Okay, people.
As of late, I find myself thoroughly fascinated with strange, bizarre, peculiar, and outright weird products. Especially when they are as interesting and/or as insane as the one’s I’d like to talk to you about. Because I’m sitting here shocked, and amazed, and laughing out loud. But mostly, shocked and amazed. Mind you, these are REAL products. And I’m dying to know what you think.
Onward.
The First Product *Calling All Vagina’s.
What is the image above you’re looking at?
Well, it’s called GoGirl. Apparently, life’s greatest adventure shouldn’t be finding a bathroom.
[And having personally suffered from many a ‘bathroom issue’ I was immediately intrigued.]
According to their website: GoGirl is the way to stand up to crowded, disgusting, distant, or even non-existent bathrooms. It’s a female urination device (sometimes called a FUD) that allows you to pee while standing up. It’s neat. It’s discreet. It’s hygienic.
WHAT. THE. WHAT.
President and Founder, Sarah Dillon, debuted her product at the local State Fair. And she has been making bank ever since. Obviously, I needed to know more. Like, how exactly does this crazy contraption work? It appears that all you need to do is lower your panties, and put GoGirl against your body, until it forms a seal, aim, and then, well, pee. GoGirl has special splashguards designed to eliminate messing and spilling. So, you won’t be like a man. You’ll just pee like one.
One of their Tag Lines is ‘Don’t Take Life Sitting Down’ – which I think is quite clever.
Their website also states that European women have used female urination devices for years. Really? Is this true? And if so, can/will any of my European readers vouch for that?
Honestly, I think this is very interesting. I even believe this product may actually come in handy while playing golf this year. Because nothing says, “Classy” like peeing, standing-up, behind a tree, on a golf course. Right? I mean c’mon, I can attest to how rough it is on a woman when you are getting ready to tee-off and your suddenly hit with that urgent need to ‘go’, except that there isn’t a facility to use, for miles. Maybe this apparatus would provide some much needed relief? Maybe I would be like a superhero with magical peeing powers? Or maybe, I will just get kicked out of the country club?
So tell me, ya’ll, what do you think?
Interesting? Or. Insane?
Brilliant? Or. Disgusting?
The Second Product *Calling All Balls and Breasts.
When I first saw the advertisement for this I truly thought it was a mock, Saturday Night Live, commercial. But after I stopped laughing hysterically and regained my composure, I discovered this was no joking matter. Oh, no. This was made for people who suffer from ‘Sweaty Balls’ or ‘Sweaty Breast’.
Yes, you read that correctly.
Considering I don’t have a package, or junk, or balls, I did some Online Investigative Research and I discovered that ‘Sweaty Balls’ are a real issue that men face, all the time. And it can be quite embarrassing.
Take for instance, this poor guy,
“Hi, I have a problem that I am embarrassed to talk to anyone about. I have sweaty balls. The sweat itself is not so much a problem, as the smell is. I don’t have a girlfriend because I fear that a girl might laugh if she found out about my situation. I am desperate. Please give me some advice on how to eliminate the problem of sweaty balls.” – Anonymous
Well dude, you’re in luck. The makers of Fresh Balls TM are here. And they come wielding a natural solution. Aptly named, the product is called, So Fresh, So Dry.
According to the website: Excessive perspiration may cause itchy balls, under boob sweat, cleavage sweat, and more. For the first time, there are products formulated specifically made to relieve the wetness and the uncomfortable feeling of ball sweat and ball itch. It also prevents chafing in those areas. Fresh Balls TM and Fresh Breasts TM are natural products, Aluminum Free, Paraben Free, and Talc Free, and contain Oatmeal as an anti-irritant and Tea Tree Oil – so they are anti-bacterial.
Fresh Balls TM and Fresh Breasts TM are not available in stores, only through their website. They come in a small gray or pink tube, perfect for at home, or on-the-go. The packaging is discrete. And *bonus, they ship worldwide.
Once again, I think this product is also interesting. And here’s why….
As woman, for years, I have been slightly mortified by all of the tampon, Monistat, and other feminine-product commercials that are constantly splashed over the television, magazines, and the Internet. Finally, the ‘down-town-grooming-spotlight’ is shining on The Men.
Yes, sometimes, I have boob sweat. In fact, my cleavage has been known to glisten. However, it’s not exactly problematic. Do you want to know what I think IS problematic? Smelly. Balls.
I think I can safely speak for every single woman ON THE PLANET, when I say WE have undergone immeasurable, and sometimes even painful procedures to keep our Pink Taco’s in check for you, and it’s high time YOU returned the favor.
I’m not asking the men to wax, or shave, their balls. I’m not even asking you to commit to showering daily. Although that would be nice too. But, since Fresh Balls TM is an easy to apply lotion that dries quickly, and it won’t clump on your skin or leave a powdery residue in your pants, it can be used as often as needed. Therefore, I am HIGHLY RECOMMENDING you start using this as part of your daily grooming routine.
Please?
Thanks. In. Advance.
So tell me, ya’ll, what do you think?
Interesting? Or. Insane?
Brilliant? Or. Disgusting?
* Just so you know, I did not receive any form of compensation for writing about these products. However, I was utterly compelled to write about them. I’m also kind of hoping the makers of these said products decide to send me a ‘free sample’ – on the remote chance they stumble upon my little corner of the Internet. Because quite frankly, I’d really like to put these products to the test, to see if they can stand-up and deliver on all their promises.
I really want to try the pee-standing-up apparatus.
And I prefer ‘minty-fresh-balls!’
I have boob sweat [and back sweat] badly.
But only when I’m playing golf in 100 degree weather!
Two of my friends showed me these products and I had to write about them.
YES PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know, right?! HA!
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
As somebody who has worked at far too many festivals, I can definitely see situations where a go girl would be like manna from heaven.
That’s what I’m saying!
i’m going to reccomend sweaty balls to the guy that works at the convenience store on the corner, and here’s why…
I go in there about once a month, but I know the guy buy name so one day I went in and the conversation went like this…
Hey Danny how ya doin today?
Awe shit man, I’m going to have to go to the hospital
What? Why dude?
I bought this crotch powder at the dollar store, and my shit is f-n on fire
What? Man… That’s harsh. Good luck with that….
AHAHHAhHAHAHhAHHAhahhAHHahhahAHhahHAhHAHa
No Way!
AHAHHAHAHHAHAHhahHAaahahhahahahahaha
That is SOFA KING funny!
Imagine the look on my face when he was telling me that, it’s not like he’s my friend, but he always feels the need to tell me stuff.
Last weekend he was sick, it went like this
hey Danny, how’ve you been.
Dude, man I’m sick
Sorry dude, is it a cold or something
Well .. I know it’s not swine flu… I haven’t f’d any fat chicks
AHAHHAHHAA. OMG. That guy is ALMOST Charlie Sheen crazy!
But, HILARIOUS, nonetheless.
I’m so glad I could give you both a smile and some blog material. Watching that commercial the first time, I couldn’t help but wonder how many takes it was before she could get through Fresh Balls with a straight face. Ya know, if you should by chance get those free samples, maybe we can work out a ‘clinical trial’. for the viewrs.
I would never have been able to be the fresh balls spokeswoman!
And thank you, Jim. You’re a good friend.
All of the above, Meleah, all of the above. Can you see me blushing? Where the heck do you find this stuff?
🙂
What happens after you use the GoGirl? Do you throw it out or are you stuck carrying a piece of pee covered plastic for the rest of the day?
It’s your option to dispose or reuse it!
I’d be willing to give Fresh Balls and Fresh Breasts a try. I think the application of said products would be quite fun, especially with a partner involved.
As a European, I can tell you I’ve heard of a Go Girl like product before. It is usually sold to the music festival crowd. Cause when you queue for 10 hours to get to the front you won’t want to lose your spot because you have to pee.
As a European, I can tell you I’ve heard of a Go Girl like product before. It is usually sold to the music festival crowd. Cause when you queue for 10 hours to get to the front you won’t want to lose your spot because you have to pee.
True Dat!
Thank You!
Every single day I’m grateful for peeing standing up. It’s like, the best. No really. Because if you have to go, and there are only strange woods around, you want to be standing in case you need to run from a bear. Sitting or squatting with pants around the ankles puts you in a precarious situation. So yeah, I’m all for the peeing standing up device!
Oh also! We have a bar here that has “urinettes” for women. Check it out:
http://toiletsoftheworldbook.com/?p=171
I am definitely European, and I have definitely never peed in a cup while standing up. I must have one of those!
I don’t know why but this line really made me laugh and will continue to do so all day long:
“… or leave a powdery residue in your pants.”
Say it with me, “Winning!”
Ahahahahahahahaahahahahahaha!
OK, now I’ve stopped laughing, I think both those products will sell like hot cakes. And you can make of that what you will.
Looove the sweaty balls one. As you say, a real problem for us ladies, and I’m sure for the guys too.
I just don’t think I would want to carry something around that was covered with pee (even if it was my pee).
Ok chica, first of all, you need to put some warnings on your posts. I laughed so hard on this one I about peed myself.
Thank you Mel for the PSA. Where else can I go to get the truth about Sweaty Balls and Bathroom Issues?
Honestly, I’ve seen an earlier version of the FUDs back in my Army days. Of course, the Army’s version wasn’t as easy to use or well received by its audience (so said a few of my female comrades-in-arms). Given the military approach to things, just imagine how the Army would “improve” on that little device (straps and tubing included).
As for sweaty balls, all I can say is “WINNING”. I can see some benefit for the boys.
The video on the Go Girl website is aaaawwwwweeeeesome. Let me know how things “turn out.”
Hahaha. I can’t type for laughing. They are hilarious products but are actually very useful. I’ve always wanted to stand up when peeing. Looks like I might need to get a GoGirl. LOL.
I choked on my coffee while reading this. Ok, so GO Girls and enjoy that freedom of being able to stand & pee. There’ no greater feeling that it in the world. And thank u girls for keeping your (I can’t believe that I am typing this) pink tacos in check. We men do appreciate it.
I’ve heard of those pee cups before but would not fancy using one. I mean what do you do with it afterwards, rinse it out and put in your handbag (purse)!?
As for the fresh balls/breasts, you cant beat a daily shower, and if it’s very hot maybe two!
I sure could have used the go-girl back in college and high school during all the beach bonfire and field parties. Eeeeeww sweaty balls – don’t even want to think about that one.
Ahahahahah! Agg!
WINNING!
Will do!
Oh I really want one!
Pink Taco’s!
Im not sure what you’re supposed to do with GoGirl after you used it!
Thankfully, I don’t have to deal with sweaty balls! AHhahahaha
I know! Right?
Love you, Selma!
Using this stuff to cover odor is kinda gross. I personally shower once in the colder months and twice or more if needed in the spring/summer. AND…. I do shave. After all, why do men need that gross, clumpy mass of hair underarm and elsewhere. Shave Baby, SHAVE !
Alrighty!
Whoa. I think I’d have performance anxiety with that bathroom. Plus it does not address the logistics of not having a fly, if you will, in your underwear. It’s still pretty interesting, though.
Im with you Cardio Girl!
Im with you Cardio Girl!
wahaha. first off, sorry for the late response. This was quite an intriguing post. Especially the female urination system. It’s pretty much a funnel isn’t it? that conforms to your body? My issue with peeing in public…normally while camping…is the visual that someone COULD see if they were behind some other tree and I hadn’t seem them. I don’t mind squatting to pee so much. I’m more worried about doing it when it’s dark and then some snake or bug come up and bite me in an area I don’t want to be bit!
Getting bit by a bug ‘down there’ isn’t NOT idealistic!
That thing for women to pee in makes me wonder if it would be good for long hikes so you would be able to “go” as easily as a man would and not subject yourself to exposure or poison ivy. But it also reminds me of that menstrual cup thing. I dunno. I wonder how comfortable it would be to wear all day while walking. As for the other products, I just think if you showered before you got intimate wouldn’t that eliminate any um, sweat and odor problems? But I suppose they could come in handy if you were getting “spontaneous” in an uncivilized location. 😉
I might try the GoGirl on the golf course this summer.
IF I am brave enough!
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Hidrex
| Sweaty groin
“Delete”