And It’s All Too Superficial

Okay it has been decided, the picture flickr photo strip thingy needs to be changed… Now onto a gamut new of “subject(s)”….well, it’s really just one subject, which takes a long time to get around to the point. (if there even is a point)

By the way, nothing in this particular post exactly flows, or even makes a whole lot of sense, sorry about that. I am just all over the place. So much so, that I have started maybe 15 different tasks, and completed… not. a. single. one.

Warning: If you are looking for something funny, witty, or smart, please try the other people in my blogroll, they are excellent.

I have so much to say, and, um, few words, in my vocabulary, to adequately describe, what I am feeling. (and, apparently, I like, commas. A lot.) I have at least 97 things in my head running around all loose inside my skull. These incomplete thoughts…pieces of sentences…floating around my cerebral cortex…are incoherent at best. I know if I could just get it all out of me and down on paper, I would feel so much better. But no.

Alas, this blog has become the superficial blog supreme. I say this blog has become a superficial for a couple of reasons:

1. I don’t write about any hard hitting topics like politics or religion. I know some of you guys do, and you guys do it well. But, I don’t write about them, well, because you guys do such a damn good job of it already. And in truth, I don’t write about that subject matter, because I am not a political or religious person. I don’t believe in any single religion. Fuck it, I don’t believe in any religion. Period. However, for some reason, I do believe in g-d. (even though we are not always in the best of terms). And, I can’t really talk about politics, because I am not on one side. I am not on any side really. There are some things I am very liberal about, and some things I am very conservative about. And, who the hell can keep up with all these “hopefuls”? I get all my political news from a whopping three places, DefectiveYeti, SmokeRingsAndCoffeeStains, and my Gramma: Everyone Needs A Little Evelyn. The last one may not be quite the best resource for information, but she sure is damn funny.

2. I no longer write as exposed as I used to, or as I would like to. I keep most things light and fluffy around here. Right on the surface. I leave a lot of things off of this blog. I don’t write about a lot of things I want to, or even things that I should write about, ever since I found out that there are people in my office who occasionally read this, and so do most of my family members. I’d hate for some of them to read some of the things I am really thinking sometimes. Besides, I have learned it is not always best to show the crazy that lives in my head. But I miss writing from my guts.

So that leaves me with, the daily nothings in my life. The superficial. I am not as crafty at making the everyday as comical as some of you other bloggers out here. I am left with flat posts about the weather, traffic, and haircuts. I can’t remember the last time I wrote something as funny as this. Or as thought provoking as this. (okay I was just kidding about the thought provoking one.) but, I feel like I haven’t written anything real … in months.

And these last few days, I haven’t been able to drum up, or write, or say, or think much of anything. not even the superficial. I don’t know if it is the change in weather, the heat and the humidity that’s making me drag ass, or what the hell else it is, but I have been practically paralyzed since Saturday.

Over the holiday weekend, I did nothing. And I mean nothing. I didn’t clean, or do laundry. I didn’t read a book, or write a sentence. I didn’t do any of the things I always imagine I’d do, if only I had the time to do them. And there it was, the elusive time I am always chasing. Right in front of me. Time. The time I am always complaining about not having. The time I am always looking for, needing and wanting. That time, to do anything.

And I did nothing.

I was invited to go to several places with wonderful things to do, and wonderful people as company. But I couldn’t go. Rather, I didn’t want to go. I just didn’t have the will to hold up my end of a conversation. All I could do and all I wanted to do, was take. a break. from everything, and everyone. To sit, on my sofa, staring, blankly. So, I did.

Now, I still am stuck in the “do nothing” mode.

I tried to watch TV or a good movie, but even those distractions couldn’t hold my interest for very long. It’s not that I am in a dark place. Or, even in a depressed place. I don’t feel guilty, or less of a person because I did nothing. I’m glad I did nothing. Sometimes I need to do nothing, in order to do all of the things I have to do on a daily basis.

But, I am in an empty place. Like I have nothing to offer, or give, or say. I’m tired of trying to make sense out of all the things that make no fucking sense at all. I’m tired of trying, to make, or find the funny, in the things that aren’t funny at all.

I’m sure (hopefully) by tomorrow I will feel better and post a huge disclaimer apologizing for being such a wet blanket today, but for now, I am crippled. I have nothing to say, or write, or give, or do, or be.

I hope to write something: funny, or thought provoking, or at least insightful, maybe even deep and meaningful once again, one day…, and one day soon, just not today…