I love All Things Apple. As I have mentioned before, I cannot seem to leave The Apple Store without spending an incredible amount of money. By the time all is said and paid for, I am faced with only two options to avoid total bankruptcy. Selling my functional organs on craigslist. Or. Selling my ovarian eggs on eBay.
I love The Apple Store so much that I have begun to imagine my life and how great it might be if I were to quit working in an office and go to work for Macintosh, inside my very own local Apple Store.
[I’d like to think almost anywhere would be better than working in THIS cubical.]
So, I am going to write this post including all of the pros and cons before I decide weather or not I am really going to put in for that job application.
First, let’s consider some of the benefits. Shall we?
Number One has to be ‘The Employee Discount’. [Hello!] The Discount alone is a ‘just cause’ and legitimate reason when deciding to take a job, any job at The Apple Store. Even if you have to take the last position available as ‘The Only 110 Pound Tiny But Sweaty Female Stock Room Clerk.’
[Side bar: I have no idea why in my own daydreaming fantasy-fake-job at the apple store I am hired to work in the stock room?]
I do know that I would get down and dirty with a certain ‘happy little kicks dance’ every single time I was able to use my 10-15% Employee Discount. Plus, I’d be able to turn towards the other non-employee customers standing in line paying full price and get to say “Boo-Ya” while flaunting my receipt.
Next, you throw in all of that free Apple/Mac knowledge I stand to gain and now we are talking about a very sweet education, not just employment opportunities. I can only imagine the sheer awesomeness learning hands how to master every single Apple product and software application with true perfection. I would spend most of, if not all of my time, hovering around the ‘Genius Bar’ harassing the co-workers with questions I’ve prepared on flash cards and eavesdropping for any tips, tricks, or shortcuts.
[Side bar: That is unless of course, I am too busy unloading that new shipment of shiny sleek packages off the back of the delivery truck in the stock room. Then I will be banking on the concept that I could learn everything about Mac and all of its operating systems via osmosis from touching the cardboard boxes filled with iMacs and iPhones galore.]
On a more serious note, another added bonus to obtaining employment at my local Apple Store? A genuine tangible bonus? The Apple Store closest to me is located 0.05 miles away from my house. Do you know what that means?
My commute would never be the same. In fact, my commute would be over.
Instead of dealing with the typical horrid stress inducing panic attack giving shoulder riding bust a move until I black out behind the wheel, traveling a one hour, each way, every day, five days a week. I would be blessed with a mere 20-minute commute. Total. [As in ‘Round Trip’.] Even if there was a massive traffic producing accident and even if I caught all of the red lights, I would still make it home in 10.
The fact that I would never have to travel on the NJTPK again, has filled me with a special ‘Double My Pleasure’ effect. (The same special feeling we all received back in the day when Mint and Twins were all the rage.)
Pleasure Number One?
The ultimate savings on the cost of gasoline! I have no idea how many miles per gallon my little go-no-where-fast-2 & ½ Cylinder Hyundai manages to suck up, but I am positive I could last two solid weeks on a single tank of gas. Then I could use all of those spare nickels rolling around on my car floor to buy more Apple Products with my Employee Discount. (Oh, c’mon now this is all really coming together for me!)
And lest not forget to mention The Best News yet.
Pleasure Number Two?
Only freeing up two solid hours of my life and giving me the gift of time to do what I’d rather be doing. Such as focusing all my efforts on writing something of substance.
*Because I wont be wasting all of that time or money on gasoline and driving.
Did I happen to mention that driving less, using less fuel, and giving off less pollution into the already heavily contaminated air is better for our environment. (Or something like that.) See, I am really just trying to ‘do my part’ to live in an eco-friendly world. That’s what I like to call, “A Win–Win Situation.” Right?
Another favorite feature about possibly being employed at my imaginary job in The Apple Store? Never having to wear this restrictive ‘Office Attire’ again.
[Side bar: While I will never be fully satisfied with any dress code (unless that dress code consists of sweat pants and pajamas) lighting all of my office pantyhose on fire, while dancing around the blazing glory and shouting ‘I Am Free From The Land Of Cubical Dwellers’ would be totally-super-awesome.]
Although this next statement comes grossly premature, I’ve begun to embrace these fantasy ideas as possible realities. Lets re-cap:
* Employee Discounts
* A Free Apple / Mac Products, Software, and Application Education
* Saving Money on Gas While Saving The Environment
* Having More Time To Do The Things That Really Matter To Me
* Comfortable Clothing
Are you feeling this as much as I am people (MOM)?
Of course, with all good things there must be some downsides to my imaginary job at The Apple Store.
First of all, I am ill equipped to deal with the general public to say the least. It would simply take that first customer to speak to me in a sideways manner and I’d have to go all Naomi Campbell on them. Which, in turn, would land me handcuffed, fired, and possibly banned from all Airlines.
Secondly, I have gotten very used to being seated in a chair for 8 hours in a row, over the last 6 years. I don’t know if I could stand upright for even one hour in a row. My legs are a far cry from what they used to be. I fear that I may buckle at the kneecaps after only standing for several moments causing me to collapse suddenly and or unexpectedly. Which may then lead to filing a class act workers compensation claim, wherein all that damned insurance information and paperwork would come flooding back into my life. And that is what I am trying to get away from.
Third, Having To Working Weekends. Now that is a tough one to swallow. I have so many fun-filled-family-functions I would miss out on attending if I had to go back to working on weekends. Who else in my family would take on the responsibility to preserve, store, write, and archive all of our precious family moments? No. One. I have come to take my duties as ‘the family historian’ very seriously.
Fourth, No Paid Holiday /Sick or Vacation Time Off. In the land of Retail, “Holiday Weekends” are not equivalent to a day off. Nope. The Retail definition of a “Holiday Weekend” means you will be working and longer hours in the store. And that would blow chunks.
Fifth, Working Evenings. While it’s a well known fact I have always been and will always be a night person, I am not sure I am really down with the idea of ‘counting out the register’ at 10pm closing time when there are one too many good television shows on at that hour. Although, if I was working the later shift, I wouldn’t have to get up in the morning until at least 10am. And THAT would rule.
Let’s recap the Cons:
* The General Public
* Possible Workers Compensation Claims and/or Injury
* Working Weekends
* No Paid Holiday / Vacation / Or Sick Time Off
* Working Nights
Damn. It.
This post was supposed to help me decide if applying for a job at The Apple Store was worth it or not. Now I can’t choose when I have a perfect tie. The Pros scored nicely with 5 Good Reasons vs. The Cons scoring just as nicely with 5 Bad Reasons.
Now what?
What do ya’ll think? Should I bag my office/insurance career? Or do I stick it out within the confines of my all too familiar cubical?
ROFL. First of all sell your eggs. I had an application to do so, but they asked to many D questions. NEXT. Oh wait, stay out of the apple store if you can’t walk out of there with something free (that reminds me, I have to buy a lock and a sleeve for my nephews iMAC, did I get that right, its a laptop. White or Silver and has an apple on it. I could be assuming here.
You should work there because then all your friends would be able to come in and get the “hook-up” with your discount.
You want to work in the stock room because you would secretly be on your iMAC surfing the web while you pretend to look for things.
Saving Gas and No Commute – you will save more money than you would get for selling your eggs.
Only con is that you know you can’t work the weekends. You wouldn’t make it past weekend no. 2.
I say fill out that application and tell them, you don’t do weekends. With your enthusiasm for apple, I’m sure you can get Captain Hook to buy an iMac. 1 vote for changing jobs.
well,, for a breath of fresh air it would be a good thing… but i think you need to work somewhere that is more flexible,, since you have certain medical conditions,, and would not be ever so anxious to fire you if you needed sick time… working in any retail or food service job requires you be there all the time,, and work like you mean it when you are,, or they eliminate you and go with the next drone on the list…
i wish i could say f*ck it,, just go for it.. but what would you do without insurance??? which you either would not have or would have to pay for during your “probationary” period.. you would almost have to work both of them,, till it kicked in…
i know… never ask the voice of doom ova here….
Bring down the cubicles from the inside!
Well lets see… The CORE of this would let you see that your fruitless efforts on your current job would be ripe with opportunity in the Apple Store. Perhaps stem-ing into a career where you can seed for growth in the company. Look at all the time you can ..harvest. Yikes… I could go on. I hear you. I see myself working at a bar… wait a minute….
I’m still distracted by your office attire. I said it once and I’ll say it again, the attire suits you well dear. 🙂
Pros vs Cons….easy.
Walk in there, simply state your looking for an 9-5 position and cannot accept anything else. You have years of customer service experience and can manage people. You;d make an excellent store employee and them hiring anyone else would be their loss.
What else you got to lose?
And I’m sure the Apple attire would suit you well too! 🙂
Valerie:
“Saving Gas and No Commute – you will save more money than you would get for selling your eggs.”
HA HA HA HA. That was funny.
Thanks for the vote!
PS: I used the term “Boo Yah” just for you!!
Paisley:
They do have great benefits, but retail does suck. And I probably would get fired because I am forever calling out sick. Then again, I do have the American Disabilities Act on my side.
And you are NOT the voice of doom. I love you.
Angry Man:
Here! Here!
Oscar:
I did work in a bar. For 10 years!
Dazd:
I like that idea! A lot!
I agree with Dazd, you should actually be able to stipulate what hours you can work and you might only need to work one Saturday a month. I can actually see you working in an Apple store. I think you would be excellent. You would be great at updating their website and writing reviews of products and so on. They might even have a store blog they would need you to write for. However, because I don’t live in the US, I’m not that familiar with pay and insurance conditions in the retail sector, and that may be the major downside. Why not apply and see what happens?
You make an excellent argument!! This had me in LMAO: “It would simply take that first customer to speak to me in a sideways manner and I’d have to go all Naomi Campbell on them” You’d be in the perfect place to do it! Phones to throw, everywhere!!!! I do have to say…..I’d stick with the job now. After years of working holidays, nights and weekends,in a restaurant, I would never go back to it. You do miss out on SO much!!
Working retail sucks. Trust me. I think you are probably better where you are…
Selma:
I can see me working in the Apple Store too. And I really would only for real consider the job if it was under the kinds of terms you expressed above. There are so many Good Reasons and so many Bad Reasons. This is challenging. In all reality, I just want/need MORE TIME in my REAL LIFE. Yanno?
Maybe I can just win the lottery and then I wont have to work At All.
Chef Mom:
True. Dat. I love my PAID HOLIDAYS, and Three Day Weekends. And I do love love love love my boss.
I am so glad this post made you laugh.
Im glad I found my sense of humor again.
xxoo xxoo
🙂
Silver:
I know. Retail is a NIGHTMARE. From whatI can remember when I was working at Macy’s.
Hmmm….interesting set of pros & cons Meleah…but I don’t think you’d be able to deal with those bratty teens coming in the store (I know I sure wouldn’t! LOL)
I dream of leaving the land of cubicle-ville all the time…for the thing I’m passionate about but as of right now it’s just not something I can afford. 🙁
So…looks like you’re sticking with your current gig (even though the NJTP is a nightmare of pavement) and you can stick it out until you move into your dream job (and I know that the Apple store is NOT that dream…).
I guess you and I will be sticking with where we are right now….. 🙁
Jen Jen:
Very good points. I didn’t even consider the “Teenage Factor.” OMG. That would send me over the edge for sure! I would flip if I had to deal with snotty stuck up teeagers. No Thank You.
And, you are right. Working in The Apple Store is NOT my DREAM.
I guess I will just have to stay here longer.
🙁
Hey there from a fellow cubicle dweller. Yeah, I’d love to escape this box, but not if it meant working nights, weekends and holidays.
Yes you deff should i have friends that work there and they love it plus they are really nice to you and if your a manager you make almost as much as in a office so i deff say yes!
I’m with the NOT camp. Working retail blows in so many nasty icky ways. (Like hot smelly kangaroo balls icky)
Between the hours and the pay and the sick time…As miserable as it might be, cubicle seems to be the better option. And while the ADA act is on your side, my ex (who had cystic fibrosis) ended up fighting with Circuit City a number of times and the stress wasn’t so much worth it.
Hugs, hang in there. I have 5 who want to buy the book when it’s ready!
Employee No 3699
I know. I would really MISS my weekends. and vacation. and sick days.
Dom:
Hey! Nice! Thank you for leaving me a comment over here. You are awesome. I think employees and managers at The Apple Store would be much nicer than the typical RETAIL situation. I mean, who isn’t happy in that store!!
CourtneyRyan:
I sure am getting alot of NO’s.
🙂
Really? Already 5 people you know want my book when its done?
I gues I better get moving on that!
xxoo
If you DO go work at the Apple store, I want some of that discount! Please? Pretty please???
ok, so i assume some of the bloggers have never worked retail?
name your own hours???
work 9-5 with weekends off???
impossible.
I am glad I wasn’t in the office when I read this. I don’t know what kind of sounds would come out of my mouth reading those comments. As it is, grampa sye came running down the stairs (yes, running as fast as his bony little legs could carry him) to see what was wrong. he actually thought we were being robbed and I was screaming in fear for my life!!!!
anyway…no you don’t want to work at the apple store, a definite maybe to work for the company, but surely not the store!!!
I think the solution is to work in the corporate world of Apple, not in the retail store. That way you get the discounts and knowledge but you don’t have the funky hours and the annoying customers. They must have a customer service office or better yet, accounting or some other arena you are equipped for. Then you also get the insurance and you get to sit down for most of your day! check into it, maybe there is a branch office not too far from you!
Ricardo B:
Deal.
Mommy:
ha ha ha ha ha
I can just picture Poppa Sye running down the stairs after hearing the roaring sound of your laughter.
No. I am not going to work in The Apple Store.
Calm Down.
I am still here in my cubical.
Xxoo
Beth:
Accounting? I cant even add WITH a calculator!!
I imagine working for ‘Corporate Apple’ would totally RULE. However, Im sure I’d have to commute to NYC or somewhre crazy like that. And that’s Not Gunna Happen.
I guess I’ll just stick it out where I am, and sell my body parts online so at least I can buy all of the products I need/want from The Store I will not be working in!!
RETAIL SUCKS if you don’t have the gumption for it. Maybe there’s a compromise somewhere….Hows about a SMALLER office/business nearby?? You won’t get rid of the office routine, but you get to keep your pay+benefits AND get rid of your commute. Sounds like a good compromise to me…I say you polish up your resume and drop it off at some NEARBY businesses. You’ve got nothing to lose…This way you don’t endanger your current employment (‘cuz lets face it, jobs are scarce right now) BUT you still get the satisfaction that you are doing something to change your situation, you know what I mean?
No opinion from me–don’t need to get YELLED at–but you KNOW how I feel about Apple. ‘Nough said. 😉
SomeGirl:
I was just imagining a new fake job. Thats all. I do think its a good idea to check for something closer, however, I do kind of have it good in my office. So, I will probably stay there FOREVER.
I know retail sucks. I worked at Macy’s once and Bath & Boy Works. Total.Fucking.Nightmare. What Paisley said was 100% accurate:
“working in any retail or food service job requires you be there all the time,, and work like you mean it when you are,, or they eliminate you and go with the next drone on the list…”
So. I am stuck. I have to accept that I am stuck and deal with it. Or at least make the best of it. For Now.
CMK:
No one is going to yell at you! We’re all friends here!
xxoo
*** Does Anyone Else appreciate the ‘DOUBLE MY PLEASURE’ link? (Or am I the only one who misses the days when Mint and Twins were all the rage?) I also cant believe no one liked / mentioned the ‘Happy Dance’ link? Or even the CUBICAL Video? I guess I just cracked myself up with those?****
I get you, I do. Fake job dreaming is a necessary for survival….AND I’M FOLLOWING THOSE LINKS RIGHT NOW!!!!
Damn my lack of humor, damn it to oblivion!!!!!!!!!
Dood, I appreciate! I remember back when all commercials were happy jingles of furry bliss. Now a commercial that totes a slogan like “Double my Pleasure” would probably only be allowed for after 10 pm on cable.
And Elaine doing her spastic ass clown dance is the best! How she didn’t throw out her back doing THAT is amazing!!
I really should work…
But instead I just sit here and surf the iiiiiiinteeeer-net…
My cubicle…my cubicle
*tear in eye, laughing*
SomeGirl:
YAY!
I love old commercials from back then. And Elaine. And that freeking CUBICAL video? Dood. The lyrics KILL ME.
“Pretending that Im working when the boss walks by…”
And were back to laughing!
Those youtube links were priceless. I clicked each one and laughed so hard I snorted. Whatever happened to the doublemint twins?
I have had that very same fantasy when it came to working at the MAC store… but then I realized it would be pure torture for me to have to provide others with the make up that I so desperately want to own every ounce of.
You can do what I did though, befriend someone at the Apple store and in turn enjoy the benefits of that oh so wonderful discount. It’s like a 2-for-1 deal. You get an awesome friend, and a discount.
I think you should “OPEN” your own Apple store.
… and umm, can I work there??
as an Apple man myself I think it would be fun for a few weeks working at an Apple store. But I have many retail gigs in my past and let me tell ya….they suck!
Monique:
I know. I work long and hard to find and select the perfect videos. And I do my best to insert the links within carefully chosen words.. In fact, I just went back and adjusted the writing to make the links more ‘click desirable’ I hope it worked!!
I am so going to start hanging out in the Apple store until I become friends with one, or ALL, of the employees! I love 2 for 1 deals.
Speedy:
IF. ONLY. IF. ONLY.
That would be a Sweeeeeet Deal.
Oh. And You’re Hired!
Ricardo:
I know, but it was fun to pretend work there in my daydreaming land.
xxoo
LMAO @ Selling my ovarian eggs on eBay!
Why didn’t I think of that??? hahahaha!
Anyway… I think you found your dream job… 🙂
Con #6, they may not let you work from your toilet as often as your current job.
no comment.
I think working in the Apple store is just the tonic for you 😀 And find a space for me too cos I would kill to work in an Apple store too … hehehe …
Dawn:
Yeah, I know. Too bad I got one too many NO VOTES.
Looks like I am going to have to remain acting and working like adult.
It sure was fun to pretend !
Momo:
Yeah, customers might not take to kindly to me disappearing for hours at a time.
Jen BFF:
Um. Thanks for that insightful and meaningful comment
Nick:
Too bad its only a dream and not really possible!
wow. first you sold me on working for apple. and now i’m all confused because of your pros and cons list. only you can know what will suit you woman!! god luck! 🙂
good luck! spelling wrong geez! 🙂
I’m laughing out loud here! ROFL!! That’s funny. It sounds like me being offered a job in a knife shop – I’d never leave work without some of the stock! LOL!
As to learning stuff about Apple products .. well, I can’t help you there. Even my iPod has me beat, and I have to ask OH to reset it for me because I’m convinced that if I do it, all my stuff will be lost.
I can’t even remember Mac keyboard shortcuts – that’s why I have a link to a shortcuts webpage in my sidebar! LOL!
Maybe you could just get a job as my personal assistant.
Maria:
ha ha ha ha
I confused myself with my arguements!~
Jay:
Apple products are tricky. But they are soooo damn pretty!
Tesco:
OKAY. Please!!! Ill take that job in a heartbeat.
No questions asked!
xxoo
Thanks for my boo-ya. I just love it. It’s like my word of the day, every day. Of course my co-workers don’t get it.
Valerie:
I love Boo Ya too. It just makes things so final.
My favorite thing to say in the office is:
“How About NO.”
Thank jeebus it’s
Friday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Some Girl:
Hell Mother F8cking Yes.
I am finally home and just about ready to stalk my favorite blogs. Then I might take a nap, and I plan on writing until my fingers go numb, in the dead of night. Just the way I like it.
🙂
YAY!!! Mid afternoon naps are heavenly. Take one for sure, you have a long word-filled night ahead of you.
SomeGirl:
Yeah…well…now I cant take a nap… because SOME GIRL named ANNA brought tears to my eyes. Your post is breaking my heart for you..the whole Chris situation and that Mean Lady….Geez.
I left like 4 comments on your page.
Lets go talk over there!
xxxooo xxxooo xxxooo
“While I will never be fully satisfied with any dress code (unless that dress code consists of sweat pants and pajamas” – right on! I am SO on that page!
An old co-worker of mine – who was hilarious – threw her back out once, imitating the Elaine dance. I was crying I was laughing so hard – until she hurt herself, of course.
I understand about fantasy jobs, believe me. Can anyone say surf shop? I think SomeGirl is on to something. An office situation closer to home would be a great idea.
jesus what can i say when everyones saying no. i thought it was cool. but what do i know im always thinking about having fun too much.
I can SO see u doing all the stuff that u said u wud in the Apple store. I can’t imagine myself getting hooked on Apple; I mean I love my ipod & am looking forward to an Iphone but I’m always going to be a pc person. However if that is ur dream job, I hope u get it.