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Working In The Apple Store?

I love All Things Apple. As I have mentioned before, I cannot seem to leave The Apple Store without spending an incredible amount of money. By the time all is said and paid for, I am faced with only two options to avoid total bankruptcy. Selling my functional organs on craigslist. Or. Selling my ovarian eggs on eBay.

 

I love The Apple Store so much that I have begun to imagine my life and how great it might be if I were to quit working in an office and go to work for Macintosh, inside my very own local Apple Store.

 

[I’d like to think almost anywhere would be better than working in THIS cubical.]

 

So, I am going to write this post including all of the pros and cons before I decide weather or not I am really going to put in for that job application.

 

First, let’s consider some of the benefits. Shall we?

 

Number One has to be ‘The Employee Discount’. [Hello!] The Discount alone is a ‘just cause’ and legitimate reason when deciding to take a job, any job at The Apple Store. Even if you have to take the last position available as ‘The Only 110 Pound Tiny But Sweaty Female Stock Room Clerk.’

 

[Side bar: I have no idea why in my own daydreaming fantasy-fake-job at the apple store I am hired to work in the stock room?]

 

I do know that I would get down and dirty with a certain happy little kicks dance every single time I was able to use my 10-15% Employee Discount. Plus, I’d be able to turn towards the other non-employee customers standing in line paying full price and get to say “Boo-Ya” while flaunting my receipt.

 

Next, you throw in all of that free Apple/Mac knowledge I stand to gain and now we are talking about a very sweet education, not just employment opportunities. I can only imagine the sheer awesomeness learning hands how to master every single Apple product and software application with true perfection. I would spend most of, if not all of my time, hovering around the ‘Genius Bar’ harassing the co-workers with questions I’ve prepared on flash cards and eavesdropping for any tips, tricks, or shortcuts.

 

[Side bar: That is unless of course, I am too busy unloading that new shipment of shiny sleek packages off the back of the delivery truck in the stock room. Then I will be banking on the concept that I could learn everything about Mac and all of its operating systems via osmosis from touching the cardboard boxes filled with iMacs and iPhones galore.]

 

On a more serious note, another added bonus to obtaining employment at my local Apple Store? A genuine tangible bonus? The Apple Store closest to me is located 0.05 miles away from my house. Do you know what that means?

 

My commute would never be the same. In fact, my commute would be over.

 

Instead of dealing with the typical horrid stress inducing panic attack giving shoulder riding bust a move until I black out behind the wheel, traveling a one hour, each way, every day, five days a week. I would be blessed with a mere 20-minute commute. Total. [As in ‘Round Trip’.] Even if there was a massive traffic producing accident and even if I caught all of the red lights, I would still make it home in 10.

 

The fact that I would never have to travel on the NJTPK again, has filled me with a special ‘Double My Pleasure’ effect. (The same special feeling we all received back in the day when Mint and Twins were all the rage.)

 

Pleasure Number One?

The ultimate savings on the cost of gasoline! I have no idea how many miles per gallon my little go-no-where-fast-2 & ½ Cylinder Hyundai manages to suck up, but I am positive I could last two solid weeks on a single tank of gas. Then I could use all of those spare nickels rolling around on my car floor to buy more Apple Products with my Employee Discount. (Oh, c’mon now this is all really coming together for me!)

 

And lest not forget to mention The Best News yet.

 

Pleasure Number Two?

Only freeing up two solid hours of my life and giving me the gift of time to do what I’d rather be doing. Such as focusing all my efforts on writing something of substance.

 

*Because I wont be wasting all of that time or money on gasoline and driving.

 

Did I happen to mention that driving less, using less fuel, and giving off less pollution into the already heavily contaminated air is better for our environment. (Or something like that.) See, I am really just trying to ‘do my part’ to live in an eco-friendly world. That’s what I like to call, “A WinWin Situation.” Right?


Another favorite feature about possibly being employed at my imaginary job in The Apple Store? Never having to wear this restrictive ‘Office Attire’ again.

 

[Side bar: While I will never be fully satisfied with any dress code (unless that dress code consists of sweat pants and pajamas) lighting all of my office pantyhose on fire, while dancing around the blazing glory and shouting ‘I Am Free From The Land Of Cubical Dwellers’ would be totally-super-awesome.]

 

Although this next statement comes grossly premature, I’ve begun to embrace these fantasy ideas as possible realities. Lets re-cap:

 

* Employee Discounts

* A Free Apple / Mac Products, Software, and Application Education

* Saving Money on Gas While Saving The Environment

* Having More Time To Do The Things That Really Matter To Me

* Comfortable Clothing

 

 

Are you feeling this as much as I am people (MOM)?

 

Of course, with all good things there must be some downsides to my imaginary job at The Apple Store.

 

First of all, I am ill equipped to deal with the general public to say the least. It would simply take that first customer to speak to me in a sideways manner and I’d have to go all Naomi Campbell on them. Which, in turn, would land me handcuffed, fired, and possibly banned from all Airlines.

 

Secondly, I have gotten very used to being seated in a chair for 8 hours in a row, over the last 6 years. I don’t know if I could stand upright for even one hour in a row. My legs are a far cry from what they used to be. I fear that I may buckle at the kneecaps after only standing for several moments causing me to collapse suddenly and or unexpectedly. Which may then lead to filing a class act workers compensation claim, wherein all that damned insurance information and paperwork would come flooding back into my life. And that is what I am trying to get away from.

 

Third, Having To Working Weekends. Now that is a tough one to swallow. I have so many fun-filled-family-functions I would miss out on attending if I had to go back to working on weekends. Who else in my family would take on the responsibility to preserve, store, write, and archive all of our precious family moments? No. One. I have come to take my duties as ‘the family historian’ very seriously.

 

Fourth, No Paid Holiday /Sick or Vacation Time Off. In the land of Retail, “Holiday Weekends” are not equivalent to a day off. Nope. The Retail definition of a “Holiday Weekend” means you will be working and longer hours in the store. And that would blow chunks.

 

Fifth, Working Evenings. While it’s a well known fact I have always been and will always be a night person, I am not sure I am really down with the idea of ‘counting out the register’ at 10pm closing time when there are one too many good television shows on at that hour. Although, if I was working the later shift, I wouldn’t have to get up in the morning until at least 10am. And THAT would rule.

 

Let’s recap the Cons:

* The General Public

* Possible Workers Compensation Claims and/or Injury

* Working Weekends

* No Paid Holiday / Vacation / Or Sick Time Off

* Working Nights

 

Damn. It.

 

This post was supposed to help me decide if applying for a job at The Apple Store was worth it or not. Now I can’t choose when I have a perfect tie. The Pros scored nicely with 5 Good Reasons vs. The Cons scoring just as nicely with 5 Bad Reasons.

 

Now what?

 

What do ya’ll think? Should I bag my office/insurance career? Or do I stick it out within the confines of my all too familiar cubical?

 

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  • Meleah

    HollyGL:
    I would pee in my pants if someone threw their back out imitating Elaine’s little kicks.

    And Oh How I wish I didn’t have to work in an office anymore. Why cant I just live and sleep and function the way I want to? Oh right, because I am a grown up.

    Jen:
    I know I am getting ‘shut down’ by everyone! (Not just The Parents.)

    Roshan:
    I wish dood. I wish.

  • the best friend

    hahhahha, its for good reason though. (how can we acquire more apple friends to hang out with us and give us apple knowledge and apple employee family discounts?)

  • I quite my dum job and will be reporting for duty on Monday. I’ll be early if you don’t mind. I be sellin` Apples to carnivors!!!!!!!

  • quit …. I beeter take typing classes over the weekend

  • Someone once said about the infamous NJTPK that it would literally shorten one’s lifespan, and I believe that.

    And yes, I can imaging you having all the sophisticated Apple talk.

  • Eva

    Ok, first of all, I think you got the biggest laugh from me by filing this post in TWELVE categories. You are nothing if not thorough! 🙂 Secondly, I am a die-hard Mac fan who is still mourning her departure from Northern CA’s Mac-heavy culture. My old office was MAC ONLY – can you believe that? That being said however, it is my humble opinion that you keep your day job. Even with an employee discount, that stuff is costly (but worth it)! Would a lowly stockperson’s salary keep you sated with Apple products? Just something to consider. I would never discourage you from following your dream. 🙂

  • I think you’d work better at the front greeting people. Why wouldn’t anyone want to come across that beautiful smile? (I know the eyes of man will wonder elsewhere but we’ll stick with the smile for now.)

    I’m with you. I love me some Apple. Too bad I don’t know many people with them. I don’t like purchasing software. Sharing is caring (if you know what I’m saying.)

  • Meleah

    Jen:
    I gotta do something that involves More Things Apple and Apple People! Not sure how we are going to do that when I am not ‘allowed’ to quit my day job yet….
    Ill try to work on another plan!

    Speedy:
    Sweet. I will see you at 12? Because I wouldn’t wake up or force us to start working any earlier than that!
    xxoo

    RMH:
    The NJTPK takes another piece of my soul every day.

    Eva:
    YES! I made YOU laugh! Sweet. You are forever cracking me up with your comments on Michael C’s blog The Wonderful World Of Nothing Worth While.

    Anyway, It looks like I will be staying in my boring ass cubical within the confines of my office. I love meeting another Die Hard Apple fan.

    Urban:
    Aw. Why thank you for the compliment on my smile! And yes, sharing is caring. If I did work in the Apple store I’s share all of my products with everyone I know!
    xxoo

  • what about an office job in the store? don’t they have an accounting department? surely it’s not all retail peeps.

    i’m a baaaad person to ask, because there’s no way i’d give up office for retail. boy HOWDY you couldn’t pay me enough. seriously no.

    again, perhaps i’m a bit biased.

  • Meleah

    HollyDolly:
    All I know is I need a job that will free up enough time in my real life to accomplish my REAL GOALS. And follow my REAL DREAMS. Working in retail will probably be worse than my current position.

    🙁

  • Ohh good, then I can stay up late on “Twitter” 🙂

    Don’t tell anyone at work about my IE use … all the employees would tease me.

  • Meleah

    Speedy:
    Yeah. Best to keep THAT a secret!

  • I’m afraid one can only suggest what to do based on the hard cold reality of the numbers: commuting, time saved/gained and the pay take. The other things: weekends off, time off, etc are too tied to personal appraisal in such a way that, what will work for Joe will not for Jean…

    Enter your application at the Apple store, clearly set the only conditions under which you would work there (days & hours), ask a lot of questions: career development, training, vacation, sick days, how does management deal with day to day problems – judge them heavy on this last one, analyze the interviewer response (vague, focused, shifty eyed?), you don’t want to end on a who-blame-who point-fingers work environment. If they don’t meet *your* expectations send them packing (yes, even if it’s cool Apple hardware) you still have your day job; on the other hand, if they do meet them… well, pillow consulting time! 🙂

  • Meleah

    Rog:
    I just want more time in my life to WRITE.

    However, the constant need for some serious health benefits and such, keep me firmly planted in this seat. At my desk. In the office.

  • me.olly

    I am wondering if you might start by helping me. Did you not get my e-mail about the one I want? I asked for your help. They are finally going to open a store in P.R.
    I will be working there for sure.
    Ha!
    I am so glad I do not have to deal with dial up and can attempt to catch up on your thing here. (BLOGGITY BLOG)
    Miss u Too!
    Mucho!

  • Meleah

    Oliver:
    What email? I didn’t get any email about a NEW JOB IN PR! Wow.
    One day I might have to fly out there and visit your new diggs. When are you moving there? I need all the details. EMAIL ME AGAIN

  • Um…welcome to retail? I’ve gone through this reasoning process myself, but with Williams-Sonoma. It’s a pipe dream. *sigh* But I can see you, tiny, and 110 lubs in the stock room and doin’ the Boo-Yah quite heartily while wavin’ yer discount. Regardless, I’d consider it because it would take lots off your mind responsibility wise. Then you can…Just. Write. Can I get that copy of your book now?

  • p.s. YO MOMMA is sooooooo right. And I can picture your gramps and his legs running down those stairs. Yep.

  • Meleah

    KellyPea:
    I am REALLY considering it. even with all the NO votes, I am almost convinced working in the Apple Store will be worth it on so many levels.

  • Meleah

    I think I am going to use the movie I am making

    “So Happy Togther, An Unhealty Obssession With My Apple Computer”

    as part if my job application

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