died, I was so upset that I had been snippy with her. I know she forgave me but It still ate at me.
That's a good point!! I try to let others know that they mean a lot to me, but I'm sure I could do more!!
Great post, Meleah. This is something we all need to be reminded of occasionally.
A long time ago, someone advised me to live every day as if it's the last day of my life. And more importantly to treat everyone around me as if it's the last day of their life. I'm not going to pretend I do a good job of that, but I try. I think the older I get the more I understand how fragile and fleeting life is. And none of us like to deal with regret.
I think we all tend to get complacent about our circumstances. We need events like yours with Jennifer to remind of of what is important and how much we have to be grateful for. It's a good idea to pull posts like this one out every once in a while to keep our lives in perspective.
What a beautiful post.
I am so sorry for Jennifer's loss. You're right – she sounds as though her sense of humor is helping. And I love the idea of sitting shoulda. Or rather, saying what you should say, as often as appropriately possible.
WOW. You are an amazing writer. You got me on this one…. very choked up.
These are the kind of friends one should keep forever 😀
Lets just pray and everythings gonna be alright. . . .In every grief, theres always a sunshine!:) Good article nonetheless
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Hmmmmm! The “Introspective Meleah” rears her head once again. Good post…
What a nice gesture you and your son going to follow up.
Yes = I agree 100%
You friend Jennifer sounds like an awesome gal. And your plan sounds like a good one. I always feel guilty for not getting down to see my family more often than I do. I know everything has a time limit, but I guess in my mind, I've still got plenty of time. I suppose Jennifer probably did as well, though. I need to start making an effort to put things aside as well, and focus on the people who are important.
Great sentiments in this blog, Meleah! My condolences to Jennifer and her family, may her mother rest in peace.
Yep. I would really hate for my last words to someone to be unkind.
You're welcome.
Thanks Peede.
I do believe for the MOST part I really DO show my family and friends how
much I love and appreciate them. But it can't HURT to show them just a
little extra!
xoxoxoox
I love ya to Ron!
You would really get a kick out of Jennifer!
I like that song too!
YES PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't imagine!
🙂
Yeah, I am not GREAT at it either. But, I do try.
Thanks Lee.
I really did need to put things in perspective again.
I was too focused on the negative.
Thanks.
Amen to that!
🙂
Indeed.
Thank you.
Thanks Dawson.
And NICE to see you around these parts again.
I couldn't let her sit shoulda alone!
Jennifer IS a wonderful friend. And had been for years.
I definitely learned a valuable lesson from her.
Thanks Marty.
“Therefore, I have decided over the next seven days [at least] I am going to go out of my way, and make it a point to spend extra time with loved ones to really let them know exactly what they mean to me. Tomorrow is promised to no one.”
Excellent advice, lady. By the time you get to my age you wish you had spent more time with some of those people, because so many are gone now.
By the way, thank you for coming by my blog while I've been recovering; your good wishes have been very welcome.
Thanks Bob. You've definitely been in my thoughts and prayers.
Wishing you a speedy recovery!