Unfortunately, I have received some upsetting news. I am currently trying to figure out how to handle / process and deal with this situation.
If you remember a few months back, I was moved to the ‘Customer Service Department’ in my office as a CSR Assistant. While I felt like the biggest outsider and even though I was extremely hesitant, I did it as a FAVOR to my boss. And I did my ‘new job’ well. (Maybe too well.)
Eventually I even came to terms with sitting at this desk holding on to the promise and understanding this was going to be a temporary situation. I was ONLY at this desk to lend a hand while Betty was out on disability for her injured knee.
Over the last few weeks there were rumors circulating around my office that I might be asked forced to stay in this ‘new’ position. Except that move would make me feel as if I had been painfully demoted after working so hard over the last six years.
Yet, even with those rumors punching me in the face, I chose to hang on to a tiny little sliver of hope those were just rumors.
Alas, this week, I was officially notified by The ‘Powers That Be’ those rumors are true. As it turns out, even when Betty does return to our office, I will be remaining right here forever. Maybe even longer.
I will NOT be returning to my previous position within my company. Ever. The good old days in my office filled with these kinds of duties have now been replaced with doing this…
Processing mail. And by ‘processing mail’ I mean, I spend my entire day: opening envelopes, taking out insurance polices, checking our computer filing system to make sure our information matches the information and coverage’s on the policy. Then I have the pleasure of punching holes in the policies, re-assembling the paperwork with metal fasteners, and sending out the insured’s copy. In the event the information in our client management system does not coincide with the information on the policy, I get to play detective in order to figure out which one of us has ‘The Right’ information.
Sound boring? Yeah. Well. That’s because it is. Mind-numbing even.
Since I’ve been working at this desk, I often imagine lighting myself on fire and running out of this building screaming just to feel alive again at the end of the work day.
This place has been slowly and methodically *crushing* My Soul.
And to top things off, when I finally am free from this desk, I have to drive on this whore of a highway to get home.
[Anyone want to switch jobs?]
Maybe I am cranky, full of attitude, moody, and bitchy, because in the face of Cold Hard Reality? I am TRAPPED here.
Why? Well, for a few reasons.
I really need my health benefits. Thanks to those annoying medical conditions I have manage on a daily basis.
And in all honesty, I cannot imagine for a millisecond, any other employer dealing with, or putting up with, the amount of time I have to: call out, take off, come in late, or leave early, due to the aforementioned annoying medical conditions.
When I had ‘The Closed Door Meeting’ and ‘The Bomb Was Dropped’ informing me of my future duties as a paper-pushing-processor, it was also made crystal clear to me that this position has been given to me as a gift.
And. Unfortunately, that is all true.
Which leaves me with little to no options.
I am going to try my very best to process these new turn of events as quickly as possible. But, I would like to apolgize in advance if this might take a little longer than a week to “get over it.”
Until I can figure out how to start “Accepting” my circumstances…I might just stay cranky, full of attitude, moody, and bitchy, since I feel suffocated, strangled, pinned against a wall, and horribly trapped.
Sounds like you need to put your balls in a jar. 🙂
When driving home, scream as loud as you can…I hate my job three times. Always makes me feel better. I too am stuck in a never ending boredom cycle.
“I might just stay cranky, full of attitude, moody, and bitchy, since I feel suffocated, strangled, pinned against a wall, and horribly trapped.” At least you don’t feel like doing a Columbine style massacre.
Hang tough dahling…it can only get better!!!
Switch jobs eh – wanna work in furniture ?
– Well for the most part you’ll be sitting with a great view of the factory below.
– You’ll be constantly clicking your mouse and staring at the screen – with swearing and frustration every 10 mins – B and F words are OK too.
– At various times throughout the day, you’ll be interrupted by the machinists telling you (in english) that making a certain piece is impossible – arguing will result in rants and swears (in italian). More B & F.
– You will have to frequent the plant below for inspection and deal with a heat, humidity, sawdust, the smell and flying particles of varnish, paint, and other toxins. ‘F’
– You will have no choice but to deal with the asshole from marketing. ‘B’
– You are free to take as many breaks you like at any time of the day.
– On the second thought, I think I’ll stay and continue being bored for a few more months.
Oh, that sucks. Be as cranky about it as you need to be. It is great to have the health benefits but not so great to have the mind-numbing boredom. I am supposed to be an editor at work but I am basically a PA which translates to doing all the crappy jobs my boss doesn’t want to do – like addressing 200 envelopes for one of her parties. Or picking up her dry cleaning. Sometimes I think I am going to go crazy. Hang in there, hon. When it gets too much for you think of me licking 200 envelopes in a row (my boss doesn’t like self sealing envelopes). It’s like that scene from Seinfeld where Susan dies from the wedding invitations. Only not as funny. Because it’s really happening. XXX
Understandable. I would suggest whiskey but its not a long term solution.
Dazd:
Yeah…this job is only a “PEBBLE” but it’s hogging up all the other space in my JAR right now!
Jaffer:
I know things could be MUCH MUCH worse.
But that doesn’t make this suck any less.
Selma:
ha ha ha
You know Seinfeld references always make my day!
Sorry you have to lick envelopes!
And yeah, this does blow.
But at least the ladies I work with have been VERY nice to me.
Tree:
Im thinking that might not be a bad idea!
I feel for you and hope that you make it through this situation. I’m sure this is the brighter side to being laid off work. I’m not sure how this is a gift for you though. Is this woman that you were filling in for not coming back to work? This actually sounds like “re-gifting” of sorts.
..just curious how many people are going to find this site after Googling, “suffocated, strangled, pinned against a wall.”
You know…besides me.
Urban:
Um. I hate to say this because it will probably make a lot of people angry. But, I would almost PREFER to be ‘Laid Off’ for 6 months. I could get a whole lot of writing done and maybe even get some of my medical issues under control. Id have all that time to see the specialists I need. Then, maybe I can get a new job thats closer to my house.
moooog35:
That CRACKED ME UP.
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
THANK YOU FOR THAT.
Now Im scared to find out what kind of psychos (other than you) will google that phrase!!
Uh-oh – Google has already indexed you –
Click THIS LINK
I still like the cleaning house alternative – you should look into how much insurance would be – and take a leap of faith…
I’m not going to sit here and tell you that every cloud has a silver lining. I’m not going to tell you that it can be worse. I’m not going to tell you to get over it.
I’m going to tell you that it’s okay to be cranky, moody, bitchy, unhappy, and dissatisfied. In time those feelings will subside and it won’t feel as overwhelming. Then you’ll be able to focus on the things you DO LOVE….like your blog, your writing, your family, and your friends.
That is the only advice I can give you. Sometimes a job is just that…a job. There to give health benefits, pay the bills, and fund our FUN times. Remember I mentioned a while back……. “our life starts at 5pm when we leave the office”? It’s true. Even if we had our dream jobs I don’t think even then they would stay “dreamy” after a while.
I realized that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side… Because it’s a job and I get paid whether mindless or not…when I go home and work on my photography – that’s when I have my enjoyment.
You have 2 choices… 1) stay and just be thankful you get PAID to do mindless work (we gotta put a positive spin on it somehow) 2) leave and do ? (that you have to figure out)
These upset feelings will fade you’ll be able to put it in perspective for yourself…and then you can make a better decision on what to do to feel better.
Dude. That blows. Wallow all you want. I have a thing tonight but maybe I’ll call you later as I have finally heard from that certain MIA person and it hasn’t been good. We can wallow together.
Meanwhile – something to both look forward to: SEEING YOU IN OCTOBER. 🙂
Jaffer:
No Fucking Way! N.F.W.
Google really did index me! I clicked the link And Oh Great!! Lookey here.
I am The NUMBER ONE for the Search for the term:
“suffocated, strangled, pinned against a wall.”
*lovely*
Skipper:
Dont think that thought hasn’t crossed my mind at least 3million times today.
JenR:
Thank you for not Patronizing my feelings. you. rule.
And yes…I do need to calm down before I decide /figure out anything.
I am very much looking forward to this weekend. When I will have the time to do all of the things I love. My real life happens after 5pm.
Leslie:
THANK YOU. See. YAY.
I am allowed to be disappointed and upset.
Dood. I cannot WAIT for ‘Girls Weekend’ 10/17!!!!
And oh yeah, plese give me a call me later I want to know all about the MIA cat!
Dude. Dooooood. You will not believe the excuse.
Mel, breath. The WORST thing in life, the absolute WORSt is when you feel you have no choice.
Do yourelf a favor now and learn from my dumb mistakes: do not say that. Ever. Again. Say, it sucks, this sucks, I hate this….etc. But do not say you have no choice because it will make you feel like a victim and you’re not one.
Once you see that you do have a choie, you won’t feel so trapped.
Now, let’s tackle just some options you have. Ok, you are very, very creative. You have a marketing background. Hmmm. ever think of working for an ad agency? If you need to get your feet wet there are many smaller agencies that would love to work with your creativity.
Now, I’m a creative too and the cool thing about working in a creative environment is that they are not so damned stuffy about when you come in, when you leave etc. Talent to them, is much more important rather than punching a timecard because talent is rare.
The insurance business is ULTRA-CONSERVATIVE. Personally, I can’t imagine you’ve stuck it out for this long.
What about freelance marketing on the side? This way, you won’t feel at the mercy of The Powers That Be.
You have options.
Of course, you can just stay there, too. But it is at your choice, not at their mercy.
And no one in corporate American does anything for anyone as a “favor.” Fuck them.
Leslie:
OMG. Cant wait to hear THIS one!!
(Too bad I AM AT WORK and with NO PHONE AT MY DESK – and of course there is also no cell phone reception in the building.)
*kill me now*
BRENDA STARR:
Have I told you lately how much I LOVE YOU?
You are right. I am not a victim. It really is amazing that I have lasted as long as I did in this job.
I would love to look into OTHER CHOICES and OTHER OPTIONS, wherein being CREATIVE mattered. And not just mailing out insurance policies. *gag*
The only ‘issue’ with that is getting ‘The Parents’ to go along with me. And since I live in there house, ever since this new broke, the tension between us right now is palpable.
“No one in corporate American does anything for anyone as a “favor.” Fuck them.”
I LOVE YOU.
WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!THINGS ALWAYY SEEM DARKEEST WHEN YOU LET YOUR EMOTIONS GET THE BEST OF YOU , I AM WITH JEN , PUT A POSITIVE SPIN ON IT . NOT HARD TO DO IN THIS TIME OF CRAZYNESS GOING ON RIGHT NOW. BE HAPPY YOU HAVE A JOB , PARENTS THAT LOVE YOU, A BEAUTIFUL SON. SEEMS YOU NEED A LITTLE MORE TIME IN YOU LIFE TO DO THE THINGS YOU LOVE. ( another atempt ) from my journal . STEP OUT INTO THE OPEN AIR , BREATHE DEEP , LIFESBLOOD COMES RUSHING IN. WE START ANEW. LIFE CAN BE CLOUDY , LIFE CAN BE BLUE,SOMETIMES LIFE CAN GO ASKEW. REACHING FOR ANSWERS , GRABBING FOR QUESTIONS , WE WAKE UP EVERMORNING TO A NEW SHINY DEW. JUST LIKE THE GRASS GROWS SO DOES SAND IN A HOUR GLASS FLOWS , OH PRECIOUS TIME NEVER GETS RENEWED. FROM NOW UNTILL MY DYING DAY I WILL NOT GIVE ANYMORE TIME AWAY. SLIPP SLOWLY OFF THE BEATEN PATH , DO NOT FOLLOW BUT LEAD, DOWN THAT FORSAKEN ROAD , TO WHERE DREAMERS ARE LOOKED DOWN UPON. STOP NOT YIELD FOR YOU CAN NOT GO IN . DREAMERS ARE LEFT DREAMING BUT THATS WHERE LIFE BEGINS , BECASE IF YOU DO NOT DREAM THEN NOTHING IS ANEW SO DREAM!!!!! DREAM!!!! DREAM . you have a dream to be a writer this is your path all that you do know will lead you to that road take good with bad try not to be sad or all those other emotions you feel WOW!!!!! A WRITER YOU ARE remmber that lyric from rush . stop dreaming. PS this is yor gift
PSS , SORRY YOU JOB SUCKS
Some people live to work, others work to live. I’m of the mindset that I work to live. My life takes place outside of the office.
I don’t have the best or most interesting job. I usually feel like a paper pusher, but I’m glad I have my job, especially in this economy.
But feel free to bitch, bitch, bitch. I do it All the time.
sorry Meleah. while you still have a job, maybe looking for another one just to see who bites might help.
finish your book – you won’t have to work another day in your life
you can have my job. i look at it for what i get from it. i get paid a decent salary, health benefits, it beats unemployment
i KNOW my HAPPINESS means leaving here, i don’t want to do this, BUT right now this is where its at…and i could be making a lot less and could be worse off. until them, i’ma ride this one out or until i leave.
this might not make you feel better, sorry.
XO
You be as cranky, moody, bitchy, unhappy, and dissatisfied as you want to be…for now. When it gets too much we’ll let you know!
Seriously sweetie, it’ll be ok. I’m in a job that a monkey with a highlighter and sticky notes could do and just biding my time til something more interesting/challenging/complicated comes along.
Hugs, hang in there! Just think of it this way, you can jot down blog notes and no one will notice!
Eddie:
“WOW!!!!! A WRITER YOU ARE. Stop dreaming. PS this is your gift.”
Thank you for saying that.
EmployeeNo3699:
Im just upset because I basically liked what I did in my other position a whole lot more than what my duties entail now. So, yeah…I guess I needed a bitch fest.
Valerie:
If I had 6 months off on unemployment, I’d be able to write my book. And, like you said, “BUT right now this is where its at…and i could be making a lot less and could be worse off.” Agreed.
PS: You Rock.
Courtney:
“You be as cranky, moody, bitchy, unhappy, and dissatisfied as you want to be…for now. When it gets too much we’ll let you know!”
Thank you!
xxoo
You’ve gotten a lot of good comments already, so I’ll just say “ditto” to what’s already been written. I’ve been in the position of having to go to work in a job that was intolerable, and it’s no fun. I think the best observation is that the best way to approach any job is to take the “work to live” approach. There is so much more to life that we’re able to do when we have a job.
{{hugs}}
Blow the place down!
Meleah, once again we are in similar “boats” (single moms to wonderful young men that live with their parents and hate their jobs but are trapped..oh and that are trying to see if there is one decent guy left out there on the planet, make that two, one for each of us).
Anyhow, I hear ya. I hope so much that you are able to accept the job. It took me months and months of hating every minute to finally realize that in our current economic condition, I was sofa king lucky to have a job!
You have so much talent as a writer…I hope that someday you can write the bestseller that allows you to become a full time writer and say SCREW CORPORATE AMERICA JOBS that are boring!
Aaaah!!! How horrible for you! I bet you are absolutely seething!!
You’re stuck though, aren’t you? Gotta keep that job, gotta accept what they offer, gotta earn the cash. Gah.
Hugs.
you must find a way to make the post your bitch.
you must find a way to make this enjoyable somehow. there is a way. i don’t know what the way *is*, but i’m sure it will come…
Lee:
I am really trying to come to terms with all of this, but I feel like over the last year, I’ve just taken one too many hits. And I am at my breaking point.
CMK:
right back at you.
(((hugs)))
Angry:
lol
Barbara:
Woman, we are like TWINS.
“You have so much talent as a writer…I hope that someday you can write the bestseller that allows you to become a full time writer”
That makes TWO of us.
Jay:
This DOES suck. And I am STUCK.
Thanks for the hugs.
🙂
HollyDolly:
I think I might need to be heavily medicated very shortly.
Mel, you make me laugh. It’ll all work out. Do the best with what’s going on right now…..but don’t forget to stretch and try and reach out for what you really, really, really want.
What’s happening now…is only temporary….
L
Oh….been there, well, kinda still there. Here’s my 2 cents…well, here’s what helps me on those days I wanna jump out the window.
Accept that this is your job and appreciate that this is how you earn your income and your benefits and that keeps you more independent than if you didn’t have this job.
Be grateful that you have employers who understand and respect you … because they do otherwise they wouldn’t have given you this option.
Lastly … take all your creative juices and focus them on something outside of your job. Get your satisfaction from life in those things…not your job.
There are some people (very few in my opinion) who get that kind of satisfaction from their jobs, and those who do are very fortunate. The rest of us have to satisfy our passions elsewhere.
I struggled like that for many years and have now finally found a really good balance, but trust me … there are still some days that frustration seeps in and I feel like such a failure. But venting on a blog helps, lol.
Seriously – refocus your energies. You have an amazing amount of talent. Refocus your creative energies and rethink how you see your job. Your job provides you with certain things you need to survive. That doesn’t mean you still can’t enjoy it … but don’t let your job define who you are.
Hope that helps and that it doesn’t sound to preachy!
Of COURSE you can bitch away about your job! We’re here with our ears perked, listening and nodding, letting you know that you’re not alone. Lookit all the people above my comment that love you! Lookit how wonderful your life away from the office is. You have a son and parents that love you. Like Emp#3699 says, we work to live. If it was all fun, it wouldn’t be called work. I know, that’s not very helpful. Um. Nevermind. 😀 I’m in the same f-ing boat as you today, so I totally know how you feel. Work sucks.
Hey, that’s what blogs are for. So we can get cranky and bitch about things 😀 I do that all the time. In fact, I just did a bitch post about a copywriter … hehehe …
Don’t let the idea manifest that you are stuck Meleah. It might seem so. But there are options out there. Believe that there are.
I believe in you.
it would be easy for me to innumerate all the belittling aspects of my current position.. i spend nine hours making sandwiches doing food prep and ringing out customers on the register.. mindless service work in any estimated opinion..
if i concentrated on that,, and embellished it with the facts that english is rarely if ever spoken by my fellow employees the music on the radio is not even in the language that i speak,, i begin to feel as if i am less than,, for remaining in that position….
and yet,, my mind is free,, none of my work is brain surgery,, i can think and be in my own little world,, write down little quips over the course of the day,, and have a mind and body free to do what i really want to do as soon as i walk out that door,, and i know from having held much more prominent positions in this life,, that this has not always been the case..
i have come to appreciate my mindless employment as a place i can go to gather the fodder of life,, and a couple of bucks to eat on.. nothing more..
i know not everyone can do this… but it is an option and might make being at work seem more like a palatable means to an end…
get ‘Falling Down’ DVD out for inspriration!
http://grumpygreenoldman.wordpress.com/page/2/
I hope things look better soon.
Just think, things can be worse, you could be in charge of the air pump at the petrol station!
Brenda:
I promise YOU I will not give up on my dreams.
Drowsey:
“Be grateful that you have employers who understand and respect you … because they do otherwise they wouldn’t have given you this option.”
I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY DO.
And thanks for the other advice.
Its NOT JUST MY JOB. It is all these other things added up together that has caused me to completely SNAP.
Eva:
Yep. Work Sucks.
Id like to do something more challenging.
However, as sick as I am all the time, I probably couldn’t even handle that right now.
Nick:
Sometimes bitching really does help!
Lance:
Thank you. That means a lot to me.
Paisley:
Its really NOT just my JOB that has me such a basket case this last week. In fact, yesterday everything that’s been bothering me came to a head and I had a real live nervous breakdown and massive panic attack. IN MY OFFICE. A co-worker had to drive me home.
Maybe I am SUCH A MESS right now because I am ALWAYS starving due to these annoying medical conditions I have to deal with on a daily basis. When you are as hungry as I am, it’s rather difficult to walk around sporting a smile. Or think clearly. Or be nice all the time.
Maybe I am cranky, full of attitude, moody, and bitchy, because I no longer a have functional immune system. Crohn’s Disease is an autoimmune disease, which is a life long condition. There is no cure. And, it makes proper food absorption damn near impossible. Add that to my Food Allergies and my chances for receiving any real nutrients are slim to none.
Maybe I am cranky, full of attitude, moody, and bitchy, because I have no immune system; I can’t even go out (in search of dates) or for any other reason without facing ridiculous repercussions. Every single time I have gone to something as simple as a barbeque, I end up catching whatever mysterious virus/illness is floating in the air rendering me sick. For days.
Which makes my OUTSIDE of work life also SUCK.
And On. And On. And On.
Maybe I am cranky, full of attitude, moody, and bitchy, because my birthday is ever so close. On October 8th 2008, I am going to be 34 years of age (which, in my book, is just one small step from entering full-blown cougar-ville) and I live at home with my parents.
[Yes. I love them. Yes. They love me. They are great. Yes. I am lucky. And, Yes. Things could be so much worse.]
However, I am not anywhere I ever imagined my life would be at this point. And I am not even close to the vicinity of anywhere I want to be. I am far from being financially capable of moving back out on my own. And with this economy? I don’t think I will be moving out of ‘The Parents’ house for quite sometime. That is unless a magical bag of endless cash falls down from the skies and lands inside of my bank account.
[* Please let THAT happen. *]
Maybe I am cranky, full of attitude, moody, and bitchy, because I haven’t been on a date, let alone touched intimately, romantically, or properly in years. And the novelty of being a ‘Born Again Virgin’ has simply worn off.
I think that finding out I was staying as a CSR was the straw that broke MY back so to say.
Grumpy:
That movie is crazy!
Meleah, sweetie…you have every right to be cranky, full of attitude, moody, and bitchy!…but you also have every right to be happy…how about writing a gratitude list?…you have a LOT to be grateful for and writing it all down might help?…but then again, sometimes we just have to feel like crap for a while…but hang in there & the tide WILL turn. xoxoxox{{{HUGS!}}}
Oh, it sucks so badly! Sorry, sweetie. Many, many hugs to you.
Gosh, I’m sorry to here that. On Twitter you act like you can’t wait to get out of work and get home. Is there some sympathetic boss you can talk to?
Where to begin… Well, its obviously understandable that you’re pissed about how they sort of “handled” you at your job. I would be to. Really pissed.
As far as your health, Meleah, there HAS to be SOMEONE out there somewhere who can help you medically. I know you have done exhaustive research, etc… but I wonder if there isn’t someone on the planet who is considered the best of the best w/Crohn’s Disease. If he’s that good, he would have to be able to factor in your food allergies into any direction for you. I’ll see what I can find out. Not that I can do any better than you…I’ll just feel like I did SOMETHING.
When I was 34, I was in – and had been in – a mentally and emotionally abusive relationship for four years. I was childless, had never been married, and had no family to turn to. I had no self-esteem, and was certain I would be miserable and alone for the rest of my life. In other words, I understand the age/stage of life part of the equation. I also get that everything is converging right now to leave you feeling powerless – which ALWAYS elicits anger and frustration. Its okay to feel the way you do. Just remember that the way things are right now is not your life sentence. …and you’re A LOT younger than you think/feel.
So, here’s what I’m thinkin’… We’ll research health professionals – alternative and western medicine – even though you’ve done it for years because you never know what you might discover.
Also, as far as work, just in terms of a survival mindset right now, definitely focus on ANYTHING positive you can about the situation. The nice people you work with; the fact that it frees you up mentally to focus on your writing, etc…; the health insurance benefits, etc… AND REMEMBER – even though this has been your life for six years, it does not HAVE to be your life for another six. Start to open yourself up mentally to the possibility that there may be alternative situations out there that you have no idea about right now – but will.
Mereb, I obviously don’t know everything – OBVIOUSLY. I’ve just learned throughout my life that things can take a turn for the better just as easily and quickly as they have taken a turn for the worse. Sometimes you just have to be in the right head-space to bring in the good stuff.
OK so is this like a demotion they gave you? I’m so sorry. that does sound awful but is it stressful. Sometimes I’ll take numb over stressed out.
I’m so sorry! I hope you can find a way to make it interesting, and I’m glad that in this economy, you do still have a paycheck and benefits. But trust me. I know how painful it is to be bored.
-Being unemployed SUCKS NAVEL LINT. believe me. I’m feeling desperate right now…
-Steph & Laurie’s comment kicked ass.
Olga:
I really do need to make one of those lists.
ASAP.
Thanks darling.
🙂
Ingrid:
THANK YOU
xxoo
Awake:
I can’t wait to get out of work and get home EVERY DAY.
All of my bosses are being sympathetic….I am just in the midst of a complete meltdown. i promise I will do my best to put together an in dept, post about what’s really going on over here and why I have been MIA for days online.
Steph:
oh sweety. I can always count on you to say the perfect thing that makes me feel better. And, yes, it IS normal for me to be upset…however, its not normal to be THIS upset, for THIS long….and I have to do something drastic (immediately) to change the direction of my life/health/mental state. I think I need some REAL HELP. Which makes me think I am a crazy person…but Ill get into ALL OF THAT in another post.
xxoo
Ricardo:
Yeah. I dont think they meant to demote me. And, I know I should be grateful that I even HAVE a job…and that they are making sure I KEEP my job with all the time I have to take off and be sick, they really cant trust me with any major responsibilities because who knows when/if I will be showing up the next day depending on what NEW medical nightmare I am having.
(sigh)
So.Very.Frustrated.
Terri:
Its not just being bored. Its feeling as if I am worthless.
Ana:
Steph & Laurie ALWAYS kick ass (as do you)
Yeah. Im sure being unemployed sucks.
However…I am in Big Time Trouble over here.
Mentally, I have gone clear over the edge.
I think I need some REAL professional help SOON.
Or else who knows what ELSE is going to happen.
I certainly think its time for me to seek a mental health professional and get on some sort of medication / intensive therapy so that MAYBE I can/will feel better emotionally?
I am sick of NOT BEING IN CONTROL of anything. In fact, my life and circumstances are controlling me.
*I had a complete nervous breakdown on Thursday, and I’m STILL not right.*
-Hopefully I will find it in me to write a post about it TODAY and find the energy to see what is happening in blog land.-
Okay, bringing up the rear here. Why change now, right? It’s an ugly trap. Seriously. When I was ready to rip my hair out over my job, I can remember in the “down” times I’d tell myself — Hey! You make this much money to just stand here and smile. Things could be worse. Yah, well. I ran out of smiles. Of course, now I’m throwing hundreds out the window each month for our medical insurance, too. Like I said — it’s a trap.
KellyPea:
Thats exactly RIGHT. I’ve run OUT of smiles. I am SO OVER this job. I cant. I really cant. Its making me SICKER. Its all a TRAP.