Disclaimer: For those of you looking for a laugh, please feel free to move right along to another blog. There is nothing funny over here. I am having a lousy day.
Friday night I went out to dinner with my girlfriend. For some reason, I decided I wanted to try a bite of what she had ordered. Unfortunately, and inevitably, I had yet another allergic reaction.
[*sigh* ]
I cannot properly express how sick and tired I am of having allergic reactions. (And I’m sure ya’ll are tired of listening to it.) I also cannot tell you how sick and tired I am of not being able to eat anything with flavor for fear of having to deal with this.
I’ve worked LONG and HARD on accepting my issues with food…but sometimes, after months and months of watching everyone ELSE eat all of the foods I love, while I sit quietly salivating, I cave. I give in to temptation. And, then I pay the price. It’s a vicious cycle.
As a result of the amount of Benadryl I have to take to counteract my symptoms, I am left with what I can only compare to as really bad hangover. I cannot function at all the day after an allergic reaction. I feel foggy, dizzy, light-headed, almost like everything is moving slow motion. My equilibrium is way off. Even my reflexes are slower.
On any other Saturday, feeling like that would have been easier to deal with since I usually spend most of my Saturday’s doing nothing. My Saturday’s are for lying in bed, watching TV, and reading blogs. I always use my Saturday’s for ‘downtime’.
But this Saturday my family had a big Family Brunch. And I missed it. And my uncles went out of their way to make ‘Meleah Friendly Food’. Great. Whats worse? I took that gamble and that chance knowing I had a family commitment the next day.
[insert feeing guilty.]
I am pissed off at myself for taking a chance, or gamble for that matter, and trying something new to eat. I am angry with myself because I should know better by now. I do not have the luxury of eating anything outside of my usual bland miserable list of safe foods. I am upset that I missed a wonderful day with my family.
I have no one to blame but myself.
The other side to having an allergic reaction (aside from the physical horror) is what it does to me mentally. Mentally, I go into a downward spiral. I really do a number on myself about how I am ‘damaged goods’ and how no one is going to ‘want me’ when I have so many issues, especially when they have the option of dating a perfectly ‘normal girl’ without the drama of eating a meal.
I mean really. How totally annoying will I be going on dates and ordering my dinners?
“Hi imaginary waiter on my imagery date…By the way I can’t have this, I can’t have that, please make sure this, this, and that, are not used in any of the ingredients/food unless you want to end up calling 911. Kay Thanks.”
[Then I picture my imaginary date with his jaw on the floor thinking. ‘Wow. Now that chick is the definition of ‘high maintenance’.]
And what if my date asks me to take a bite / taste of their food?
I imagine myself breaking out the 5 page typed list of foods / ingredients I cant have.
Yeah. Hi.
[And none of these issues even include all of the problems I have because of Crohn’s Disease.]
So. Yeah. I am depressed today. I am beating myself up today. I feel like damaged goods and I am beside myself because I missed out on what could have been a glorious Family Day.
Oh…and I am having a pity party about what a burden I am. Therefore, rather than doing any of my own writing, and rather than helping my writing buddy [*sorry Random Chick, please forgive me? *] I am climbing back into my bed, hiding under the covers, and hopefully I will find distraction from what’s going on in my head right with some television.
Maybe I will feel better tomorrow?
I wish I could open a Meleah’s restaurant with only crazy good food items that you are NOT allergic to. You would always eat free because (Speedy Like Yah)
If it makes you fell any better, all I eat is garbage! My fridge has not seen a decent chunk of food in years. Shame really.
When I hide under the covers, I pretend to be in the Goobie Dessert.
Random Chick:
ha ha ha
“Flakier than a Frosted Flake.”
I love you.
Thank you for being the bestest WB ever.
xxoo
Speedy:
Aw. Eating Free Speedy Foods would make this a whole lot suckier.
“When I hide under the covers, I pretend to be in the Goobie Dessert.”
Ah! ha! I needed that laugh, Thanks DOC.
Would this help ????
http://www.thefreelibrary.com/Hypoallergenic+chocolate+chips-a0117182202
I know this will probably hit your spam filter. Hope you see it …. maybe you tried this already??
hugs from Doc Shoal 🙂
Thanks for trying sweety. Really. That was soo sweet of you. That was almost as sweet as CHOCOLATE …..
But I am allergic to SOY too.
🙁
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You poor thing! I feel awful for you.
But, if the date is a nice guy, he would never think of you as high maintenance and would realize what a great catch you are!
I’m sorry you’re not feeling well. Coming from the Allergy Queen herself its totally not fun.
BUT as far as the guy goes, you’ll find someone who not only wants to deal with it but embraces it full on.
Or you’ll learn to cook.
Hang in there!
Momo:
Aw. Thank you woman…
HEY NICE TO SEE THAT YOU HAVE POWER AGAIN!
CourtneyRyan369
Thanks a lot sweetheart. I was just temporarily depressed.
{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}} I TOTTALY understand how you feel. I have a series of food allergies that sometimes makes it really hard to enjoy everyday living.
That’ll teach ya to stick your fork in my plate!!! LOL
oh you dont want to hear anymore of my woes…you’ve heard more than your fair share… tell tiff that she has to order “meleah friendly meals” so you don’t get tempted!!
Food Allegies used to get me angry when I was younger but, now I use the Anger Danger principle to recall the humor of Rodney Dangerfield for a laugh or two: “I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going.” usually dissolves my anger 🙂
MMP:
Well, I am still ANGRY.
I am working on ways to find the humor.
Pity parties are allowed – as long as they only last one day! then get your butt out of bed (which I know you already did because I’ve already read your next few blogs!). I love your writings and really look forward to reading what you have to share!
WontonSushi:
Oh thanks daaaling.
Im over this pity party and on to a new one!
I hope you’re feeling better hon. Let me buy you a drink…
I had a self-destruct moment too. I’m on my FOURTH meds adjustment and I just got fed up and angry that I haven’t been feeling better so…i stopped my meds. Why would I do such a thing??? Kellypea hit the nail on the head though. I’m sick of not feeling in control…or rather the sense that my well-being is encapsulated in some pill on a pharmacy shelf. I said fuck it, FUCK IT. I’ll make myself feel better and if I don’t, at least I’ll stop waiting for something to kick in…I’m a moron. And now thanks to my STUPID decision to stop my meds, I’m a moron with the productivity of a turnip.
Yeah, it’s definitely like Kellypea said, [“I think it’s his way of flipping the bird to fate”] Only in my case Fate said, “right back at’cha!” Fate’s funny that way…
Ana:
I am in Big Time trouble over here. Mentally, I am over the edge. I think I need some REAL professional help SOON. Or else who knows what’s going to happen.
I certainly think its time for me to seek a mental medication so that MAYBE I can/will feel better emotionally?
I am sick of NOT BEING IN CONTROL of anything. In fact my life and circumstances are controlling me.
Kellypea RULES when she said Yeah, it’s definitely like Kellypea said, [”I think it’s his way of flipping the bird to fate”]
“Only in my case Fate said, “right back at’cha!” Fate’s funny that way…”
Um Yeah Hi! Me too!!!
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i dont know you and i just read your blog. i feel ya! i am allergic to over 30 different foods which a few of them are in everything: yeast,wheat,corn,egg,milk. i think of myself as damaged goods too. its quite overwhelming and depressing. so just know you arent the only person in this world that has a novel they gotta carry around and to look up all the “hidden” ingrediants. its terrible and with that being said i would never want even my worst enemy to go through something like this that i go through. its hell and i feel ya girl!
thanks