I talk about my father a lot on this blog, mostly because he is hilarious. He is pure comedy. There are moments in this house when all I have to do is look at him, and I start cracking up.
But, honestly people…
Sometimes?
I don’t know why my dad ever comes home.
Lately, I’ve noticed he’s been getting ‘The Short End Of The Stick’.
And here’s why….
Every morning, my father diligently and dutifully gets up to face the daily grind. First, he goes to work, and deals with the nightmare that is Commercial Insurance. Then, he leaves his job only to drive to the grocery store – where he does at least 65% of the food shopping. And when that’s all said and done, he comes home to four hungry mouths and proceeds to take care of 99% of the cooking around here.
And he doesn’t just have to make ONE dinner for all five people.
Nope.
He has to make TWO dinners so that a ‘certain someone’ with ‘severe food allergies’ can eat dinner too.
And no, I’m not exaggerating.
The man doesn’t stop.
If that wasn’t enough, let’s take a closer look at the ‘Cast of Characters’ and/or ‘Family Members’ my father is currently living with.
Shall we?
First up, he’s living with an unhealthy, disabled, girl, who may, or may not spend most of her day on Facebook. And that very same girl sure seems to get sick. A lot. And sadly for him, he’s usually the one that ends up driving her to and from doctor’s appointments all the time, even though he’s a total germaphobe. This girl is otherwise known as his daughter, Meleah.
He’s also living with a 14-year-old-teenage-boy who may or may not, incessantly play the guitar, very loudly. And, probably eats close to $300.00 worth of groceries per week. Not to mention the very same teenager always uses the very last ‘K-Cup’ without replacing the stock, which forces my father to go all the way out to the garage and refill the Keurig machine, simply to get a cup of coffee in the morning. This boy is otherwise known as his grandson, JCH, Whosteen, or, Justin.
Then we have a 90-year-old man that’s completely blind in one eye, and half blind in the other eye, and who’s nearly deaf, but refuses to wear a hearing aid. And that very same, 90-year-old man tends to fall down a lot, but thankfully, my father finds ways to make that amusing. This old man is otherwise known as his father-in-law, Poppa Sye.
Lastly, there’s a woman that leaves different pairs of shoes all over the house. A woman who is famous for losing her things, especially her keys, and she has been known to lock herself out of her own car, on more than one occasion, who may or may not overreact when such events occur. This woman is otherwise known as his wife, Pam.
Needless to say, my father deserves a break, every now and again. One of his favorite activities, aside from playing tennis – is to go skiing. As luck would have it, the opportunity arose for my parents to take a long weekend away in Vermont.
When they returned, I asked how their trip was. As it turns out, my mother wasn’t feeling very well on their mini-vacation, therefore she did NOT ski at all. In fact, there have been plenty of times she’s gone to Vermont without ever setting foot on a ski slope. And yet SOMEHOW, she’s the one who ended up with BRAND NEW SKI’S.
Meanwhile, my father, who’s an AVID skier, that lives for all things skiing, was busy hurling himself down the mountainside with nothing more than packing bubble wrap inside of his helmet, after the lining came out.
Seriously.
Oh, I almost for got to mention that my father doesn’t even have a SINGLE DRAWER in his OWN bedroom for his clothing.
Nope.
What does he have? Well, he has two gym bags underneath the bed, along with some plastic containers for his socks and what-nots.
And, don’t even ask about closet space.
My father keeps his suits in the same closet as the 14-year-old-teenager which drinks all of my father’s coffee in the morning.
To top things off…I feel the need to say one last thing.
My mother is also the one driving a BRAND NEW SHINY CAR.
Meanwhile my father, bless his heart, is stuck driving Poppa Sye’s 1912 Buick, with the paint chipping off the hood. The car is so disgusting, and so embarrassing when my father goes out of the office to visit his clients, he has to park three blocks away and WALK to his appointments so no one will see the abomination he’s driving.
He’s been ripped off at gas stations, he’s been confused as Tony Bennett, he’s been woken up in the middle of the night to kill a “spider”, he’s had to repair a broken garbage disposal, and a desk drawer, he’s had to move an enormous amount of property, he’s installed a chandelier, and a waterfall, he’s put out fires, and nearly bled to death, and yet – he’s managed to maintain his sense of humor throughout all of this.
Yep.
That’s My Daddy.
* So tell me boys and girls, who get ‘The Short End Of The Stick’ in YOUR house?
So, what this tells me is that he’s not just a funny guy, he’s a very very loving guy. 🙂
Your father sounds like a kind, loving man who will receive a special room in God’s mansion when he finally gets there. And no matter how much trouble you and your son and everything else might seem to be now, I’ll bet $100 he wouldn’t trade any of it for the time he’s had with his family.
Me, on the other hand? I would trade it all for a pack of gum and a movie ticket. Damn kids.
I’m going to hell.
Awwweee! I bet he wouldn’t want it any other way. Men love to feel useful and I think he is certainly getting used. 🙂 What a sweet heart.
Missed you last night at the slumber party.
You are such a lucky girl to have a nice Dad. Sounds like he is a loving person and good sport, to boot.
I’m telling you, Ron and Vic were cut from the same mold!!!! Totally awesome and loving , funny men!!!!!
He will be up for sainthood I’m sure of it. 🙂
Short end of the stick? He gets to be the hero of so many of your blog posts and now he has a huge fan base! He’s a celebrity because of you!! 🙂
Seriously, sounds to me like your Dad is an awesome man who loves his family and is loved very much in return. What more could anyone ask for?
He’s your Daddy, what else need you say? Getting the “fuzzy end of the lollypop” now and then is one of the perks of the job. And through it all, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him without a smile on his face. I feel for him, and you, I had a $300 a week teenage son.
You are ALL very lucky to have him. I don’t know ANY men who would happily take on so much. I don’t know any men who DO half as much.
First, I want to say to your father…..”What a guy!!!!”
I hereby bestow the Father of the Year Award to you!
What a faaaaaaabulous dad you have, Meleah!
In my family, I without a doubt think my mother got the short end of the stick. I loved my dearly, but it was my mother who did all the homework – HA!
X
A 1912 Buick ? I can imagine him with a pin stripped suit, a bowler hat, a cane and driving gloves !
I love this post so much. SO VERY MUCH. Your dad rules.
OhMyLisa,
He’s amazing!
Damn Kids, indeed, MWJ.
Please save a seat for me in Hell.
I missed you too, Junebug.
I was in charge of schlepping teenagers all night.
*boring*
I love my father, I am BLESSED to have him.
Oh, absolutely! ABSOLUTELY.
Fo’ Real.
My father IS my HERO. That’s the truth.
My dad deserves a medal every day he comes home, smiling and laughing.
I know, right? He’s amazing, Rachele.
AHAHHAHAHAhhahahahahah
Ah yes, mothers usually DO get The Short End Of The Stick, Ron!
When they come calling you to ask if your family wants to be on TV as the newest reality show please say yes. You have such a wonderful family filled with amazing characters. Did he get the short end? I don’t know, it sounds like it, but I bet he enjoys every minute of it.
That was very interesting hearing about your father! He is definitely Superman. Your post made me want to give him a hug. lol
Thanks, Leslie. I know ya, do!
Oh, there should totally be a camera crew following my father around!
Aw, Jules!
Although my dad wasn’t around for much of my life while I was growing up, he did have an exceptional sense of humour – a trait I did not inherit (certain things went waaaay over my head – well, I was born blonde after all). Considering my dad didn’t have a great life, he always saw the humour in tough times. I think your dad emulates that same characteristic- quite a valued one. Give him a hug from me.
😉
The world needs more good people like him.
I always love your “Daddy” stories. He just seems like such a wonderful man, always maintaining his sense of humor in situations that would surely reduce me to tears. Your family is so lucky to have him. His attitude is inspiring.
Who gets the short end of the stick in my house? I would say me, but I’m quite sure the rest of my family would fight me to insist that each of them is the one who gets the short end of the stick.
I know I’ve said it before but your dad is one cool dude. Has the looks of Tony Bennet, the patience of Job, the skills of MacGyver, and a sense of humor that would rival Johnny Carson. Love all the stories/videos you spin about him, although, I wonder how much Meleah is the source of the situation.
He’s a legend. I love your Dad. What a cool, fantastic guy.
Hmm, I think my dad has gotten the short end of the stick too. Poor guy. He never complains though which makes me think he’s a saint.
Your father sounds AMAZING!!! I’m sure he wouldn’t trade any of his family for the world. Luckily, I live alone, so I’m only short-sticking myself:)
I’ll have a drink ready for you, too. A double.
That’s what dad’s are for – well, the good dads that is, and he’s obviously one of the good dads 🙂
They should make molds of your father and sell them !
Thanks Oodozo.
My father’s sense of humor has taught me how to laugh at myself.
And that’s priceless.
Indeed!
Terri,
From what I’ve read, I think YOU do get The Short End Of The Stick!
Agg,
I definitely chase my father around with my camera, because I know that will
EVENTUALLY make HIM laugh!
Thanks, Selma.
I don’t know what we’d do without him!
My dad NEVER complains either, Nik.
They are BOTH saints!
I miss living alone…sometimes!
YAY! That’s a deal.
Thanks, Babs. He sure is!
Fo’ Real!
Your dad sounds a lot like my mom. I don’t know if my family would have survived without her energy in everything that she does.
I know my family would NOT be what we are today, if it wasn’t for my dad.