Okay, people. I am feeling SO MUCH better.
Thank you everyone, for all of the well wishes.
First, I’d like to say there were plenty of good things about being laid up, and sick in bed all week, with a sinus infection and bronchitis. I played on Facebook. A lot. I read and commented on all of your blogs. And, of course I got all caught up with my favorite Television Series.
I managed to watch Every.Single.Episode of Season One, Two, and Three of ‘Breaking Bad‘, along with a new show ‘The Killing‘ on AMC. Now, I may have mentioned before that I do NOT like to watch anything scary. But apparently, I DO enjoy watching all things disturbing. Oh, and I also finished watching every episode of the new series on Showtime, ‘Shameless‘, along with an old favorite ‘Nurse Jackie‘.
However, the bad things about being laid up, and sick in bed all week, with a sinus infection and bronchitis, was feeling useless. And worthless. I was unable to exercise, or write, or accomplish anything substantial on any of my To Do Lists. I had way too much time on my hands to over-think everything little thing. And being stuck inside my own head is NEVER a good place for me. Plus, I was supposed to take a ‘Road Trip’ up to ‘New Hampshire’ to visit with my best girlfriend, Leslie, of 25+ years. Obviously, much to my disappointment, I had to cancel those plans. Of course that just inevitably sent me into one of those good old fashioned downward spirals filled with all that glorious self-pity. So, it’s only fair to warn you that this post isn’t all rainbows and unicorns. If you’re looking for something short, sweet, and funny to read, you might want to come back later this week.
Anyway, just when I was feeling completely miserable, and after watching one too many television shows, I figured a really good movie might lift my spirits. And even though I heard really mixed reviews, I decided to go ahead and rent the movie ‘Love And Other Drugs’.
All I can say is, “Wow, wow, wow, and wow.” And not just because I *love* Jake Gyllenhaal and Anne Hathaway. And, not just because I think the two of them should be the new ‘Tom Hanks’ and ‘Meg Ryan’ for all of Hollywood’s Romantic Comedies.
But because it was a movie that really spoke to me on a very personal level.
About the movie:
Maggie (Hathaway) is an alluring free spirit who won’t let anyone – or anything – tie her down. But she meets her match in Jamie (Gyllenhaal), whose relentless and nearly infallible charm serve him well with the ladies and in the cutthroat world of pharmaceutical sales. Early-onset Parkinson’s adds to Maggie’s mistrust of attachments. Jamie starts to fall for her about the time Viagra hits the market and makes him a sales superstar. When he becomes her knight errant in quest of a cure, she makes it clear that pity, entangling alliances, and being defined by her disease are off the table. Maggie and Jamie’s evolving relationship takes them both by surprise, as they find themselves under the influence of the ultimate drug: love.
[For those of you who have not seen the movie, don’t worry, I am not going to give away any spoilers in this blog post *insert pinky swear*.]
Moving along…
As I was watched the movie, I completely identified with the lead character Maggie. I understood the way she thought, I understood the way she felt, and I understood why she behaved the way she did. I saw a lot of myself in that character. When the movie ended I began thinking about my own dating life [or lack thereof]. And then I thought a lot about illnesses, mostly because of my own ‘Annoying Medical Conditions’.
I like to say that I am single because I am not interested in dating. And for the most part, that’s true. I mean, I really have no desire to put on ‘Real Pants’ or ‘Make Up’ just to sit through that uncomfortable silence that is the awkwardness that comes with any ‘First Date’. And I also don’t want to wait around for six months for that person to finally reveal their true colors. Because, let’s be honest here, no one acts like themselves in the beginning.
I have been pretty great, single. Happy even. It’s been nice with no one else demanding, wanting or needing things from me. When I am not writing, I’d much rather hang out with my girlfriends, spend time at my county club, or play golf. And it’s positively agreeable that any man in my life could become a major distraction from reaching my goals.
The best part of being this single, besides not having to shave my legs, has been the sheer freedom; to do what I want, when I want, with who I want, and not answering to, or considering anyone else’s needs or feelings. It’s one less person to clean up after. It’s one less load of laundry, and I never ever have to share the remote, or my blankets, or fake interest in sporting events.
Except that sometimes, it’s NOT always super awesome to feel lonely.
And there are days when I feel incredibly lonely.
Painfully. Lonely.
And yet, I am not willing to do anything to change that.
There is a part of me that doesn’t even want to TRY dating – simply because I don’t want to subject anyone else to my brand of crazy.
Let me explain…
Much like the character Maggie, I have some serious health issues.
And much like her, I never want my medical conditions to become someone else’s burdens.
It’s one thing for my family to have to take care of me. That’s their job. They’re screwed.
But I wouldn’t want to put anyone else through this. And just like the character in the movie, I certainly don’t want to be responsible for holding someone else back from achieving their own goals.
There is a scene in the movie that better explains what I am trying to say here. And it goes like this:
Maggie: I’m going need you, more than you need me.
Jamie: That’s okay.
Maggie: [crying] No it’s not. It isn’t fair. I have places to go!
Jamie: You’ll go there. I just may have to carry you.
Maggie: I can’t ask you to do that.
Jamie: You didn’t.
It has taken me YEARS to come to terms with the fact that my ‘Quality Of Life’ has been hijacked as a direct result of my health problems. It’s also taken me VERY along time to accept that I will forever have to live within certain limitations. And I refuse to ask, or remotely expect, ANYONE to take care of me, the way my family does.
You see, I have Crohn’s Disease, Celiac’s Disease, and Two Ulcers. In addition, I also have severe Food Allergies. If I eat the wrong food, I can go into Anaphylactic Shock and die. My most recent tests showed that I am allergic to everything on this list.
Did you read that list?
Good.
Now can you imagine being on a date with me, and trying to order something from a menu?
Or constantly reading labels on food containers in the grocery store?
Or always making sure there is enough Benadryl and Epi-Pens on hand?
Or being forced to drive to the Emergency Room?
And countless doctors appointments?
All. The. Time.
No.
Me either.
But I have to, because that IS my life.
And let’s not forget that I also have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder when it comes to cleanliness. When I am nervous I twirl my hair uncontrollably. I am high-anxiety and high-maintenance. I am self-absorbed and very selfish. I don’t like to share. Anything. I will never be able to hold down a full-time job again, not like I used to. I drive too fast. And, I am loud. In 2007, due to my health issues, I had to move back in with my parents. Oh and did I mention there’s a pretty good possibility that I will eventually end up with Alzheimer’s disease just like the other women in my family?
Any takers?
I didn’t think so.
There’s another scene in the movie, where Maggie says something along the lines of, “I wouldn’t want to date a sick person.”
And I totally got that too.
Seriously, people. I would NOT want to date someone like me, either.
I guess that’s why I spend so much time keeping people at arms length. I’ve built up so many walls in the interest of protecting myself that I doubt I’d be willing to tear those down and allow myself to be truly vulnerable with another person.
Maybe there is some one out there, who will love me unconditionally and all that jazz, just like in the movies. However, I am well aware of the sacrifices my own family has had to make and how much my disease has negatively affected them. Like how worried my mother was when my weight plummeted to under 90lbs. How my son used to refuse to go to school if I was sick, so that he could stay home and take care of his mommy. And all of the times my father’s missed work because he was too busy driving me around to a million doctors.
And I always end up feeling so incredibly guilty.
And, I always end up feeling like I am broken, damaged goods.
So why would I ever want to subject, yet another person – to all of that?
I don’t.
And I guess that’s my point.
And I guess that’s the real reason I don’t want to date anyone right now.
Besides, I don’t handle rejection very well.
Or maybe, I am just hiding behind my medical issues and using them as an excuse so that I never have to get crushed again?
I don’t know.
* So tell me boys and girls, would YOU date and/or marry a really sick person?
What I would say is that I would not purposely date or not date a sick person. When love hits you, it’s just love; nothing to do with whether the person is sick or not. Of course I agree that if we are to live together in the future, then there will be a lot of issues that need to be ironed out first … but isn’t that also true even if he/she is not a sick person? So in the end, it doesn’t really matter for me.
Oh, sweet thing. You made me sad with this one. You have the most generous, loving, sweetest, most positive spirit of anyone I’ve ever known. You are beautiful, smart, funny and kind. Your illnesses don’t define you, those character traits do. If you choose to put yourself back in the dating game or not is up to you, but honestly, if you don’t the person you never meet is not losing out on a sick girlfriend, he is losing out on a lovely, independant and strong woman with so much to offer.
Well since I am also a really sick person, who’s allergic to everything, and has chronic sinus and allergy problems – YES! Yes I would date a sick person like me! And yes, my wife would too, because she ended up with my sick ass. So hang in there and know that someone’s waiting for ya!
And I LOVE Nurse Jackie! Please tell me you’re a Dexter fan too?!
being forever an optimist..there is a taker your paths just have to cross..can’t help it I am a slobbering romantic..:)
Maybe you need to be a non practicing lesbian? LOLOL! I’M JUST KIDDING!!! But seriously… I have gastroparesis… it has put me to the floor in pain.. I live with it every day, so I get it. It SUCKS having physical problems… it DOES change how your family treats you and changes things THEY do because of YOU. Yup, I get it. In answer to the question, yup, I would marry someone with health problems if I loved them. Love is the important word in there. So one day you might find a crazy man just made for you and your wonderful craziness. Frankly I think you must be an absolute BLAST…. I bet it rocks hanging out with you! Some of those things you say are faults are NOT faults at ALL! You are an awesome mom, a great writer, a great daughter, a lovely woman both inside and out! OH… and there IS A CERTAIN BLOG YOU HAVE NOT VISITED WITH A CERTAIN PICTURE OF YOU ON IT THAT YOU HAVE NOT COMMENTED ON… A PICTURE I AM QUITE PROUD OF… SO GET OVER THERE AND CHECK IT OUT!
Meleah, you know how much I love reading what you write and how you always make me laugh!As always, I loved reading this..but no laughing this time!!!I feel so helpless..I want to make it all better for you..and I can’t…you are such a beautiful, talented,funny and dynamic person and I LOVE loud!!!!!! And I love you!<3
First, thank you for sharing about this movie, because I’ve seen it on coming attractions on other movies I’ve rented and I’m dying to see it. I love anything Anne Hathaway is in.
Second, I can so identify with and understand so much of what you shared on this post, because let’s face it….I’m a Libra too! I’ve been without a relationship for so long now, I’ve gotten so use to it and actually enjoy it. Like you, I’m selfish with my time. I want to do what I want to do, when I want to do it, and don’t want to ask anyone else if it’s okay.
Honestly though, I’m single, but I’ve never felt lonely. Sure, there are times when I think being in a relationship would be great, but I just don’t want to put forth the effort to have one. I haven’t met anyone yet I’m willing to do that with.
Do I fear intimacy? Pehaps I do. Or maybe it’s just that I haven’t met the right person.
Maybe someday someone will come into my life that I’m willing to bend and share with; willing to be intimate. But, until then, I have a lot of love in my life, with my family and friendships, so I feel fulfilled.
And as far as dating someone who is sick…..yes, I believe I would. If I really loved the person, and felt that our relationship was meant to be, I truly think I would.
Wonderful post, my friend! I enjoy ALL that you write!
X
“The best part of being this single, besides not having to shave my legs, has been the sheer freedom; to do what I want, when I want, with who I want, and not answering to, or considering anyone else’s needs or feelings.” – Indeed! Also, it is better to sometimes be lonely alone than to be miserable with someone else. That’s a lesson I learned the hard way.
About dating a sick person – I totally agree with BK. It’s not about being sick or not. If it hits you then it hits you.
Thanks for your input, BK!
Thanks for your input, BK!
Thanks for your input, BK!
Oh, Nicky. Thank you.
You made me teary-eyed too. In a good way.
Sometimes I forget my health issues do NOT have to define me.
Is it June, yet?
xoxoxox
Doc,
Oh hell yes, DEXTER is one of the GREATEST SHOWS- EVER.
And, thank you.
Aw. Thanks, Robert.
I used to be a hopeless romantic.
Maybe I’ll feel that way again, one day.
Okay! I’ll be right over, Katherine.
Now I can’t wait to see this photo!
Aunt Lynda, I love you too.
You have been SO wonderful to me.
I am so lucky to have such a GREAT family.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
Ron,
We must be cut from the SAME cloth! Because you and I are so similar.
“I just don’t want to put forth the effort to have one. I haven’t met anyone
yet I’m willing to do that with.”
Oh I certainly know THAT feeling.
In fact, I was nodding my head in agreement with your WHOLE comment.
Thank you, my friend.
I agree, Noemi.
I’d MUCH rather be single and lonely, than stuck in a miserable relationship
Been there, done that. Not pretty!
I had a feeling I wanted to see that movie; they don’t let on in the trailer that all the other issues (with illness, etc) are going on in the story. Himself made a disgusted man-noise when we saw the trailer so I imagine it’ll have to go on MY Netflix queue for watching when he isn’t home.
I’m somewhat familiar with the food-sensitivity situation you have; my roommate in college almost died in a mall food court, an incident that identified a long list of can’t haves. In the broadest sense she was allergic to salicylates (hence tomatoes, aspirin, etc) and also many grains, fermented things, mushrooms, etc. Sadly she was also allergic to medication that would stabilize her schizophrenia. (And THAT was a ‘nother whole thing I was ill equipped to understand at 19) The food thing, we got used to. After a while we didn’t mind that our late night munchies were sorted not with ice cream and chips but by Mary saying “Hey! Let’s go get a little chicken and roast it!” (Truth to tell we were probably better off.)
I am not full of sage advice about true love, only the simple grain of what I have. When I fell in love with my husband I didn’t spend any time thinking, oh but he has this issue or that issue, what’s that going to be like to deal with? The second part of “You are for Me” is “And there will be strength for the journey”.
The other thing about your wonderful and honest post is that it, again, like so many others, makes me thankful for the miracle of this way of communicating, that we can talk together and gather such a disparate community of friends and supporters. You are a gift and a blessing to us. Hope you continue to heal and feel stronger!
People are so complex. We strive for perfection, never understanding it is the imperfections that make us perfect. Alex has a terrible rheumatoid condition called “ankilosing spondilitis”. His spine is fusing and eventually he will be fairly handicapped from it. He is no less perfect because of this condition. We deal with it. You are beautiful, bright, charming and warm. If your belly is a mess on the inside, that doesn’t change for a moment the fact that your heart is perfect. Give yourself a chance for happiness. And give someone else a chance for happiness with you.
I really wanted to comment earlier when I read this but I was at work and couldn’t get disqus to work:(
It’s an interesting question, overall.
I agree with everyone here that you are an amazing independent woman and any guy would be lucky to have you. There’s someone (or a lot of someones) who would look past the ailments to the amazing woman you are.
My mother was sick growing up (MS). My brother and I helped take care of her. I can’t say I loved it, but I will do whatever I can to help my dad should he ever need my help. I would, obviously, do ANYTHING for my children and never resent a second of it. The thought of taking care of my husband, should he become injured or ill, was the defining moment when I knew it was over. I had no interest in any part of that. I guess what I’m saying is that if you find someone who looks past the illnesses and still loves you then you KNOW they REALLY love you. You should treasure that. In the meantime, I suggest lots of meaninless sex with random partners. Maggie sure made it look like fun 🙂
I firmly believe there is someone for everyone and the right guy would not look at you as a burden. Not at all!!! You deserve to be in love as much as the next person and the right guy IS out there. It’s all just a matter of timing. And if my selfish, narcisstic ass can find a great guy, then so can you:)
Well this is very similar to the way I have been feeling about myself lately. But really I think you are being too hard on yourself as I am prone to doing also. There must be someone that would deal with what you have and not see it as a burden. Just look at some couples who have a partner with debilitating illnesses where they can’t walk or move. Is it hard for them both? Sure but if you love each other, it’s not as bad. But you should stay single if you feel that’s the right thing to do. I also like being single but sometimes it would be nice to have someone to share some time with that’s more than just a social thing. I don’t mean sex but intimacy. Sex is god too of course but you know what I mean.
PS: What a terrible list for the food allergy thing 🙁
Yes. True love has no conditions. If I was hesitant, then I would assume it wasn’t true love.
One day, if the right person came along, I am sure you would feel differently about sharing your time and considerations. However, you can live a perfectly happy life without a permanent partner if you so choose. You have so many people that love you. How can you ever feel truly lonely? Maybe that’s a hidden desire to have a partner? Give it time to get over your last hurt.
“…being this single…
And there are days when I feel incredibly lonely.
Painfully. Lonely.”
You must realize that loneliness isn’t only about not having ‘someone’ in your life…it is even more difficult being lonely when you HAVE a partner. Too many times in the past 38 years I have felt that. But enough of my OWN pity party. 😉
One thing–among MANY, I might add–that you have going for you is that anyone who wants to get involved with you KNOWS ahead of time what he is getting. There is no surprise, as you are completely open about your issues. When K and I got together, I was fairly ‘normal,’ and all of my issues have shown up through the years. He started with a spry, thin, healthy girl and now is ‘burdened’ by an old lady with medical problems and way too many pounds on a very small frame. 😉 But, in his eyes, I still am that young girl and he loves me still. If you are meant to be with someone, he will love you for what you are, NOT what he wishes you were. And until ‘the one’ finds you, know that you are loved by all of us on the interwebs–and we are always there for you.
Love you, sweetie! xoxoxoxoxo
Oh, hon. You’re going to make me cry here. I sometimes feel bad for my husband because I have severe endometriosis as well as bad asthma and depression (I sound like a catch, don’t I?) and often I feel he is overburdened because a lot of the time I can’t work because I am ill or I can’t go to functions etc. etc. etc. I feel an enormous amount of guilt over my health issues yet he says they don’t bother him. This post has made me sad because you are certainly one of the most beautiful, kind-hearted, generous-spirited people I know and it kills me that you feel like this but I get it. I really GET it. Chronic illness is no picnic at all because the bloomin’ thing never goes away!!@@@#@@##*^!
I want you to know that your outlook on life helps me a lot when I am feeling down. An awful lot. I don’t see how that outlook on life couldn’t enrich a man’s life. What a fortunate man he would be to love you. Not to mention the fact that you are one hot babe!!!!
You are one in a million, Meleah. Don’t you ever forget that.
I also wanted to say that I was really interested to read on your food allergy list that almonds had a 5 rating. Above peanuts. I recently had a bad reaction to something with almond oil in it (which I have never had before) so I am going to investigate that further.
You have a lot to cope with yet you continue to give so much to so many people. That is a rare and very special quality. I am very glad you are you XXXX
Yes. For real, heartfelt, gut-wrenching true love? Yes. Hands down. I don’t care if it was only for a short time. The reality is, most of the time, life sucks. And if there were one person out there who could make me forget the suckiness while I was with him, no matter what else, I would go for it.
Mel, I am so sorry you are feeling alone. If you were 10 states away, I’d drive over to give you a hug or buy you a beer if is wasn’t on your damned banned food list (aka barley). I’ve said it before, but you’ve had more than your fair share of being dumped on and you deserve better. It is not easy dealing with people under normal circumstances, but there are those who love you regardless of your condition. Perhaps it is not the one true love you are seeking, but you have family who loves you, friends who support you and, of course, your vaste army of minions out here oin the internet who’ve got your back. Most people I know would not be as open or positive with their situation as you have been. Personally, I think it takes balls to air your problems to the world (not sure I would do the same) and I admire your spirit/drive. Oh, sure, given the pile of limitations you have had put in front of you, it’s hard sometimes to keep your chin up. But you’ve done it.
Remember, when things seem dark and forboding, your friends are but a few keystrokes away.
Melba, I really hope you are doing better.
Wow…
Meleah, first of all, thank you very much for this brutal honesty. Really, I truly appreciate it. And, I’m putting “Love and Other Drugs” at the top of my Netflix quiche (that’s what Princess Gail calls it.)
I have a lot of thoughts about all this. First of all, it makes total sense to me that you would not want to burden anyone with having to care for you with your medical problems. I fear the day that someone might have to take care of me that way when I’m older. I can see that you have sort of accepted that and found other things in your life that bring you joy. To take the risks involved in a new relationship is perhaps more likely to end up in painful disappointment than in a Hollywood ending.
BUT I don’t think you should completely close that door. You are a special young woman. I can tell that by what you write. I think the main problem, unfortunately shared by many women, would be to find a man who is worthy of you, not one who merely accepts/tolerates you. Yes, you would be honest about your “baggage” (just like he should be honest about his!) Yes, that might be a deal-breaker for some men. And you would have to be a big girl and take that logical reality in stride. But you never know. You just might find someone who sees you for who you are and loves it, someone who is not fearful or intimidated by the illnesses and the reality of how they impact a relationship, someone who really loves you!
Yeah, life often sucks. You were dealt a bummer of a hand. No denying that. But at the risk of offending, I’ll suggest this is not the end of the world. Further, I’ll suggest you practice looking in the mirror (literal and figurative) and be sincerely happy and proud of what you see. Count blessings. Do the best with the bumps and the dents, and don’t let them close you off to love.
Love truly is blind. Part of me feels you really don’t have much choice in who you fall in love with. You can choose to stay or go but the love is just there. I think the main thing is that love doesn’t always look the same. I’ve known several couples who were married a long time, divorced and stayed together as a couple usually just living in different houses. That is how it works for them. I’m looking at this from you point of liking your independence. The best couples are the ones that bring different skills. One is independent and one likes to take care of someone. I have worked with many friends who have muscular dystrophy. I’ve seen many of them (wheelchair bound, one with no use of arms) go on to marry, have families and live full lives. Their partners sign up for a whole hell of a big basket of work. You can still wipe your own butt. That has to be some major bonus points right there. We all come with a truck load of baggage whether it is physical, emotional, mental, etc. I bet there isn’t a couple out there who doesn’t occasional look at their partner and think ‘what the hell was I thinking when I hitched my wagon to your ass’. I did today! I say the good out weighs the bad. Do what feels best for you and what makes you feel comfortable. ((hugs)) I think I’m rambling so I’m going to bed.
You should definitely see this movie. It’s totally super awesome.
You might even enjoy it MORE watching it alone, Shieldmaiden.
And thank you for your supportive words.
I LOVE YOU, Linda.
See…THIS is why you are the bestest big-sister anyone could ever have.
PS: I had NO IDEA Alex has to deal with that.
I’m soooooo sorry.
Hey, Rachele!
Maggie sure DID make meaningless seem like a good time.
I just don’t think I’m built that way.
Personally? Sex = Emotional Attachment.
I’m sorry you had to go through that with your mom.
I’m TERRIFIED of putting my own son in that kind of position.
*HUGS*
You, rock! Thank you for saying that, Brooke.
Of course I know what you mean, Ricardo!
You and I have been friends for LONG time now!
xoxoox
It’s truly awful. And annoying.
You’re right, Babs.
I DO have a lot of people that truly love me.
And for that I am eternally grateful.
And I know that I am blessed.
Thank you for reminding me.
But, sometimes, when I am surrounded by ‘couples’ – I feel VERY lonely.
CMK!!!
Girl, you and I go WAY back.
And therefore, I am able to trust every word you wrote here.
And thank you for LOVING me UNCONDITONALLY, as you ALWAYS have.
Now, if I could only find a man who loves me like YOU do?
I’d be in GREAT shape!
xoxoxo
Selma!
What would I ever do without you?
You always know the right thing to say to me.
And….at the exact moment I need to hear it.
PS: get that checked IMMEDIATELY.
And, in the meantime, stay AWAY from Almonds.
xxxxooooxxxxoooo
First of all, I *LOVE* that you just called me MELBA.
Wow, Agg. You’ve really paid attention all these years, huh?
THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And, it’s comforting to know, I always have people like YOU in my corner.
And, who are only a few keystrokes away when I’m feeling like this.
You are a wonderful friend.
Ferd,
Definitely put this movie on your MUST SEE list. ASAP.
And thank you, for appreciating my brutal honesty.
I’m sure it wasn’t exactly ‘fun’ for you to read.
“To take the risks involved in a new relationship is perhaps more likely to
end up in painful disappointment than in a Hollywood ending.”
Exactly, my friend. EXACTLY.
I will take your other advice too.
” I’ll suggest you practice looking in the mirror (literal and figurative)
and be sincerely happy and proud of what you see. Count blessings. Do the
best with the bumps and the dents, and don’t let them close you off to
love.”
Maybe it’s time to stop beating myself up.
Yes?
You’re NOT rambling, Junebug!
“I’ve seen many of them go on to marry, have families and live full lives.
Their partners sign up for a whole hell of a big basket of work.”
Really?
Thank you, for giving me HOPE.
xoxo
Thank you, Terri. xoxoxo
I can understand that, but you’re still young. You have plenty of time 😉
You have to know that you are so much more than your illnesses. You are beautiful and funny. What an awesome combination (I would marry you if I weren’t already married). Reading your post made me sad because I imagine that being my daughter someday. Afraid to go out with someone because of her dietary restrictions. Instead of going to dinner on a date, can’t you go play laser tag?
xoxox
I do love laser tag, Anne.
And thank you for your kind words.
🙂
I hope your daughter NEVER feels this way.
I totally get this. I don’t have any major physical probs but I do have a huge level of anxiety which makes me cough and gag in the morning in fear of just getting dressed, or anytime I’m doing something new or unfamiliar… meeting new people, going to parties, going somewhere new, etc. My ex would hear me cough and say, “WHAT’S WRONG?!” Ugh. Even if I just had allergies or something. I got REALLY tired of a) having to explain what I’m nervous about (many times I didn’t even know) and b) being told that this thing I’m afraid of is nothing to be afraid of (well, duh. I didn’t know that already?) and c) being told what I need to do about it. Phlegh. I don’t want to be anyone’s “project”. I LOVE being alone and don’t even wonder wistfully if I’ll ever have anyone in my life again. But I am a little older than you and have had 3,675 relationships, so maybe it’s easier for me to say, “I’m done!” But, my mind is open and I’m starting to take my anxiety less personally and I’m focusing on what I want in life. Would I date a physically disabled person? Yes. Because it’s always been their minds that I’ve been most attracted to. How about a mentally disabled person? Hmmm. As long as it’s just neurosis and NOT psychosis and the person is self-aware and working actively on their own growth, then yes.
Oh My Lisa,
I love you. I really do. You nailed it perfectly.
“being told what I need to do about it.”
UGH. That shit drives me CRAZY.
And, like I said, I am happy being single. Almost too happy!
I just can’t / won’t deal with dating anymore.
I don’t have it in me.