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Red Nail Polish

Okay, Um. I am not normally a superstitious person whatsoever. However, in light of some recent events, I just may have to attribute my new-found-good-luck to the mysterious power of Red Nail Polish.

Let me explain.

On what seemed like the never-ending quest to restore my creativity, due to my ‘so-called-writers-block’ episode, I was so desperate to find my words, I would have tried anything.

I took a short walk around my neighborhood, but when I realized I don’t have any stamina or the capacity for exercising, I decided I was better off taking long drive. I thought some fresh air might do me some good. And by ‘Fresh Air’ I mean I stared out my bedroom window watching the pouring rain, for seven days in a row, while chain-smoking Newport 100 cigarettes. When that didn’t work, I visited my friends over at my local Country Club. I devoured gallons of coffee flavored ice cream. I cried. I yelled. I screamed. I slept. I read a book. I watched TV. I deleted and entire chapter and started from scratch. I stood on my head. I even started blaming my beloved uniform for my sudden lack of words.

Sadly, after seven days nothing worked. Every time I looked at a blank word document on my computer, I felt absolutely defeated.

I was so frustrated and just about ready to set my hair on fire when I remembered the last time I wrote something that I deemed worthy – I was wearing Red Nail Polish.

I thought to myself, ‘Well, my nails could use a manicure anyway, why not use the same Red Nail Polish I wore two weeks ago when I was able to write two whole chapters?’

With that, I painted both my feet and my fingers to match. And then, a bunch of things happened in my life, which have nothing to do with writing at all!

After my nails were dry, I climbed into my bed fully prepared to deal with the customary ‘Hunting For Something Good To Watch On Television.’ Normally, it’s pretty slim pickings at 3am. Much to my surprise, as soon as I turned on my TV I was greeted with the familiar “dramatic” sound that plays at the beginning of the Law and Order. [*Gung-Gung*] A three-hour marathon had just begun!

I thought to myself, ‘Ha. That’s funny. I just painted my nails and things are already looking up.’ I went to bed without thinking anything else about the Red Nail Polish.

The following day, my mother had to go the hospital because she needed a specific test in order to find out why she keeps having all these bladder infections.

[Side bar: Sorry mom, I hate to break it to you, but your secret(s) will never be safe. Especially when you live with someone who is forever searching for material to write about, and the same someone who has a blog.]

My mother had to undergo what’s called a “cystoscopy”. It’s kind of like a “colonoscopy” except, that it’s completely different. [For more information on that subject, Google it. Or not.]

Since this procedure requires anesthesia, someone also know as the currently unemployed writer (namely me) had to drive her to and from the Care Center.

Unfortunately, I had to travel on that whore of a highway. Fortunately, I only have to enter the combat zone and battle with her occasionally. Luckily, the NJTPK was quite forgiving. There was little to no traffic.

I thought to myself, ‘Gee, this is weird. I can’t believe there is no traffic.’ Then I laughed to myself and thought, ‘Maybe it’s the Red Nail Polish.’

As we approached the hospital, I was positive I would have to play the game ‘Where The Hell Am I Going To Find A Parking Space In New Brunswick?’ Followed by the game called ‘Parallel Parking.’ And typically, I lose, badly, while playing both of those games.

I was pleasantly surprised when my mother told me her procedure not only us granted us access to the Care Center parking deck, but, we were also eligible for the Free Parking.

I thought, ‘Wait a second. Did this ‘Red Nail Polish’ just save me from having to circle the block a million times and a few dollars?’

Of course, I was dreading sitting in The Waiting Room. Usually, when I am subject to waiting in any sort of Hospital Area, I end up getting stuck seated next to a crazy person.

[Side bar: Why is it that people think just because we are sitting next to each other, we should become best friends for the day?]

I was certain that I would have to spend my time in the waiting area, avoiding eye contact with others, bored out of my mind, reading countless magazines filled with useless celebrity gossip that is at least, ten years old.

But, low and behold, The Waiting Room was practically empty. And not only did they have free Internet access, but I was able to hijack a coffee table, which easily converted into my own personal desk! My ‘Home Office’ provided hours of entertainment while I happily waited for my mothers tests to be completed.

I thought, ‘Okay, this is getting spooky. Everything in my life seems to be working out great, ever since I put on this Red Nail Polish!

My mother’s tests were successful and we were released from the hospital quickly.

On the drive home we were blessed with yet another easy commute. There was little to no traffic to deal with. I was never stuck behind a Middle Lane Mother F*cker (MLMF) and I was never forced to take the shoulder.

That evening, I shared a lovely meal with my family before watching the one-hour season finale of my favorite TV Show Scrubs.

Before falling asleep I thought to myself, ‘Hmm…I wonder what tomorrow will bring?’

Miraculously, the next day, two more glorious events occurred.

First:

After what seemed like an eternity without medical coverage, my brand new and much needed Health Benefits arrived in the mail!

I thought, ‘Okay. I’ve been waiting forever for these benefits to kick in, with no such luck. I am definitely giving my Red Nail Polish the credit for this one.’

On some of the paper work included in the large envelope, I was given an 800 number to call in order for me to pick my Primary Care Provider.

I was positive there was no way I would be able to find a PCP that I love as much as I loved my last doctor. But, after only twenty minutes on hold, I discovered that I am able to KEEP my favorite doctor and my son’s pediatrician.

When I hung up the phone I shouted, ‘Thank you Red Nail Polish!’

Second:

I have been dying to get a haircut for weeks, however scheduling and personal issues prevented that from happening.

Out of the blue, I received a message from the totally-super-fabulous-master-colorist also known as my friend Tiffany. After we spoke on the phone she told me that she had an opening at her salon. Needless to say, I jumped all over that window of opportunity.

But, I am thanking HER not just the Red Nail Polish for ‘The Best Hair Cut Of My Life.’

On a totally unrelated note, I recently learned that “Pulling Your Hair Back Into A Pony Tail IS NOT The Same Thing As Taking A Shower.”

I discovered this ‘vital piece of information’ when I was given the MOTHER OF THE YEAR AWARD by my fantastic brother Adam.

I feel as if I have no choice, or rational explanation, as to the sudden and awesome series of events that have recently occurred in my life other than the Red Nail Polish.

I am led to believe the Red Nail Polish has also LIFTED my ‘writer’s block’ situation. Because I was able to write a total of 1389 words – in this post alone. And I even think this post may be halfway decent.

Now, if I am able to get that ‘Chapter Nine’ finished already, I may never take this Red Nail Polish off my fingers!

And, lastly, I would like to extend an early “HAPPY MOTHERS DAY” to every Mother On The Planet. I hope that everyone has a great weekend.

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  • Told you so! And you also now understand why I own about 19 different shades of Red Nail Polish. Sometimes for an added bonus? Red lipstick too!

  • Hmmmmm…….Mel….i’m needing me some color in my life……so tell me the brand and shade. I don’t want to fuck with a system!

  • Meleah

    Cute Ella:
    I am psyched about this nail polish. I will be spending the evening tonight reading/commenting on my favorite blogs. I have a party @ my house tomorrow, but by Sunday night (after Mothers Day) I am sincerely going to try and finish writing Chapter Nine! *Fingers Crossed* My words show up!
    xoxoxo

    Luragano:
    Brand: NYC
    Color: Crimson
    Cost: 99 cents!
    The fact that I can write again = Priceless.
    🙂

  • cmk

    Superstitious?!?!?!?! I am a hockey fanatic, so I KNOW superstitious!!!!! My last bunch of superstitions weren’t working so well–I may just HAVE to find some RED NAIL POLISH in order to have the Wings win number 12! (talking to myself, now: Red nail polish–do I have any? Do I need to get to the store? The game is on Sunday, do I have time to give myself a manicure? Do I HAVE to do my toenails, too? Decisions, decisions.)

    Glad you have been having so much good luck!!!! xoxoxoxo

  • Great post, polish must be working! I could feel the positive energy flowing out of your words as I read. Wonder what pink polish might do for you…

  • Meleah

    CMK:
    Get some Red Nail Polish IMMEDIATELY.
    xoxox

    Beth:

    Oh Its so nice to feel like ‘myself’ again. But baby steps. I’m VERY happy that I was able to whip out a blog post I am satisfied with. Now I just have to hope for the best when I face Chapter Nine again!

  • I am going to go get some red nail polish RIGHT NOW! lol

    Good luck with the writing and have a wonderful Mother’s Day!

  • ArV

    he heee… have a nice weekend mate… cheers…

  • cmk

    Went to the store and got (as close as possible) Red Wing RED NAIL POLISH! I will be rocking that color on Sunday–and they BETTER win! (Oh, my, gosh, if this works, the players better NOT find out! :D)

  • Meleah

    Diamond:
    You have to!

    Arv:
    Thanks you!

    CMK:

    My *fingers are crossed* for your WINGS!!

  • I LOVED, LOVED, LOVED that video! So did my kids. Thank you for sending it to me!

    Now, I’m off to paint my nails.

    Happy Mother’s Day, Sweetie!

  • Noemi

    Happy Mother’s Day Mel! And I think I will get me some red nail polish tomorrow.

  • Meleah

    Momo Fali:
    That video Cracked me up! I’m glad you enjoyed it!
    Happy Mothers Day to you too!
    xoxoox

    Noemi:
    Aw. Thank you!
    And, Yes – Red nail Polish is a MUST!
    🙂

  • Hmmm… I’m feeling a sudden urge to polish my nails! Thanks for the tip. Happy Mothers’ Day!

  • i say if it is working stick with it!!!!!!

    and happy mothers day!!!!

  • My poem 4 U:

    Chapter Nine,
    Is on the Line,
    With Red Nails & Red Wine,
    Your writing will Shine!

    Happy Mother’s Day! 🙂

  • Meleah

    Terri:
    Happy Mothers Day!
    xoxo

    Paisley:
    YOU need to get some RED!
    🙂

    MMP:
    OMG! I love it sooooo much!
    Thank you.
    xoxo

  • I believe in the power of red- only I keep it limited it to my toenails. When I paint my fingernails something happens to chip them really quick- so I never bother.

  • Dropping by to wish you a Happy Mommy’s Day, Meleah 😀

  • Here’s a trick for ya – work on chapter 16, and while you’re doing that, all kinds of things that need to go into chapter 9 will pop in your head. 🙂 But whatever you do, keep wearing that red nail polish.

  • I really need some good luck, can you please direct me to the “correct” red nail polish…

  • Meleah

    Michelle:
    I thought I would have chipping issues too.
    But so far? So good!

    Nick:
    Thank you! That was so sweet of you!

    Lisa:
    Ah ha! Great advice!
    You rule.
    xoxo

    Silver:
    Brand: NYC
    Color: Crimson
    Cost: 99 cents!
    🙂

  • Amy

    This was such a pleasure to read! I love good news and this was crammed full of it.

    Maybe I should paint my nails too…

  • I definitely need some of that nail varnish!

  • Meleah

    Amy:
    Im glad you enjoyed this post!
    And I think everyone should have Red Nails!

    Lady:
    Good Idea!
    🙂

  • Happy Mother’s Day, I think it’s the red polish I always seem to feel better with it on too. Keep it on. 🙂

  • I’m gonna get me some red nail polish. Stat.
    That video was hilarious – you definitely deserve to be Mother of the Year!!!

  • Hmmm. Sounds good but I won’t try it! LOL

  • Meleah

    Loni:
    Red Nails – ROCK THE CASBA!

    Selma:
    RNP has changed my life!

    Oscar:
    Maybe your toes?
    aahahahahah

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  • amy the bartender

    even though i heard most of these stories shortly after they occured, i still find that they are more interesting stories when i read them in your blog. it’s like they never happened the first time you told me.

    maybe the next blog you can do in third person facebook statuse update form. amy like that the best!!!

  • Yes, but *what color* of red is it? Hahahahaha! Glad to see you’re in the *black.* I think I’ve asked before, but what are you reading in the old fashioned printed on paper style? It often gets me out of a blocked state…And you do want your book published the good old fashioned way, right?

  • Meleah

    Amy The Bartender:
    Ah yes, don’t you worry your pretty little head. Next week we are toad-ily back to the third person. Meleah likes that the best too.

    Kellypea:
    Crimson!

    Yes, I do want my book published by the real people. I would NEVER self-publish. As far as reading something new? I need a new good memoir that I haven’t already read! Any suggestions?

  • Red is a super power color! Even with nail polish! I’ve worn red to every single interview I’ve ever had and I’ve always landed the job! It’s a power color! And is full of magic, like coffee.

  • Meleah

    Kassy:
    I love it!

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