[Proceed With Caution & Heed Strong Warning: This is probably going to be the longest post in blog history. I just hope that I can hold the attention of my dear, ever so dedicated reader(s?) long enough?]
I am utterly compelled to start this post with a piece of the underlying ancient history leading up to the events that occurred this past weekend. I don’t think the intensity of the reunion would be served the proper justice without the backstory.
Conversely, the backstory is REALLY F*CKING LONG. So I will do my best to summarize as quickly as possible. Mind you, I am not a great ‘chronological writer’. Usually my posts are better received when I bring you with me… step by step, with every intricate detail (like how I roll when I am writing ‘The Book’).
Anyway, in the interest of sparing you three-five hours of reading material, the italicized part of this post feels a little flat to me. It may sound a little forced and very rushed. (but that’s because it is). And it will probably feel that way to you too.
Wait.
Did I loose you already?
No? Good.
But. Um. Yeah. Here is where that might happen….
I have never fully disclosed the details surrounding my relationship with Danny to anyone. ‘The History Of Danny & Meleah’ is a very complicated one. Filled with drama and teenage angst. While yes, it is true we were ‘Best Friends’. Best Friends since I was all of 17 years old. I have to admit during the course of that ‘friendship’ we dabbled in the bed of intimacy. But, nothing ever truly blossomed. Even though there were genuine feelings on both sides, the timing was never right for us to be ‘together’. There were a series of perpetual roadblocks in our way. Either he was in a relationship, or I was in a relationship. In addition to that, I was very busy being a single mother and I was working at The Bar. He was held hostage to a lifestyle that forced him into living bi-coastally, having to maintain two lives. It was impossible for anything to become concrete between us. Press Fast forward to the 12th year of our endeavors, when our “friendship” finally had the opportunity to develop into a “relationship”. For once, we were both single and living on the same coast.
Alas, as boyfriend and girlfriend, we never stood a chance.
To say it was a tumultuous relationship is putting it mildly. I was in the beginning stages of my gripping addiction. He didn’t trust me worth a dime. (And with just cause). Even though my mother tried to warn him as to what he was blindly walking into, he tried his best to make US work. But the deception and my out of control sneaky ways, coupled with lie after lie was more than Danny could bear. As much as Danny loved me, he hit the breaking point long before I was willing to clean up my act. Not that he was an angel. Lord knows he was just as bad as I was when it came to ‘partying’ but at least he wasn’t a liar about it. The long story cut short: The extent of my drug use and all of the lies that surrounded it was too painful for him to deal with. Rightfully so. That was the imminent demise of any relationship/friendship.
Are you still here?
Did you get all that?
At least sort of?
Okay.
Now, on to the “Reunion Weekend”.
Last Friday, I was on a mission to dance with destiny in Somewhere Pennsylvania. It had been 7 years. Seven full years since I last saw Danny. I can say with utmost certainty, if I had to wait one more second…wondering about what was going to happen, or to see what he looked like, or how he would react to me, or, or or, [insert a variable of what if’s here] I would have exploded.
On the drive up, having no idea what to expect, I was literally shaking on the inside. I went through every conceivable emotion known to mankind…at the same time. I was happy, nervous, excited, worried, thrilled, and terrified, complete with butterflies in the pit of my gut.
As I entered Danny’s complex, the very complex I had visited over a lifetime ago, I started sweating like Patrick Ewing in the 4th quarter. It was dark outside and I couldn’t see the numbers identifying his house. I called to let him know I had arrived. The outline of his body appeared in the upper bedroom window as he waved me into the parking space.
I was greeted with the smiling face of Danny’s mom. A smiling face I hadn’t seen (or forgotten) in way too long. We gave each other a hug and kiss hello and went right into comfortable chatter while Danny was still ‘getting ready’ upstairs.
When he came down the stairs he was holding his luggage in front of him. I told him, “Drop everything! I need a hug NOW!”
When we first touched…it was almost electric. I know he could feel how shaky, excited, and nervous I was. He, on the other hand, was seemingly much cooler than I. (He was definitely less sweaty than I was.)
After making small talk with his mom, we said goodbye and walked out the front door together.
When we got into my car, the familiar empty cigarette packs and coffee cups strewn about instantly reminded Danny of the Meleah he had always known. My house = immaculate. My car = not-so-much.
The drive back to my house was filled with never ending conversation. We began to reminisce immediately. But here’s the thing…we weren’t talking to ‘cover up the uncomfortable silence’ it wasn’t like that at all. In fact, there was no uncomfortable silence. Any sense of nervousness dissipated…quickly. We had so much to talk about it was almost impossible to not interrupt each other.
By the time we got back to my house it was as if we had never lost contact. We picked up right where we had left off. And we couldn’t keep our hand off of each other. We passionately shared confidential experiences each of us had been through over the last 7 years while apart from each other. Clutching each other’s hands as we spilled forth our confessions.
Then, we shared some of the memories from the past…the good, the bad, even the ugly.
To somewhat of my dismay, Danny reminded me of incidents and circumstances that will be pertinent for my book, yet some of these said events, have since been deleted (wiped CLEAN) from my own memory. It wasn’t until he went into very specific detail about particular episodes, which sparked my own memories back into focus. I think my lack of memory is due in part to fact that I had/have been shrouded in so much guilt about ‘that time’ in my life, my mind literally erased certain moments in time…as if out of a protective need?
During one of our conversational trips down memory lane I gave Danny my heartfelt apology for some of the things I had done. And he immediately forgave me. Now THAT was a huge and very healing moment for me.
[If you are still reading this you are a true champion…I salute you! I promise the really good parts are coming up shortly.]
When I woke up on Saturday morning, I thought the whole thing had been a dream. It wasn’t until I saw him in my parents’ kitchen with a dozen fresh cut roses and fresh cup of coffee for me, that I realized it had not been a dream. This was real. He was real.
We spent the entire day viewing photos and watching all of the videos I have made over the last few years about my family. He truly appreciated the level of creativity required to construct movies. I think he was even impressed. He is certainly proud.
I told him about the medical conditions I am facing with the fear that he would have the same expression and reaction I have seen on other faces this year. “That poor broken girl” or labeled “damaged goods.” But he didn’t. He didn’t scare away. Instead, he held me, comforted me, and made me feel like I was in a safe harbor. He promised to be there for me and do whatever it takes to get me through this. In that instance I felt protected.
That night we went to dinner and continued to talk about everything that had happened in the past and began to discuss what we both wanted in our futures.
We were so comfortable with each other. There was no ‘need to play any roles’ with each other. Besides, neither one of us could get away with putting on a show for the other one.
I know Danny. I know everything there is to know about him. I know how he thinks, and how he feels without him having to say a word. I know every single detail of his life, needs, wants and desires. I know how big his heart is. And I TRUST that. There is just a deep-rooted connection between us, that neither time nor space was able to diminish.
And he damn sure knows who I am…inside and out. I never have to worry about ‘hiding the crazy’. In fact…he loves the ‘crazy’ that is me. From my cleaning OCD, and incessant uncontrollable hair twirling, to the chain smoking, and leaky ass, right down to my knobby knees, and overly emotional reaction to the smallest things. He loves the entire package.
When the evening was over, snuggled in my bed, Danny told me that being with me, felt like coming home. He told me that he loved me now; that he loved me then, and about all of his failed attempts to locate / contact me over the last few years. My body fit perfectly inside the comfort of his arms, absorbing his entirety. I told him I loved him too. When the words left my mouth, still hanging in the air, every feeling and emotion, that I have been carrying around tucked deeply in the recesses of my heart were ignited. All of the locked up unbridled passion that I have harbored was released and came raining down my face in the form of tears.
(I have waited a VERY long time to be touched like that. Or loved liked that.)
So now, here we are. Seven years later. Reunited. And not wanting to waste any more time. There are no more roadblocks standing in our way. There are no more lies that need to be uncovered. We both think that everything happens for a reason. It was easy to recognize that NOW, finally, the ‘TIMING IS RIGHT’ for us to try our hand at ‘dating’ … like a real couple.
I can’t say that there aren’t any sub-conscious old issues lingering. At least for me. His presence is so big, and his love for me is so strong…I have to admit I am a little anxious to see how all of this unfolds. I am afraid because I am famous for ruining things.
But, I think we both have mild reservations as to how much we can trust the changes in each other.
He’s mentioned the fact that he is waiting for the ‘train wreck’ to come barreling down the track…and I am silently waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Only time will tell.
My parents appear to be elated that we have reconnected as well. On the other hand, I can tell that Danny has prompted their own recollections of my ‘old life’ and that scares the shit out of them. In their defense, it is not exactly like I have the best ‘track record’ when it comes to choosing men to date. I am hoping this is just the initial wonder and worry that over protective Jewish-Italian parents are supposed to have.
While I am trying to take things slowly, it’s kind of hard not to get carried away or swept up in the whirlwind of all of this.
There was so much “Kanoodeling” and “Jerry Maguire” moments (inside joke) this past weekend. I never wanted it to end.
I think I am still walking around in a daze. This is toad-ily surreal to me.
[If you read this entire post I am making awards for ya’ll who’ve hung in this long! Although the award will only say “I read the longest post ever and all I got was this lousy badge”.]
I must say, I DID read every word of this absolutely wonderful post! And, I also must admit I got a little misty-eyed. (Quite an accomplishment, my dear, as I am one cold-hearted bitch! :)) How great for you and Danny–I am sending good thoughts your way.
Once I started I had to read the entire thing. You write well. Good luck in the relationship.
In a word “blimey!”. Great story. Hope it all works out for you.
Yep, read every word. I think it is awesome that you reconnected. And I wish you and Danny all the best in the world. You deserve to be happy in love and I hope he is the one.
I’m all teary!! What a true love story. I firmly believe in “things happen for a reason”. It sounds to me like you two are meant to be. You deserve this kind of love. The other shoe may drop, but remember that it could be something very minor, that you two will be able to overcome together. You’re older and wiser and something that might have seemed major now is so minor as a result of your love. This sounds like that all encompassing love that everyone wants and needs. I am SO happy for you. You can make this work! And I’d really like a T-shirt that says ” I read Meleah’s longest post ever and all I got was this lousy T-shirt, oh and the warm fuzzy feeling of a beautiful love story”. K? Can you fit that? And I get to make your wedding cake…(insert giddy giggling..hehehe) XXOO!!! I’m so happy for you!
I am crying. I am touched and elated for you. This is a REAL love story. I have a feeling everything’s going to work out for you. Imagine him still thinking about you all that time you were apart! He couldn’t let you go. Wishing you both a great deal of happiness.
Awwww – I want pictures.
That was beautiful .
I am very happy for you Skip.
Stay grounded and life will reward you Sweetly.
I always had faith that you would be happy regardless of what your situation is ,was or will be.
Everyone gets what they deserve sooner or later.
Love YA Bunches!!!
xxoo
How wonderful! Be happy and don’t think about things too much. And yes, I did love your book. It will be exceptional…you should shop it out to some agents and see if you can get one to bite. Then they can negotiate a deal for you with a publisher…then you are an Author with Cash!
What an amazing post…and damn long too but worth every minute spent reading.
17 seconds of pure undiluted focus is worth 2,000 manhours. Focus all your attention for that time towards your goal and it’ll happen. Do not walk in the past but strive towards the future. If you wait for “the other shoe to drop” that is exactly what’ll happen. You’ve both matured over the last 7 years and as long as you keep your heads on straight, nothing can go wrong. Keep one foot firmly planted and let the other foot twirl around in the whirlwind.
This was meant to be and so it shall be.
I too read every word and it was well worth it. Good things come to good people – even if the timing isn’t what we think it should be…and you my dear are good people…
Meleah… I don’t know what to say… I’m so happy and you brought tears to my eyes. A Love Story. And I think you may have found your “Chad” after all….. 🙂
xoxoxoxo
CMK:
You are the best. Really I made a cold hearted bitch like you *misty eyed*….wow! That IS quite an accomplishment! 🙂
John:
Thanks and Thanks for the compliment on the writing
TallPaul:
Blimey is damn right!
Ingrid:
Aww. Thank you. ME TOO
Chef Mom:
Ha ha ha ha ha! I CAN make that T-Shirt for you. In fact, I will make that Tshirt for you TODAY…and um yes,….If there ever are wedding bells…..YOU ARE MAKING MY CAKE (and of course invited!)
Selma:
Thank you. I know when he told me how much hes missed me and loved me over all of these years ….sigh…I cant begin to explain how HAPPY I am.
Stealth:
Oh The pictures can be found on Flickr, or by clicking HERE
Olly:
Thank you for your well wishes and your awesome support of whatever direction my life happens to be headed.
Karen:
Dood. I am LOVING that you LOVED my book. I think I may just take your advice and see if I cant shop what I have already written around and see what happens. I just have NO IDEA where or HOW to begin that process.
Dazd:
I know, this post was CRAZY long. And I know I have to stop waiting for the other shoe to drop. Its bad to have ‘negative’ thoughts and fears, but I think its also natural?
Beth:
Thank you for reading the longest post EVER. I think I am good people too!
Dawn:
Oh! My own Chad? Like Tanya’s Chad! *tears*
Can I have 2 of those awards? 😉
And, Hi Danny!!!!
oh meleah,,, what a safe harbor in the storm that is life… i am so envious of this.. it is as if you have evolved changed in some intangible yet very real way.. i am so happy for you… both of you… one question… will he be staying in jersey???
Michael C:
Yes. YOU can have 2 million awards!! 🙂 I think you’ve earned them!
Paisley:
Oh Honey. I wish THIS for YOU.
And no. As of right now he is in PA and I am in NJ so we have to rock/work the Long Distance thing … for now….we will see what happens in the future.
Woo Hoo. I knew twins looked after each other. But in all honesty, the read was just as good the second time!
And, Hi Danny!!
BEAMING SMILE
Dood, seriously, do you know how hard it was not to blog about this on my own blog because you were taking so long to tell the world you had a second chance at happiness??? LOL
I love you, and you have my number, and you better damn well call me if you need “talked down off the ledge” of your own ability to work yourself into a frenzy. 🙂
And Danny, I can’t wait to meet you, and neither can John.
Oh yeah, and I’ll help you shop the book. 🙂 Call me this weekend and I’ll tell you what you need to get together into a package, and we’ll go from there.
MichaelC:
Thank you DARLING! You are the best. Always looking out for me. I digg that about you.
LESLIE!!!
HA HA HA… You can blog about it on your blog if you must! I cant wait for you, me, Danny & John to HANG OUT together! That will be AWESOME!
I know I always have YOU to call / email, ect to talk me off any ledge or dumbass ideas I might have! Thats what I LOVE ABOUT YOU.
Oh Yes, please…gunna NEED help with el-book …but this weekend…Not good.
Danny will be reunited with my FAMILY…we are all meeting in PA since its my brother ADAM’s baby Mason’s hebrew naming ceremony. I will be gone all weekend. Ill be back SUNDAY night.
xxoo
Dearest Mel:
Oh my. Never mind the wonderful post…WHAT AN EXPERIENCE. I think the reason why it felt SOOO good to be held ‘that’ way was because the physical is finally in synch with the karmic and cosmic. Your battles have been faught, long roads have been traveled, pain has been endured and your lessons have been learned…This isn’t destiny, my dear. This is a JUST REWARD.
I am truly happy for you.
PS: DANNY: If you mess with our girl, immense bodily harm will befall you…Other than that, nice to meet you 🙂
i am a champion!!! i don’t even know you and i couldn’t stop reading… it’s great… your story gave me hope… forget about the past girl, live for the moment and enjoy every second… sounds like you deserve a break!
I read every word of that wonderful post. You deserve this happiness, Meleah! I think you’re ready for it.
SomeGirl:
Im liking the rewards. and I love your little ‘warning’ hahahaha xxoo xxooo
Stef:
Yes, you ARE a champion for reading that post! Im glad you liked it.
Paul:
I think so too! Thanks doll. 🙂
Hey…what happened to the hard as nails chick who said she’d never share her pillow…ever! I want her back! Anyway, the post wasn’t that long (mine are much longer) and I guess I’ll just say, hope it works…in whatever way it should.
You should say by the way. I’m getting lonely at my site…
Having read the whole post I have one thing to say..I’m pulling for you Meleah…I hope this comes out in the best way possible…:):):)
A nice read… it felt like I was reading one of those Mills and Boons. So romantic!
First of all I would like to thank everyone for there kind words and wishes for us.2nd I would like to thank My baby Meleah for pulling my thoughts out of my head and wording it so beautifully.I feel like I am the luckiest man on the planet.You are TRULY an amazing women.And I will continue to love you (as I always have)For the rest of ‘OUR LIVES’.’The Reunion’ is over now , Now ‘OUR’ life begins.So everyone stay tuned for more postings on our relationship.Again thanks to all,And believe me she is in the safest of hands (as am I)The past is just that..’THE PAST’ .So ‘CLOCK IN’ and lets do what needs to be done to make this the relationship work!!We both deserve it.
So send me the “I read the worlds longest post and all I got was this lousy ugly badge” already … LOL!
On a serious note, that was a wonderful post, had me hanging on to every single word to the end. I wish you nothing but the best in your relationship. Hope it works out for you guys.
Well, Miss Mereb, I am just beside myself with elation!! You deserve to be loved unconditionally, and to feel absolutely safe – no matter what. It sounds like you’ve found that ever-elusive relationship sweet spot.
No need to mention things like “train wrecks” anymore, because those are things of the past.
I am so happy that you are immersed in such a feeling of bliss. Just allow it to wash over you and through you. Tomorrow will happily tend to itself. Especially now, with the tomorrows that lay ahead for our Meleah. xoxo
That was fabulous! It was like a favorite book that I couldn’t put down.
ho C’mon that was not long at all. It’s a great story!!! I’m glad you found a home so to speak. You deserve it.
kanoodeling is a good thing!
Christina:
Don’t worry your little head …. I did NOT share ANY blankets or pillows. I even made him sleep in the OTHER room the next night, but thats because he snores like a CHAINSAW….Wait till you guys get THE VIDEO footage of THAT.
Oh Darling I don’t want you to be LONELY! I will visit you way more often. You write a FAB blog. xxoo
Robert:
Aww… Thank you.
Nova:
Who hoo. Thanks!
Danny MY MAN aka CGB:
I love you baby. Let the future begin.
Nick:
Thanks for your well wishes I will be creating the BADGE tonight….sending it through bloggsville to those of you fantastic readers who hung on my every word. (oh and I am making TSHIRTS that say the same thing…. sort of…well you’lll see what I mean in a few days!
Holly:
You are the ONE person I know would REALLY ‘get this post” … I KNOW YOU WILL FIND THIS TOO I Just know it. You, have been my eternal optomist full of blind faith that allowed me to believe something like this was even possible. I love you.
Terri:
Really? Thank you. xxoo
Ricardo:
Me to!! Thank you!
Drowsey:
Yes, WHO KNEW!!! Ha ha ha …Im so glad you got that line!
I want my award! I read every word 🙂 I am very excited for you….I have a good feeling about this and I hope I am right. You deserve a man that looooooooooooooovvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssss you and makes you feel as special as you are…which is obviously VERY.
That is so wonderful! I am really happy for you and I hope things work out. I must say that I am a bit jealous. The only thing I feel for any of my exes is the unshakable desire to peg them in the arse with a nail gun 😉
“Last Friday, I was on a mission to dance with destiny Somewhere in Pennsylvania.” -kills me.
&
#1. I am still not over the fact that you were intimate a long time ago,
#2. and that you’re intimate now. I am still not over that.
I’m not going to lie, I’m jealous. I’m totally psyched about it though.
Barbara:
Thanks doll… I promise to hand out a REALLY bad award -badge-whatever- 1st thing in the morning.
Anti Barbie:
Thats how it is with the REST of my Ex’s!!
Jennifer:
I still cant get over that he is BACK in my life…. Jealous? Of What?
I am wishing you both all the happiness in the world! I think it’s great that you’ve reconnected after all this time, and I’m really pulling for you to make a go of it. You deserve it!
OMG Meleah, that almost brought tears to my eyes. I’m so ridiculously fucking happy for you!
PS: I read everything and I want the badge too! LOL!
I just had one of those smack head moments when I realised your post title was from a song.
Avery:
Thank you. So Much.
Lis:
Oh C’Mon…I can’t even IMAGINE you misty -eyed!
HA HA HA …..Yes that is a song title by Peaches and Herb. I think YOU are the ONLY one who even noticed that!
Like everyone else here, I hope things work out well between you two.
I am so overjoyed for you – really truly. By the way it was such a well-written post that it didn’t seem long at all. Once agin all my love and BEST wishes.
In Tim Gunn’s words
‘Make t Work!’
As every woman has heard once in her life, size doesn’t matter, it’s what you do with it. This post flew by because we were dying for the happy ending that you handed to us, complete with photos and hope for the future. You motivational blogger, you 🙂
AND, I have to say just from his post that the BF sounds like a genuine man that appreciates you. You’re a lucky girl, and good luck! PA will be much easier to deal with than the years that already failed to break apart your connection.
I was wondering how that reunion went. TAH-DAH!!! Timing is everything. It always amazes me. How wonderful for you, meleah. And the post reads like a story.
Bob:
Thanks Dood! 🙂
Amber:
You are such a sweetheart.
Exposed:
THANK YOU. That means a lot coming from a WRITER like yourself…and I know YOU will be UN-SINGLE this year too. I just feel it.
Kellypea:
Thank god. I was worried it was too long, or Too Much Information (TMI) ect ect…..whew. Glad it reads like a story.
It IS all about the TIMING isn’t it?!! xxoo xxooo
Mel……live in the present and take it one day at a time…enjoy the hell out of it. You may find that neither of your are the same person anymore and it may not work anymore …or you may find that the both of you have evolved to the people you are today and things are even better than the good that was before. Always listen to your gut, it tells you the truth and follow your truth..I am excited for you.
KZ
Good for you!
KZ?
No.Way. Is this The “KZ” I think it is? YIPPEE! Thanks for the comment sweety!
Mark:
Thanks!! 🙂