You all know how much I love my father and just how much I love to share stories about him with ya’ll. Like the time he saved me from a spider, or the time he fought with the gas attendant over 75 cents, or how he looks almost exactly like Tony Bennett, and just how difficult it was to change my flat tire.
Well, today boys and girls, I have yet another tale from the ‘Daddy Chronicles’ to regale you with. This story also features the one and only Gramma Ev, because Everyone Needs A Little Evelyn in their life.
It was just a typical day here in central New Jersey. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping and all was seemingly well. On his lunch break, my father took a leisurely walk over to the local bank, which was conveniently located right around the corner from his office. My father had his bi-weekly card game that evening and he needed to change a few twenty-dollar bills in for singles.
Upon entering the building, my father stood in the appropriate line and waited for the next available teller. When he was called up to the window an unusual turn of events occurred.
My Father: “Hello, yes, I’d like to change these bills in for singles.”
Lady At The Window: “Sure. What’s your account number?”
My Father: “I don’t have an account here.”
Lady At The Window: “Then we can’t change these bills.”
My Now Confused Father: “What do you mean you can’t change these bills?”
Lady At The Window: “We have a new policy. If you don’t have an account with our bank, then we can’t change these bills.”
My Now Even More Confused Father (looks intensely at his money): “This is American money right? I am still in America right?”
Lady At The Window (programmed to produce the same reply): “We have a new policy. If you don’t have an account with our bank, then we can’t change these bills.”
My Now Annoyed Father: “Let me get this straight. You can’t change my American Money for other American Money, IN A BANK OF AMERICA, because I don’t have an account here?”
Lady At The Window: “Well that is our new policy.”
My Now Seriously Agitated Father: “Okay. I am going to need to speak with your manager.”
Lady At The Window: “Well, he is not here right now, and he wont be back for awhile.”
My Now Irate Father: “Fine. But, I’ll be back.”
And with that my father stormed out of the bank.
He walked over to his favorite deli and ordered a sandwich, but he could not stop obsessing over what had just happened. He paid for his lunch and headed back to his office. While seated at his desk, my father proceeded to work himself up into such a state of mind that he couldn’t even eat his food.
He decided to ask a few people around the office if the ‘situation’ that just went down at the bank seemed normal to anyone. As the more people agreed with my father, the more annoyed, angry, upset, irritated, and frustrated, my father became.
He was so vexed it was quite possible the pulsating veins in his neck could have very well exploded. My father left the office, in a huff, and went back to the bank in hopes of speaking to the manager.
My Very Pissed Off Father: “Hi, remember me? I want to talk to your manager.”
Lady At The Window: “Well, he is still not here. I am not sure when he will be back.”
My Angry Father: “Okay, let me ask you a question. I am not a customer of this bank so you won’t change my American Money, but you have no problem taking my $1.50 for the fee every time I use your ATM machine.”
My father’s voice was so loud and booming through out the building, a lady from inside the back offices heard the commotion and came out to see if she could assist in any way.
Bank Office Lady: “Sir, sir, May I help you?”
My Livid Father: “I hope so, because this is kind of crazy. I don’t have a bank account here, but I work right around the corner and all I want to do is change these bills for other bills, and they lady in the window wont do it. Apparently you have some sort of new policy.”
Bank Office Lady: “Well yes that’s true we do have a new policy. And we can’t….”
Suddenly, she stopped right in the middle of her sentence and began staring at my father as if she recognized him from somewhere.
Bank Office Lady: “May I ask you a personal question?”
My Furious Father: “Yeah, sure. If it will get me some change.”
Bank Office Lady: “Are you Evelyn’s Cxxxxxx’s son?”
My Perplexed Father: “Yes I am. Why?”
Without saying another word, The Bank Office Lady took my father by the hand and led him over to the bank teller.
She approached the window and said, “Forget the policy. Please just give this man whatever he wants.”
As it turns out, The Bank Office Lady lives only a few doors down from my Gramma Evelyn. Anyone who knows Evelyn knows best – not – to mess with her.
My Gramma Ev has no qualms in putting together a picket line, going to the newspapers, calling the cops, in sighting a riot, or creating a massive scene.
I went into a complete state of hysterical laughter when my father told me this story, for two reasons:
1. No matter how good any of his arguments were over how stupid and obnoxious their new policy may have been, it took the simple mentioning of his mother to solve the problem.
2. Because I wouldn’t want this woman coming after me in a fit of rage either.
Great story, and I think that you told it very well!
you are so fortunate to have these awesome stories to tell! 🙂
amy thinks your writing DOES NOT suck!!!amy thinks you are having what is called “writer’s block”, which will pass. amy thinks you are the funniest person she knows!
MamaZen:
Thank you
🙂
HeatherOSB:
Yes, I think I am lucky too.
And in light of all these losses everyone is dealing with, I feel even more compelled to save and treasure all of my precious family moments via blog posts, photographs and home movies.
Amy The Bartender:
Meleah is REALLY sick of having Writers Block and she wishes it would go away already. But Meleah is REALLY HAPPY to hear that AMY thinks she is still FUNNY. Meleah thinks that Amy is the cutest. And she wants to carry her in her around in pocket
Hey, I understood the story, knew what your point was, and giggled. What more could you want? 😉
Good story, my dear. Don’t be so hard on yourself. xoxoxoxoxo
Me thinks you are just being too hard on yourself … the story is FUN!!
😀
CMK:
But it just does NOT sound the SAME as I usually write.
Its definitely lacking.
🙁
Kristy:
Thanks girl, but I think it falls a little short and well below my standards.
Damn this so-called writers block situation.
I agree! lol And that was WONDERFULLY told, as usual :-).
Very funny story and your writing does NOT suck.
Think of these little stories as small detours on the road to writing your big story. The writer’s block will pass and you will be back to pouring out the story soon. Just don’t rush it. Take your time and it will come. Besides, I like the detours. Kinda like small short stories that give us a glimpse of your life. Keep the faith write when the mood strikes you.
I thought it was a brilliant story. I completely agree with your Dad – what a ridiculous policy the bank has. I thought it was so funny that at the mention of Grandma Ev, everything changed. I definitely need a Grandma Evelyn. So funny!
Diamond:
Thank you sweetness.
Agg:
I hate writers block and all the self doubt its causing me!
Grrr….
I am glad you liked this detour story!
🙂
Selma;
Everyone Needs A Little Evelyn!
xoxoxoxo
What a lovely story 😀
Hee heeeeee!!! I LOVE that pic of Gramma Ev! Great story! And you do NOT SUCK!!! So shut UP! 🙂 XOOXOXOXO!!!!!!!!!!!
Nick:
Thank you.
Olga:
You’re so good to me.
xoxoxo
It amazed me when banks started using this policy too so I can’t blame the guy for getting all upset over it. It is certainly inconvenient. Funny that your Gramma Ev carries so much weight though. I guess that has its benefits. 😉
Ha ha! Oh if only we all had mothers like that! great story – and well written 🙂
what a ridiculous policy. that would have made me nuts as i’m sure it made him. glad it worked out in his favor.
tenni:
I love that Gramm Ev was able to get things done and she wasn’t even there! LOL
Babs:
Just goes to show no matter how old we get, we all need our MOMS!
Maria:
That bank is stupid.
thats what makes ev cool.. she is the granny ya don’t even wanna mess with!!!!!
In times of trouble, “mamma” will always bail you out!
A great story. I wonder if I can use it at the bank or anywhere. I’ll tell them that I am my mamma’s son. They might just blink and stare at me as if I was nuts. I’ll tell them that it’s Meleah’s fault 😉
Paisley:
LOL. That’s so very true!
xoxo
Roshan:
Okay. Ill take the blame!
🙂
“Suddenly, she stopped right in the middle of her sentence and began staring at my father as if she recognized him from somewhere.”
I though you were going to say she thought he was Tony Bennett!
And, Yay, a new Meleah movie!
Thats crazy and awesome. LOL Funny how you get things when you are “known”.
Oh. My. God.
That was the BEST story! And you’d better stop listening to KFKD about your writing. What is KFKD, you ask? Well, it’s that f*cked up radio station playing in your head that tells you your writing sucks, it’s stupid, you’ll never be able to write again, yada, yada, yada.
Here’s what you need to do. Sit down. Say a little prayer that goes, “Please help me to get out of the way so I can write what needs to be written.” Of course, KFKD will still be playing. You’re a writer so it always will. But, you don’t have to listen to it.
Just keep writing. Just keep writing.
XOXOXO
RC
Employee No 3699:
When my father told me that story, I thought he was going to same the same thing too! HA! Yeah, I am working on a new movie (since I can’t seem to write these days) It’s for my son (well about my son) since he is going to be 13 on Sunday! *gasp*
Oscar:
Its really isn’t what you know, but WHO you know!
Random Chick:
OMFG. I have been tuned into that station of almost a WEEK now. Its enough already. I will say any prayer, and do just about ANYTHING to get back into the zone of writing. Meleah is MISERABLE without her words.
I had the same experience recently and just said, “Okay, all right” and walked away.
Then again, I don’t have a grandma Evelyn.
Your writing is just fine; the more you do the more comfortable and polished you’ll be at writing exactly what you are trying to say. Everyone feels that way about their writing at first, especially people who tend to be self-critical.
Richard W:
Maybe you can borrow Gramm Ev next time!
hahahhaah
BobG:
I am way too over critical, but I also know when I am falling painfully short!
🙂
That story put a smile on my face. Thanks Mel!! 🙂
how I wish I have a Gramm Ev, too! lol 🙂
would love to have you over my site 🙂
That’s hysterical! For some reason I’m not surprised the bank has this stupid new policy. It ranks right up there with credit card companies increasing their rates or cutting limits in half, then informing customers they’ve exceeded their limit.
Colin:
YAY
The Leaves:
Gramma Ev rocks.
Terri:
I know! Its insanity!
xoxo
I can sympathize with your poor old Dad – it never fails to amaze me how some companies come up with the stupidest of rules/regulations/decisions. PS, the writing is good. You are a good writer. But dont let this stop you making a movie.
What? this was a good story. Why do you say it sucks? You’re too hard on yourself.
I think that is the dumbest policy ever. I would be livid too. And I’m being shaken down right now by my landlord and I wish I had an Evelyn here. You would not believe what these morons are trying to do. I would love to see her take their heads off.
Sort of reminds me of this story. A man is having difficulty getting a bank to change a hundred dollar bill because he has no account there. So he comes back in with a gun and a mask and demands one hundred dollars in small bills. He then takes the money, places the $100 bill on the counter and walks out.
.
GGOM:
LOL. I finished making the movie. It will be posted on SUNDAY.
Ricardo:
Yes. I know. I am way too hard on myself
The Sarcasticynic:
That’s TERRIBLE!
Hahaha, ok, from now on, whenever I get into trouble, I’m going to say, “don’t you know I’m Grandma Evelyn’s granddaughter, you better do what I say!”
that was too darn funny and didn’t suck at all. i agree with your pa pa. uh hello, just exchange the bills bank. their new policy sucks and it’s stupid.
your grandma sounds like my aunt, only she carries a “piece” well wait, not anymore. they won’t allow it in the nursing home she was just put in last month. she still promises anyone an @$$ whippin’ if they mess with her.
RMH:
ahahahhahaha
Good Idea!
Valerie:
Your Aunt and my Gramma should HANG OUT together!
🙂