Yep. I bet you already guessed by that title, this post will be written much like Facebook Status Updates, and in The Third Person. You’re Welcome – AMY.
On Monday, Meleah played the role of ‘photographer‘ for a Charity Golf Outing hosted by one of her friends from KHCC. And, of course it was held on The Hottest Day Of The Year! The pictures are coming out very nicely, but since Meleah is still busy editing, cropping, and captioning these photos, she can only show you one picture. The following photo was taken the day before the charity event while we were out on the course practicing:
[This is how the Paparazzi travels on the golf course when she does NOT have a cart of her own. Otherwise known as Meleah.]
On Tuesday, Meleah proceeded to clean her own bedroom to meet her O.C.D. standards of clean, even though the paid cleaning lady would be at her house the following day. You would think after ALL OF THIS Meleah would never want to clean anything ever again, but that is simply not the case! In fact, Meleah might love to clean even more. And then Meleah did all of the laundry. How very exciting.
On Wednesday, Meleah dedicated the day to The Internet. She finally had the time to catch up reading everyone else’s blogs! And she abused Facebook with Incessant Status Updates.
On Thursday, Meleah went food shopping with her mother. Wherein Meleah inadvertently stole a 12 pack of Coca-Cola from the grocery store, because it was on the bottom [underneath part of the cart] and she did not even realize it was there – until she started loading the car. Meleah wanted to go back into the store to pay for it, but her mother didn’t want to wait in the pouring rain. And No One argues with her mother Pammie! After helping her mother unload all of the groceries, Meleah traveled up to KHCC to spend time with her favorite person, Amy The Bartender Who’s “Official Title” Is Way Too Long To Post.
On Friday, Meleah had the pleasure of spending the day with One Crazy Eyes Woman, Who May Or May Not Have Liquor on The Knees, That Definitely Has Sand Flea Feet, Who Occasionally Suffers From Mad Cow, And The Very Same Woman Who Abuses The Term ‘Love’ When Expressing Her Feelings Surrounding Television Shows [And Movies] Who Is Utterly Obsessed With All Things Pertaining To Steve McQueen, And That Needs To Commit To One Reason As To Why Her Mother Stays So ‘Young’ – Otherwise Known As Nightingale.
Meleah knew her day was going to be quite interesting when her morning started out like THIS:
Because nothing says GOOD MORNING quite like Spanish Rap Music.
Yep. That was Nightingale at 830am. Did you happen to notice her signature move? The signing of the cross, while seat dancing, with no hands on the steering wheel, and her crazy eyes?
[And my whole day was just like that. Every time we got back into the car, I was regaled with Spanish Rap Music and Nightingale in all of her glory.]
Meleah sent Amy The Bartender a text message that included a Photo of Nightingale and ‘The Audio Soundtrack’ of her singing Spanish Rap Music, because Meleah’s Piece Of Shit Cell Phone does NOT have video capabilities. But Amy The Bartender knew exactly what was going on in the car the second she heard the loud Spanish Rap Music. Because Amy The Bartender has been in a car with Nightingale and seriously Contemplated Jumping Out Of The Vehicle And Implementing The ‘Tuck And Roll Method.’
Amy The Bartender replied with one of the best text messages I’ve ever received.
“May God Be With You Meleah”
Meleah’s day only got more interesting which she will now bring to you in a Bullet Point Format:
* We almost ran out of gas while traveling because someone was too distracted dancing and singing loudly to notice we only had 4 miles to find a gas station. Or we would have been forced to push the car.
* Meleah was thrilled to be cleaning with Rommie as opposed to cleaning with Claudia because Rommie is a dynamo and an absolute champion. And Claudia? Not.So.Much.
* Meleah properly conveyed the words ‘wait for a second’ in Spanish when she told Rommie, ‘Uno Momento’. And then she congratulated herself.
* Meleah smelled something unpleasant, but she couldn’t figure out what That Smell was. That is, until she realized it was herself she was smelling – and she smelled badly. Mostly because she chose to eat a garlic covered steak for breakfast that very morning.
* Meleah got to impliment her new-found eye-hand coordination skills that she must have obtained while playing countless hours of Bejeweled Blitz. Because normally, Meleah is not all that coordinated. While Meleah was cleaning, in a building that she doesn’t like, for a gross man with creepy hair, she saved herself from what could have been a tragic, embarrassing, and expensive, accident. You see, Meleah always goes for the Olympic Gold Medal in the Extreme Sport Of Vacuuming, she has even become quite the ambidextrous vacuum-er, using both her right and left hands. And, Meleah can vacuum in any direction necessary. However, on this particular day, because Meleah was exiting the bedroom vacuuming backwards, she did not see an expensive glass lamp that was too close to the outside of the bedroom door. And because she was vacuumming backwards, and because she did not see the expensive glass lamp behind her, she knocked into it. Tipping the lamp over. As Meleah watched the lamp falling in slow motion, she imagined the lamp breaking, and all of the shattered glass that would be on the hardwood floors upon it’s painful landing. By sheer reflex, Meleah managed to get her foot on the base of the lamp subsequently stopping the fall. And then she was able to grab the lamp with her hand and placed it neatly where it belonged. Of course, she did this right in front of the sales manager also known as The Gross Man With The Creepy Hair. So while she did save herself from a tragic and expensive accident, she did not save herself from the embarrassment.
* Meleah realized she desperatley needed a new pair of sneakers when she suffered a severe case of shin splints [again] and her feet were covered in blisters. Meleah just can’t clean very well when she is only wearing flip flops. She tried.
And, THIS was how her Saturday Morning started:
Ah yes. All fired up again. God Love Her!
Of course, when Nightingale is in that kind of mood, they day moves very quickly. Nightingale and Meleah cleaned in record breaking time. But, since Meleah likes to clean at extreme speeds, she wound up suffering from a self inflicted injury.
Because it was the end of the day, and because Meleah really wanted the day to hurry up and be over already, Meleah was mopping hard wood flooring, and panting like a rabid dog [thanks to all those years of smoking]. She is not exactly sure how this happened, but she suspects her injury might have something to do with the fact that she was cleaning in flip flops.
Unfortunately, Meleah could not possibly put her feet back into the very sneakers she had worn on Friday because they were just too painful. And they are over 4 years old. So, she did the next best thing.
But, considering flip flops don’t have any traction, or ankle support, they tend to slide on wet floors. Which is exactly what happened. Meleah must have twisted her body the wrong way, while trying to prevent herself from falling down, when suddenly, she felt a shooting pain in her right hipbone that traveled all the way down her right leg.
Not wanting to give up this close to the end of the marathon cleaning, Meleah told her self to Man-Up and Walk It Off. Which she did. Only to feel the pain moving up her back. However, trooper that Meleah is, took off her shoes and continued cleaning barefoot, until the job was done.
After they were finished for the day, Meleah went home to take a shower and Nightingale went to KHCC to order lunch for the two of them.
And that’s when another unexpected incident occurred.
Once again, Meleah was rushing to get ready as quickly as possible. And because she was rushing, when she turned to grab the shampoo bottle off the ledge, she slipped, and fell, in her own shower – on the very hipbone that was already injured, thus rendering her virtually crippled.
Meleah accomplished getting out of the shower and back into her bedroom via army crawling. Then, she very slowly got dressed.
When Meleah arrived at KHCC, and still limping, she received yet another lovely text message from Amy The Bartender who had herself a hardy laugh watching Meleah make her way across the bar.
“Meleah is walking as if she had sex with a well endowed man for many hours.”
Sadly, for Meleah, that was not true.
Meleah and Nightingale proceeded to enjoy a nice meal, lovingly prepared by the staff of KHCC, and then Nightingale offered to take Meleah shopping!
Meleah happily hobbled through the store, but Nightingale must have taken pity on Meleah’s sad state, because out of nowhere Nightingale bestowed upon Meleah: a BRAND NEW PAIR OF SNEAKERS, along with two new fabulous t-shirts, and one dressy blazer for the rare occasion Meleah actually decides to dress like a lady [which is not too often], and and awesome pair of jeans.
Now that – was totally super cool. Meleah almost forgot how much pain she was in!
And that pretty much wraps up my week in review. I will be spending the rest of the day visiting all of you. In fact, I am probably leaving you a comment – Right Now!
loved the videos!!! how can you not have a good time with such a great personality as nightingale??? she sounds like a gem!! and then to buy you presents too?? what an angel..
you are a born cleaner,, and i only wish you lived close enough to do my house!!! there is hope tho,, i have a girl coming in the end of the month to bail me out!! i cant wait!!!
Awesome post Meleah! Sorry to hear about the incident, looks like you were in good hands though, that’s a big plus to be surrounded by caring friends.
Paisley:
I was sooo excited when I heard about YOU getting a cleaning lady! Its a miracle. And I am soo happy for you. You do know that if I lived closer to you that I would have totally gone OCD in your house! And yeah, Nightingale rocks!
xoxoxoxo
Rog:
Thank you. I think I am lucky! And Im thrilled about the new sneakers!
🙂
Haha, I wish I had a friend like Nightingale! Or even Amy the Bartender, they’d definitely keep me amused for hours on end.
You looked so happy, and beautiful, in the first picture! 🙂
Considering all the work you have done for Nightingale, it’s time to ask for a Porsche! 🙂
HO LY SHIT!!! i am dying over here. seeing those videos of “nightingale” made me laugh harder than i laughed when i saw them originally!! and, i knew what was coming. between the classic dance moves, “the signing of the cross”&”the backstroke”, what pushed me over the edge was the sunglasses & head shaking. this was quite a weekend! and i’m so thrilled by silverneurotic’s quote that she/he, “wished i had a friend like Nightingale! Or even Amy The Bartender”. Of course silvernerotic does, we laugh our asses off!
mel, thank you so much for the third person, the funniest video of N, and the best title yet!!!!!!! she deseves it!
Silver:
They really are totally the best!
I sincerely LOVE my friends.
I never laugh so hard as when I am with them.
RMH:
Aw, Thank you.
I am always very happy when I am with my friends!
And I would LOVE a Porsche!!!!
Amy The Bartender:
YAY!!!
Meleah knew this post would make Amy’s day.
And Meleah loves when Amy laughs!
And Meleah is thrilled Amy likes Nightingale’s title!!
xoxoxo
PS: And yeah, we really do laugh our asses off all the time.
PPS: My favorite part is when she puts the sunglasses on her face and full well knowing the cars next to us were hysterical looking at us in traffic!
omg. i love it all.
my friends are the best and all i can say is “amazing” how i can still shock the hell out of myself.
Muy fantastico! Absolutely love the videos. Tell Nightingale she’s a star on the internet! I can see where you get your enthusiasm. I’d like you to come over & clean our place. Just to see you guys work would be worth it.
I really hope you’re feeling better and the pain is bearable. Remember that good shoes can make your life better (or utter hell).
Jennifer:
It’s too damn funny!
OMG! Nightingale!
Whoo hoooo
Im sooooo happy you left a comment.
You are the best and we all love you just the way you are.
xoxoxxo
Agg79:
I will tell her you think she is a star! And we really do make an awesome team!
Id love to clean for you one day too. Except for the fact that you live way tooo far!
Ouch that sounds painful! Hope you are ok.
Why, oh why, can’t I be that fun and awake in the morning?! I want to be like Nightingale!
Romy:
Im better now! Thanks woman!
Momo Fali:
I am in awe of her cheerfulness in the am. I am usually an ANGRY morning person!
LOL!
I love the video- it’s so cute and scary at the same time… not the moves but the part where the hands leave the wheel for awhile. I am taking ambien now- it makes me cheerful in the morning!!!! ;0)
Donna really wants Meleah Who Dares To Live With Pain to take Amy The Bartender’s Advice and have God be with her as often as possible because Donna wants Meleah Who Can’t Quit At Making Her Readers Amused Because She Enjoys Making Others Smile to never stop. Donna just wants Meleah Who Wears Flip Flops For Activities That Require Good Foot And Ankle Support to stop wearing inappropriate footwear because of selfish reasons that if you are laid up blogging will be difficult.
Donna thinks Nightingale is really fun too.
BobG
How nice to see you!
Michelle Gartner:
I know. I had a heart attack every time she drives with NO HANDS ON THE WHEEL at rapid speeds in traffic on the highway! But, she sure is one happy morning person!
🙂
Donna:
Meleah thinks Donna Is Totally Super Awesome for the comment that she wrote.
And Meleah will take Donna’s advice and promises to wear appropriate footwear in the future so Meleah will always be able to entertain her friends like Donna!
xoxoxoxoxox
God love Nightingale…. PUT YOUR HANDS BACK ON THE STEERING WHEEL FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! We want our Meleah to arrive at her destination all in one piece thank you very much!
Nightingale rules. So does Amy the Bartender.
This was such a funny post – my stomach hurts from laughing. Hope your hipbone is feeling better.
I think I need to get some of that Spanish rap!
Terri:
Ahahahahahahahahah
Selma:
I love the two of them.
I think everyone needs a little Spanish Rap!
xoxoxo
Nightingale’s Driving Video could be a comical Public Service Announcement on why it is not safe to ride with strangers! 😉
Those vids of Nightingale in the car are hilarious!! And so is your obsession with cleaning. You are a Freak of Nature, you know that, don’t you? NOBODY loves cleaning … except you. ROFL!! You go girl. 😉
Sorry you got hurt, but good save on the lamp!!
MMP:
Amy The Bartender REFUSES to get into a car w/ Nightingale!
And now you can SEE why!
🙂
Jay:
I know. My PASSION for cleaning is totally bazaar and utterly crazy!
But, that works for me!
PS: I impressed myself with my lamp save!
xoxo
You are a cleaning maniac!!! But I understand it must be done. Seriously, that woman needs her own reality show. Nice that you could use a little facebook without getting the book thrown at you by the FBPD.
Ha Ha Mel, you remind me of a friend who goes cleaning crazy, too. Glad to “read” you had a great week.
You’re SO cute, I just LOVE YOU!!! 🙂
Ricardo:
OMG. Amy The Bartender truly want Nightingale to have her OWN reality show! Its never stops with her. She is CLASSIC. And yes, every time I use Facebook and DONT get banned or warned, its a freaking miracle!
Noemi:
Thank you!
🙂
SoLow:
I love you back!
xoxoxo
I have to stop laughing first to type a comment. Read it & watched the videos twice.
Roshan:
You are too good to me.
xoxoxo
spanish rap music. never thought about it, but LOL.
Listening to it? Now that is another story!
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