Meleah has resolved to write her blog post, in the same way she writes her Facebook Status Updates. In fact, because Meleah has so much more fun writing in the third person, she is going to commit to writing this way on her blog, at least until September.
Monday evening after preparing a lovely meal for her family, Meleah decided to take her cooking skills to the next level, and try her new-found culinary hands at baking.
However, Meleah wasn’t exactly sure how the cake would turn out [or eventually taste] considering only HALF of the batter, actually made it into the bunt pan.
The ‘Other Half Of The Cake Mix’?
Landed all over Meleah’s shirt, face, and hair. Right before uncontrollably spraying wildly onto the kitchen counter, walls, and floor – when something went terribly awry.
Meleah, having little to no experience in baking, simply thought the mixer leg thingy’s would come off the hand held contraption, when she pressed the EJECT button. Sadly, that was not the case. Instead, the mixer turned itself on HIGH while IN THE AIR and covered in batter.
Yeah. Um. Meleah is totally blaming the mixer. After all, it is quite possible that the particular mixer she used was built by the very Herbert Johnson himself, back in 1908.
As Meleah looked around the disaster that was once her kitchen and glanced down at her once freshly laundered, favorite sweat pants, and said in her best Chelsea Handler voice, “What….A Mess.”
Then Meleah wondered weather or not she was supposed to bake the cake for HALF of the time, since she was only able to use HALF of the batter? And she wondered if she would ever be able to remove the cake batter from the kitchen ceiling.
In good news, after some extensive cleanup, the cake ended up being a total success and was enjoyed by all. And, that lovely experiment forced Meleah to finally take that shower. The very shower she should have taken on Sunday.
Tuesday and Wednesday, Meleah worked her fat little sausage link fingers until the Red Nail Polish practically chipped off, typing away, writing Chapter Nine.
By Thursday, Meleah needed to get out of the house. She visited her ‘home away from home’ also known as KHCC to enjoy a leisurely lunch. Unfortunately, when Meleah arrived Amy The Bartender was NOT her usual sunshiny self.
An ‘Angry Amy’ makes for one very ‘Sad Meleah’.
Apparently, something happened that Meleah is not allowed to discuss publicly, that may or may not involve inconsiderate and/or lazy people who shall remain nameless.
When Meleah heard the cause of Amy The Bartender’s grief, she busted out her best Chelsea Handler voice again, and said, “What…A Nightmare.”
[Side Bar: Meleah really likes using her best Chelsea Handler voice, almost as much as she likes talking in the third person.]
However, Amy The Bartender dealt with said private situation- single handedly and with style and grace. And, then Meleah and Amy enjoyed splitting and eating everything from The Left Side Of The Menu along with a hearty helping of ‘Pepcid Complete’ to combat the inevitable heartburn.
On a completely unrelated topic…
In addition to the brake light warning that has been gleaming in the dashboard of Meleah’s car [ever since January] the Check Engine light is also now glowing a brilliant shade of amber. Meleah isn’t all that concerned about having these issues taken care of immediately, since she suffers from a mild case of agoraphobia and never drives outside of the 4 square miles that surround her house. Meleah is pretty sure she can get away with not having her car checked out, for at least a few months.
Thursday night into Friday morning, Meleah miraculously completed the rough draft of Chapter Nine. Meleah has posted her latest work on the internet, but you will need to leave a comment or send an email to request the password. Meleah is really looking forward to hearing what you think and she truly appreciates all of the support and encouragement she receives from all of her totally super awesome friends.
Friday, Meleah spent the entire day and night in her pajamas, in bed, eating whatever the hell she wanted and sleeping as much as humanly possible. By Saturday Meleah woke up extremely refreshed.
Sunday was a most excellent and simply glorious day in the Walter, Colonna, Hawthorne Household. Some of Meleah’s family came over to help her celebrate her son’s 13th birthday party, even though his real birthday was last Sunday and even though they already had a party for him. But, Meleah thinks that every thirteen year old should get to have two birthday weekends, because turning thirteen is so very monumental.
Amy The Bartender attended our little family function and she could not have been more excited. In fact, Amy The Bartender [Who Plays Tennis But Is Not Ranked] had been highly anticipating the chance to meet Gramma Evelyn in person for weeks prior to this engagement. Amy The Bartender was so looking forward to what Gramma Ev *might* say, that Amy The Bartender prepared a list of topics [in advance] to discuss with Gramma Ev.
Gramma Ev did not disappoint.
Amy The Bartender thinks that Gramma Ev is even more of a character in real life. And Amy The Bartender would be right. Meleah was so happy to hear Gramma Ev sound like her usual Angry Self because Everyone Needs A Little Evelyn.
Meleah can’t even begin to get into the ‘highlights’ of the day, because there were just way too many. However, Meleah is presently working very hard on editing the raw video footage of Gramm Ev’s latest rants and compiling a new family movie for your viewing pleasure. Meleah plans on posting The Final Cut right here on her blog, just as soon as she completes the painstaking task that is involved when creating said production.
[Meleah is also very busy: captioning, editing and cropping the hundreds and thousands of photos she recently took. After all, Meleah takes her job as ‘Family Historian’ very seriously. Just ask all the people with her camera stuck in their faces.]
Meleah hopes ya’ll had an excellent week and she is looking forward to reading and commenting on all of YOUR blogs to see just how YOU have been, and what YOU have been up to! In fact, Meleah may be commenting on your blog right now.
My check engine light on my Volvo was pretty much on from the time I bought it in march until I finally traded it in in december…but the damn thing broke down on me twice during that time (within two weeks of each other). I’d get it checked out. Just to be on the safe side.
A new Meleah movie? I LOVE LOVE LOVE your movies. I can’t wait to see!
Until September ?! (moan)
Haha ! My first time with a mixer was exactly like that !
I watched some videos of Grandma Ev. Definitely don’t want to be on her bad side !
“What … A Week !”
amy is sooooooooooooo happy that meleah is back to writing her blog in third person. meleah can write almost anything in third person and that alone makes amy laugh. also when meleah refers to amy as amy the bartender as if that is amy’s full name is hysterical, but when adding to that title that she plays tennis, but is not ranked, is just too much. amy can not possibly convey in words just how funny a day with meleah’s family is. amy hopes that everyone will check out the ev video from today, and amy hopes that meleah’s video is even half as hysterical as ev was is person. mason is so lucky to have meleah as an aunt so he can look at these videos & photos when he is older!
Meleash is a charmingly odd and extremely funny person.
Silver:
Oh snap. Now Meleah is reconsidering getting her car looked at ASAP. As long as it doesn’t require leaving said 4sqaure mile radius.
Terri:
Oh yeah. But, this one is going to take some time and patience and dedication to complete!
🙂
Jaffer:
Gramma Ev = CLASSIC
Imagining you with a crazed mixed? = HYSTERICAL
You talking like Chelsea Handler? = PRICELESS.
🙂
Amy The Bartender!!
Meleah loves to make you laugh.
Meleah loves even more that you had an *awesome* day with her family.
Meleah thinks your FULL TITLE is totally super awesome and you should always be referred to in that way.
Meleah cant wait to finish editing and uploading the pictures so she can TAG you on Facebook.
Amy The Bartender Who Plays Tennis But Is Not Ranked is just going to have to be patient for the EV MOVIE to be complete so that Meleah can capture her essence ‘Just Right’!
xoxoxo
Paul:
Meleah MIGHT have lost her mind. But she LOVES a nice compliment.
She would like to thank you.
Lol on the baking a cake. Reminds of years ago when my sister & cousin tried to make a souffle. It turned out to look a lot like shampoo that was already rinsed! When I commented on it’s appearance, the two women almost burned me to death with their looks.
Your son is 13? Wow, he’s a man now. More or less. Time flies by eh?
The Father always called the dashboard lights ‘idiot lights.’ Of course, he IS a mechanic and can fix whatever is wrong, so they never scared him. I, however, have always had a panic attack whenever the lights came on in any of our vehicles. I admire your restraint! 😉
But, it’s not Monday. Okay, it is now Monday, but it was not Monday when you posted this, so I don’t know if I should have read it until Monday, though Monday is now, so I guess that’s okay. But I’m still confused.
Glad Amy was able to get things sorted out. I am in the middle of a big power sleeping cycle to to numerous aggravating events. it’s nice to sleep.
Roshan:
I am forgoing trying to bake again for a long time!
Dont EVEN remind me that I have a REAL LIVE teenager!
🙂
CMK:
I just cant deal with that kind of noise right now
i will wait until I HAVE to deal with it!
xoxox
DCR:
I know. I kind of jumped the gun when I posted this! I have too much editing to do! Oh, and if it makes you feel any better? Im always confused!
Ricardo:
Sleep Is Key.
well i am one of the lucky ones that keeps up with you on facebook so i am privy to all of this while it is going on….
Well, I know they have drugs for writing like this – but you keep on writing anyway you want to 😉 Loved chapter nine – just like all the rest of them…
Paisley:
I try not to always tell EVERYTHING on Facebook, so I can save SOMETHING for my blog – but it’s hard! xoxo
Skipper:
And I LOVE YOU!
You have got to be one of my BIGGEST supporters and you are ALWAYS the 1st to read my newest chapters. You have NO IDEA how much that means to me. I feel so blessed to have you as my friend.
love the variety of subjects you’ve got going on here girl! Happy belated birthday to your little man!
Sounds like things are going well. Your boy is TOO cute! Car problems suck the big one but are important to get a handle on…
Glad your book is moving along. It seems like just yesterday when you were not writing and look at you GO!
Heather OSB:
Aw. Thank you!
🙂
Barbara:
My son is getting way too big!
[sad face]
Car issues are something I plan on avoid dealing with as long as possible!
And I am also VERY glad to be writing again!
xoox
Well, I’m thinkin’ maybe bring the car in for a tiny check-up. You know, just for the heck of it. I know from experience that the “check engine” light usually fortells something nasty when allowed to beam unattended.
I can’t wait for your movie! 🙂 …and I’m going over to check out Chapter 9 right now. xoxo
I LOVE your family. Hearing about them is like watching a feelgood movie – I always leave with a smile on my face. Your Facebook-style updates are hilarious. I love every word!
Steph!
I know. I know. I really DO need to get my car looked at!
*sigh*
But, I will be working on making the newest movie and chapter ten this week so I probably will NOT leave my house!
Oh I’m so excited for YOU to read Chapt 9, because it will LIFT your spirits after that crushing Chapt. 8!
[BTW: Do you know who “Craig” is?]
xoxooxox
Selma:
Aw. That makes my heart sing!
xoxox
Good grief – sounds like you have a very exciting life, Meleah! LOL! I think we’ve all done the cake batter thing, but it’s still hilarious!!
But I really think you should get that car checked out, honey. Even if you don’t drive far, you really don’t want to be in it when the brakes fail and it wraps itself round a lamp-post and blows up. NOT necessarily in that order.
ROFL!!
Sounds like a busy, but happy and productive weekend.
Jay:
I’m just sorry I didn’t get the cake mix incident on VIDEO!
BobG:
It sure was.
Well, I can tell you that Meleah doesn’t need to comment on MY blog because I am now a lame-arse who doesn’t post anything.
However I am not so lame as to have stopped reading yours. So please, give me the top secret password for chapter 9.
Ha… oh it’s so rude to laugh, but I couldn’t stop laughing from your baking experience. Your description is so well so vivid, you really take your readers to enjoy the days with you.
Richard W:
One password coming right up!
And even if YOU are NOT posting, I will never think you are LAME!
Thank you for STILL reading my blog!
🙂
RMH:
You were supposed to laugh at my baking disaster!
Im glad you did!
xoxoxo
Has Meleah also started talking this way? (I hope not! lol) Thanks for stopping by! You are my “friend to the end” – not meant in a creepy, Chucky sort-of way lol.
Did a cake batter-dipped Meleah roll in the dough? 😉
Diamond:
Aw! You are too cute!
🙂
MissMoneyPenny:
ahahahah.
No! I was too busy cleaning up!
take care mate… cheers… 🙂
please do a video of you doing Chelsea!
I actually read this the other day- but got sidetracked by the videos of your Gramma Ev. They were really cool- are there more?
Wow she does not like Hillary and I had to agree with her entirely on Anna Nicole… I think your Gramma should be on tv and they should discontinue all the lame celebrity shows like entertainment tonight.
Arv;
Okay!
Speedy:
I just MIGHT do that!
🙂
Michelle:
Im working on some new Evelyn Material. I took some raw footage on JCH’s 13th birthday! She cannot stand The Clintons! I die laughing every time EV says, “She’ll steal the carpets off the floors…” ahahahahha.
I agree with you, Gramma EV would be the best reality TV show character!
You crack me up ! Did I wish JC a happy b-day, if not Happy B-Day Kiddo !
Wow. Writer. Cook. Photographer. Mom. You are one multi-talented dynamo. Keep writing your adventures, not matter how small, and we’ll keep reading. And Gramma Ev sounds like someone that everyone needs to have in their life.
Have a great weekend!
The Girl:
Thank You.
Agg79:
Gramma Ev is totally super awesome and totally out of her mind!
Of course I will keep sharing my adventures with ya’ll!
🙂
Pingback: Momma Mia, Mea Culpa » Blog Archive » Difficulties When Buying Birthday Cakes, And, Non-Stop Pouring Rain
Pingback: Top Ten ‘Highlights’ of 2010 [so far] — Momma Mia, Mea Culpa