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The Office

(And no…not the Television show).

I do not care how physically well rested a person is. There was no way in hell I could have been mentally prepared for the shit storm of files and paper work that were strewn across my desk Monday morning.

I mean, granted, I was out of the office for an entire week. I expected to be bombarded with new business submissions….but I was not ready, willing, or able to deal with the stacks of files and 789532678952165477959167476211972220.2 emails that required my immediate attention.

No. Not even a cafe-mocha-latte-vodka-valium-xanax-cocktail could get me through that day.

I wish I could show you the pictures of my desk. Yes, I really took pictures of the disaster area that is my cubical. But, I can’t post them. Unless….I blurred out company names, client lists, or any other identifying objects, but that is really just all too much work for me to deal with. sorry.

I am still recovering from Monday, and still trapped underneath paper work playing catch up.

Side note: Why my office decided to go all ‘upgrade’ on us? Changing our software program that we used to manage our clients, to a new, ‘better’ ‘more advanced’ one, (and, one that NO ONE in the office knows HOW to use…leaving 60 employees like fish out of water, flailing around, gasping for oxygen, confused and annoyed) and not providing ANY hands-on training, will never make any sense to me.

So this is a blonde-retro, cartoon, version of me…except that I am *waving* and sending ‘kisses’ to all my people that are hanging out here (having fun in bloggville) while I am suffocated, inundated, and struggling to accept way too much change in my life at once.

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  • i am happy to be boring little me today…. thanks for waking me up with some gratitude for the mundane…

  • 789532678952165477959167476211972220.2

    you got off lightly

  • jodi

    I like the bold .2!
    I am sitting here toying with calling out today and have convinced myself to go in for a half day. I have the whole messy desk office thing too!
    Yesterday I proclaimed(yelled actually from my office to anyone who would listen) that along with a personal stenographer for my ‘writing”(not work), I need a freakin maid…
    He maybe the cleaning people for your mum wouldnt mind taking a drive?

    Of course…I could just take the day and finish Miranda! Hmmmmmm….

  • I can relate. My schedule is really brutalizing me! Hang in there!

  • I like the .2 at the end of the number of E-Mails. Was it spam?

  • Meleah

    Paisley:

    I am so jealous of your ‘boring’ life.

    Jodi:

    Sure, you can borrow our ‘cleaning people’ !!

    Mike:

    I am dying over here! I will try to get to your blog on my lunch.

    Mark:

    Isn’t it always SPAM!

  • The office gods only give you what you can handle. 🙂 The amount of emails made me giggle. Good luck!!!

  • Hang in there girl – it amazes me that if everything was “so important” why didn’t somebody else do it? Don’t tell me, you are the only one who knows how…

  • I’m still wondering how the hell you are going to cope with the new bathroom when you are such a tub soaker, much less how you cope with the office.

  • Meleah

    Masha:

    Seriously, the emails are ridiculous.

    Beth:

    I have no idea why NO ONE covered my desk, full well knowing how sick I was and that I would be out of the office for an entire week.

    Leslie:

    Dont even ‘GO THERE’ with the ‘new’ bathroom. I am a wreck over that.

    Amongst many many many many other things.

    How do I cope?I coped last night by going on a crying / tirade that would have scared the shit out of most people.

    At least I feel a teeny tiny bit better.

  • FV

    Meleah,

    Glad you are better Mel! Hang in there my friend, you will be alright! just remember you are not moving alone! all of us are moving to your mom’s place. Come to think of it! how does she plan to feed us???? haha

    Funny cubicle song too,

  • Meleah

    FV:

    Thank you. Seriously, I am very lucky to have my blog community BACK ME UP… I think my MOM might just make a meal for ya’ll.

    PS…”MY CUBICAL” is one of my ALL TIME favorite videos / songs EVER.

  • Dood, I need an IV of the cafe-mocha-latte-vodka-valium-xanax-cocktail….I’m on the verge

    You know, a little ”whoops!” with one of your cigarettes or lighter will make that pile of paperwork disappear (and potentially the entire office too, but you know the ‘details’ can be worked out later)

    I feel you, honey, I do.

    xxoo

  • Wow! I’m with somegirl…accidents do happen. And I’d have to imagine, that even though it’s not helping you today, the cafe-mocha-latte-vodka-valium-xanax-cocktail, just might be the greatest cocktail ever created! Hang in there!
    oh and I would definitely ignore the .2 emails. Not worth answering.

  • Oh Girl, I feel your pain! This post rushed me back to April 22, 1989) (okay maybe the date is wrong but I will NEVER forget the feeling! I had just returned from a week off and my desk, like yours, was COVERED….COVERED WITH FILES and STACKS of paper. My boss had cleaned out his office that week and DUMPED it all on my desk not stopping once to think how I may feel upon returning to the office from a week off to his pile of sh*t!!! I did the only thing I could in my state of mind….I walked in his office, slammed the door and starting crying. He got the message and helped me move the piles and lived in fear of my “wrath” from that day forward.

    Good luck with your workload!

  • Looks like you are in need of a drink, and forget about mocha, just go straight to vodka.

    If there is too much thing to do at work… well this may work for you (it does for me): i put all “action required” stuff in a pile, leave it alone and let it get higher and higher, then once in a while just throw away the papers in the bottom. Somehow by the time I throw it away, the “action required” work in the bottom just magically becomes irrelevant.

    Oh yes another thing, you are a good tenant, you really keep the apartment so clean and tidy… I saw the pictures of your bathroom and just couldn’t stop “wowing”.

  • Meleah

    SomeGirl:

    If only they sold those to-go. hahahahahaha don’t give me any ‘ideas’ xxoo

    ChefMom:

    That damned .2 email was the one that drove me nuts with way too many questions questions questions. I wish I had a cafe-mocha-latte-vodka-valium-xanax-cocktail RIGHT about….now.

    Barbara:

    Thank god I am not alone.

    Yeah, um, I am really considering saying “fuck it” to having an insurance license all together. I am actually thinking about getting a simple job, right across the street from my parents house at a CVS….although, then I’d have to deal with the General Public, and be nice to people and stuff, and that’s not really my bag!

    RMH:

    Thank you. I know. I really do keep an IMMACULATE house.

    I am going to MISS that bathroom soooo much. Sooo sooo soo sooooooo much, sooooooo very much.

  • I am sitting here in my cubicle wondering how the slowest time of the year for my company just became so busy. Seriously, I thought my office had laws against this happending. The writer’s guild strike is beckoning…

  • Meleah

    Michael C:

    Dood…man I miss your blog.

    You seriously already have skits READY for TV. If there is a writers strike, I am routing for you to get in the door….then, we’d really have something to watch….

    PS…thanks for the email!

  • Stealth

    That’s it! I’m getting a digital camera for you. Where do I send it?

  • Meleah

    Ha ha ha….. Stealthy, scroll down on my page…I got a Brand New Camera last week! xxoo xxoo

  • FV

    mmmmm Meleah’s mom home cooking…. I’m all for it 🙂
    aka thanksgiving Parrrrrrrtttttttttttttyyyyyyyy

    🙂

    FV

  • m

    I do hope they are paying you well. You cnt swap places with me because if your finding it hard work think how I’d feel lol. glad your feeling better healthwise tho x

  • Sorry to hear about your sad, hectic Monday Meleah. I guess you didn’t have time to run around nude like it said in the youtube video, lol. Maybe next Monday then.

  • YUK! Nothing like being swamped to make you feel muddy and gross. If you need a five minute break (I swear there have been studies that show it makes you more productive so no guilt necessary), flip on “Office Space” for a minute- one of my favorite movies and definitely one of the reasons I have never sat in a cubicle (but have been forced to wear “flair” in a restaurant…) It was the first thing that came to mind upon suggestion of burning ofice. Just don’t forget your favorite stapler!

    Good luck and we’ll be here whenever you’re ready for us!

  • Hey Meleah, isn’t that what new and improved software is supposed to do? Make like hell! … LOL!

  • Glad you are better but sad that you are buried alive with work! If it makes you feel any better I getting killed at my job and I haven’t missed anything. It just seems to happen. We all need to find better jobs. Don’t you wish you could just retire?

  • Lis

    Oh do I know what you’re talking about! I love my vacation days but I always end up buried under piles and piles of work (more so than usual) when I return to the office. The emails alone are enough to kill!

  • Meleah

    M:

    Thanks for the well wishes!

    Rolando:

    If only I had the time to be nude in my cubical.

    Exposed:

    If I didn’t need health benefits, and if I wasn’t a mother, I would NOT be working in an office. That’s FOR SURE. The movie ‘Office Space’ is one of the best movies around. I need to get me a red stapler. “Flair”…hahahahha

    Nick:

    Apparently.

    Ricardo:

    Yes, I am READY to retire. I am not one of those people that need or want to have some corporate career. No thank you. I would be FINE and 100% happy to BE HOME all the time.

    Lis:

    Why is that? I cant stand it. Its Wednesday and I am still ‘catching up’ GAH, its like the never ending stacks of shit I don’t want to deal with.

  • Hey, I ned your NEW address, so I can send you PREZZIES. Maybe even a RED STAPLER and some FLAIR for your cubicle. 😀

  • Meleah

    Leslie:

    Now THAT would be awesome!!
    I love you.
    I need you…
    I might be calling your ass TONIGHT.
    xxoo

    🙂

  • (i gave you an award on my blog)

  • I used to love it when I came into work and they completely changed everything with no warning. Then they wonder why productivity goes into the toilet.

  • Meleah I feel for you 🙁
    Hmmm….. So where might I get one of those cafe-mocha-latte-vodka-valium-xanax-cocktails??? 😉

  • Meleah

    Barbara:

    Thank you! Too sweet.

    Hammer:

    RIGHT!!

    Dawn:

    Um.. I am working on that. For Real. I almost have all the ingredients. l’ll be sure to let you know how THAT works out.

  • Why my office decided to go all ‘upgrade’ on us? Changing our software program that we used to manage our clients, to a new, ‘better’ ‘more advanced’ one, (and, one that NO ONE in the office knows HOW to use

    It’s because the people in charge are so very wise that they think people can teach themselves new advanced systems and will have no problems implementing and troubleshooting them along the way as well. Arsehats.

  • Crap. I hope it’s better soon!!!! (Absolutely loved the image at the end — and all the written ones in between.) Hang in there, girl!

  • Have you actually been in a shit storm? How much shit would you need to qualify? And what would be doing the shitting? Birds come to mind. But I guess it could come from an airplane with a leak in its sewage tank. I’ve been in a minor shit storm when flocks of migrating birds flew overhead and I could see the white rain coming down. If a tornado hits a water treatment plant I guess that would also qualify as a shit storm.

  • Meleah

    AntiBarbie:

    Total Arsehats. Its either SINK or SWIM in this office.

    Angela:

    Thanks, I those retro comic women too!

    Greg:

    YEAY! YOU ARE ALIVE! Only YOU would have an image like that in your brain! I think 27 new business submissions and 15 bound accounts qualifies for a SHIT STORM of paperwork.

  • Why in this age of computerised everything is there still so much freakin’ paperwork? It’s crazy! My desk is groaning with it. I’ll have one of your ‘special’ coffees, please, and double the valium. Hope you get through those files without too much stress!

  • Meleah

    Selma:

    I know right? What is with ALL the PAPER… UGH!

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