header image

The Black Out

With winds gusting in excess of 80 MPH and a terenchal deluge (rainfall: 75 inches of water in less than 15 seconds) a Black Out was inevitable. However, being separated from my family and trapped in someone else’s house was not a favorable condition.

First of all, I am a baby. I am not ashamed to admit that I am scared of the dark. And I am a big ole crybaby when it comes to driving during inclement weather. (Or I would have driven home.) But for the reason that I have neglected my ‘best friend’ for at least a month, I would have never been in the situation I am about to discuss.

Yeah. Um.

When you are in a house that does NOT belong to you and yours, in the middle of a black out, and you don’t know where anything is, coupled with an alarm that would not stop ringing sirens, and a dog that would not stop whimpering, it is not exactly a good idea to try and use the bathroom.

Unfortunately for me, I had the urgent ‘gotta go-gotta, go-gotta go right now’ kinda feeling with no clue as to when the house would be illuminated again.

If you add up all of the aforementioned conditions, you can only imagine the kind of disorientation and sweating I started to experience.

Disorientation may induce bad decisions, like not asking the host if you can take a candle with you. Instead, I went in to the restroom blindly.

It wasn’t too hard to locate the actual ‘bowl’ but it was a little more difficult to find the ‘paper’. I used my hands to feel around the wall in hopes of not falling off of the bowl. After I did find the paper, I was met with the biggest challenge. Starting a new roll. In the pitch black. This particular roll did not have the little starter flap of paper for one to pull from. No. This roll was sealed shut solid all the way around.

What is a person to do?

1. Claw at the roll violently.

2. Attack the paper until you rip enough to create streamers.

3. Discard the streamers in the area where you presume the trashcan is located.

4. Proceed to dispense a normal amount of paper to finish your reason for being in there.

5. Apologize for the mess you made *later.

*Later = when the lights come back on, and the bathroom looks like this.
(minus Michael Keaton and the small children.)

Lesson?

Do not put off seeing your friends until the last minuet. This way you don’t have to go see them on a day wherein you have been forewarned about the bad weather that is on the horizon.

Or, simply ask for a source of light.

If you liked my post, feel free to subscribe to my rss feeds

  • Those toilet rolls are a menace to society. Very funny story. That’s the type of thing that always happens to me. Wow – that was some rain you had!

  • Bathroom… pitch dark… roll out of paper – bad real-life scenario but excellent stuff for a movie. I’m almost afraid to ask, but: how did the new roll end up? flap over or flap under? 🙂

  • the visual on this is priceless… where is your digital camera when i really need it???????

  • hee heee…and even funnier Meleah, that I would bet the whole time you are fumbling and doing the business at hand….the thought that crossed your mind that “this would be great blogging material!”
    LMAO! I am so with you on that…well not with with ya, you know what i mean!
    Great!

  • Ha!!!!!! I am so sorry to be laughing at your storm survival story, but what I think you experienced is what I am going to start calling a ‘Liz Lemon.’

  • Meleah

    Selma:
    I never saw rain like that. When I did finally drive home half of the streets were closed off because of down powerlines and trees. But that toilet paper was a nightmare.

    Rogelio:
    I have no idea if the paper ended flap over or under. It was more like confetti when I was done with it.

    Paisley:
    hahahahaha….I couldn’t have found my camera if my life depended on it

    Jodi:
    I was totally thinking, “at least this will make for a good blog post” while I was traumatized in the dark, and fighting with a roll of toilet paper.

    Michael C:
    Oh My God. That was such a ‘Liz Lemon’ moment in my life! Did you know that on APRIL 3rd we get a NEW 30 Rock? Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!! xxoo

  • OH, the picture is priceless! I was driving in those winds to Trenton. A building along the way had its roof blown off, and my daughter was almost airborne at one point, while walking through a parking lot. Thank god I had a death grip on her!! Just imagining your whole scenario is comical!!

  • I’m sorry, I don’t mean to laugh at you but that is hysterical!

  • You paint quite a picture. Hey, look at the bright side…at least you found the bowl.

  • Meleah

    Chef Mom:
    No way. I was in Princeton (10 minuets from Trenton) when all this went down, Good thing for your death grip. Holy scary. I didn’t see any roofs go flying off, but I sure saw the damage the next day.

    Mimzie:
    Its perfectly fine to laugh WITH me. Unless, you are laughing AT me…although in this case, laughing AT me is warranted.

    Momo:
    At least I found the bowl! So true! This post could’ve been a lot worse!

  • sounds like an absolute nightmare. extreme weather is pretty scary, isn’t it? hope everything has settled down now!

  • cmk

    When I heard about the bad weather in your area, I thought of you immediately! Never would I have dreamed you were having such a horrid time! Need to use bathroom+no paper+being in someone else’s home+no lights=stuff nightmares are made of. (I really laughed at this one.)

    By the way,as my father-in-law used to ask whenever someone came out of the bathroom, “Did everything come out okay?” 😉

  • Meleah

    Flowers On A Friday:
    Its all good now. Sunny and bright. Like it never even happened.

    CMK:
    Your father in law is soo funny for asking that question. My answer would have been only time will tell.

    And yeah, I will NOT be leaving my house to visit other people the next time we have bad weather. Lesson Learnt! (At least we all got a good laugh from my misery!!) xxoo

  • I have that trouble in full light 🙂

  • Ok now I am laughing so hard I have one of those gotta go things ….:)))
    fortunately the lights are on….:)))

  • OK, girl, I worry about you. I think you need to practice with a spare roll at home before going out again. It is a skill that needs practice…(PS soda out my nose laughing….)

  • If you were a comic book store nerd like me, you would have a small flashlight on your keyring. 😉

  • Meleah

    Hammer:
    Starting a new roll without a “Starter” Flap can be a challenge.

    Robert:
    🙂 well hopefully you will make it to the bathroom (one that has a LIGHT) and a pre started roll.

    Beth:
    I can normally unravel a roll with ease. But not in the dark, in someone else’s house, with a brand I am unfamiliar with. OUCH soda out the nose = painfull! xxoo

    Tesco:
    Yeah, but it wouldn’t dawn on me to bring my keys into a restroom!!

  • 🙂 I love you. Only you could be in this situation 🙂 Miss you!

  • Danny AKA CGB

    The Mr. Mom Photo is perfect. I don’t know how it turned out, But I know you and I can only imagine………’LOL’….. Hysterical Post!!!

  • LOL … thanks for the visual of TP all over the place, lol.

  • Meleah

    Leslie:
    I know!! Right? How do I always manage to get myself in these situations?

    Certain Bald Guy:
    It wasn’t as funny THAT day….but it IS funny now.

    Drowsey:
    Well, I had NO IDEA where the trash can was IN her bathroom. So when the lights came on, I discovered my AIM was waaaaaay off. Like on the wrong side of the room all together.

  • Tales of self embarassment make the BEST blog material!

  • GrrlBeingStalkedByCrazies

    Sage advice, Meleah.

  • Huh-LAR-ious, meleah. The whole trying to avoid falling in the bowl reminds me of a few times when too much wine had been enjoyed and the light switch couldn’t be found. And then of course, one of the guys left the seat up, and well. Ker-sploosh. Bwhahahaha! Great story. Totally.

  • GAWD!!!…to quote a great woman I know…this is sofa king funny!!!

    Hey, I have a little plastic pig on my keychain that not only “oinks” when you push a button (on his head)…but has a pretty bright little LED light that shines out of his nose…I actually used it to go to the bathroom during our 3 day power outage this winter…I think you should get one! 🙂

  • Argh, I hate when the roll of toilet paper has no starter flap! And if it’s 2-ply, the plies (is that you spell it?) often separate creating other problems…

  • oh.. I thought women always brought their purse with them. haha, my bad 🙂

  • Meleah

    Terri:
    Yep. I am always good for an embarrassing story, or two, or ten…million!

    GrrlBeingStalkedByCrazies:
    Toads! *Missing you like CRAZY*

    KellyPea:
    HA HA HA HA I have fallen Into The Bowl a few times in my life….drunk bathroom trips are pretty funny!

    Olga:
    I am going shopping RIGHT now!

    Jillian:
    You have no idea! It made such a mess in there. Ooops.

    Tesco:
    Well yes, but not in someones house!

  • Lee

    Excuse me while I stop to catch my breath. That was funny!

    Count your blessings. You should be a guy in that situation and forget that there is more than one posture for going to the bathroom.

  • Meleah

    Lee:
    hahahahahaha. I am never going into a bathroom blindly again!

  • The best friend

    “sealed shut solid” – “gotta go right now kinda feeling” – oh gosh you had me rollin.

    sealed shut solid makes it sound like a roll of metal, or a heavy door. g’s you’re so dramatic. hahhahha.

  • Meleah

    BFF:
    Well I did ‘have to go’ – ‘have to go’ – ‘have to go’ !!

    …and that paper? what the hell?

    What BRAND was that? It was sealed shut! No starter flap!
    Stop buying it! Please!

    At least you have the best tissues….EVER.

  • Oh, the sinister starter flap, God’s eternal practical joke. Whether on a roll of toilet paper, a roll of tape, or (God Forbid) a roll of Saran Wrap, that little tab of torture is simply unconquerable.

    Love the writing! And Thanks for finding me – otherwise I wouldn’t have found You, and THAT would have been sad!

  • Meleah

    The Rev:

    Stick around…I have plenty of stories like this one!

    Thanks for dropping by my blog. I must thank OLGA for *introducing* us.

  • That is hilarious…I would’ve made a HUGE mess, I know!!!

  • Meleah

    Jodycakes:

    I knew YOU’D love this after that waxing incident!

Blog Directory for Manalapan, New Jersey