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Saying Good Bye (Part Two)

The Move is only a few days away. (18 days to be exact…and counting). It feels like time is moving so fast, but everything is going in slow motion. (If that makes any sense.)

Friday night I sat home starring at all of my possessions. Hoped up on my kick ass muscle relaxers, I went through each of the rooms in my condo trying to decide what I absolutely have to take with me. That was a lot tougher than I expected. I mean, I know they are just ‘things’…but some of these ‘things’ represent a great deal to me. I currently have 1700 square feet of space, all of which needs to fit into 8 square feet. I had to think long and hard. I made some difficult decisions while I carefully chose what things of mine would go into the black hole of storage, and what things of mine will be coming with me.

And then I cried.

I couldn’t figure out why I was crying at first. I am really excited to move. I am honestly looking forward to all of the glorious benefits living home will bring to my life. So why the f*ck was I so upset? Then, I remembered what my mother said to me.

“DO NOT FORGET that moving is one of the biggest stresses in life — up there with death of loved ones and divorce — so, just because you’re happy about it doesn’t make it any less stressful. PLUS let us not dismiss the painful outcries of your OCD…it must be in high speed disorder right now with all the changes–and deconstructing your ‘things’ is putting it in overdrive. You are not crazy, you are moving. So, if you feel like crying, just cry. It doesn’t matter if you have nothing to cry about. Your body needs to cry because …

omg-that-picture-isn’t-where-it-should-be

and-those-blank-shelves-on-the-bookcase-are-giving-me-apoplexy’ stress.”

So, I cried until my face fell off.

Saturday, I went to my mothers at 9am to help re-arrange more of the disaster area that is her house. To my surprise my parents had gotten a lot done with the garage. Which made enough room to clear out the stuff that has been overloading the upstairs. Poppa Syes’ bedroom & JCH’s old bedroom are practically empty.

I was helping my father and one of his friends move dressers, boxes, clothes, ect when IT happened. As I stood in the midst of boxes, piles, furniture and the total state of disarray that is the remains of Poppa Sye’s bedroom; I began to feel physically sick. My stomach was in knots; I was sweating and feeling faint. My mother must’ve noticed the look of sheer terror on my face and led me downstairs as fast as she could.

You see, Poppa Sye’s room, was once my old bedroom. I had lived with my parents for about 6 months back when I was 27. My son and I moved in there when I left The Bar and I wanted to get my life together. But, I was a drug addict and I couldn’t stop using on my own. (That required re-hab. ) The thought of moving back into my parents house was hard enough. But the thought of moving back into THAT room was more than I could handle. I simply CANNOT move back into THAT room. There are way too many bad memories in that space for me.

My mother could tell that I was a wreck and decided it was best for me to take a ride with her to the store and just let the men finish the work inside the house. On the way to Home Depot, with tears in my eyes, I turned to my mother and said, “I can’t. I can’t move back into that room. Being in that room makes me think of Jasmine.”

My mother completely understood. After only a moment, my mom came up with a wonderful alternative. Instead of going back to my old bedroom, stepping into time machine sending me back 6 years ago, to the shittiest time in my life, instead, I will be moving into JCH’s old room. This way there are no bad memories associated with my new living space. And the room is painted an outrageous shade of PURPLE. My favorite color. Tragedy averted. Of course that room is the smallest room in the whole house, which means I am really going to have to simplify, and totally pair down to the bare minimums.

Saturday afternoon, after the Home Depot, after yet another nervous breakdown, I went home to retrieve a message from the realtor. She would be bringing a perspective tenant to the condo around 2pm. I have never been through something like that. I have never had 3 strangers come into my house, walk around and look at all of my stuff. That was weird. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do with myself. Do I give them a tour? Do I have to get dressed? Can I stay in my pajamas? I really hate getting ‘dressed’ on the weekends. Do I sit on my sofa, watch TV and ignore them? What if I was watching TV, is the show The Girls Next Door inappropriate to have on the television? What if they are really conservative people? Would they be offended by a TV show that involves Playboy? Do I offer them a beverage? Do I leave my house and wait till they are gone to return? Um…Yeah. No. Idea.

I decided to stay in my pajamas, and I ended up giving the tour. The realtor and potential renter Ooooh-ed-and Aaaa-ed at my condo. “Did you decorate?” “Wow! This is beautiful.” “Yeah. It is beautiful.” Those were the only words I could muster up. Fortunately, they were only in my house for 15 minutes. It was over faster than I had imagined.

I was so mentally and physically exhausted I laid down to take a nap at 3pm.

Yeah, that nap, turned into the longest sleep ever. 3pm (Saturday)-11am (Sunday). Yes. I slept for 20 hours. In.A.Row.

I awoke refreshed, alive, and ready to go. 20 hours of sleep will make anyone feel like a super hero. I wasn’t upset, or nervous, or anxious. I wasn’t hyper, or psychically sick. I was motivated. I wanted to start packing. I was ready, willing and able to face what needed to be done. I brought in all the boxes from my car and started packing. After a hard day of labor, I feel like I really made a solid dent in the moving process. My house is starting to look empty. Alas, I feel like everything is in motion, and, I feel like everything that needs to get done is finally getting done. But, I still can’t really look at my house without feeling a little bit like:

omg-that-picture-isn’t-where-it-should-be

and-those-blank-shelves-on-the-bookcase-are-giving-me-apoplexy’ stress.

Sunday night, after I filled, taped, and labeled all the boxes, rather than walk around my house in circles, gazing at the emptiness, I found solace reading my favorite blogs and playing with my Mac.

PS… Thank you so much to Barbara over @ Writing From The Inside Out, for this award. This could not have come at a better time.

aussiesintegrityaward.gif

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  • We’ve been living in our present house for 6 months. The reason that we moved out of our old place was that the owners put it up for sale. That was so stressful. Twice a week they had an open house where everything had to be super neat and tidy. Sometimes more than 40 people came through in under an hour. I felt like I was having an apoplexy!

    Moving is no fun, that much is true, but the good thing about it is once it is done you can just get on with things. I’m sure that once you have settled in it will be a very positive time for you. And a purple room! Way cool. I am so jealous. Hope the rest of the move goes well.

  • I know that you can soldier through this, kiddo. 🙂

  • I’m proud that you’re doing this!

  • Your mom is right. Moving is the BIGGEST stresses imaginable. Besides the physical part there’s the emotional side to get thru.
    Hopefully you will settle in soon… and I hope you love your purple room 🙂
    PS… stop by and pick up your award when you get time… as always awards and meme’s are optional 😉

  • You’re my hero!

    18 days and this will be behind you. And your rejuvenated life begins.

  • The best friend

    hopped…not hoped. in regards to the muscle relaxers.

  • Meleah

    Selma:

    Yes, moving is really stressful. I have been plotting and planning and daydreaming how I am going to design the layout of my new PURPLE bedroom. I have so many ideas and soo much stuff, but I doubt I will be able to FIT everything I want to bring. Oh well. Im sure once I movie in I will arrange and rearrange the new room a billion times until I am 10% happy with it.

    Jason:

    Thanks Dood.

    Mike:

    I needed to hear that.

    Dawn:

    My mom is dead on accurate. The stress of this move has me feeling like a woman on the edge 24/7. Oh thank you for the award!! Seriously, I can use all the distractions I can get my hands on.

    Dazd:

    18 days of caios and then it will probably take at least a WEEK in The Parents to unpack. I am toad-ily taking that week OFF from work.

  • Meleah

    BFF:

    The LAST thing I am concerned with is SPELLING. Thanks.

  • AWWWWW. Hugs to you, chica. xoxoxox

  • AWWWWW. Hugs to you, chica. 🙂

  • Wow thank you for being so personal in this post. I really gained something from reading it.

    I hope your transition is smooth and that the move is less stressful than you anticipate. You seem like a lvoely person who has been through a lot and deserves good things.

  • Your Mom is so right! Packing, moving, eliminating things from your life, is so hard. We moved from an apartment last year in a pretty urban area to a house in the middle of nowwhere. It takes me 1/2 hour to get to civilization. Stress is the best word to describe it. Your looong sleep sounds like it was just what you need to rejuvinate and conquer. On a side note, I LOVE your book. It’s so well written, you make the reader feel as though they’re standing in the bar with you, watching the whole thing take place. MORE please!!! What’s odd, is that we have a somewhat similiar past….I headed in this same direction for a while. Afterwards, I got my self caught up the world of Kitchens…..which are almost exactly the same situation, except I wore a uniform…….I feel a kindred spirit!! Hang in there, you WILL get through this move. Your Mom sounds like a good “rock” to have in your life.

  • Meleah, I wish I could reach out and give you a real hug right now. Know that I am rooting for you all the time.

    Any kind of move is stressful, it’s true. Scaling down, adapting to a new space, giving up some freedoms, learning to live with others. All of that requires adjustments.

    But it must be even more stressful when, on top of the move itself, you are faced with triggers to bad memories. Your mom is such a wise woman, she is to be commended for helping you handle the situation.

  • *hug**hug**hug*
    You will be blessed. Always.

  • Believe it or not, I have out slept you!! 23 hour nap, me LOVES sleepy time

    You know, we all have that “fight or flight” reaction to stressful situations, and your need to sleep is your flight and hide coping mechanism (mine too) But it then allows you to come back and fight…Sounds like it’s getting better. My take on it is, the deed needs to be done so cry, kick, scream, sleep, or whatever to help you deal.

  • Hang in there! Now comes the time to emotionally detach yourself from the current living space, and embrace the one to come. I’m rooting for you!

    SA

  • Way to yank up yer straps and soldier on meleah! Thank goodness you have tons of support…please consider yourself HUGGED by this big ol’ bra…and tagged. (Don’t worry, it’s NOT a meme!)
    ~Olga

  • Meleah

    Leslie:

    Thanks I needed that.

    ChefMom:

    My mother is right 99.9% of the time. At least I can admit that!

    As for the book, I will be able to get back to work on that as soon as I am settled in my new living space. I wont have the stress of bills or 5 -7 hour cleaning rituals on Sundays anymore. That’s a whole lot of time to dedicate to the book. I am sooo happy to hear you enjoyed reading it.

    Ingrid:

    A hug would have been great! And Yeah…My mom rocks, but the triggers are definitely there, and very REAL and VERY SCARY to me.

    I am scared to death of becoming the OLD me, or acting, feeling and thinking like the girl who USED to live there. SCARED.TO.DEATH.

    SomeGirl:

    Yep. Sleeping was necessary but it was also my way of NOT dealing with this.

    Anywhoo…this week I feel like I am going down, and I am going down swinging.

    I was blindsided today with a DATE change with respects to the move. I was shocked at first, which led to a mild explosion on my side of things, but now I am in “Game On” mode. I only have 11 days left till the big day and I have SOOOO much shit to do.

    RMH:

    Thank you. xxoo

    SA:

    Thank you. Yeah I need to start looking at this like any other task, and just get it done already.

    Olga:

    Thanks daaaaling. Ill be over to your site some time tonight!!!

  • I think the fear is a normal reaction, and it will help you. If you were not afraid, or if you were overly confident, you might be more at risk.

    When you are scared, try to remember you are no longer that person who used to live there before, Meleah.

    Lots of virtual hugs.

  • Meleah

    INGRID!!

    Now THAT comment makes me FEEL BETTER.

  • me.olly

    I too would be more concerned if you rushed through this move without processing any emotions Meleah.
    So at the risk of sounding cliche’
    YOU ARE EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE MY DEAR AND I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU.
    XOXOXO

  • My heart goes out to you, Meleah. I KNOW how hard it is to make a move like this. I’m glad that you are looking forward to being back with your family, and I believe that once you get thru the packing/moving/settling in part, you will be just fine. A new chapter in life, a clean page to write on… that can be exciting!

  • FV

    Hang in there Mel, we all know how stressful it is to “change” to a new life but think of it as another door in your life’s adventures.

    Be strong my dear friend and you will overcome these obstacles.

    xoxo

    FV

  • Meleah

    Olly:

    When it come from you its NOT cliche’. Thanks dood.

    Josie:

    I am looking forward to the move in many many ways. I guess I am just ‘processing my feelings about it. Yanno? Thank you so much for the support.

    FV:

    I can always count on you to make me smile.

  • well all i can say is think of the weight that will be lifted off you,,, would you rather stress about what goes into storage.. or where the hell the rent is coming from… i choose the storage option… every time……

  • I could just cry with you.

  • Moving last happened nearly 4 years ago. Next time I move, it’s either going to be with just a suitcase or flat on my back in a pine box. It sucks. Really, moving does suck. I’m still not unpacked. Some of the things not yet unpacked from 4 years ago were things not unpacked from moving 7 years prior to that.

    I don’t have to worry about relocating into a childhood room. That house was sold and resold to strangers. Wise mother you have, moving you into a different room.

    meow

  • Meleah

    Paisley:

    Agreed. Just tough.

    Stealth:

    Aww.. thank you.

    Saurkraut:

    My mom is firggen awesome. Thanks

  • Congrats on the award. It’s VERY deserved!! I know you will do just fine with this move and the transition. Plus you’ve got great TV to help you through it. Oh crap, forgot about the writers’ strike…
    😉

  • So many things you’re saying here I can totally relate to because similar things happened to me. When my grandparents were being pushed into an old folks home I saw strangers coming in and haggling over things that were part of our family for years. It was incredibly painful because they weren’t just dinner plates or cups or whatever the item was.

    the room thing is something I can also understand except it was with me and my old car. Longs story that I’ll share with you one day but it’s why I got my new one and why I am in the mess I’m in right now. But I could not continue to drive that previous car!!! It reminded me of so many awful things.

    I understand all of this. Even the weeping. I really do.

  • Yay, meleah. See? You CAN sleep that long. You needed it. Isn’t it great? You’re right. Moving is so stressful. And congrats on your latest award! I agree!

  • It’s hard to move, because your not really leaving some carpet and walls, you are leaving a part of your life. That spot where you feel at “home” is leaving with you. Lucky thing is, this feeling does not last long. People are equiped to handle changes in their surroundings. Best of luck with your move…. careful with the glass!

    Eric

  • Meleah

    MichaelC:

    Speaking of the strike…. ahem, arent you supposed to be getting in on the ground floor somewhere?

    Ricardo:

    Thank YOU! You totally get what I am going through

    Kellypea:

    Sleep Is the most amazing and wonderful healing experience I ever had!

    Eric:

    Damn Eric. You are so RIGHT. Thanks for the well wishes.

  • Hi.

    First off before I forget, congratulations on the award. It’s so pretty and I know you are well deserving of it. It’s great that it came at a time when it was needed. You’ve done well girlie.

    About the moving – I know the feelings of being totally uprooted and it’s very unsettling – to say the least. I’ve been at points where all I could do was look around at all the stuff that I had to deal with and just disolved into tears. It’s no easy task and I’m glad to hear you’ve got help and folks around just to be there with and for you.

    Some of those times I had the luxury of just closing the door, walking away for a while so I could collect myself a bit. Other times I’ve not had that luxury. Either way it’s hard – looking at all this stuff of our lives and the memories that go along with it.

    I’ve been thinking of you and your move and I have been sending positive vibes to you and hoping it’s going to be a great new start for you. I say why shouldn’t it be? I hope that you use it to begin a whole new life for yourself and I wish you all the best.

    Much love and peace to you today Meleah.

    ~ RS ~

  • Meleah

    RS:

    Aww…thank you. I do like these awards, they have come to mean alot to me.

    Thanks for your support, encouragement and understanding.

  • I have to tell you I have a really short attention span, however I found this post so well-told and engaging that I read and read and read until the end.
    It’s insightful and illustrates the concept of necessary losses–things we need to let go of in order to move beyond and grow.

  • me.olly

    You betch’ya!!

  • Meleah

    Laurie Anne:

    That’s a VERY big compliment coming from such a talented writer as you

    Olly:

    Toads

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