My Week In Review

Since last week’s ‘Status Updates’ went over so well, I decided to run with the same theme for this week. I bring to you ‘Meleah’s Week In Review’ in a ‘Facebook Status Update’ format.

[Even though 50% of these were not published as my Status Updates on Facebook.]

In good news, Meleah and Amy The Bartender finally got that annoying jingle out of our heads. But not before Poor Amy suffered some definite consequences. Amy The Bartender gave into the commercial that had been taunting her for over a week. She ate not one, but two, Fillet Of Fish sandwiches. After posting hilarious photographic evidence on Facebook purely for Meleah’s enjoyment, Amy was left violently ill for several hours. Amy thinks she might look into filing a lawsuit against McDonalds. Meleah will gladly be a witness if need be. In an effort stop hearing that annoying jingle, Meleah and Amy The Bartender have been listening to the ‘Free Credit Report Dot Com’ commercial jingles and liking them.

Meleah is still trying to get a divorce from her goiter named Steve but he is refusing to ‘Sign The Papers’. Therefore, Meleah is plotting drastic measures, which may or may not include hiring a ‘hit-man’ to ensure Steve ‘disappears’… forever.

Meleah finally bought a new cell phone after Meleah’s old cell phone tragically shattered into a million pieces. But she is not happy with her new phone. At. All. Meleah had her heart set on buying the ever so coveted iPhone. But, for circumstances far beyond her control, she was unable to make that happen. Meleah is very disappointed that she could not purchase the iPhone in light of the cost of her prescriptions. And since she is technically unemployed, she could not justify buying the phone of her dreams. However, Meleah is proud of herself for making an adult like and responsible decision.

After Meleah made peace with her new cell phone purchase, she sat down to put her old SIM card into her new phone. Alas, none of the numbers were saved. Apparently something went terribly awry when Meleah put her SIM card into Amy The Bartenders phone. Meleah’s SIM card was no longer valid when she tried to import her contacts. Meleah was forced to launch a massive email assault to everyone she has ever known requesting updated information. Meleah felt like a Spam-Bot that day. Meleah eventually suffered from a case of dyslexia after entering each new number individually by hand. Sadly, Meleah still has not recovered. Meleah fears she may invert numbers for the rest of her life, or longer.

In an effort to score some health benefits Meleah so desperately needs, she was required to produce a Social Security card. Which, of course, she had misplaced forever ago. Meleah had no other choice but to obtain a new Social Security card. Meleah was face to face with one of her biggest fears and her biggest shortcomings.

‘Traveling To An Unfamiliar Area.’

If you don’t already know this, Meleah is not good with directions, or listening to other people, or answering to authority figures, or following rules, or coloring inside the lines.

But now Meleah has digressed.

Meleah ended up lost for hours on her way to the Social Security office. Meleah proceeded to break out into *cold sweats* when she realized she must have gone too far. Meleah spent the rest of the day sporting noticeable ‘pit-stains’ for all the world to see.

When Meleah arrived at the Social Security office, she was greeted with a room full of other people, also waiting for Social Security cards. Meleah can only compare her visit to the Social Security Office to the same experience one would have at their local Division Of Motor Vehicles. Fortunately Meleah brought a book with her that she’s been dying to read – for months.

[*Notice how Meleah strategically placed the book to cover up Steve?*]

Seriously though, Kimberly McKay of the blog Worn Out Woman is an amazing person and phenomenal writer. Meleah thinks you all need to click here to purchase her book Finding Kylie and enjoy the same wonderful reading experience as she did.

On Thursday of last week, Meleah spent time at the ever so famous KHCC. However, due to the inclement weather, the stench of mildew stifled the bar area causing the customers to question if the smell was coming from their own feet. The scent can only be compared to bad-ass, gone worse. Meleah decided to take matters into her own hands (and feet) when she attempted to remove the offensive odor emanating the room. In order to eliminate the pungent aroma wafting in the air, Meleah traveled to CVS to purchase the necessary equipment required to try and decrease the intensity of the stink. Meleah came back to KHCC wielding Fabreeze and Scented Candles. Thankfully, the Fabreeze and Scented Candles were put to good use and the stench dissipated.

Meleah’s weekend peaked with excitement after she drank several pots coffee and shared a Rocks Glass full of sugary goodness also known as the candy DOTS with her friend Amy The Bartender.

Later that same weekend, Meleah and Amy The Bartender were too busy breathing a ‘Sigh Of Relief’ (At The Same Time) they missed the gloriously funny opportunity to witness ‘A Super Drunk Touchy Feely (But Not In A Creepy Way) Guy’ sneeze so hard, he fell backwards into the bushes.  Thankfully, The Manager Matt was wiling to re-enact the scene for Meleah and Amy.

‘The Super Drunk Touchy Feely Guy (And Avid Ranger Fan)’ made outrageous claims throughout the evening when questioned by Meleah about the nature of his employment. Meleah found his response, “I train Attack Dogs for The Military, specifically for The Marines” to be total comedy. ‘The Super Drunk Touchy Feely Guy’ is really just an auditor.

Meleah seriously woke herself up, Laughing Out Loud. Unfortunately, she has No Idea what she was dreaming about, but she suspects it had something to do with KHCC and the idea that a sneeze could be so powerful it knocked over a six foot three inch, two hundred and thirty pound man, also known as ‘The Super Drunk Touchy Feely Guy’.

Meleah thinks KHCC is really good for blog material. And belly laughs.

And lastly…

Meleah has been diligently working on Chapter Six in her book, which is beginning to shape up nicely. However, Meleah found it slightly difficult to write dialog for the male characters. Meleah has not decided weather or not she will post Chapter Six on the internet. Meleah fears someone may steal it. If Meleah posts any future chapters, she may simply password protect them. But, Meleah is still on the fence about it.