Momma Mia, Mea Culpa

[Week Two: February 8 – 13]

*Sorry this is being posted a few days late. Ongoing stomach issues have thrown off my whole routine. DAMMIT. Anyway…

Yes, I am still ‘Doing Things Differently™’! And I am loving it! However I can’t decide whether or not to write these particular posts in the ‘First Person’ or in the ‘Third Person’? But, since I started writing them in the ‘Third Person’, it seems to make sense for me to continue writing them this way.

Yes? Or. No?

[Seriously people, I am asking for your VOTES in the comments of this blog post. Do YOU think Meleah should write these particular blogs in The ‘First Person’ or in the ‘Third Person’?]

Onward.

Once Upon A Time, a girl named Meleah was doing her best to change the direction of life. So, she started ‘Doing Things Differently’. And even though some of ‘Things Being Done Differently’ might not really seem like very BIG things, the minor changes she made last week had such an enormously positive impact on her life; she decided to continue her quest and started ‘Week Two’ of ‘Doing Things Differently’.

And here’s how that worked out for her…

Meleah started ‘Day Eight’ of ‘Doing Things Differently’ also known as Monday [Or, D8 of DTD] at 8am just like she promised herself she would. However, Meleah’s stomach did not exactly appreciate all of the greasy nastiness she ingested the night before. And let’s just say she spent most of the morning trapped in her bathroom, begging for mercy, and damming the Super Bowl Party she attended.

Nevertheless, by 10am, Meleah put on her ‘Outfit’ and went ‘Outside’ and walked around the block, three times in a row, for the second week in a row.

After the second lap around the block Meleah felt slightly winded. But rather than head home, she hit ‘Shuffle’ on her iPod in hopes of finding inspiration. And wouldn’t you know it, the song ‘Follow Me’ by Aly Us chimed in her ears, and put the spring back in her step. As a matter of fact, Meleah’s ‘Old School’ ‘Inner New Jersey Guido’ began to take over and she had to use ‘Self-Control’ to resist the urge to throw *Fist Pumps*

By the time Meleah returned home? She thought it might be a good idea to ‘Take Things Up A Notch’, and voluntarily opted to add ‘Sit-Ups’ to her new exercise regime. And even though she was barely able to complete more than 50 crunches, that’s 50 MORE crunches than Meleah thought she could do.

Meleah’s day came to a lovely end after watching an episode of ‘The Bachelor’ [which by the way is a television show Meleah has never watched until this season, AND, should have had ‘The MOST Dramatic Rose Ceremony’ EVER- but instead, ended up having ‘The LEAST Dramatic Rose Ceremony’ EVER] followed by watching her other favorite television show ‘Hoarders‘.

Tuesday Morning, also known as ‘Day Nine’ of ‘Doing Things Differently’ [D9 of DTD] began precisely at 8am. And once again, Meleah put on her ‘Outfit’ and went ‘Outside’ and walked around the block, three times in a row, for the second day in a row, for the second week in a row. And she felt awesome.

She felt so awesome, that afternoon Meleah had a ‘Mind Bottling Moment’ when she agreed to go Grocery Shopping for her father. Because anyone who knows Meleah? Knows just how much she LOATHES Grocery Shopping.

But this was no ‘Ordinary Grocery Shopping Day’. Oh, no. This was ‘The Day Before “The Next Big Storm” Food Shopping Day’. And of course that meant everyone [and their mother] would be perusing the isles, knocking each other over, and fighting for the last roll of toilet paper, while stocking up on supplies.

Armed with her ‘Trustee List’ and her father’s credit card, Meleah walked into her local FoodTown fully prepared. From the minuet she grabbed the shopping cart with the squeaky wheel? It was ‘Game On’. Besides, Meleah realized it would be way more fun to pretend like she was a contestant on ‘Super Market Sweep’ and attempted to purchase everything on her list in ‘Record Breaking Time’.

Of course, it should come as no surprise; Meleah ran into a few minor setbacks. Let’s talk about those. Shall we?

While traveling down the produce isle, Meleah checked her list and noticed she was supposed to purchase some ‘Sweet Onions’. To the trained eye, Meleah is pretty sure this task would not have been problematic. However, Meleah doesn’t know the difference between ‘Sweet Onions’ or ‘Yellow Onions’. Especially SINCE THEY LOOK THE EXACT SAME.

Looking down at the wide selection, Meleah began sweating and filled with confusion. She worried what would happen if she bought ‘The Wrong Onions’. She didn’t want to let her father down and come home with something that didn’t add ‘The Right Flavor’ to the dinner he was going to prepare. As Meleah incessantly twirled her hair trying to decide which onions to bag, she looked up to take a deep breath, and that’s just when she noticed the HUGE sign clearly indicating which onions were the ‘Correct Onions’.

Tragedy. Averted.

Meleah wiped the sweat off her forehead, and continued to shop diligently, and quickly. Meleah was making excellent time and before she knew it, there was just one last item on her list. And, it was a seemingly simple item.

But once again, Meleah realized she didn’t know the difference between ‘Regular Peanut Butter’ or ‘Creamy Peanut Butter.’ And furthermore, she didn’t even know if there WAS a difference between ‘Regular Peanut Butter’ or ‘Creamy Peanut Butter.’ Because anyone who knows Meleah knows how deathly allergic she is to Peanuts. And therefore Meleah’s ‘Extensive Knowledge’ surrounding ‘Peanut Butter’ and ‘All Things Peanut Related’ is only to AVOID THEM.

Rather than waste any valuable time questioning herself, Meleah asked a ‘Nearby Employee’. Apparently, ‘Regular Peanut Butter’ and ‘Creamy Peanut Butter’ are in fact ‘The Same’. You’re welcome.

Meleah glanced at her watch and realized she had accomplished all of her food shopping faster than she ever had before. She began prematurely congratulating herself for a job well done when she headed for the check out lane. And that’s exactly when Meleah’s ‘Triumphant Victory’ over ‘Grocery Shopping’ came to a very sad end.

While Meleah had successfully managed to load her cart with every item on her list in ‘Record Breaking Time’ she chose ‘The Worst Possible Check Out Lane Of All Time’ and waited in line for what felt like ‘Eternity’ (x) times (x) ‘Forever’.

Alas, Meleah’s hard efforts did not go unrewarded. Because later that evening? Her father cooked the best meal ever also known as ‘Chicken Murphy’.

Wednesday, otherwise known as ‘Day Ten’ of ‘Doing Things Differently’ [D10 of DTD] and also know as the ‘Day Of The Biggest Storm In All Of New Jersey’ began exactly at 9am. Meleah was even more excited about kicking off this particular day, because she had graduated to ‘Double Digits’ of the ‘Daily Count’ of ‘Days In A Row’ of ‘Doing Things Differently’. And that meant NOTHING was going to ‘Break Her Spirit’.

Meleah put on her ‘Outfit’ and went ‘Outside.’ And she walked around the block, three times in a row, for the third day in a row, for the second week in a row, AND, in a Mother Flipping BLIZZARD.

Later that afternoon, the snow ceased and all was well. Meleah’s son JCH asked permission to visit with his ‘Very Best Friend’, to which Meleah agreed, because after all it was his ‘Very Best Friends’ Birthday. But, not more than one hour later ‘Round Two’ of the ‘Blizzard Of All Blizzards’ struck again. And this time around? The storm dumped even more excessive amounts of ‘Snow On The Ground’.

Obviously, there was no possible way Meleah was able to drive under such inclement weather conditions and her son JCH was ‘Trapped’ at his ‘Very Best Friends’ house. And by ‘Trapped’ she really means her son totally got to ‘Skate Out’ of ‘Snow Shoveling Duties’ once again!

That evening, Meleah helped her father, her neighbor, and her neighbor’s girlfriend, shovel out four different cars, four different times. Because this much snow required a ‘Team Of People’ to remove. Meleah happily picked up a shovel, and got to digging, all the while smiling. And that was really ‘Doing Things Differently’ because normally? Meleah’s idea of ‘Shoveling Snow’ consists of standing inside the warmth of her house, sipping Hot Chocolate, and peeking out the front door only to snap photos of ‘Other People’ enduring ‘Manual Labor.’

By the time Thursday, otherwise known as ‘Day Eleven’ of ‘Doing Things Differently’ [D11 of DTD] rolled around? Meleah thought she might truly be crippled. She had such aches and stiffness in her body from all that shoveling; even her armpits were sore. Having never suffered from an ‘Armpit Injury’ of any kind, Meleah was unpleasantly surprised by excruciating pain when she simply tried to pick up her arms in the shower to shampoo her hair.

Meleah thought it would be best to resolve this ever-so-uncomfortable-physical-situation simply by ‘Walking It Off’. So, Meleah put on her ‘Outfit’ and went ‘Outside.’ And she walked around the block, three times in a row, for the fourth day in a row, for the second week in a row.

And, even though she couldn’t lift her arms? She spent the rest of the afternoon shoveling Even More Snow.

And then she passed out at 9pm.

Friday Morning, otherwise known as ‘Day Twelve’ of ‘Doing Things Differently’ [D12 of DTD] began roughly at 8am. Meleah put on her ‘Outfit’ and went ‘Outside.’ And she walked around the block, three times in a row, for the fifth day in a row, for the second week in a row.

And that was just about all she could handle.

Meleah ‘Severely Underestimated’ how much MORE stiff and sore she would feel Two Days AFTER an ‘Intense Shoveling Marathon.’ She spent the rest of the day/night applying ‘Unnecessary Quantities’ of ‘Icy-Hot’ to every muscle on her body.

‘Day Thirteen’ of ‘Doing Things Differently’ [D13 of DTD] otherwise known as Saturday, was off to a great start – because by 930 am? Meleah had already put on her ‘Outfit’ and went ‘Outside.’ And she walked around the block, three times in a row, for the sixth day in a row, for the second week in a row. And that is simply unheard of. Especially on the weekend.

Later that very morning, Meleah enjoyed a gloriously special visit from her ‘Totally Super Awesome Brother’ also known as ‘Abercrombie’ and her adorable two-year-old nephew lovingly referred to as ‘M-Dee-Dub-Yah’, or MDW for short.

Seriously people. How cute is this?

Unfortunately, the two of them couldn’t stay for the whole day.

[insert sad face]

However,  much to Meleah’s joy, her brother Abercrombie was able to return that very evening, and he came back ALONE. This was indeed a ‘Monumental Occasion’ because Meleah and her Brother have not been able to spend ‘One Second’ of ‘Quality Time’ together in over FIVE YEARS.

Meleah genuinely had ‘The Best Night EVER’ with ‘The Best Brother EVER’. And, in a shocking turn of events, Meleah agreed to go see a ‘Scary Movie’. IN. THE. THEATER. [provided her brother would sleep over in the event she had nightmares.] Now, anyone who knows Meleah? Knows she does NOT ‘do’ Scary Movies. However, since Meleah is ‘Doing Things Differently’ she put on her ‘Bravest Face’ and forged ahead.

Meleah and Abercrombie entered the theater with the ‘Highest Of Expectations’ the movie ‘Wolfman’ would live up to the promises provided by the promotional trailers.

Sadly, they were seriously disappointed.

Apparently in London, they have a full moon every other day. Meleah and her brother were also left wondering if the creators of the movie were trying to respect the original version because the finished product that was supposed to be a scary Wolfman, just looked downright cheesy. As for the ‘Transformation Scenes’? The movie would have been much better had they used MORE of that.

Honestly, the best part of the whole movie was when a confused Abercrombie turned to a deaf Meleah and asked if she knew the leading female character name because it sure sounded a whole lot like they were calling her, “Mrs. C*ntLips.” And while Meleah had no idea what the actual name of the character was, all she could hear was “Mrs. C*ntLips.” for the next hour and a half.

And even though the rest of the movie pretty much sucked? That didn’t stop the two of them from laughing hysterically throughout the duration of the film, and the rest of the evening. It was almost as if they had entered a ‘Time Machine’ that sent them directly back to their ‘Good Ole’ Childhood Days’.

All in all it was yet another successful week of ‘Doing Things Differently’.

And that’s a wrap people.

Next week, Meleah will be posting her weekly ‘Doing Things Differently’ blog post on time. And stay tuned for some “Honest Scrap” coming your way soon.