Recently, I have had TWO Crohn’s Attacks.
When you know you are going to be stuck in the bathroom for 6 hours in a row, but there is too much WORK to be done, may I suggest,
“Working, with Crohn’s………………..â€
YUP! That’s ME…. (I have NO shame!)
How HOT! Is THAT! Hmm? Am I sexy NOW?
(Well that was me on this past Saturday)
Yes, I am WORKING, on things for the office. While trapped on the bowl and suffering through a Crohn’s attack. I didn’t have 6 hours of time to waste, sitting in there. So…. I decided to WORK anyways. I brought in my portable desk, the ever so kick ass MAC computer, and my sensitive baby wipes.
I could deal with things on Saturday, because I wasn’t experiencing any of the PAIN that sometimes accompanies an attack. Even though I was stuck there, fuck it! Lets make the best of it! I was pretty damn productive too.
I also discovered that my bathroom; seems to be the SAFE-ZONE, for my computers wireless network. While in the bathroom with MAC, when my phone rang, I didn’t get kicked off the Internet! I didn’t loose what I was working on!
From now on, if I am using my computer and my phone rings, I run into the bathroom with my computer before I answer the phone, thus preserving my Internet Wireless Connection. Who knew? !
Today, however, is a MUCH different story.
I was awaken at 430am, with violent – stabbing – shooting – cramping, almost labor pains. The all too familiar long hours ahead of me, writhing in pain, while my body evacuated fire-water. Until, I left the bathroom at 930am.
An experience like that is draining; it leaves you literally hollow inside.
And it PISSES.ME.OFF.
I was so upset after missing another day of work, hysterical in fact, when I spoke to the G.I. doctor and was informed that since I have had two attacks again, my intestines are INFLAMED again, and I am back to a clear liquid diet of tea and broth for a few days, again.
What is bothering me THE MOST, is the fact that I didn’t even eat a meal WORTHY of constituting another attack.
I have been sooo good for the past few months. I have denied myself any of the foods that used to bring me so much pleasure. I miss burgers, steaks and Mexican food (which by the way was my most favorite food ever… hook me up with some kick ass quesadilla’s extra sour cream and guacamole and I am happier than a pig in shit.) But I know if I eat something like that, I wont be a happy as a pig in shit… I will just SHIT for days.
So, when I have an attack like this morning, because I ate a fucking salad, really sets me off.
The only way I can feel better about what happened is to write about it. Try to find something factual, and make it into a joke…
Hey I did break the world record for using the most toilet paper in a four-day span. I just bought a twelve pack of Charmin double rolls, which are now GONE.
When I called my father, “Daddy, can you please bring me more toilet paper on your way home from work tonight?†He busted out laughing. “Are you serious? (hehehehe) You used all that toilet paper…already?…. (hehehehe) I think you broke the worlds record! (heheheh) are you going to BLOG THAT?â€
What could I do! I stopped crying for the first time all day and started laughing too.
Here’s to another crohn’s attack, days of liquid-only “meals†and disturbing images of me.
In the spirit of this post, and trying to make light of a “shitty-situationâ€
One joke:
Another new illness to watch out for!
A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying
home because she is not feeling well.
“What’s the matter?” he asks.
“I have a case of anal glaucoma,” she says in a weak voice.
“What the hell is anal glaucoma?”
“I can’t see my ass coming into work today.”
I figured we needed a joke with the words anal and ass right about now
Well.
Hmmmmm..
Where to begin…
First of all I love the honesty thing. That is a plus. Maybe all your stalkers will not like the new picture you have painted in shit for them lmfao.
I listen to the radio all day evry day and one of the commercials I have heard for years is this pill called Natrins Healthy Trinity. It is Live bacteria that comes in pill form. They live in your intestines and help promote healthy digestion and according to the testimonials it is a miracle drug! Wow it sounds almost like I work for them. It is just that I have heard the commercial 20 times a day for 5 years lol.
I think it would be at least worth you checking it out for the sake of sake! From what it sounds like anything is worth a try!
Hope you are feelin better and be sure not to eat any of those Jalepeno stuffed with cheese poppers lol.
🙂
Well, I am HONEST about everything….
Including “worlds most embarrassing moments .
Like I said, I have no shame…
And for any “psychos†…looking for a girl “like me†at least they will know what they are “getting .
Nothing will be a surprise, and / or shocking….
I am fucked up! And… So is my ass!!
As for live bacteria, YOGURT is my new BFF… But until I can control inflammation….AGAIN
…it’s all about broth…….
“Jalepeno stuffed with cheese poppers “
CAN YOU SAY HOSPITAL?
Hey, M
Â
Another great Blog! I love the way you’re not afraid to show yourself in ways some might find embarrassing or uncomfortable. You da Warrior Princess! I’m sorry that you’re in so much discomfort. If there’s anything I can do to help,….well, you know. I remain your constant admirer.
Â
Al
Hey….I do feel bad for you..you have been good and I know how much you would love to share a nice jucy bacon cheese burger with fries..I have been there with you and even though I am not sick have been avoiding them because of my diet. So when you get better we are going out for a big jucy burger…. Love the joke…I think all of us have had those moments. LOL feel better.. BFNC..xoxo
thankfully I have accepted who you are Meleah, I will do what I can to help you and there is nothing to be ashame about! you are who you are and if someone doesn’t like you for who you are well they can kiss my little ass. So Meleah I’ve read that foods high in Omega-3 acids helps a lot. I think you should welcome salmon to your diet and we will see what we can do for the rest.
Oh my God,
I cant believe it.
I still think you are a precious moments doll.
Dude! You crack me up… pics of working in the head for the internet’s viewing pleasure… roflmao
OH, and Paula the nurse has a treatment for you to try. Email me and remind me to get the name of it again..
BFNC…
I love you back, maybe one day, when I have a different INTESTINAL track all together, we can have a BACON CHEEDAR CHEESEBURGER, with lettuce, tomoato, red-onions and EXTA mayo
in the mean time, I will “deal” with the mundane misery of BROTH
Thanks AL!
yeah… um… I don’t know too many people that would allow the INTERNET see them in this “light”
but hey… this SHIT is REAL LIFE
Im sure other people have this problem, maybe they can LAUGH about it?
I have to (find a way to laugh) … or I’d just CRY, and that’s NO FUN at all!
FV…
Im sooo GLAD you are a CHEF!! Imagine that! I have a READER that is a CHEF!!
So when I am better (7 days of broth from now) I will compile a LIST of what I can eat.
I told my mom n dad about you being a CHEF and wanting to HELP me find stuff I can eat THAT IS GOOD
so aftre I make up the LIST, please continue to email me more recipes. I can print them out and give them to my father to make for me…
we all KNOW I cant / shouldn’t cook, since I tend to LIGHT things ON FIRE when I do!
Jen…
There was nothing PRECIOUS about that moment!
But hey!
At least you were there taking the snap shots! so i could PUBLICLY emabrass myself!!
Leslie!! ha ha ha ha ha ha
I was worried YOU’D be grossed out by my shameless act of working on my toilet bowl which is bad enough, but then to put PICTURES of that ON THE INTERNET….
ha….haa
I’m happy you laughed (at my expense of course!)
and yes I will EMAIL you for the NURSE PAULA information!
Mel!
That was sooo funny. Only YOU would post a picture of you like this!
I know how sick you are, we will go to Gluten-free-girl and get some good stuff that you CAN EAT.
PS… I have anal glacoma EVERY DAY
Pammie
Equally important, you have the need and the talent to want to tell the story. That’s what makes you who and what you are – and that’s pretty wonderful.
Al
You need to take care of youself!
JACK
I have taken my laptop to the bowl before but never did I dream of snapping a photo of myself there
Yes that was quite hillarious.
That takes guts babe.
I had no idea you were home till I saw your post.
That definately takes the cake sweetie.
Hope your feeling somewhat better today at least.
Love Ya Bunches!!!
xoxoxo
OLLY
You have NO SHAME!!
Although it looks as if you may have created a new ergonomic work station wonder. Way to maximize your productivity
BFD
love you too BFD!!
“OMG! I didn’t read my favorite blog for a few days and had so much catching up to do!
Guess where I took my laptop?
Shhhhh! Same place as you! LOFL, TMI!
HOLLY
HOLISTER BABY!!
ha! I am not alone!!
thanks for making me feel NORMAL
and I dig that you read my blog…. I am your “favorite” blog tooooo!! yeay!