Leave My Husband Alec Baldwin Alone

Who could forget that article I wrote? The very same article that sent half of the internet (mostly religious fanatics and political extremists) chasing after me with pitch forks and torches. Wait, let me back up. Remember when the justifiably angry parent, Alec Baldwin, (my imaginary husband) gave his daughter that necessary ass ripping? Please read that article first, this way you will be able to fully appreciate where and why my loyalty falls with my beloved Baldwin. (or maybe you too will want to throw stones at me.): FULL ARTICLE HERE.

It looks like the god damned media and some sort of movie industry conspiracy is going after my man again! I just wont stand for it.

Back in 2001 Alec Baldwin tried his hand in producing directing and starring in a movie. However, that movie was never to be released. Until now. And, against his will.

According to page six of The New York Post:

ALEC Baldwin is bracing himself for a new nightmare – a certifiable turkey of a movie he produced, directed and starred in years ago, but thought would never be released, is on its way to theaters this week.

And the incendiary actor is trying to do some 11th-hour damage control, begging his fans to steer clear of what he’s calling an “unrecognizable film.”

“The Devil and Daniel Webster,” originally shot in early 2001, has been retitled “Shortcut to Happiness” and will open in six cities this Friday the 13th – despite the fact, as Page Six reported several years ago, it’s “said to be so bad it is unreleasable.” Baldwin’s only consolation is that distributor Yari Film Group has yanked his name as director and producer, replacing it with the bizarre pseudonym “Harry Kirkpatrick.”

Baldwin based his PG-13 comedy-drama on the 1937 Stephen Vincent Benet short story about a down-and-out writer who sells his soul to the devil to achieve fame and then hires a lawyer to break the deal. He assembled a big-name cast to co-star with him, including Anthony Hopkins, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Kim Cattrall, Dan Aykroyd and Jason Patric.

But his directing and producing credits were removed by the producers soon after the picture wrapped because they didn’t like what they saw, and they recut it into a straight comedy. The film was also mired in legal problems when federal probers went after two of its investors for bank fraud. For good measure, Baldwin was sued by one of his producing partners over her cut.

Hollywood-elsewhere.com’s Jeffrey Wells, who broke the news of the movie’s upcoming release, called it “one of the biggest train wrecks of all time,” adding that New York and L.A. critics won’t likely get the chance to review it since it’s only opening in Las Vegas, Rochester, Fort Myers, Columbus, Albuquerque and Santa Fe, ahead of a DVD release.

Last night, Baldwin was doing his own pre-release spin. “Alec doesn’t recommend unrecognizable films to his fans,” a pal of the star told us. “This is not an Alec Baldwin film. He’s in the movie but he has nothing to do with it. His name was taken off as producer and director six years ago, but he couldn’t get it taken off as an actor.”

Alec, I will do the best I can to stop anyone from watching this movie. Even if that means I have to travel to all six locations wielding police tape and picket signs. I will camp out in front of every video store in the state of New Jersey, the night before the trucks deliver the DVD, thus clearing all copies from the shelves.