Just another one of those days….

I woke up, late! late! late! (I must have forgotten to set my alarm or something.) There’s nothing quite like starting your day off with a complete panic attack, a.k.a the “Oh! shit! factor.”

Justin… “GET UP! NOW! We are FUCKED! Move your little ASS! Get, IN the shower! GO! NOW!”

(my neighbors H-A-T-E me, I am very L-O-U-D to begin with, screaming bloody murder at 815am does not help the situation, I cant even fake being a good tenant anymore)

Damn it… I’m going to be late, again! and just when I was doing soooo good at the office. Fuck me!

Rushing doesn’t make time go any slower, for some reason rushing makes time move faster.

Rushing also causes a really BAD HAIR day. Frizzy, full of static (that wasn’t helped even with using a dryer sheet on my head to control the clinging-ness of it…yes, I used BOUNCE on my HAIR …shuddup… I was desperate.) My hair, which is unmanageable on a good day is currently ½ straight, ½ curly, ½ up, ½ down, sporting a 1982 rocker chick, heavy metal, monster truck show lover look. Hot! Right?!

NO PICTURES of THAT mess!!!

Finally, we are outta the house at the exact same time I was supposed to already be in the office. Great! Plus, now, I have the added travel time because since we have missed the bus by like an hour, I have to drive my son to school.

Me, and my bad hair, threw a breakfast bar at JCH, which he was forced to eat in the car as fast as he could, and then, dropped off the child at school a half hour late into classes. I am a bad mother. (with bad hair.)

The second my son was out of the car, I lit up a cigarette. I smoked that bad boy long and hard, all the way down to the nasty filter.

The second I hit the NJTPK I lit another cigarette. (That’s TWO cigarettes out of my FOUR per-day “dare” / self-inflicted rule within a half hour.)

Speeeeeeeeeeeding down the pike, making really good time, pissed at myself for being late, pissed at myself for already smoking two cigarettes and secretly flipping the fuck out because I have O.C.D. and I left my house without making my bed!

When, I GET PULLED OVER by Mr. State Trooper.

THANK YOU G-D…. he wasn’t one of those NAZI / Trooper types because he took pity on me, and my bad hair, when I cried that I am 10 feet from my office and 10 minuets away from being fired! (which isn’t true, it just sounded good.)

Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease Mr. Officer?! Can you have some mercy on me as I am already freeeeeaking out! and my bed isn’t even made!!!

No ticket! WOOT!

At one point during my commute…I thought I was hallucinating. I thought the use of the patch and two quickly inhaled cigarettes MUST be making me crazy…or, maybe all the glue from the scotch tape wads has eaten away at my brain, when I saw white stuff in the air. WTF? What… is that? Is that dirt? Why is it white? Wait…. is it? Is that…. snow? No! Way! It IS! OH MY GOD flurries!!!

One hour late to work, slammed with accounts, I planned on staying an HOUR late to make up for my missed time and catch up on work, when I remembered I have to leave EARLY to go to GI DOCTORS OFFICE for some more test results and a milligram change in medications.

After shooting of this email to my manager:

“I’m sorry I was late, I must’ve forgotten to set my alarm last night. Then while rushing to get here I was pulled over by a St Trooper for SPEEEEEEEEEEEDING, (no ticket thank god, I cried my way out of that one) and I forgot I have to leave at 2pm today because have a GI DOCTORS appointment. SO THIS IS A BAD day for me. I am so ! sorry! I will not be taking a LUNCH at all. Please deduct 1 hour for being late this morning and 2 hours having to leave early, for a TOTAL OF 3 hours today.”

I smoked my THIRD cigarette.

and that was all before 11am.