Yeah.
Um.
Let’s just say that I am used to more of an ‘urban’ environment than what I was subject to Saturday evening. While I loved being able to smoke INDOORS, rather than having to run outside into the windy, rainy, freezing conditions that are New Jersey, I don’t think I could ever get used to the ‘sticks’.
Not. Even. A. Little.
At least I had the pleasure of spending some alone time with Danny / C.B.G. I can honestly say, I don’t think I’ve ever had that much fun in a TGI Fridays.
* [Disclaimer: This part of the post might be a little too ‘inside joke’ for you guys, but I trust that if you read the captions and descriptions on the photos you’ll get the idea?]
It’s not like it was hard to have a good time, what with a 12 year old? serving liquor, “Not-Sean” as the self proclaimed head bartender, and The Totally Creepy Guy sitting next to me.
That was enough material to keep us laughing.
When I sidled up to the stoic Hawaii 5-0, wanna-be Tom Selleck, Magnum PI, real life police officer sitting across from us, and started calling this stranger to me Hawaii 5-0 and Magnum PI…to his face, Danny just about died. CBG has known that dude for years and never once saw him smile…until I managed to break down his brick wall exterior.
(Sorry, I am unable to keep my thoughts to myself. Even in public. Oh, elusive dignity.)
Of course, if that wasn’t enough to stay entertained, there was always this guy just waiting to be made fun of. I think he looks a little too eager to be standing in this position? I still don’t get what these sunglasses are all about, but I did like the fact that he was a camera whore and let me take 12 thousand pictures of him.
Last but not least, I always have to ‘meet’ The Owner of the bar I am visiting. I don’t know why I am like that; it is just something I cannot control.
[*The ‘inside jokes’ portion of this post is now over*]
For me, the best thing about the night was that I didn’t have to pretend to be someone I am not. Usually, when you are ‘dating’ someone you feel compelled to ‘put on your game face and be on your best behavior’ for the other person. I have spent plenty of wasted time hiding the ‘real me’ from any potential suitor. The fact that CBG embraces my volume is a blessing.
In previous experiences, I used to get ‘yelled at’ by my date. The men I have been with usually ended up ‘pissed off’ at me for the way I conduct myself around complete strangers. I am very outgoing and EXTREAMELY LOUD. Most people (rightfully so?) are embarrassed by my willingness to make a complete ass out of myself have a good time.
But Not C.B.G.
He just ‘gets me’.
THAT was a freeing experience.
Saturday night was not without its deeper moments. Putting aside the fun and games for a minute…there are some real underlying trust issues that need to be worked out. As I have stated before, I know that is going to take some time, but it is still mildly frustrating.
I need to talk about something that happened over the weekend, which triggered Danny’s internal lie detector to go on high alert.
You see, I was supposed to go and see CBG on Friday night. But, after taking a beating in the mall, during the 5 HOUR shopping travesty, I could not handle the idea of going home to pack (for myself and my son JCH) followed by driving way the hell out to Nowhere Pennsylvania, in the DARK. I was exhausted and subsequently cancelled Friday night’s plans. I told CBG that it would be easier for me to stay home Friday night and wait to see him on Saturday morning instead.
That wasn’t the issue.
That same day, my girlfriend Tiffany had sent me a MySpace email. The kind of email that everyone who is ‘my friend’ can read. The email said, “Your MINE this weekend! It’s my Birthday.”
Now, HERE is The Issue.
The OLD Meleah would have LIED to Danny/CGB.
The Old Meleah would have cancelled plans with Danny and then GONE OUT (AND GOTTEN HIGH) BEHIND HIS BACK. I cannot tell you how many times ~ IN THE PAST~ that he has caught me in bold faced lies.
When Danny saw the email, and I cancelled our plans, it seemed suspicious to him.
I keep on forgetting that Danny hasn’t had the last 5 YEARS to get used to the “New Meleah” like everyone else.
I mean, it took my parents A VERY LONG TIME to TRUST me. Sometimes I still feel like I am under the microscope.
I truly appreciate Danny’s position.
I am also impressed with CBG for opening up and starting a dialogue with me, RIGHT AWAY. Rather than keep things bottled up inside, or harboring negative thoughts about me, he was completely honest about his fears and concerns. Immediately.
I am thankful that he knows he CAN talk to me, when The Issues from the past arise.
On the other hand, I cannot spend forever ‘proving’ myself to other people. I have put in a lot of work to get where I am today. I have certainly paid my dues. However, I am willing to do the work (right now) and give Danny the time he needs to discover that he can believe the words that come out of my face.
I know that I have to be patient with Danny’s willingness to TRUST ME. I know that I can’t rush things. (Or him.)
But, I wish he would hurry up and see me for who I have BECOME instead of who I WAS.
