Postcard on Percosette

It’s who knows what time it is, (somewhere after midnight) – I dont know why my blog time says 945pm at the bottom of my post? – Who knows what day it is (Wednesday? Thursday?); I have been in a deep medicated sleep for the last few days as I am incapacitated and violently ill.

For the past few months I have been dealing quietly with what I thought was stress related stomach issues. Heartburn, sever lower back gas pains, a million sharp knives cutting through my very center, all mildly manageable by my excessive ingestion of over the counter remedies, and/or medications, taken on a nearly daily basis.

Some days, I was relived of the pain with the assistance of the Maalox max plus anti-gas / anti-acid, and, my symptoms would subside. (that sounded like a commercial… Maalox max, when all else fails, provides relief of abdominal discomfort, 10 minuets and you’ll be back to yourself…it’s a hard ten waiting for that medication to kick in) Other days, I would find myself writhing in pain in a fetal position ball like on my cold bathroom tiled floor praying for sweet relief, to no avail.

This past Monday, after a well spent family day, I didn’t feel “right” at all. It was 10pm; I was home getting ready for bed, picking out my clothes for work the next day, when I felt the usual onset of the heartburn creeping in. The acid was rising into my chest; I could almost feel it in my throat, so, I took 3 chewable pills and drank soda. (Soda, which I hate, but drink it to induce belching, as that, in the past, has proven to be effective in helping me feel better.) Only, this time, it wasn’t effective at all.

At 1am I was woken up to a pain I had never felt, that intense, before. I was familiar with the location of the pain, and it felt almost like the lower back gas pains, like air was stuck inside of me, and I couldn’t get it out. I took 3 more chewable, with still no end to the now cramping, stabbing, shooting agony.

By 230am I thought I was going to explode… from the inside? No position I laid in, no pills I took, nothing! Nothing! nothing! was helping.

630am, I gave up on trying to convince myself this would pass, obviously it wouldn’t, I knew I would have to break down and call in the professionals.

7am, mom n dad showed up, got JCH ready, together, and off onto the bus for school, then, they called 911. (Embarrassing as all hell, in my pjs, un-showered, un-brushed teeth, greasy morning hair from sweating in pain all night long, strangers in my house, cute cop (fuck!) and I was sick! Sick! Sick!)

I have never asked, and I have never gone willingly to the hospital. My mother KNEW at that moment, if I was saying take me to the hospital something was really wrong.

8 hours later, a slew of tests, having to repeat my symptoms 25 times to 15 people, needles, blood work, urine samples, pain killer injections, forced to drink some beverage that would make my insides glow under the x-ray CAT scan, revealed a problem, with my small intestines. My small intestines are FUCKED UP. I am diagnosed, as of now, with: LLEITIS, SMALL INTESTINE (if you Google that diagnosis it gives you: Crohn’s disease, Colitis, and this scary paragraph: causing chronic intestinal inflammation and bringing misery and disability to hundreds of thousands of people throughout the world.)

However, I couldn’t read anymore, I don’t want to, because I am not getting all worked up until I see the GI specialist on Monday October 9th at 315pm.

I am restricted to a liquid diet until I can go 24 hours without pain, and then I can graduate to rice / applesauce. I am sentanced to bed-rest, until I regain strength. I can’t take any of my anti-acid / anti-gas medications because they have only been masking what IS the problem, maybe even making things worse, therefore, I can only take percosette for the excruciating pain. (Which, has me scared to death, because I am a recovering addict, having any drugs in me SCARES the shit out of me) so much so, that I am having mom n dad keep the bottle of pills at their house, and I am allowing them to distribute the pills to me. (As needed, and, only if I am really in need / dying of pain, which I have been in, for 3 days now).

I haven’t been to work, I haven’t been able to eat, read, write, and all I can do is sit here. I wanted a mini-vacation to relax, but this is NOT what I had in mind.

I cannot tell you how weak, and delirious I feel as I have not been able to eat any solid food since Monday (I didn’t even eat on Monday, because it was Yom Kippur, and I was “fasting” to atone for my “sins”.) and, I am on pain killers, so I am ½ lucid, and ½ retarded.

I slept most of today, 730am-12pm, then from 330pm- 8pm. I am starving, chicken broth isn’t cutting it, but I am terrified to eat either because 1. I am still in alot of pain and eating will force my intestines to digest, and the hospital doctor said NO FOOD at all for 24-48 hours 2. there is no way I am feeling what felt the other night, again!

I am crawling back into bed, I only have an hour of energy, at a clip, so I decided to write with the moment of clarity I have before having to take another pill and sleeping another 15 hours.