On Moustaches…

I am not a big fan of facial hair.  No.  Let me rephrase that.  I don’t like facial hair at all. I think beards make men look ‘dirty’. I think the goatee makes any seemingly attractive man look like an escaped convict. And I think all moustaches are creepy.

That is, unless you’re Tom Selleck.

Seriously.

He’s the only man that can sport a moustache. And make it look sexy.

There are various types of ‘Lip Sweaters’.

According to WikiPedia some of them include the following:

• Natural – Moustache styled without aids.
• Mexican – Big and bushy, beginning from the middle of the upper lip and pulled to the side.
• Dalí – narrow, long points bent or curved steeply upward; areas past the corner of the mouth must be shaved. Artificial styling aids needed. Named after Salvador Dalí.
• English – narrow, beginning at the middle of the upper lip the whiskers are very long and pulled to the side, slightly curled; the ends are pointed slightly upward; areas past the corner of the mouth usually shaved. Artificial styling may be needed.
• Imperial – whiskers growing from both the upper lip and cheeks, curled upward.

Other types of moustache include:

• Fu Manchu – long, downward pointing ends, generally beyond the chin.
• ‘Pancho Villa’ moustache – similar to the Fu Manchu but thicker.
• Handlebar – bushy, with small upward pointing ends. Also known as the “spaghetti moustache”, because of its stereotypical association with Italian men.
• Horseshoe – Often confused with the Fu Manchu style, the horseshoe was possibly popularized by modern cowboys and consists of a full moustache with vertical extensions from the corners of the lips down to the jaw line and resembling an upside-down horseshoe. Also known as “biker mustache”.
• Toothbrush – thick, but shaved except for about an inch (2.5 cm) in the center; associated with Adolf Hitler.
• Walrus – bushy, hanging down over the lips, often entirely covering the mouth.

Pretty extensive list, eh?

However, I would like to see an ‘Additional Definition’ added to the directory of moustaches. Courtesy of my friend, Terri.

Word: “Molestache”

Definition: Any creepy looking mustache that makes the wearer look like a child molester.

[*Disclaimer: I have no idea who this guy is. I just typed ‘Creepy Mustaches’ into Google and this was the first image that came up.]

Scary.

Right?

Sadly, most men with facial hair are ‘Doing It Wrong’.

As demonstrated here, by comedian Jon LaJoie:

So tell me boys and girls, what do you think about moustaches and/or facial hair?