I may or may not have mentioned before how much I love to people watch. It’s one of those things I find myself doing often. Sometimes I just make observations. And other times, I like to invent stories about the people I’ve been studying.
Though lately I fear I’ve become quite obsessed with two different neighbors and not in a good way. (As if there is a ‘good way’ for one to become obsessed with watching their neighbors.)
Case. In. Point.
The First Neighbor:
The First Neighbor, I would like to discuss lives two houses down on my block. Apparently, I’ve spent quite some time observing him. He is an older man and he lives alone. He keeps weird hours and I’ve never seen him with a woman, or a man, or any visitors whatsoever including family members for that matter.
I don’t find it all that strange when he comes home at three o’clock in the morning with the song, “I’m a Barbie Girl, in a Barbie World” blasting on his radio. And I don’t find it all that strange when he seemingly wears the ‘Same Clothes’ every single day.
So what has my utmost attention? Well, since I have been watching this man from my bedroom window over the last year and a half, I’ve noticed that I have never seen this man put out a single trashcan. Ever.
In our complex every Tuesday & Thursday is ‘Garbage Day’. And every Wednesday & Friday is ‘Recycling Day’. Every other household on my block puts out at least ONE trashcan on any of those given days.
Except for this guy.
So. WHERE IS ALL OF HIS GARBAGE? And. What is he doing with his trash?
It’s not like we live in an area or on a street where he can burn his rubbish. He drives a Brand-New Shiny-Black Mercedes so it’s hard to imagine him loading his vehicle and transporting his waste elsewhere. Moreover why would anyone need or want to do that?
Seriously people. I need to know what this guy does with his garbage. Do ya’ll have any ideas?
The Second Neighbor:
The Second Neighbor I would like to discuss isn’t even really a neighbor. In fact, it’s a “Couple” that doesn’t even live within my complex. And I am using the term “Couple” loosely, because quite frankly, I don’t know if they really ARE a “Couple”. I suppose that would have to depend on YOUR definition of the term “Couple”.
I have not only observed these two people, but I’ve let my imagination run wild, subsequently inventing several stories about them. And here’s why…
For the last TWELVE CONSECUTIVE YEARS, once a week, every week, at the same exact time, WITHOUT FAIL, a woman in a white car pulls into the parking lot and moments later a man driving a white SUV pulls into the parking lot next to her.
He gets out of his car and he walks over to her car. He opens her car door, helps her out, and then he passionately kisses her. They walk together to his car, they get in, and they drive away together.
THREE HOURS LATER, they return together in his car. He gets out and he walks around his car. He opens her door, helps her out and kisses her passionately. Then, he opens her car door, she gets back into her own car, and they drive away in separate directions.
I have constantly wondered….
Is she married and having an affair with him? Is he married and having an affair with her? Are they BOTH married and having an affair with each other? And if so, where do they tell their spouses they are going? If they are not having an affair, are they married to each other and playing a game of ‘Cat and Mouse’ to keep things spicy? Are they Secret Agents? Where do they go for those Three Hours? Why do they always meet in the Same Place? And how much longer can this go on?
It’s gotten to the point where I am almost ready to confront them interrogation style. But instead, I think I this time next year, I might just give them a ‘Happy 13th Anniversary Card’? Because any two people who have managed to maintain meeting up with each other At The Same Bat-Time, In The Same Bat-Place, for this many years in a row deserve some kind of acknowledgement.
What do YOU think they are up to?
Go with her! Don't let Amy the Bartender tackle this alone! In for a penny, in for a pound!
Oh I will totally go with her!
Hi! People can watch me for as long as they like, they still won't be able to work me out!
Okay!
We had a neighbor who never put out trash. Unbeknown to us, they were putting the garbage in giant black hefty bags and throwing it in the side yard. Of course when the pile began to peak over the fence, it came beknown to us. One Saturday morning when we had someone coming to look at our house (we were selling to get away from the trashless ones) they began to empty their side yard, throwing bag after bag onto the front lawn. To our amazement, as they worked we realized there was a pickup truck under all the bags. Talk about overloading!
Couple number 2: They are in a movie …”Same Time Next Week.” Ellen Burstyn. Alan Alda. Whoops. That's “… Next Year. Anyway, definitely an affair.
You are talking my language. I am an avid people watcher. I actually used to live next door to a guy who never put out his garbage. He was a hoarder. When he passed away people couldn't even walk up the hallway there was so much stuff. I couldn't believe it. Your neighbour could also be a hoarder.
I think the 2nd lot of people are having an affair and that they fell in love with one another before they realised they were long lost brother and sister. Despite being blood relatives they can't control their lust. It's a sick world we live in and they're the proof. Haha.
I wonder if you'll ever find out the truth….
You are assuming he washes….
He wears the same clothes every single day. Does this sound like a man concerned with personal hygiene? I think not!
Neighbour #1 is obviously a spy! The “Barbie Girl” song communicates with his “contact” which is why he has to blare it so loud in the middle of the night, because he isn't really sure where his contact is hiding. Think “Get Smart”. Once the contact has been “notified” that NS (Neighbour Spy) is ready for the next mission, NS will recieve new orders. I would be very careful about approaching him Meleah, lest you find yourself under surveillance! Curiosity combined with the ability to Do Things Differently may well position you in the “Highest Threat To National Security” category! You could mysteriously disappear one day and then Jepeto, Mike and I would have to haul our cookies down to Jersey to find you, A-Team style! Oh wait, A-Team has 4 members. Ok, Charlie's Angel's style. (Jepeto is soooo the perky, slightly-vapid blonde, no?). We'll find you, blow a few things up, expose the whole 'conspiracy', get the bad guy and then have some wine and cheese. It'll be EPIC!
I was gonna write something about the 'couple' but after NS, they actually seem kinda anti-climactic.
Ha ha! Did you realise immediately, or think I meant someone else at first?
Holy Crow. And you're now the 3rd person to tell me about that movie!
I HAVE to rent it!
OMG! Selma! You're imagination is just as wild as mine is!
ahahahahah
True. Very true.
AHAHAHhahahahaha! Ahahahahahahahahahah!
OMG Nicky! I love you!
Ahahahahahahahah
I realized it immediately!
And I started cracking up the SECOND I read it!
No garbage guy and obnoxiously committed? Hmmm…
If the guy has no furniture then he's obviously not a hoarder. I'm thinking serial killer. Clearly, he wants to leave no trace. He is probably an ex-cop who knows the ins and outs of leaving evidence. Garbage is a huge one. And coming home at 3am with a Barbie song blaring on the radio? Definitely a serial killer. He probably has his mothers bones dressed up in the basement sitting at a table with a tea cup in front of her and pearls around her neck.
A neurotic neat freak who can only pace around his house in his underwear while talking to himself and occasionally rubbing his head, reenacting his previous kill and obsessing about whether or not he left any evidence, periodically interrupted by his mother's nagging voice, he has to scream down to the basement to tell her to shut her mouth.
He doesn't drink or eat while he's there and he's definitely not a smoker. Too much possibility of leaving a DNA trace. He paid for the house in cash because he's some big corporate genius, but his co-workers even know there's something a little off about him but they can't put their finger on it because he's so charismatic. That car he has? Paid for it in cash too. And no, there are no torture devices in the trunk Mel, that would be careless.
He keeps all of his trophies from his kills at a different apartment that is also paid for in cash and isn't in his name.
After all this, who really cares about the couple that meets every week? They're probably working on a secret science project back at their secret lab. They have no romantic ties what-so-ever, they're partners. They just kiss passionately because they know people are probably watching (Mel) and that's a cover for their plot to take over the world.
Hell Mel, I thought you would've figured that one out right away.
Big Love…
And why on earth are you in the same place at the same time every week?
Great. Now I am not only curious about “No Garbage Guy”, now I am terrified of him! Thanks Gina!!
xoxoxo
PS: “Why on earth am I in the same place – at the same time every week?”
Well, that's easy! I am in my bedroom practically 24/7 – unless I am at my own doctors appts, taking Poppa Sye to doctors appts, or driving my son all over the state! And my bedroom window overlooks the whole complex so I have a perfect view of what's going on in my neighborhood!
They make some really good trash compactors. He may be letting it all go down the sink. Figure he reads no paper, does bills electronically, eats out.
12 years is too long for it only to be an affair. There has to be something more. I love the 13th anniversary card!
And honey… you need to get out more. LOL
Well at least your entertained looking out your bedroom window and so are we, so keep up the good work.
And if I were you, I'd go knock on serial killers door with a cup of tea with a tape recorder in your back pocket. Interrogate the hell out of him. That would be fun!
I know. I really do!
I would have…but after what YOU said…Im too scared!
I'd totally befriend the guy hiding his garbage. I need to know now, so I need you to befriend him pleaaaaaaaase!!!
And the second couple…..hmmmmm. Yeah, they're doin it. 😉
OMG too funny. OK the guy with the Black Mercedes, is rich, because he invented the “garbage eating gene” (just left Jaynes World and I am all worked up over genes). So this guy simply never has any garbage except his empty beer cans, but he crushes those and is building a new rec room and the walls are made with….. yep you got it, crushed beer cans. Very artsy, fartsy.
Now the couple who show up every week for the past 12 years. THEY seem to me as definite adulterers, but not so. They are frustrated actors, who have tried everything possible to get on TV. They have failed miserably at every game show they have auditioned for and even the public access channel has turned them down on numerous occasions, for their own weekly half hour show.
This has led them to writing in, calling in and even emailing the show Cheaters, to try and get a 10 minute spot on the lamest show on cable. Seems even they don't even buy it.
But alas a blogger ( Meleah) has been a watching them and finally they get their 15 minutes of fame. All thanks to mommamiameaculpa, you're such a good person. Or at the very least nosey, hehe. I do hope though you will do a follow up on this couple and include pictures, I am really curious now.
Back atchya babe 😉
Awww. Sorry Mel, my imagination got away with me on that one.
I have often wondered what my neighbors think of my comings and goings, or not goings if truth be told.
The couple are obviously having an affair and if they have made it last nearly 13 years than don't do anything and let them enjoy it. I can't even get to 13 years in cat years. Leave them alone.
The old man who doesn't take out his garbage? Um, I can't get past the fact that you have garbage and recycling twice a week. That's amazing. We have garbage day on Thursday at 2pm and recycling on Friday at 7:30am. For the life of me I can not understand why the recycling people can not put the bins back down on the side walk where they found them, they ALWAYS put the bins on the grass. It drives me batty. I'm sorry, what were we talking about?
Ill try my best to get to the bottom of this whole garbage issue!
I am so VERY nosy! Especially when it comes to my neighborhood/block!
Ahahahahahah! Yeah, we do have a pretty good trash collection pick-up situation over here!
I love it
that, my dear, is quite DEFINITELY an affair…
It has to be! Right?
Trash guy's probably a genius who figured out how to make that shiny Mercedes run on trash. BAM.
That would be awesome!
Wow … twelve years!!!! That must be some kind of record. We have seen this kind of thing happen in our village. There was the couple who chose a 'quiet spot in the country' for their trysts and were constantly surprised to be interrupted by dog walkers, there was the couple who met in a quiet residential road at the same time every Tuesday, and there was the kinda grim looking couple who seemed to get little joy from their clandestine meetings .. were they obsessed? Or was one blackmailing the other?? The mind boggles.
As to the other thing, I suspect he's stockpiling. I saw a programme once where this guy didn't throw out his trash, ever, and his living space just got smaller and smaller and his house got smellier and smellier. Yep, he was packing it in bin bags and filling whole rooms with it!!
I don't know but I'm coming over to your house so we can investigate together!
And we had two stockpile/hoarder houses on our block, it's very sad. In one case the old lady had dementia and was hoarding pets as well so when her children finally got her out and into a care facility they had to rip out all the flooring, walls and ceilings to the studs and rebuild because it smelled so bad.
I agree it's awesome you have so much trash pickup. I forgot to put out the bins last night and they come way early so I had to go out at 6am in my jammies looking rough to move my car and pull the trash can to the curb.
I too am a neighbor watcher. I pretty much know the patterns and quirks of everyone who lives around me. There is a guy next door who never ever leaves the house except to buy really expensive imported beer at the local market. All hours of the day and night he is on his laptop computer or else he's stocking up on Belgian blonde ale or some such. How does he pay the bills? Does he have some shady but lucrative Internet job? Oh, and once a week two cleaning women come in and scrub the place top to bottom. I think that's when he goes to the market to get more beer.
People watching to a whole new level! I wish my neighbors were half as interesting as yours. They're mostly older white guys with young Filipina partners. Either that or yuppies sharing condos. Boring and predictable. (They probably say the same thing about me, lol.)
If that first guy always wears the same clothes and doesn't produce waste then I am pretty sure you live next to Bert. Or perhaps Ernie.
People watching is soooo much fun!
OK, the old guy. He is Ken. The REAL Ken. Older now of course. He has no trash. Barbie and Ken never had trash. He also doesn't have any private parts. Except for this kind of mound thing. So he doesn't even have need for toilet paper. No food, no shaving products… no trash.
The couple? You need to take a sheet of paper and write, “Was it good for you? Must have been since this has been going on for so long!” on it and put it on her windshield. Then get the camcorder ready. When they come back, see what happens and TAPE IT. Will they show shock? Fear? Who will take it off the windshield? Who will read it? Will they look around frantically? Will they never come back? I would love to see that!
It reminds me of The Burbs and Rear Windows 😉
Maybe it is Cat and Mouse like the Darcies on the Bundies, and your Happy 13th card idea sounds perfect.
They are both married ! And I'd be more concerned that dude is listening to the Barbie song. Put on your ninja gear and sneak over there and peek in the window – I'll come help you.
Oh I like the idea of blackmailing! That makes it even more shady!
Oh that REALLY IS sad.
And you are MORE THAN WELCOME to come over and Spy on my neighbors with me!
Wow. He sounds really interesting!
I wish I had people come clean my house!
I guess my block really is exciting!
Yes it is.
He always wears a white V-Neck T shirt. And the same colored shorts.
But I am ASSUMING he just had a lot of the same thing!
HOLY SHIT. That's a GREAT idea.
Hmm… I am seriously contemplating that one!
Thanks JD!
xoxo