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Revised Edition

(in-case you didn’t re-check the comments)

Obviously, I need to clarify the message of this post. I am the furthest thing from a cheer-leading office spokeswoman.

What I was TRYING (poorly) to say is this…After spending the weekend reading that book, bogged down with some pretty shitty memories…But for the fact, I had to get up and go into work; I probably would have ended up spending the day in bed, depressed, miserable, feeling sorry for myself, and hiding from the world, while replaying the same old tapes filled with the same old baggage in my head.

Being at work, on that particular, isolated day, suddenly, and momentarily, seemed damn sure better than being held up (against my will) in one of those lock ups, like Cascade or New Hope.

Although being in the office is much like being held against my will.

Most of you know how hard it was for me to switch careers in the first place. No one ever thought I would live this long, let alone land myself a job in an office, and then, last here (in an office) for 5 whole years. myself included.

For a moment it was nice to feel like a ‘regular girl’ with a ‘regular job’ instead of thinking about all of the usual “labels” that seem to follow me around.

But this (office life) is still very far from the life I want for myself… Maybe I am giving up on the idea of the life I dream about all together? I don’t know…More to follow later.

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  • I don’t want an office life either. I know there’s so much more than out there. I hope you find it.

  • Meleah

    ugh. it blows!

  • Loz

    I was absolutely terrified of leaving the police force ten years ago and have had three totally different career changes since. Each time I have enjoyed the adventure more than the previous one. You’ll find your niche, don’t stress too much about it 🙂

  • FV

    Mel,

    I need a job that will give me the weekends off. Do you have one available??? 😀

    FV

  • I’m feeling like that too, that my life is not what I want it to be, not where I thought it would be.
    I know this is a complex question but….why didn’t people expect you to live this long? The bars/dancing? Just curious….

  • Meleah

    Loz: I know, change can be GOOD, great, even necessary to grow and evolve. As I changed careers from bar/stripper to office / corporate drone, my fear is that I will never find my way OUT of here.

    FV: whut?

    Laurie Ann: I’m glad I am not alone. WHY? well, that’s easy, I was a drug addict. Everyone expected me to overdose, get aids, or something dramatic to happen. People were always waiting for the other shoe to drop. But it never did. I made it. HERE. and now I want OUT…

  • I find your life fascinating. Keep being raw and sharing. Good for you! It gives me hope I can beat my addictions (no matter how lame they are).

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