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Patience Is A Virtue.

Patience is one of the many virtues I do not posses. My patience or lack thereof, almost got in the way of a friendship, one that I treasure more than my limited vocabulary will allow me to express.

I can usually hold the, “I need it, I want it, I have to have it…RIGHT NOW!!” at bay for awhile, but, not for too long. My biggest flaw, (other than jealousy) is my lack of patience. Sure, I could blame my mother, for my shortcoming(s), I mean that woman is the queen of instant gratification, but I am too old to blame my mother for my bad behavior.

But what looked like my usual impatience really wasn’t that at all. (maybe just a little). After a few days of reflection, I think the problem I was having stemmed more from the feeling of lack of control over the situation, and the urgent need for someone else to fix things.

I take a lot of pride in the fact that everything I have and everything I am, is a direct result of the work I have done. It is a very rare occasion for me to have to lean upon someone else. Yes, I have had help along the way. A lot of help. I am, and will forever be, thankful…beyond words…for the help I have been given. All of that help, has led me to the place I stand today. But it is still really hard for me to let someone else “be in charge.”

This is not really about a power struggle. (it’s not). This is about my inability to learn a new concept….while learning how to trust (I mean really trust) that while I can’t do this for myself, or by myself, that someone else will (and IS) taking care / and handling things for me. I am not accustomed to anyone taking care of anything for me.

The only person I have ever been able to truly rely upon is myself. There is always the fear of having unwanted strings attached to the “help” I receive. When (or if) I ever needed someone else (in the past) to take care of things for me, there was always a price to pay. Sexually, emotionally, financially, what have you.

Fortunately that is NOT the case now. I do have someone I that I can trust, with my life, with no strings attached. But, the old fears, doubts, and worries (albeit unfounded) still plague me.

It is difficult for me to accept that there are somethings I just can’t do by myself. (at least not yet, and not right away). I have to let other people help me, without me interfering every two seconds. Sitting idle is also something that is going to take alot of practice. I can accept guidance. But having someone else do things hands on -for me – kind of help is tough to swallow.

I am glad that I figured out why I was being such an ass, now maybe I can stop.

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  • Patience? Wha…? Sorry – but I am the most IMpatient person on the planet. 🙂

  • Since my heart attack last September, I’ve had to learn patience as well. I now rely on people to do certain tasks that I took great pride in accomplishing.

    It’s a bitter pill to swallow but it far outweighs the results of attempting them myself.

  • I like your new tag line. 🙂

  • I am very independent as well, and I still struggle with allowing other people to help me – or even be there for me emotionally. I understand exactly how you feel.

  • ….relating….I created a noose for myself with the “strings attached” kind of friendship/companionship…took me a while to realize that they were strings that I was placing on the relationship via old, dusty baggage–poor guy [still wont marry him, but he sticks around!] I say it’s enough to KNOW and ADMIT [to yourself and those who put up with you!] your shortcomings…because who ever gets rid of them anyway? Unless there’s a new rehab for character flaws that I don’t know about…

  • I do have someone I that I can trust, with my life, with no strings attached.

    You’re talking about George Bush here, right?

  • Meleah

    Northern Girl: I know, It’s so hard to be patient.

    Dazd: I will end up with a heart attack myself if I don’t calm the fuck down!

    Leslie: Yes, I will stop being an ass now! (thought you’d like that one!)

    Holly: Thank you

    SomeGirl: NO REHAB FOR ME! (not again!)

    Greg: How’d ya know?

  • JENNIFER

    Does this mean in your heart you really feel like you cannot rely on daddy?
    cause you said so yourself…you can only rely on yourself.

    I hope Ronnie Mcdonnie doesnt catch wind of this.

  • JENNIFER

    Patience isnt just a hooker in Trenton either Melz.
    JUST lettin you know.

  • JENNIFER

    i have more to say but i wont.
    i’ll save that for in person.

  • Meleah

    Jen: I can count on my mom and dad, but there are STRINGS attached… (you know what I am talking about). Or we can talk about that in person

    Hey, wait, I think I know that hooker.

  • I knew there was a reason that I loved this blog. You just said in this post something that I’ve wrestled with all my life. It’s very difficult for me to trust like that as well and I am always suspicious when help is offered or interest or whatever. We are self reliant to a fault. I’m very happy that you have found someone you can trust. It must feel like a huge weight lifted.

  • Meleah

    Well it only took me 20 years to get there. (better late than never right?)

  • “but I am too old to blame my mother for my bad behavior”

    I love that. It irritates the hell out of me when people blame their parents for their shortcomings so they won’t have to take responsibility for their own behavior.

    “The only person I have ever been able to truly rely upon is myself. There is always the fear of having unwanted strings attached to the “help” I receive.”

    I live with this same fear…god – are you sure you’re not a virgo??? LOL

  • FV

    I leave the house that Mel Built and there are over 14 messages. Gessh! I guess that means I have to stay here and read everyone’s comment on Mel’s patience or lack of.

    *Patience is a way to stretch the upcoming head on crash with reality*
    FV

  • Oh darling…

    I am far from virtuous when it comes to patience.
    I have none…
    I have landed myself in hot water on too many occasions to mention.
    Combined with a vile temper, it is a particularly nasty combination, inspiring me to jump the gun many times, with tragic results.

    COUNT. TO. TEN…

    my mantra.

    And Meleah, let someone look after you, darling…
    YOU DESERVE IT.
    Believe that, and you’ll relax and enjoy the ride.

    xox

  • Meleah

    Minks: HI! (love you!) and yeah, “Vile Temper” ….says it all. I am doing the best I can. xxx
    —-
    Dawn: I am a Libra. Glad I am not the ONLY lunatic walking the streets!
    —-
    FV: yeah, you might want to spend more time catching up and reading before you post comments! (we are busy over here, you need to stay on top of things.) However, thanks for the interesting take on my post….

  • i know all about the instant gratification spiral… but as i have eased myself away from things … i have lost a lot of that drive too… i have yet to acquire patience…. but that, to me is a whole nother ballgame!!!!!

  • JENNIFER

    Yes, and she wears red lipstick.

  • I am self reliant. I’m certain I can do what ever it is I set my mind to…but it’s always good to know that I have someone I can lean on when necessary.

  • Hey I am a Libran as well and impatient and a control freak.
    I would make the suckiest teacher ever…
    In college I end up doing all the group assignments myself especially if I get assigned into a group I don’t trust… the control freak inside me is sometimes vain and pompous and thinks that if you want to get a thing done well you must do it yourself….

  • Meleah

    Amber/Random: Libras RULE the universe. Now I know why you have such an amazing smile. Libra’s are known for their beauty and grace, especially our smiles!

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