Are You Kidding Me?

What Now?

*sigh*

Here we go. (Again).

This all started as of Easter Sunday….

I knew something was wrong when I needed to take a 10 hour ‘nap’ after taking a 8 minute shower.

I knew something was wrong after making my bed up, all neat and perfect, but ended up doing a face plant, head first, down onto it, from exhaustion.

I knew something was wrong when every single second my eyes were open required that exact amount of time plus 12 for my eyes to be closed.

(The only other time in my life that I have ever been this tired was when I was pregnant. But, I do believe one must engage in sexual activities in order to get pregnant. Unless of course I am carrying the next baby Jesus? Doubtful.)

I knew something was really wrong after the second round of antibiotics did absolutely nothing for my symptoms, other than add new ones.

(Antibiotics are hell on my intestinal track. Oh the joys of side effects. How shall I word this delicately? Um. Let’s just pretend my stomach was a blender, and it was stuck on the ‘puree’ cycle. Not. Good. Times.)

Since I could not perform a simple normal daily task (like staying awake) with a fever that spiked to over 103 (inducing horrid nightmares) and every joint, muscle ached with a flaming pain (as if I had worked out on a treadmill for 17 days).

I really thought I just had the flu. That, or, I was suffering from some new form of Narcolepsy.

I finally broke down and went back to my doctor’s office. Inevitably, he decided to send me for some tests to determine what was/is wrong with me, and why none of the medications were helping.

I am NOT a fan of getting any sort of blood work. I am a fainter. Just like her. And I truly hate needles almost as much as this guy.

But, since there was no other way to confirm my doctor’s suspicions, I had no other choice but to endure the tragedy and torture of having my arm pricked by a hot pink haired phlebotomist.

(If I wasn’t so tired that day I would have taken a picture of her. That’s a shame too. It really would have been a classic photo.)

Any who.

Within 24 hours my doctor had the proof positive the cause of my ailments. Just to add a little variety to my life, along with the never-ending list of illnesses I manage to contract, I am also now the proud recipient of Mononucleosis.

Mononucleosis?

Symptoms include:

*constant fatigue = Check (a thousand times check)

*fever = Check

*sore throat = Check

*loss of appetite = Check

*swollen lymph nodes = Check

*headaches = Nope not that one

*sore muscles = Double Check

Awesome.

Except that its not.

I think I am the only person on the planet that can contract the ‘kissing disease’ when I haven’t even kissed anyone in months. I have no idea where, or how, or when, I managed to pick up this lovely virus. I have no idea how long I will be out of work, or how long I am going to feel this way?

I am guessing I have quite a while to go, considering I am only day 9 (with the virus that can last up to 30 days). Although, after day 8 I may have had a few teeny tiny little moments wherein I could function (and by ‘moments’ I mean I could be awake, albeit in a dreamy state, for one solid hour only to crawl back into bed for another consecutive 15 hours of sleep).

Under any other circumstances, this sort of ‘free time’ would be GOOD news. I mean, who doesn’t like time off from work?

However, in this case, I am angry.

I feel like I am wasting all of my vacation time. My ‘sick days’ are long since gone. And, while I thoroughly enjoy being in my pajamas at home, in bed all day, I do NOT enjoy the fact that I can’t use any of this time to my advantage whatsoever.

I cant read a book, because I cant stay awake long enough to make it through an entire paragraph.

I can’t comment, or blog, in all my glory, because passing out and drooling face down on my Mac in a comatose state is not a recommended way to treat electronical devices.

And the worst part? Is that I can’t even work on my book, since I have also acquired the ability to fall asleep while sitting up.

It’s kind of like being a super hero with magical powers. That is, if you want a superhero that has no energy, a fever, sore muscles, no ability to concentrate, and falls down unconscious, simply if the wind changes direction.

This post alone, took me a few days, and several edits to write, and I still cant manage to make this funny. I seem to be stuck on whiney and depressed.

Sorry ya’ll. I tried.

Fortunately…I am too tired to care at this point.