When your office is packed with 15 annual visits (all requiring flu vaccines), 4 pre-op patients needing medical clearance (all requiring EKG’s) and 4 new patients (all requiring complete medical histories) in order to treat 23 patients and save time you decide to keep a stash of 25 gauge 1 inch needles, inside your scrubs pockets, to attach to the pre-filled Medicare high dose flu vaccine.
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Then you race to the Brookdale campus for your scary math class — when you’re shocked to find out you scored 95% on your very first exam, so you quickly praise Moses, only moments before the teacher dives right into brand new concepts like: fucking fractions, and prime numbers, and the greatest common factor (GCF) and the least common multiple (LCM) and you’re fairly certain your brain is going to catch on fire because even though you crushed that exam you’re still struggling with old concepts; like trying to solve for X when the variable is on both sides… but you don’t have time to freak out, because you need to focus on taking a lot of notes and keep on barreling through.
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When you get home — you have to check & respond to your Brookdale emails, click through your “Canvas” courses on the Brookdale portal and look for any new assignments when you discover 2 NEW MATH QUIZES AND NEW MATH HW due by Thursday, IN ADDITION TO YOUR OTHER CLASSES, so you make a to-do-list on your phone AND write them down on sticky notes AND plaster them on your walls, otherwise you’ll forget, because that’s exactly when your son calls from Boston and you haven’t really talked in a while (other than when he FaceTimed you at 11pm on your birthday to have his entire restaurant staff sing happy birthday) so you HAVE TO TAKE THIS CALL to find out all-of-the-things happening in his life.
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Scraping the bottom of the energy barrel — you take off your scrubs and remember to take the needles out of your pockets before you accidentally drop them into the laundry, put on your pajamas, wash your face, scarf down microwaved leftovers, call your mom, scroll through Facebook, and smoke ONE very much needed and very well deserved Newport 100.
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You take 4 Advil, apply heating pads to every part of your body, congratulate yourself for a job well done & then collapse in your bed because you’re way too tired to watch TV on your sofa.
PS:
Dear Fellas,
In the future — if know you’re going to need to get an EKG, do everyone a favor (including yourself) & shave your chest hair prior to your visit!!! TIA
